The California Collection/TheCaliforniaCollection.cdr/his086/checkdad.lzh/CHECKDAD.TXT

Text File | 1991-06-30 | 7KB | 124 lines

DEV:Checklist for Fathers

   "What should I have done differently? If your children were small
again, what would you do?" These words burst from the heart of a father
sitting across from me who felt he had failed. They are not the words
of just one father. In them are the questions which are uppermost in
the minds of many fathers (and mothers), if they take parenthood
seriously. I've pondered these questions and a few suggestions have
surfaced.

   FIRST, if I were starting my family again. I would love the mother
of my children more. That is, I would be more free to let my children
see that I love her. I would seek to be faithful in doing little loving
things for her-opening the car door, placing her chair at the table,
giving her little gifts on special occasions, and writing her love
letters when I'm gone from home. I would take her hand as we stroll in
the park. I would praise her in the presence of my children. A child
who knows his parents love each other has a security and stability
about life which is gained in no other way.

   Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave
Himself up for her. Ephesians 5:25

   SECOND, I would listen more,. Most fathers find it hard to listen.
We are busy with the burdens of work; at the end of the day we are
tired. I would listen when my child shares his little hurts and
complaints, and what he is excited about. And I would try to refrain
from words of impatience at the interruption. Such times can be the
best times to show love and kindness. One evening a small boy tried to
show his father a scratch on his finger. Finally, after repeated
attempts to gain his father's attention, the father stopped reading the
newspaper and said impatiently. "Well, I can't do anything about it,
can I?" "Yes, Daddy, " his small son said, "you could have said 'Oh.'"
I would try to understand what my child says because I now believe that
the father who listens to his child when he is small, will find that he
will have a child who cares what his father says later in life. In
listening I would pay more careful attention to my child's questions.
It is estimated that the average child asks 500, 000 questions by the
age of 15. What a privilege for every parent - about the meaning of
life and about your own dependence on God!

   These commandments... are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on
your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk
along the road, when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

   THIRD, I would seek more opportunities to give my child a feeling of
belonging. When a child feels he belongs in his family and is of real
worth there, it is not a big step to also feel accepted, loved, and of
worth to others and in God's sight. A child feels he belongs when he is
involved in the responsibility and work of the family. Celebration of
birthdays, when the person rather than the gifts is central, creates a
sense of belonging. That same sense is built into the child when he
hears prayers prayed on his behalf. No part of child guidance is more
important than assuring the child by action and word that he is
important and that he has a place in the affections of the family.

   Children are an heritage from the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is
His reward. Psalm 127:3 (KJV)

   FOURTH, I would express words of appreciation and praise more. Many
children seldom hear words of commendation and encouragement when they
do a job well or exhibit good behavior. Will Sessions. discussing the
topic "If I Had a Teenager" says, "I would bestow praise. If the
youngster blew a horn I would try to find at least one note that
sounded good to my ear, and I would say a sincere good word about it.
If the school theme was to my liking, I would say so, hoping that it
would get a good grade when it was turned in... I would be vocal."
Probably no other thing encourages a child to love life, to seek
accomplishment and to gain confidence more that proper, sincere praise
- not flattery, but honest compliments when he does well.

   See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. Matthew
18:10

   FIFTH, I would spend more time together. A group of 300 seventh and
eighth grade boys kept accurate records of how much time their fathers
actually spent with them over a two-week period. Most saw their father
only at the dinner table. A number never saw their father for days at a
time. The average time a father and son were alone together for an
entire week was 7 1/2 minutes! Arthur Gordon tells an interesting
experience from his youth. "When I was around 13 and my brother was 10.
Father promised to take us to the circus. But at lunch there was a
phone call; some urgent business required his attention downtown. My
brother and I braced ourselves for the disappointment. Then we heard
him say, 'No, I won't be down. It will have to wait.' When he came back
to the table, Mother smiled. 'The circus keeps coming back, you
know.''I know, ' said Father. 'But childhood doesn't.'"

   Making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:16

   SIXTH, if I were to start my family again, I would laugh more.
That's right! I remember when I laughed with my children - at the
humorous plays they put on for the family, at the funny stories shared
from school, at the times I fell for their tricks and catch questions.
I recall the squeals of delight when I laughed with them and shared in
their stunts on the lawn or living room floor. I know when I laughed
with my children our love was enlarged, and the door was open for doing
many other things together.

   A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the
bones. Proverbs 17:22

   Some how we manage enough muscle to handle the big things of life
but forget that life is largely made up of little things. A father's
faithfulness in the small things determines the happiness of his
children ... and, not just that, it strongly influences their spiritual
direction.

   The best father is the one who knows God as his heavenly Father.
Only Jesus Christ can provide that relationship. Only He can say, "I am
the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except
through me" (John 14:6). When we place our childlike trust in Christ,
When we believe that only His death and resurrection can bring
forgiveness, then we become a part of God's family. At that time we
receive a new potential for fathering, for we have gained access to
God's unlimited resources.... Only Jesus Christ can provide that
relationship. Only He can say, "I am the way and the truth and the
life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). When
we place our childlike trust in Christ, When we believe that only His
death and resurrection can bring forgiveness, then we become a part of
God's family. At that time we receive a new potential for fathering,
for we have gained access to God's unlimited resources. .....