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Text File | 1989-07-11 | 20.9 KB | 576 lines

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO COWS -- AS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE! Compiled (NOT drawn) by: ewtileni@pucc.Princeton.EDU (Eric W. Tilenius) Last update: Jan. 3, 1988 -- Send any contributions to above address. (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||W---|| * ||w---|| * ||V---|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow Cow laden Same cow Betty Ford-type with milk after milking cow with milk (___) (___) * (___) (___) (o o) (o o) \ (o o) (o o) /-------\ / /-------\ / \-------\ / /-------\ / / | ||O / | ||O | ||O / | ~#>-+|O * ||,---|| * ||@\--|| ||,---|| * ||,----| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^ Bull Same bull after Rotc bull after Red-blooded American seeing above cow seeing other bull Bull shooting the Rotc bull (__) (__) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) (oo) (oo) /-------\/-* /-------\/ /-------\/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / | || \ )*)(\/* / * / | || * ||----|| * \ |||/)|/()( ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \/|(/)(/\/(,,/ \)|(/\/|)(/\ Cow munching Grass munching Cow in water Cow in trouble on grass on cow (__) (__) * (__) * (__) (oo) (oo) \ (oo) | (oo) /--------\/ /-oooooo-\/ \-------\/ \-------\/ * o| || * ooooooooo o o| || / || ||----|| ooooooooooooo ||----||>==/-----|| ooo^^ ^^ ooooooooooooooooo ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow taking Cow in deep Cow getting the sh*t sh*t sh*t kicked out of her (__) (oo) U /-------\/ /---V / | || * |--| . * ||----|| ^^ ^^ Cow at 1 meter. Cow at 100 meters. Cow at 10,000 meters. (__) )__( vv vv (oo) (oo) ||----|| * /-------\/ *-------\/ || | / / | || / | || /\-------/ * ||----|| / ||----|| (oo) ^^ ^^ vv vv (~~) American Cow Polish Cow Australian Cow (__) (__) (__) (oo) ____ (oo) _---_(oo) /-------\/ /- --\/ /- -\/ / | || / | || /| || * ||----|| * ||___-|| * ||___-|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Freshman Cow Arriving at Rit After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20" (__) (__) (__) (OO) (@@) (xx) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow who drank Jolt Cow who ate Cow who used Jolt to psychadelic mushrooms wash down psychadelic mushrooms ________________________ (__) / \ (oo) ( Meet our great leader! ) /-------\/ --'\________________________/ / | || * ||----|| ^^ ^^ # # ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ## ### ### M M OOOO OOOO ### ###### ### MM MM O O O O ####### ####### M M M M O O O O # # M M M O O O O # ### ### # M M O O O O # # # # # # M M OOOO OOOO # # ### # ### # \\ # ### ### # \\ # # \\________ # ######## # \-------- # # ## ## # # # # # # ######### # # #### # # ###### ###### #### ########################### ### ## ## ## # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### # # # # ##### # # ### # # # # # # # ##################### ######### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### ### #### #### ###### ### ###### ###### /\ __ / \ || (__) (__) \ / (_||_) SooS (oo) \/ (oo) /------S\/S /-------\/ /S /-------\/ / | || / | || / S / | || * ||----|| * ||----||___/ S * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ This cow belonged Ben Franklin owned Abe Lincoln's to George Washington this cow cow (__) * (__) (oo) \ (oo) /------\/ \-------\/ /| |/ | | ==$ || / | [) || ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Old "One Arm" belonged This cow was given to to Ceasar's Palace Hugh Hefner for his Birthday (___) (__) (__) ( O ) (oo) (oo) /-------\ / \/--------\/ / | ||V | | * ||----|| ||------|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ The cyclops that Jason and This cow lived with the Argonauts met had this cow Dr. Doolittle (__) (__) [##] (@o) /-------\/ /-------\/ /------- (__) / | || / | || / | || (oo) * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|---\/ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^ This cow belonged This cow lived with This cow belonged to to Flash Gordon the Little Rascals the Headless Horseman The following three cows were supposed to be appearing with the Celebrity Cows pictured above... However, I found out that they were sitting around a bar getting drunk discussing what exactly is art. The cows' conclusion: Art is a bunch of Bull(s). Sorry, but I couldn't resist, Hawk, Sesquipedalianite and Head of Heffer Control. (____) (____) (____) (oo ) (o o) ( O O) /-----------\ / /-----\ /---- /-----------\ / / || | \/ / | | \/ | / || | \/ / || |||| \ | | | | | / || |||| * ||||-----|||| *| | |-----| | | * ||||-----|||| /\/\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ ^^^^ ^^^^ This cow belonged This was Salvador No one was sure whether to Pablo Picasso Dali's favorite cow M.C. Escher's cow had four legs or eight Seeing as how it is Spring Break Season, I thought I would share with you some Vacation Ideas for any of you Cows out there on the Net who don't know where to go for some fun. - Steve "Hawk" Schultz Head of Heifer Control Well, first of all, there are theme parks and historic sites: O__O \_|_/ (oo) (oo) /-------\/ /-------\/ / | || / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Cow at Disneyland Cow visiting the Statue of Liberty There's the fun and warmth of the southwest: (__) ~~ (oo) ~~~~ /-------\/ ~~~~~ / | || ~~~~~ * ||----|| ~~~~~~~~ ====^^====^^==== ~~~~~~~~~~~~/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow Hanging Ten at Malibu And on the other coast, while the water might be a little chilly up north, it is still exciting: )\ (__) / \ (oo) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cow swimming at Amityville (Where Jaws was filmed, for those less educated) For those who believe in Winter Wonderland's, the Rockies present excitement galore: * \ \ |\ \ | \ (__) \\|| \(oo) \||\ \\/ ^^ \|| \\ || \\|| \|| ^^ \\_ \_ Cow skiing a Black Diamond at Aspen And of course, the traditional Spring Break spot, where you can go for expensive beer and cheap sex: (__) (--) /-\/-\ /| |\ ^ | | ^ (__) | | (DD) /----\ /-------\/ / \ \ / | ||_\_/ ^ * ^ * ||----| Cow sunning at Fort Lauderdale ^^ ^ (What a bod, huh guys?) Cow chugging brews and staring at sunbathers at Fort Lauderdale Or, for those who have trouble picking up members of the opposite sex: O O O O \ \ / / \ \ (__) / (__) \ \ (xx)/ (DD) \ +--------+\// /-------\/ \| | / / | || +--------+ * ||----|| ^^ ^^ Cow fantasizing about "Riding the Mechanical Bull" at Gillies in Texas Disclaimer: If these have offended anyone, I apologize, not whole-heartedly, but I do apologize. I mean, what do you expect from a bunch of cows??? \ (__) \\(oo) /-----\\\/ / | (##) * ||----||" ^^ ^^ This cow plays bagpipes. From: eric@snark.UUCP (Eric S. Raymond) (__) (__) (__) (\/) ($$) (**) /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\/ / | 666 || / |=====|| / | || * ||----|| * ||----|| * ||----|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Satanic cow This cow is a Yuppie Cow in love From: thomas@leah.Albany.Edu (Thomas Barry) (__) (__) (oo) (oo) /-'''''-\/ /-------------------\/ / |'''''|| / | || * ||''''|| * ||----------------|| ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ Stretch Cow Cow in Argyle * ** ** * ** * * * ** * / / \ * * \ \ / \ / / * / / \ \ (__) \ \ / (00) / / \ /-------\/ \ \ / / | || / / \ \ * ||----|| \ \ / / ^^ ^^ / / Cow in Heat (__) /--------(00) / | |( ) * ||---- ||() || || ^^ ^^ Cow Chewing Marbles From: Anonymous (name withheld upon request) (___) (o o) /------\ / (__) / ____O (oo) | / /----\----\/ "Where did that camera come from!" /\oo===| / || | || *||~-----|| * ~~ ~~ ~~ From: ihnp4!decvax!savax!sii!siia!kgg (Kenneth G. Goutal) Thanks very much for distributing your cow canon. I got a copy via a friend who has access to netnews, which I do not. I ran off a copy to send to some friends who recently moved away, to a suburb of Detroit, and are not on the net at all. I thought they should have some cows appropriate to their locale. Herewith are my apocryphal cows: (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| OO OO Detroit cow \__\ o (oo) ____\___\/ / | || * ||----|| OO OO Mustang cow (__) (oo) *+-------\/ ||______|| ||----|| OO OO pickup cow (__) (oo) /---------------\/ / | || * ||------------|| OO OO li-moo-cow (__) (oo) /----\/ / || *-||----|| OO OO fastback cow \_||_~ (*||*) /-------\||/ / | || * ||----|| OO }{ teenager's cow The following has nothing to do with Detroit, but surely belongs among the canonical cows: ____ (____) (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| ~~ ~~ holy cow 28 responses Feb27/88 12:07 34:1) hyc: [Don't blame me, Dean forwarded the message to me!] - - - - - Feb27/88 12:11 34:2) Suzanne (Capitalist Pig): Cow cute, such bulloney. - - - - - Feb27/88 12:21 34:3) Suzanne (Capitalist Pig): [ ] [ --] [ oo] /-------------- {} / | || * || || ||-----------|| ** ** Cow after T-day (__) (OO) /-------- + / | || =>------/ || ||-------____ ||-----|| |00| mm mm |__| Compu-cow, with mouse - - - - - Feb28/88 12:31 34:8) John Lawler: I'm totally cowed. - - - - - Feb28/88 13:15 34:9) Erna-Lynne: Well, they certainly milked that genre for all it was worth. - - - - - Feb28/88 13:56 34:10) Deborah: Not as dis-graze-ful as you think : let's have an udder. - - - - - Feb28/88 14:44 34:11) Ben: Oh, please. Haven't we herd enough of this? I'm really not in the mooed for any more...please. - - - - - Feb28/88 15:18 34:12) Erna-Lynne: Ben! Butt out! The discussion afterwards is calf the fun. - - - - - Feb28/88 16:27 34:13) Ben: I don't cow-tow to that kind of pressure, Erna-Lynn. Especially from you people, who will pun till you die, bison or by moon. - - - - - Feb28/88 17:08 34:14) Maya: If this goes on much longer, Rod's going to have a cow. - - - - - Feb28/88 20:48 34:15) The Rev.: I can't think of anything to say. - - - - - Feb28/88 20:55 34:16) Suzanne Again: Never mind. The cow-estion is moot. - - - - - Feb28/88 23:52 34:17) hyc: Seems these folk want to keep ruminating over it. - - - - - Feb28/88 23:58 34:18) Erna-Lynne: Well, I cud-n't think of anything else to say either, Rev. - - - - - Feb29/88 09:43 34:19) Larry Moss: The whole thing makes me cower. - - - - - Feb29/88 09:50 34:20) Erna-Lynne: Well, you'd better just hoof it out of here, then, Larry. - - - - - Feb29/88 10:04 34:21) David West: Did you just horn in to heifer chance to give Larry a bum steer? Quit yakking before you get buffaloed, put on yer reeb ox and stampede outa here! - - - - - Feb29/88 10:22 34:22) Erna-Lynne: Whoa, bossy! - - - - - Feb29/88 13:08 34:23) Linda: all this is just mooooo tuch.....? - - - - - Feb29/88 15:09 34:24) Greg Diamond: Am I to understand that someone has a beef with all this bull? Why don't we steer the item into greener pastures? - - - - - Mar03/88 06:05 34:25) Mark: This whole discussion is causing me mental angus. - - - - - Mar03/88 09:51 34:26) David West: Then you should simply skim it. - - - - - Mar03/88 18:48 34:28) Larry Kostecke: 6:05??? Isn't that a bit pasture bedtime, Mark?