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!! LETS GO SHOPPING !!
WITH
THE RABID RHINO !
Too dumb to know it can't be done.
And too darned big to care.
All titles are $5.50 each. 5-1/4" disks are shipped
unless 3-1/2" is specified. Please add $.25 per disk for
3-1/2".
Shipping charge is $1.50 per order.
The next chapter contains the order blank.
Our Purpose:
Rabid Rhino exists to provide entertainment to you,
the Personal Computer User who likes to read. We do this
through offering original books on computer disk in an
easy to use format.
Few things are as frustrating as bringing up a new
program and then wasting the next twenty minutes or more
trying to figure out how to make it work. This is why the
program we use to create electronic books was chosen, for
its simplicity and ease of use.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TITLES CURRENTLY AVAILABLE
*********************************************************
(SATIRE)
THE FICTIONAL WRITER'S PRIMER
by Darvin P. Harfield and Adam Poszar
DEDICATION
This book is dedicated to you who have written or are
about to expend the effort involved in writing truly
marvelous works but are slightly misinformed as to how to
go about it and, once you do, how to get your work
profitably published as a `paper-book'.
To you writers in search of illumination along your
path to `paper-book' authorship we dedicate this work.
Welcome, our light is burning brightly.
We are, however, a little uncertain that anyone is
home.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Darvin P. Harfield is an attorney, husband, father of
two, Board Chairman of the local bank, member of the
Chamber of Commerce, Bar Association, Masons, Elks, Moose,
Lions, VFW, PTA, ASPCA, Save the Wales Foundation, lives
in a big white house with a picket fence, owns a red
sub-compact car, writes an astrology- turned-local-humor
column for the area newspaper, reads a bunch, and is
locally famous for all this.
He has been unofficially credited with coining the
phrases, "Have a nice Autumnal Equinox", "How may I be of
applicability to you," "I'll imbibe to that," and "Sue the
bastards' buns off".
Mr. Harfield is also vastly interested in UFO's and
extraterrestrial life.
Adam Poszar insists that he is not a retired used auto
parts salesman, ex-Marine, nor self-educated brain
surgeon. He has, however, been personally involved in the
study of languages since the age of three, when he first
threw a dish of alphabet soup from his feeding tray.
His first nonfiction work (which he denies having
written), "The Frontal Lobotomy - An Owner's Guide", has
been unanimously acclaimed among the experts as the
definitive work addressing do-it-yourself brain surgery.
The sequel, "Done It, Now Where am I?" will hit the
book stands this fall.
He also insists that he really was born on Earth and
that the large, glowing metallic object that hums quietly
in his garage is merely a planter designed to stimulate
his Redwood seedlings.
Mr. Poszar is not the least bit famous.
PREFACE
The entire content herein consist of proudly
pronounced, precisely predicated, prismatic
prevarications. For the simpler of intellect, it's all a
pack of lies. Yes, we made it all up.
Furthermore, all characters are fictional. Any
resemblance to real persons, living or dead, including the
authors, is purely coincidental.
Our publisher has suggested that we describe this
book as a `tongue-in-cheek' parody of the writing and
publishing industry intended to only poke fun at it in a
`Don't try any of this at home' manner.
We refused. Our tongues are sticking straight out.
*********************************************************
(NOVEL)
DREAM VACATION
by Andrew P. Varga
Copyright, 1991
What would a man do if he was haunted by two ex-wives,
his father's death, women, and a phone that won't stop
ringing?
Sounds like a good time to take a vacation. Get away
from the hassles and the nightmares. Load up the trusty
old motorcycle, have a lady friend stay in the apartment,
and tour Northern Michigan for a couple of weeks.
But what if the trip turned out to be worse than
staying at home? Nightmares, death, strange visions, and
accidents seem to follow him throughout. A group of
hillbilly motorcyclists, an airplane builder who is hiding
from the FAA, a weekend retreat for homebuilt three-
wheeler enthusiasts, a tar-covered pig, and a fistfight
over a wooden leg don't help.
Neither does his incessant alter ego that offers
wisecracks and bad jokes at the worst times. As he is
fast approaching transformation into the world's largest
hood ornament, for instance.
The result is a slapstick of self realization.
**********************************************************
(SATIRE)
THE PLO* SURVIVAL MANUAL
Copyright 1991, Adam Poszar.
*(Permanent Lay-Off)
The world of business is constantly changing.
And it's getting more complicated. Just look at all
this stuff; inflation, deflation, recession, depression,
indigestion, leveraged buy-outs, beverage fly-outs, blue
flu (not to mention a growing variety of additional
colors), corporate restructuring, leading economic
indicators, bleeding ecologic vindicators, executive
burnout, frozen entrees, employee turnout, interest rate
fluctuation, inside trader castigation, stock option
negotiations, dressing for success, brown-nosing to
excess, and socks that don't match.
What I'm getting at is this; more and more of you
either are, have, or are about to become the victim of
what the Sixties called (Jaws sound track, please . . .
doom DOOM doom DOOM doom DOOM) . . . THE SYSTEM.
It can be a devastating experience.
My research has been personal and exhaustive. Yes, it
has happened to me. I've been there. The neat part is
that YOU get the BENEFIT of my hard-won experience, and
not just WHERE to capitalize IMPRESSIVE-sounding words,
EITHER.
I have participated in numerous interviews as well.
Unfortunately, as I conducted them while sitting at home
alone throughout the day, what with my family either at
work or attending school, the replies I received were all
rather short.
But I did do research! Admittedly the majority of it
consisted of sitting on the kitchen floor with my head in
the cupboard, reading labels of various containers to
determine their alcohol content. Coincidentally this
nearly always preceded an enthusiastic educational
experience.
Needless to say, this is a don't-REALLY-try-any-of-
this-stuff manual.
**********************************************************
(HUMOROUS INSTRUCTIONAL)
ASTRONOMY FOR LAZY CHEAPSKATES
WHO DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY IS UP
by Jim Whitehouse
Copyright 1992.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 Which way is up? Asterism my schmasterism,
where the heck is the Little Dipper? Which way did
they go, Tonto?
CHAPTER 2 That way is up. Light in the darkness.
CHAPTER 3 Bad news. How far is an inch? The (shudder)
Zodiac and other landmarks. More bad news.
CHAPTER 4 Symphony in Gee Whiz. First movement--the
seasons. Second movement--the moon. Third movement-
the planets. Final movement--the stars. Coda--5001,
a space odyssey.
CHAPTER 5 Big eyes. Bigger eyes. Even bigger eyes.
Hold still, will you? Ready, aim, aim! What kind of
eyes?
CHAPTER 6 The toy store. Windows. Mirrors. Car hoods.
Snap shots.
CHAPTER 7 Where to buy. Where not to buy.
CHAPTER 8 Using your new stuff. The absolute best place.
The absolute best time.
CHAPTER 9 Help! Going on point. A handful of hints.
CHAPTER 10 Making it better. Doodads and geehaws.
CHAPTER 11 The Universe and other places to visit.
Charts, Setting Circles, Starhopping, Wanderings, and
Remembrances.
CHAPTER 12 Clubs. Stargazes. Magazines. Computers.
Books.
INTRODUCTION
Our world is an increasingly complex place in which to
live. Some react by seeking a simple lifestyle of organic
gardening and home offices. They usually wind up with
manure on their boots and a spare tire around their
middles caused by proximity to the refrigerator.
Others react by becoming technophiles, which partly
entails shortening all technical words, including
technophile. Hence, in a computerized telephone
conversation with a similarly inspired friend (an
electrobulletin buddy or modemate telcon, at matching
baudrate parity, of course), the technophile becomes a
teckie. Rumored are 9600 baud modem madam flirtcoms. So
much for serenity.
Still others seek the calm and beauty of the
nighttime sky, that "upper half" of our environment. This
book is for those people, in the hope they will find
patience, humility, and understanding of themselves in the
stars.
Unfortunately, the trend in amateur astronomy is
similar to trends in almost any other avocation, which is
in the direction of ever more sophisticated and expensive
equipment. As a result, the beginner finds him/herself
overwhelmed with equipment options, a nearly
undecipherable language, incomprehensible maps of the sky,
a thinning wallet, and an angry spouse. All this and the
problem of figuring out just which way all those stars and
planets are moving.
It is this author's intent to simplify things, to
bring the basics of the study of the universe down to
Earth, oxymoronically speaking.
In this book, you will get the help you need, in the
order in which you need it to learn the night sky, decide
whether or not to equip yourself, and how best to obtain
and modify that equipment at a cost less than the national
debt. This book is aimed at you, the beginning amateur
astronomer.
**********************************************************
Thank you, sincerely.