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- Journal Entry 181 / 0093
-
- I stepped off of the SDisk and looked around. Nice town, a little
- quiet, in places the grass growing just a little too long this late in
- the spring. The air was full of insects buzzing about on this hot
- spring day. I wandered up the road into town, passing a pair of
- Centaurs who couldn't have been more than 20 years old apiece, staring
- into each other's eyes and barely noticing me long enough to wave. We
- need a poem, like Terra's 'Hooray, hooray, it's May, it's May!' to
- signal this kind of weather, this time of year.
-
- It occurred to me that maybe Jahn had a coimelin, a lover, a
- roommate, whatever. I sighed and willed myself to stop worrying about
- that, at any rate. I had enough worries today.
-
- I walked across to a short, squat building, looking slightly
- neglected and forlorn amidst the rest, made of wood with last decade's
- paint slowly peeling off from the corners. I could understand that;
- Jahn had a lot more important issues on his agenda than the appearance
- of his office. I knocked on the door.
-
- "Come in!"
-
- I walked in to find his office spartan and clean. A casually
- arranged stack of transdocuments lay on his desk and he was reading them
- with a careful eye, a pair of glasses across the bridge of his muzzle.
- "Hello?" I asked.
-
- The Uncia behind the desk looked up and startled. "Ken!"
-
- "Jahn!" I laughed back, smiling. "How are you?"
-
- He sighed, a dark expression crossing his face. "Not great."
-
- I wandered around the desk and chair and gave him a big hug from
- behind. "What's wrong?"
-
- "Everything. My eyes have gotten even _more_ farsighted than
- before... it looks like they're going to grow me a new pair. In the
- meantime I have to wear these things. Who came up with these anyway?
- They're killing my muzzle." He rubbed the bridge softly. "The worst
- thing, though, is the defense recourses for entalie's."
-
- I looked at him, confused. "I thought we were past that."
-
- "I thought we were, too, seventy years ago." He sighed gently.
- "The problem, Ken, lies in those people who, for whatever reason, are
- completely uninterested in people of their own species and opposite sex,
- particularly the females."
-
- "That's your last issue?"
-
- "It's still a big one. I've got four thousand fems across the ring
- who, for whatever reason, have no intention of breeding, ever. I don't
- care if they're lesbian or heterosexual or rhyshic or whatever. They
- just don't want to breed. The trouble is, there's a 'denial of
- diversity' movement that specifically targets these people."
-
- "'Denial of diversity?'"
-
- He sighed. "They're arguing that by staying out of the gene pool
- these people are denying their genetic material to future generations,
- and that they may be harboring the genes for genius, or talent, or
- whatever, and... Basically, it's a war of words. But these people,
- even the 'recalcitrant' males, are hurting because of it."
-
- I nodded. "Any hope? What about of a few gene projects? You
- know, borrow an egg or two, find a good home for it?" I was joking, of
- course, but there was an element of truth to what I said.
-
- "We do that. It doesn't help. There seems to be an issue here of
- standards. These people want to enforce a sexual standard, namely that
- of some kind of heterosexual, infraspecies behavior as a minimum."
-
- I sighed. "Anything I could do to help?"
-
- "A position paper?" he asked, smiling. "It's not the point. I
- don't want Vatare' Shardik to come down off his throne and preach to the
- masses. It would help, but I think we'd see some resentment there as
- well."
-
- "I'd be a bad example. I still have sex with human women."
-
- He nodded. "I know. Speaking of which, how's your new roommate?"
-
- "P'nyssa?" I laughed. "She's hardly human. She's fine, I guess.
- It's funny how after even two or three years we're still playing
- 'Getting to Know You' games."
-
- "Ken... Back on your world, Terra, where you came from... Do they
- have this kind of problem?"
-
- I looked Jahn over and sighed. "It's worse there."
-
- "Worse? How much worse?"
-
- "Entalie' of any kind are routinely hounded, assaulted... in some
- districts, having a single Entalie' encounter can engender a death
- sentence."
-
- Jahn whistled low. "You're not joking, are you?"
-
- "Not in the least."
-
- "Oh." He looked down at his desk. "At least here it's just a war
- of words. Nobody's gotten hurt yet, although I did get a report last
- month of a femSatryl being harassed."
-
- "Nothing serious?"
-
- "Not really." He rubbed his eyes again. "So, let's ignore the
- serious stuff for a moment and ask you what's the purpose of this
- visit?"
-
- "Well," I said, my nervousness returning, "I need a favor of you."
-
- "A favor?" he asked, smiling. "What kind of favor?"
-
- I thought for a second. "Jahn, tonight, well, in a few hours,
- Pendor as we know it is going to change." His expression held rock
- steady. "Something's going to happen, but I'm not going to say what.
- I've been keeping it a secret for some time now. Nobody's going to get
- hurt, but we're going to have a new field of science, and it should be
- interesting."
-
- "So why are you here?" he asked calmly.
-
- "Jahn, I want to do something dramatic to herald the change,
- something I won't forget." Somehow, I couldn't believe I was saying
- these things. "Jahn, I want to lose my virginity again. I want you to
- make love to me."
-
- His composure broke. Which, in a way, was interesting to watch.
- He looked confused for a moment, then looked up at me and said, "You're
- sure?"
-
- "If I were sure I wouldn't be handling this as roughshod as I did
- the first time, remember?"
-
- He chuckled and stood up, standing around and hugging me softly.
- "Kennet Shardik, Vatare' Pendoro, wants to be my sacrificial virgin for
- tonight's sea-change."
-
- "Something like that," I laughed, grabbing him and embracing him
- hard. "So, is it a yes, or a no?"
-
- "It's a yes! What, are you kidding?" He laughed. "I've waited
- nearly seventy years to know what I could do to pay you back for that
- night."
-
- "Well, now you know."
-
- "I'm not sure this is payback. I might have TWO receipts after
- this."
-
- "Either way, I want it. Will you?"
-
- "When does this event happen?"
-
- I glanced at my watch. "A little over two hours."
-
- He chuckled. "Give me a few minutes. I want to assemble a few
- things."
-
- I nodded. He left me standing in the office while he wandered back
- into his home. A few minutes later he reappeared with a backpack.
- "Ready?" I nodded. "Let's go, then. I assume you have a place picked
- out?"
-
- "I do, but we'll have to go by the Castle first to transfer.
-
- He nodded. "Lead the way." I stepped out and we walked back up
- the street to the neighborhood SDisk, stepping on it to get to Shardik
- Castle. From there, I gave another command and we appeared on a plain
- of rolling, yellowing grasses. The air was warm, and like Jahn's
- hometown, filled with insects, but they always seemed to be far away,
- never actually biting us or getting into our fur.
-
- Jahn seemed stunned. "We aren't on Pendor?"
-
- I looked around. "No... this is Pandora."
-
- He looked up and around. "That stripe in the sky... is that
- Pendor?"
-
- "Yep."
-
- "I've never been here before. Do we have to be here to watch the
- change?"
-
- I shook my head. "Not really. It's just about the best place I
- could think of to watch it happen."
-
- "What's going to happen?"
-
- I looked up into the completely black sky. "You'll see. It'll be
- interesting."
-
- I sat down on the grass and said, "So, what's in the pack?"
-
- "Oh, you know," he said. "The usual." He opened up the pack and
- pulled out a round of cheese, cutting wedges out for both of us.
-
- I looked him over. A little shorter than I, Jahn is a gorgeous
- example of an Uncia. He's a very pretty snow leopard, with bright white
- fur and short, black stripes. I thanked him for the cheese and took a
- bite. There were two layers on the outside edge of the cheese; between
- the wax layer and the cheese was a layer of animal intestine, using it
- as you would a casing for sausage, to hold the cheese in during the
- aging process. It gave the cheese a wonderful, metallic taste. "This
- is good."
-
- "Like that? It's made at Taurangoth. I found it about ten years
- ago and I think it's becoming a bit of a rage among Uncia." He passed
- me a bottle of water, and I drank it along with the cheese. "I have
- some jerked meat in here as well, if you'd like."
-
- "What kind?"
-
- "Oh, let's see..." He rummaged about in the sack. "Rabbit, deer,
- beef, I think."
-
- "Hand some over." He gave me a few long strands of dried meat and
- I ate them with him in silence.
-
- "Why do you want to do this?" he asked suddenly.
-
- "Let's just say I'm in the mood."
-
- "In the mood?"
-
- "Yeah. What's wrong with saying I'm in the mood?"
-
- "Being in the mood to lose your virginity is a pretty bad reason."
-
- "Jahn," I said, "I've thought about this for a long time. I
- couldn't think of any other male I wanted more to do this for me. I've
- been intrigued for a long time... I feel that this is right for me, and
- you're the right person."
-
- He chuckled and reached out, touching my shoulder. "Okay, I see
- that you've thought about this."
-
- "I better have."
-
- He chuckled. "Yes, you better have." He shifted around and sat
- behind me, holding me close. "You're really sure?"
-
- I looked at my watch. The time was getting close. "Half an hour."
-
- "Is that all?"
-
- "That's all. Then life as we know it ceases to be."
-
- He smiled, scratching slowly at my tunic. "Take off your shirt."
-
- I took it off and tossed it aside. He had already set aside his
- g-string. His scratched softly at my chest, and it felt strange, but I
- slowly eased against him and relaxed. "You've gotten pretty confident,"
- I said.
-
- "You taught me that, Ken. Even though you yourself aren't really
- entalie' or a part of what we are, you know the language, you have the
- compassion. You helped me understand myself. I owe you for that."
-
- "I know," I whispered softly. "You're getting hard."
-
- He chuckled. "Yes, I am. You want it inside you?"
-
- "The moment of truth. Yes, but I want to enjoy your touch, first."
-
- "Then enjoy it." He slowly touched my stomach, his hands trailing
- down over the denim of my pants and caressing my thighs.
-
- I tried to relax, but inside I felt so nervous. "Jahn?"
-
- "Hmm?"
-
- "Does it hurt? The first time? I mean, a lot or a little?"
-
- He chuckled. "It depends, Ken, on how ready you are, how gentle I
- am, how much lubricant we use..." His voice trailed off. "But it will
- hurt, at least a little."
-
- "You can't tell how much?"
-
- "Nobody can," Jahn said softly. "Losing your virginity is always
- difficult."
-
- I chuckled. He kept scratching my chest softly, then said "Lie
- down on the grass."
-
- "What? On my back or my stomach?"
-
- "On your stomach. If that's not a problem?"
-
- "No, that's not a problem," I replied, turning over, out of his lap
- and lying in the grass.
-
- "You could take your pants off, first."
-
- I blushed. "You really want to start like this?"
-
- "No, Ken, I want to relax you... so lie down and let me give you a
- massage."
-
- "Oh," I said, a little sheepishly. I lay down and took off my
- pants, squirming about as I did so, and tossing them aside. "What do
- you think?"
-
- "You haven't changed," he said quietly.
-
- "Take a look at my wrists."
-
- He caught the reference and was quiet for a long time. Then he
- said, "I'd rather not."
-
- I nodded gently. "I have changed... in some ways."
-
- "You kept the scars, I'm assuming by that comment."
-
- I nodded again, feeling the grass graze by my cheek. "I wanted to
- keep them. Brieanna offered to remove them, but I need to be reminded.
- I need to know why I came back."
-
- His hands spread along my back, easing the muscles gently. I
- sighed and relaxed; few people give backrubs good enough for my taste...
- I tend to be very tense, and many people start too hard or too
- violently. I turned my watch and looked at it; it was getting close to
- time. I moaned softly as his hands worked down over my lower back,
- getting closer to my butt; I felt a little uncomfortable at the
- attention he gave me, especially there. I squirmed against the grass; I
- was getting an erection.
-
- His hands left my buttocks and trailed down my thighs. He took his
- time, easing my nervousness and tenseness. "Jahn," I sighed.
-
- "Hmm?"
-
- "Feels wonderful."
-
- He chuckled softly. "You asked for this," he reminded me softly,
- his finger playing along the cleft of my buttocks. "Remember that, you
- wanted me to make love to you." I nodded again. "Are you ready?"
-
- "I think so," I said, looking at my watch. Only ten minutes left.
- I sighed softly as I felt his breath spread over the cheeks of my ass;
- his paws pulled my buttocks apart gently, and his long, feline tongue
- slid along my hole.
-
- The sensation went straight through my head; I moaned softly, more
- as he continued nuzzling into my anus with his tongue, carefully, so as
- not to be too rough with the very feline front. He moved away for a
- moment, and I could feel his body moving back and forth, very slowly; in
- my anticipation I dared not turn around and look at his growing
- erection. In my memory he was large, but not frighteningly so. I
- wondered if I would think differently once he was inside me.
-
- There was a warm, wet sensation over my buttocks, and then his paw,
- spreading it about; he teased my virgin hole with his finger, then slid
- it in just a centimeter or so. I moaned again; there was pain, but also
- pleasure, in his finger, teasing my insides, squirming about. I
- wondered what I looked like, lying in the grass like that, this Uncia,
- small for his race but still larger than I, kneeling over my
- outstretched form. "Ready?" he asked again.
-
- I just nodded. I felt him shift, and then I felt the head of his
- penis press against my backside. "A little lower," I whispered,
- correcting his aim. He shifted and pressed. I tried to look at my
- watch, but my hand trembled softly at the approaching threat, and I
- found myself more fascinated by the trembling. "Slowly," I hissed.
-
- "I know, I know," he growled gently. Even through his
- characteristic growl, I could feel his concern. He wanted this to be
- good for me. I wanted it to be good for him, too. He pressed gently.
-
- My sphincter spasmed open suddenly, and he pressed against it,
- sliding in. I gasped; it hurt, it felt like I was being torn open. But
- still, just the trembling in my limbs gave away the shock I was feeling.
- And somehow, it felt good to be feeling that, to be feeling for him the
- pain I was going through. He slid in deeper.
-
- There was almost no sensation as he slid in until his hips pressed
- against my buttocks; just an odd filling going deeper and deeper into
- me. "How is it?" he asked.
-
- "It hurts," I gasped softly. I felt tears running across the
- bridge of my nose.
-
- "Of course it hurts," he said. "I warned you."
-
- "I know," I whispered.
-
- "How does it feel now?"
-
- "It's... okay. I'm getting used to it."
-
- "Good," he sighed, slowly pulling out. I whimpered again as I felt
- the violated ring of my anus pull against his cock, then press inwards
- as he pushed downwards again. "Still hurt?"
-
- "Yes," I whispered. "Don't stop."
-
- He started going faster; the pain in my sphincter faded almost
- completely as he sped up, fucking me harder and harder. And then the
- pain changed, becoming pleasure... pleasure I couldn't ignore. I could
- hear myself panting with him as he made love to me, took me for the
- first time. His hips bucked against me; his legs were between mine. My
- cock was thrust against the grass, but I wasn't erect. Still, it felt
- wonderful to be where I was, under him.
-
- And the pleasure remained, but it was joined by a new pain. I
- think parts of me were wearing out under this new sensation, this new
- pleasure. "Jahn," I whispered.
-
- "I know, I know..." he growled. "Just a little more." His thrusts
- became more urgent, more powerful; he lifted himself up on his knees.
- We panted in synch as he approached his climax, closer and closer, his
- cock thrusting between my buttocks, deep within my asshole. Little
- whimpers escaped him, and then a final, thrusting gasp as he came within
- me.
-
- I reached up with my right hand and toyed with his ears, tousling
- his fur. We lay together, face down in the grass, his cock within me,
- slowly subsiding. "Ken?" he gasped.
-
- "Yeah?" I asked.
-
- "Are you okay?"
-
- I sighed gently. "I think so." I felt him slip out of me and to
- the side. "How about you?"
-
- "I think so, too," he smiled.
-
- I looked into his eyes and leaned up to kiss him. "Thank you,
- lover," I whispered.
-
- I looked up past his shoulder as he looked down at me. While we
- had been making love, in a place and time elsewhere, much earlier in my
- life-- probably just before Paul had been born, I would guess-- the core
- of my empire, my existence, vanished from me for a split second. And in
- that second she had come to me, here, to fulfill her final promise to
- me. She had opened the pocket universe Pendor resided in, pushed the
- limits of, by its sheer creation. And then Fawn had returned to the
- other Kennet Shardik, the Kennet Shardik that existed before.
-
- "Jahn, look up. At the sky."
-
- He raised his head slowly and looked up into the clear night sky.
- He was silent for a while. Then his muzzle move to form words, and
- slowly he said, "Ken... are those yours?"
-
- I chuckled and got up on my knees; my insides felt weird, but not
- painfully so. I hugged Jahn softly, resting my head against his
- shoulder. Although it had been over a century since I had last seen
- what he was seeing, I felt it more important to hug him and be with him
- then to join his vision. His body felt good against mine, his strength
- and his care pure. "No, Jahn... if they belong to anybody, they belong
- to a more powerful and pervasive Creator than myself."
-
- "What... what are they?"
-
- "They're stars, Jahn."
-
-
-
- --
- "Starlight, Starbright, First Star I See My Life"
- The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., And Related Tales
- are (c) 1989, 1990 Elf Matheiu Sternberg. May be freely distributed by
- cybernetic media; hardcopies are limited to single printings for
- personal use.
-