YPA: Your Privacy Assured/YPA.ISO/text/bondage.txt

Text File | 1995-01-04 | 14.7 KB | 541 lines

BONDAGE TECHNIQUES FOR SHY FOLKS

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Introduction and General Comments

Since I received a warm welcome to a.s.b as a result of my first post

(thanks to everyone who responded!),  I was encouraged to write

another article for this group. I hope it successfully serves three

purposes:


  1) Shares with you some of my bondage experience;



  2) Provides a little practical education for beginners,

  especially those who are shy and find this stuff fascinating,

  but don't know how to proceed safely in the physical, mental, or

  emotional sense--alone or with a partner;



  3) Sparks some further detailed conversation about the

  preparations, restraints and arrangements other a.s.b'ers use

  for play. I want to learn, too!


I am _not_ an expert, so I don't expect this article to be


tremendously interesting to you serious bondage-folk, except perhaps

to refresh your memory as to what it was like when you started these

peculiar habits :^)



As far as I'm concerned, sexual [fore, during, or after] play is not

always necessary for good bondage, as several others have noted in

this news group. Vice-versa too: bondage is not at all necessary for

good sex--but it can certainly enhance it at times. Now that a

balance is portrayed... Bondage _is_ the subject at hand, so I will

attempt to expound a little.



I do not have any advice as to how to make social connections. I am

new to a.s.b myself, and in fact, I have never attended any seminars

or parties where folks into bondage congregated in one place. So,

this article simply elaborates a little on the accoutrements and

techniques of my own limited experience by myself and with a few

partners.



With low-level bondage scenes in the past, it was common for me to be

somewhat frustrated on the bottom, because I wanted to feel more

helpless--but my partner did not have the mind-set to play more

seriously at the time. When I was top and she was bottom, she was

afraid for me to experiment--not because of a lack of trust, but

because she just wasn't able to accept anything that seemed too

"weird" or "kinky" as she defined it. Without freaking my partner (or

myself for that matter) with sophisticated restraints or

instructional documentation (heavy porn bondage mags, videos, etc.),

I have, over the years, discovered a number of discreet restraints

and arrangements (positions) that can provide an enjoyable and

effective level of bondage. Some of these techniques I have practiced

with my partner, but not all of them. Of course, it's more enjoyable

if you have an available and willing partner; otherwise, you have to

"top" yourself.



These notes are primarily for you shy, "I wish it would happen to me"

closet a.s.b readers (I know there's a lot of you :^) who desire to

experiment more with bondage, and to gently introduce your willing

partner to it--but perhaps you don't have the guts to march into a

serious adult/leather store, order wild restraints from catalogs, or

even study magazines or videos for techniques. You're also afraid of

your friends or family stumbling onto a drawer, box or closet full of

"weird kinky shit." I know; I've been one of those cautious

people--but then again I've had an amazing variety of unsophisticated

fun and excitement with bondage since I was pre-pubescent; certainly

long before I knew that anyone else did it. And even as life and fun

has continued thereafter, as far as I am aware, nobody except my

partner has known that I have effective (and economical) bondage (and

other) sex toys available in the comfort and convenience of my own

home, without even needing a secret drawer or treasure box. Pssst

<whisper>: Actually, my partner only knew about a fraction of the

possibilities!



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Mental/Emotional Preparation of a Bondage "Virgin"



A common question in a.s.b (and a few private e-mails to me)

goes something like this: I wonder how I should effectively introduce

my partner to bondage? I've tried sharing some [videos, magazines,

books, etc.], and sometimes s/he gets excited, but often more

disgusted than anything else. What now?



First of all, I suggest you don't spring wild bondage media on your

partner by way of introduction. If it is unfamiliar territory, then

revulsion or fright is a normal response. Almost nobody is raised in

an environment where being seriously tied up and fucked is considered

a positive act. If your partner has not been exposed to heavy porn

before, s/he will have a mixed reaction at best, and totally recoil

from it (and even you) at worst.



"Creating your own story" is probably better than forcing a canned

bondage story onto someone. I found that my partners have been

somewhat comfortable doing scenes with me that they never read, saw,

or heard of before--but if they had seen it in a heavy porn mag or

video first, I'm sure they would have never done it with me

subsequently--because that level of media offended them. Plain text

is probably less offensive to sensitive people, so if you insist on

providing reading material as an introduction, a printout of a

light-duty a.s.b story (_not_ Cindy's Torment) might a be better bet

than Bondage Buddies #12 magazine. Your partner's imagination might

well be _better_ stimulated by hir _own_ idea of what the scene

should look like...



Patience, patience, patience. Don't _break_ your partner's limits

--test, then _gently_ push the limits instead. If s/he isn't

comfortable with your advances, then you aren't properly laying the

foundation of trust and respect that is absolutely necessary for more

serious bondage.



Think of the next incremental step you would like to take with your

partner, then, at the appropriate time, either discuss it or turn it

into play, depending on how you and your partner best communicate. Be

willing to back off if s/he is not into it at the moment. Try again

from a different angle some other time.



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Disclaimer and Warnings



I will be held harmless from any consequences of anyone using the

following notes for their own activities. Don't use self-tightening

knots that cut off circulation. You should frequently check for

blueness, coldness, or numbness, then adjust accordingly. Be

_exceedingly_ careful to leave yourself an escape route if you

practice self-bondage. The fleeting thrill of getting stuck is _not_

worth the embarrassment of the wrong person finding you all tied up,

or worse yet, nobody finding you at all. Know and stay within your

limits. You will notice that many of the arrangements I suggest are

particularly suited for a male/female pair, but that is not to

discriminate--it's only my experience. Plus it's _all_ IMHO.



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Restraints



There's an abundance of seemingly innocuous restraining devices

available all around you; Off hand I can remember using the following

items over the years to tie up myself or my partner, any of which can

be found around the house or garage without embarrassing anyone:



Cloth, leather, and plastic belts of all kinds, flat 1" nylon straps

(used for camping), elastic sports bandages, pantyhose, thigh-highs,

long socks, long tights, leather horse reins, plastic tubing, ribbon

and lace, (surprising how strong some of it is), bungee cords, rope

(a bit abrasive), nylon or leather dog leashes, chain, an exercise

apparatus (the one that attaches to your doorknob and has a loop for

each hand and foot), plastic wire ties (has to be cut off), duct tape

and packing tape (ouch on the body hair), thick wire (nasty if you're

careless), a long leather whip, velcro straps, and a corset or bra

that is worn with the back hooked around something else like a pole

or chair back member. I'm sure there are other handy clothing or

household items appropriate for these purposes--do you have any

favorites?


I've also used sheets, blankets, sleeping bags, Saran wrap,

self-adhesive shelf paper, and shower curtains to otherwise restrain

myself by wrapping them around me (yes, it's challenging to do it

effectively without help). I halfway blame this extraordinary habit

on my two older female cousins who decided [when our parents

periodically visited each other] that I should be rolled up tightly

in a blanket then secured by them sitting on me or tying belts around

me. I don't know where they got this idea (they were only a few years

older than me, and I was only about 10), and I don't know what they

got out of it--but it sure made an impression on me. Maybe that's why

I like body hugs now. I even sleep better when the blanket is wrapped

around me. A partial regression to the womb environment, maybe? I

don't know. Does anyone else out there like this "wrapping" kind of

bondage?



My cousins also liked to tickle me, but that's a story I'll expand on

another time, probably by e-mail instead of public post (if this

interests you, I suggest that you get yourself added to the Tickle!

e-mail list, administrated by Jeanette a.k.a. [e-mail]).



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Arrangement #1: "Virgin" Woman Bottom


This is good for a woman who has not been restrained during sex

before. It requires no restraint devices, so it does not seem too

threatening. After she is already excited, have her lie on her

stomach on the bed, legs spread slightly, with her elbows by her

sides, and her hands up toward her head. Lie on top of her, putting

your upper arms under her armpits (your arms will then be inside

hers), then firmly hold her wrists (your hands on top). Hug her

tightly, :^) then enter at will. In this arrangement, a bottom who

has weaker muscles than the top will have considerable difficulty

squirming away from the determined top, although it is possible. This

can make for a fun play-wrestle-struggle (one of my favorites)

Actually, this arrangement makes a wonderfully secure body hug even

with clothes on, whether or not you feel sexy at the moment (a good

way to previously introduce the position, perhaps?).



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Arrangement #2: "Virgin" Woman Bottom, Next Step



Same as arrangement 1, except tie her ankles to the corners of the

foot of the bed. Since her arms are still not tied to anything, there

is potential for struggle, but it is considerably more secure than

arrangement #1.



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Arrangement #3: "Virgin" Man Bottom



This is good for a man bottom who has not been restrained during sex

before. It requires only two restraints. Simply have him lie on his

back, then tie his wrists to the corners of the head of the bed, then

have at it. I think a man new to bondage will find this exciting, but

not threatening, because, with his legs free, he feels like he can

easily protect himself from advances. Of course, this also works for

a woman.

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Arrangement #4: Classic Spread-Eagle


I suppose everybody knows this one. Tie each wrist and ankle to the

nearest bed corner. This makes a nice next-step for the man who was

last in arrangement #3. It might sound secure, but actually it is

still not entirely threatening. I have found that if I am tied in

this position on my back, I can still prevent my top from effectively

fucking me, simply by flexing the muscles in my upper legs. When my

knees are free, I still have some control, despite the fact that I am

the bottom. A woman in this position might also be able to resist

full penetration since her knees are free, but usually the woman has

less control in this position than a man, so it can be more

exciting/scary for her.


For a variation, flip the bottom onto his/her stomach in this

arrangement.

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Arrangement #5: Secure Spread-Eagle

Same as #4, but also tie the knees toward the edges of the bed (the

tie should be just above the knee). This is quite effective, because

mobile knees were the spread-eagled bottom's last hope for a bit of

control. S/he can lie on the stomach or back.


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Arrangement #6: Man Bottom, Knees Together

This is probably my favorite simple way to render the man helpless to

the woman's advances. Tie the man's knees together (just above the

knee), then tie his ankles together. Have him lie flat on his back on

the bed, then tie the ankle restraint to a mid-way point below the

foot of the bed. If there is no convenient mid-point anchor, then run

a rope/strap/whatever from one corner bed foot up through the ankle

tie, then back down to the other corner bed foot. Then tie his hands

to the head board corners so there is little slack. I have found that

when I am in this position, I cannot avoid a sound fucking from my

partner when she straddles me (and I love it when she also lays her

torso down and hugs me tightly). This is particularly exciting

because we know that I will eventually come no matter how much I lie

still, or how much I struggle.



You can also tie the bottom (man or woman) stomach down in this

arrangement.

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Arrangement #7: Moon-Side-Up Hand-to-Ankle

Have your partner lie on hir stomach then tightly grasp hir own

ankles with hir hands (left hand to left ankle, right hand to right

ankle). Pantyhose or elastic sports bandages work well for this: wrap

the restraint around and around the left hand/ankle in an X pattern

(you'll see when you do it), then do the same for the right. Stretch

the restraint enough so that s/he cannot let go of their ankles, but

not so much that the circulation is impeded (be willing to stop and

adjust this later if s/he asks). Once you lay on top of your partner

in this position, s/he will be mostly helpless depending on your

weight and muscle ratio.


BTW, when using stretchy restraints, the bottom will be more

comfortable and secure if you use more and/or longer restraints but

don't stretch them as tightly. This distributes the pressure more

evenly. For example, in this arrangement #7, two or three pairs of

nylons per bond works _far_ better than one pair that is too tight.

(this also helps prevent "love marks," those red blotches from tiny

broken blood vessels just under the skin).

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Obviously, there are other approaches to bondage--and there are
countless other devices, arrangements, and places to do it besides a

bed. The ideas in this article are just a sampling from a novice, for

other novices. Be safe and have fun!



Yours until next time,

Dances-With-Aardvarks         [e-mail]