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2022-08-26
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u
M I L L E N I U M A S S A U L T
Program by Cosine
Text by Dave Moorman
General Solo:
We now know that the Force is with
those who have microchondriacs, and
that we could take all the micro-
chondriacs in your body and put them
in a gnat's navel and have room left
over for two carraway seeds and a
Hutt's heart. So, to say, "May the
Force be with you" would be an
exercise in futility.
However, we have a mission so nearly
impossible and so trivial that we dare
not waste the few true Jedi available
to the Rebel Alliance. That means
you're it. You must take your
bedraggled Millenium Falcon into an
unknown Sector and face an infinite
horde of Imperial Cannon Fodder.
Touching [anything] will damage your
shields, and we can not guarantee you
will have an opportunity to get them
(or your Walkman batteries) recharged.
We [do] have some funeral insurance
taken out in your name, so rest
assured that when you rest in peace,
the rest of us will mourn your passing
right up to the beginning of Happy
Hour!
I could wish you "Good Luck," or "The
Force be with you," but why?
DMM