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Text File  |  1992-12-24  |  22KB  |  557 lines
  1. 072010303050000144002006006010000
  2. 11
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  5. 9[..◆.◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆.]0110
  6. äThefollowingîjokesähavebeentakenfromUsenetnewsgroup
  7. "alt.tasteless.jokes",pickedandsortedbyGardEggesbøAbrahamsen.But
  8. keepthisasawarning,ifyoureadthesejokes,youareonyourown.The
  9. jokesaremeantpurelyasjokes,andifyoushouldhappentobealawyar
  10. orblondeorofanyothercharacterthatmightbemadefunofinthis
  11. article,nooffenceisintentional.Youhavebeenwarned!
  12. Ç
  13. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  14.  
  15. üHE/SHEISSOUGLY(howuglyishe/she?)...
  16. Ç
  17. *Shemakesatraintakeadirtroad.
  18. *Hejoinedanuglycontest:theysaid"Sorry,noprofessionals."
  19. *Herfaceisclosedonweekends.
  20. *Helookedoutthewindowandgotarrestedformooning.
  21. *She'satwo-bagger:oneforherhead,theotherformeincasehers
  22. breaks.
  23. *Whenhewalksintoabank,theyturnthecamerasoff.
  24. *Justaftershewasborn,hermothersawtheafter-birthandsaid,
  25. "Twins!"
  26. *Justafterhewasborn,thedoctorslappedthemother.
  27. *Justaftershewasborn,hermothersaid,"Whatatreasure",andher
  28. fatherreplied,"Yes,let'sburyit..."
  29. *Hehassomanywrinklesonhisforeheadhescrewshishaton.
  30. *Ifmydoglookedlikeher,I'dshaveitsassandteachittowalk
  31. backwards.
  32.  
  33. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  34.  
  35. üHE/SHE'SSOFAT(howfatishe/she?)...
  36. Ç
  37. *Whenhesitsaroundthehouse,hesitsAROUNDtheHOUSE.
  38. *Apictureofherfelloffthewall.
  39. *Ifheweightfivepoundsmore,hecouldapplyforgroupinsurance.
  40. *Tofuckher,you'dhavetorollherinflourandgoforthewetspot.
  41. -Tofuckher,you'dslapherassandridethefirstwavein.
  42. *Hebuysclothesinastorewiththreesizes:ExtraLarge,Jumboand
  43. Oh-My-God-It's-Coming-Towards-Us.
  44.  
  45. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  46.  
  47. üHE/SHE'SSODUMB(howdumbishe/she?)...
  48. Ç
  49. *HethinksmanuallaborisaMexican.
  50. *Shethinkssocialismmeanspartying.
  51. *Ittakeshimanhourandahalftowatch"60Minutes".
  52. *Thetoughestthreeyearsofherlifewerethirdgrade.
  53.  
  54. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  55.  
  56. üLawyerjokes
  57. Ç
  58. Q:Whatdoyoucall500lawyersatthebottomoftheocean?
  59. A:Agoodstart.
  60.  
  61. ---===---
  62.  
  63. Q:WhatdoyougetwhenyoucrosstheGodfatherwithalawyer?
  64. A:Anofferyoucan'tunderstand
  65.  
  66. Ç---===---
  67.  
  68. Q:Ifyouseealawyeronabicycle,whydon'tyouswervetohithim?
  69. A:Itmightbeyourbicycle.
  70.  
  71. ---===---
  72.  
  73. Agradeschoolteacherwasaskingstudentswhattheirparentsdidfora
  74. living."Tim,youbefirst,"shesaid."Whatdoesyourmotherdoall
  75. day?"Timstoodupandproudlysaid,"She'sadoctor."
  76.    "That'swonderful.Howaboutyou,Amie?"
  77.    Amieshylystoodup,scuffedherfeetandsaid,"Myfatherisa
  78. mailman."
  79.    "Thankyou,Amie,"saidtheteacher."Whataboutyourfather,Billy?"
  80.    Billyproudlystoodupandannounced,"Mydaddyplayspianoina
  81. whorehouse."
  82.    Theteacherwasaghastandpromptlychangedthesubjecttogeography.
  83. LaterthatdayshewenttoBilly'shouseandrangthebell.Billy's
  84. fatheransweredthedoor.Theteacherexplainedwhathissonhadsaidand
  85. demandedanexplanation.
  86.    Billy'sfathersaid,"I'mactuallyanattorney.HowcanIexplaina
  87. thinglikethattoaseven-year-old?"
  88.  
  89. ---===---
  90.  
  91. Thelawyersthoughtthiswouldbeanovelexperienceandsofollowedthe
  92. judgebacktothecourtroom.Thetrialwasoverinabout10minutesand
  93. itwasveryclearthatthedefendentwasguilty.Thejurywentintothe
  94. jury-room,thejudgestartedgettingreadytogohome,andeveryone
  95. waited.
  96.    Afternearlythreehours,thejudgewastotallyoutofpatienceand
  97. sentthebailiffintothejury-roomtoseewhatwasholdingupthe
  98. verdict.Whenthebailiffreturned,thejudgesaid,"Wellhavetheygot
  99. averdictyet?"
  100.    Thebailiffshookhisheadandsaid,"Verdict?Hell,they'restill
  101. doingnominatingspeechesfortheforeman'sposition!"
  102.  
  103. ---===---
  104.  
  105. Awomanandherlittlegirlwerevisitngthegraveofthelittlegirl's
  106. grandmother.Ontheirwaythroughthecemetarybacktothecar,the
  107. littlegirlasked,"Mommy,dotheyeverburytwopeopleinthesame
  108. grave?"
  109.    "Ofcoursenot,dear."repliedthemother,"Whywouldyouthinkthat?"
  110.    "Thetombstonebacktheresaid'Hereliesalawyerandanhonestman.'"
  111.  
  112. ---===---
  113.  
  114. Thesetwoguys,GeorgeandHarry,setoutinaHotAirballoontocross
  115. theAtlanticOcean.After37hoursintheair,Georgesays"Harry,we
  116. betterlosesomealtitudesowecanseewhereweare".Harryletsout
  117. someofthehotairintheballoon,andtheballoondescendstobelowthe
  118. cloudcover.Georgesays,"Istillcan'ttellwhereweare,letsaskthat
  119. guyontheground".SoHarryyellsdowntotheman"Hey,couldyoutell
  120. uswhereweare?".Andthemanonthegroundyellsback"You'reina
  121. balloon,100feetupintheair".GeorgeturnstoHarryandsays"That
  122. manmustbealawyer".AndHarrysays"Howcanyoutell?".Georgesays
  123. "Becausetheadvicehegaveusis100%accurate,andtotallyuseless".
  124.  
  125. That'stheendoftheJoke,butforyoupeoplewhoarestillworried
  126. ÇaboutGeorgeandHarry:Theyendupinthedrink,andmakethefrontpage
  127. oftheNewYorkTimes:"BalloonistsSoakedbyLawyer".
  128.  
  129. ---===---
  130.  
  131. Forthreeyears,theyoungattorneyhadbeentakinghisbriefvacations
  132. atthiscountryinn.Thelasttimehe'dfinallymanagedanaffairwith
  133. theinnkeeper'sdaughter.Lookingforwardtoanexcitingfewdays,he
  134. draggedhissuitcaseupthestairsoftheinn,thenstoppedshort.There
  135. sathisloverwithaninfantonherlap!
  136.    "Helen,whydidn'tyouwritewhenyoulearnedyouwerepregnant?"he
  137. cried."Iwouldhaverusheduphere,wecouldhavegottenmarried,and
  138. thebabywouldhavemyname!"
  139.    "Well,"shesaid,"whenmyfolksfoundoutaboutmycondition,wesat
  140. upallnighttalkin'andtalkin'anddecideditwouldbebettertohavea
  141. bastardinthefamilythanalawyer."
  142.  
  143. ---===---
  144.  
  145. Ifyoulaidallofthelawyersintheworld,endtoend,ontheequator,
  146. Itwouldbeagoodideatojustleavethemthere.
  147.  
  148. ---===---
  149.  
  150. Whydidn'tthesharkseatthelawyerwhentheywerechompingontherest
  151. ofthestrugglingshipwrecksurvivors?
  152.  
  153. Professionalcourtesy.
  154.  
  155. ---===---
  156.  
  157. What'sthedifferencebetweenarunoverlawyerandarunoveropposum?
  158.  
  159. Thetreadmarksarebeforetheoppossum.
  160.  
  161. ---===---
  162.  
  163. Whydolawyersrarelyhavesex?
  164.  
  165. They'reonlypaidtoprostitutethemselvesinthecourtroom.
  166.  
  167. ---===---
  168.  
  169. Asinnerhadadreamofheavenwhenhewasayoungman.Itwasancold
  170. andlonelyplacewithoutanyofthepleasuresoflife.Fortherestof
  171. hisdayshelivedavirtuouslifewithastainofsin.WhenSt.Peter
  172. askedhimwhatmadehimlivealifeofsuchpurity,heanswered,"Aplace
  173. withoutlawyerscan'tbeallbad."
  174.  
  175. ---===---
  176.  
  177. What'sthebestthingthatcanbesaidaboutlawyers?
  178.  
  179. They'renotallpoliticians.
  180.  
  181. ---===---
  182. 
  183. 
  184. [WARNING:OLDJOKE]
  185.  
  186. ÇHowcanyoutellwhenalawyerislying.
  187.  
  188. Watchhislips,iftheymove,he'slying.
  189.  
  190. ---===---
  191.  
  192. Q:What'sthesoundofadogbeingrunover?
  193.  
  194. A:RRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrKKKKKKKKthudthud
  195.  
  196. ---
  197.  
  198. Q:What'sthesoundofaliberalbeingrunover?
  199.  
  200. A:VRRRRRoooooOOOmmmmmmthudthud
  201.  
  202. ---
  203.  
  204. Q:What'sthesoundofalawyerbeingrunover?
  205.  
  206. A:VRRRRRoooooOOOmmmmmmthudthudRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrKKKKKKKK
  207. clickclickVRRRRRoooooOOOmmmmmmthudthud
  208. RRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrKKKKKKKKclickclickVRRRRRoooooOOOmmmmmmthudthud
  209.  
  210. ---===---
  211.  
  212. Whatisblackandbrownandlooksgoodonalawyer?
  213.  
  214. ADoberman.
  215.  
  216. ---===---
  217.  
  218. Alawyerdiesandgoestoheaven.Whenhegetsthere,theangelatthe
  219. gatemeetshim,askshimtowait,andgoesofftofindSt.Peter.St.
  220. Peterarrives,welcomesthefellowinverywarmly,andsays,"well,we
  221. mustfindahouseforyounow.Pleasecomewithme"andtakesthelawyer
  222. underhisarmtoflyofftofindanabode.Theyflyoverseveralsmall
  223. houses,andthelawyeraskswholiveinthesehouses."Oh,thatisafew
  224. ofourpopes.Wetrytohousetheonesfromsimilartimestogether,so
  225. theywillhaveaneasytimetalkingtoeachother."Thetwocontinueto
  226. fly,passingoveralargeapartmentcomplex"wholivesthere?""Oh,
  227. thosearesomeofourCistercianmonks."
  228.    Finally,theyarriveatahugeestatewithaswimmingpool.St.Peter
  229. landsandthelawyerasks,"isthismine?""Oh,yes"saysSt.Peter,
  230. "popesandmonksareadimeadozenuphere.Butlawyers....."
  231.  
  232. ---===---
  233.  
  234. Whatcanyoudowithadeadlawyer?
  235.  
  236. Skinhimandusethehideforascubasuit.
  237.  
  238. ---===---
  239.  
  240. Howcanyoumakeaskinnedlawyercomebackfromthedead?
  241.  
  242. Justfillhimupwithdogshitandsewhimshut.
  243.  
  244. ---===---
  245.  
  246. ÇHowmanylawyersdoesittaketomakeagoodlunchmeeting?
  247.  
  248. 10,ifyouslicethemthinenough.
  249.  
  250. ---===---
  251.  
  252. WhydoLawyersalwayswearneckties?
  253.  
  254. Tokeeptheforeskinfromcoveringtheirface.
  255.  
  256. ---===---
  257.  
  258. Whatarethreethingsthatbungeejumpingandsolicitingaprostitute
  259. haveincommon:
  260.  
  261. --Bothcostyouabout$100
  262.  
  263. --Itwillonlylastabout5seconds
  264.  
  265. --Iftherubberbreaks,you'redead!
  266.  
  267. ---===---
  268.  
  269. *What'sthedifferencebetweenadeadlawyerintheroadandadead
  270. snakeintheroad?
  271.  
  272. Skidmarksinfrontofthesnake.
  273.  
  274. ---===---
  275.  
  276. *What'sthedifferencebetweenalawyerandtheDevil?
  277.  
  278. TheDevillivesinHell.
  279.  
  280. ---===---
  281.  
  282. *Oxymoron:reasonablelegalfees.
  283.  
  284. ---===---
  285.  
  286. Oneuselessmaniscalledadisgrace,twoarecalledalawfirm,and
  287. threeormorebecomeacongress.
  288.  
  289. -Anonymousgov'tworker
  290.  
  291. ---===---
  292.  
  293. Q:Whatsthedifferencebetweenalawyerandacarp?
  294.  
  295. A:Onesabottomfeedingscumsucker...andtheothersafish.
  296.  
  297. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  298.  
  299. üBabyjokes
  300. Ç
  301. Q:Whatis3fthighandcan'tturnroundoncorridors?
  302.  
  303. A:Ababywithajavelinthroughit'sneck.
  304.  
  305. ---===---
  306. Ç
  307. What'sthebestpartoffuckingatwo-yearold?
  308.  
  309. Hearingthepelvicbonesnap.
  310.  
  311. ---===---
  312.  
  313. Q:Whats16incheslong,hasapurpleheadandmakeswomenscream?
  314.  
  315. A:Cribdeath
  316.  
  317. ---===---
  318.  
  319. Q:Whatsthedifferencebetweenarockandadeadbaby?
  320.  
  321. A:Youcan'tfuckarock
  322.  
  323. ---===---
  324.  
  325. Q:Whatstheroughestpartaboutfuckingafouryearold?
  326.  
  327. A:Yougetbloodonyourclownsuit
  328.  
  329. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  330.  
  331. üDiversejokesÇ
  332.  
  333. Q:Howcanyoutellifyourlittlesistersstartedherperiods?
  334.  
  335. A:Yourdadsdicktaste'sfunny.
  336.  
  337. ---===---
  338.  
  339. Q:Whatdoyoucallablondsororitygirlstandingonherhead?
  340.  
  341. A:Abrunettewithbadbreath.
  342.  
  343. ---===---
  344.  
  345. Q:Whatdidthelepersaytothehooker?
  346.  
  347. A:"Keepthetip!"
  348.  
  349. ---===---
  350.  
  351. *Hearaboutthehookerwhohadanappendectomy?
  352. Thedoctorforgottosewherup,sonowshe'sdoingalittleworkon
  353. theside.
  354.  
  355. ---===---
  356.  
  357. Q:Whatdoesahookerdoifshe'snotinbedbymidnight?
  358.  
  359. A:Shegoeshome.
  360.  
  361. ---===---
  362.  
  363. Q:Whatdoesahookeralwayssayafterfinishingherwork?
  364.  
  365. A:"It'sbeenabusinessdoingpleasurewithyou."
  366. Ç
  367. ---===---
  368.  
  369. Mrs.Clintondecidedthatforthenextpoliticalrallyshewouldshave
  370. herpubichair.Astherallycametoaclose,shegotupinfrontofthe
  371. wholecrowd,droppedherpants,andsaid:'Readmylips,nomorebush!!'
  372.  
  373. Yuck!Yuck!
  374.  
  375. ---===---
  376.  
  377. Nurse:"Whyisthatoldmanstickingouthistongueandholdinguphis
  378. middlefinger?"
  379.  
  380. Doc:"He'sshowingmehissexualorgans."
  381.  
  382. ---===---
  383.  
  384. Q:WhatwerethefirstwordsAdamsaidtoEve?
  385. A:"Standback!Idon'tknowhowbigthisthing'sgonnaget!"
  386.  
  387. ---===---
  388.  
  389. Apriestgettingreadytohearconfessionssuddenlyrealizedthathe
  390. desperatelyhadtogotothebathroom.Helookedoutsidetheconfessional
  391. andsawthejanitorwalkingby.Hepulledhimasideandsaid,"Look,I
  392. reallygottagotothebathroom,butpeopleareliningupforconfession.
  393. Couldyoutakeoverintheconfessionalforafewminutes?"Thejanitor
  394. begantoprotest,butthepriestsaid."Look,it'seasy.Ihavethesins
  395. andthepenancewrittendownonthischartrighthere.Allyouhavetodo
  396. islookupthesinandgivethemthepenance.Noonewillknowit'syou
  397. inthere."Thejanitoragreedandtookhisplaceintheconfessional.
  398.    Thefirstparishionerenteredtheconfessionalandbegan"Blessme
  399. father,forIhavesinned.Ihavecommittedadultery."Thejanitorlooked
  400. onthechartandfound"Adultery-20HailMarys".Hemumbledsome
  401. forgivenesssoundingwordsandtoldtheparishionertosay20HailMarys.
  402. Theparishionerthankedhimandleft.Thejanitorbreathedasighof
  403. relief.
  404.    Thesecondparishionerentered."Blessmefather,forIhavesinned.I
  405. haveusedtheLord'snameinvain."Thejanitorlookeddownthelist
  406. "Lord'snameinvain-5HailMarys",andassignedthem.Thejanitor
  407. thought"Hey,Icandothis.Ijustmightgetawaywithit!"
  408.    Thethirdparishionerenteredandbegan,"Blessmefather,forIhave
  409. sinned.Ihaveengagedinanalsex."Thejanitorconsultedhischart,but
  410. couldfindneither"AnalSex",nor"Sex,Anal".Hebegantogetworried.
  411. Helookedoutoftheconfessionalandspiedanaltarboywalkingby.He
  412. motionedtheboyover.Inahushedvoice,hesaid"Tellmesomethingkid,
  413. whatdoesthepriestgiveforanalsex?".Thealtarboylookedathim
  414. quizzicallyandsaid,"Well,twotwinkiesandaglassofmilk."
  415.  
  416. ---===---
  417.  
  418. Q:WhatdoyoucallanAmericanwithabrain?
  419. A:Agrave-robber.
  420.  
  421. ---===---
  422.  
  423. WhatdoyoucallanItalianwithabrain?
  424. Anarchaeologist.
  425.  
  426. Ç---===---
  427.  
  428. Q:WhatdoyoucallcultureinItaly?
  429. A:LaFrancia.
  430.  
  431. ---===---
  432.  
  433. Q:WhatdoyoucallcultureinAmerica?
  434. A:TVGuide.
  435.  
  436. ---===---
  437.  
  438. WhatdoyougetwhenyoucrossanItalianandanAmerican?
  439. Anewsnetflamewar.
  440.  
  441. ---===---
  442.  
  443. Howdoyougetapolishwomanpregnant?
  444.  
  445. Cuminhershoesandletthefliesdotherest.
  446.  
  447. ---===---
  448.  
  449. Q:Whatdoesabananasaytoavibrator?
  450.  
  451. A:"Whatareyoushakin'for?!I'mtheoneshe'sgoingtoeat!"
  452.  
  453. ---===---
  454.  
  455.  
  456. Sothisguyiswalkingdownabeachsomewherewhenhehearsthislady
  457. crying.Hewwalksuptoherandseesshehasnoarmsorlegs.
  458.    "Whatswrong."Heasks.
  459.    "Well",shesays"I'vebeenlikethismywholelifeandeventhough
  460. I'vehadgoodfriends,I'veneverbeenkissed."Hescratcheshisheadfor
  461. aminutethengivesheranicefull-tonguekiss.
  462.    Afterthisshesmilesforaminuteandthenstartstocryagain.
  463. "Whatswrongnow?Wasntthatgoodenough?"Heasks.
  464.    "Ohitwasgreat,thanks,but(sobsob)IjustrealisedwhatI'vebeen
  465. missingandI'veneverbeenfucked."
  466.    Atthistheguystartslaughing,picksherupandhurlsheroutinto
  467. theocean."Nowyourfucked,bitch!"
  468.  
  469. ---===---
  470.  
  471. AbeautifulNorthAmericanblondewentonsafariinthejunglesof
  472. Guatemala,andherguideproceededtorapeherthoroughlyandleaveher.
  473. Shewanderedaroundhelpless,untilshewasfoundbytwoofthelocal
  474. inhabitants,bothmale.Theycleanedherup,gaveherclothes,food,and
  475. drink,andpersonallyescortedherbacktotheairporttomakesureshe
  476. madeitallright.
  477.    Shewantedtothankthem,andofferedtomakelovetobothofthem.
  478. Theybothimmediatelyandenthusiasticallyaccepted,whereuponshepulled
  479. outtworubbers.Shesaid"Pleasewearthis.Ifyoutakeitoff,then
  480. I'llgetpregnant.OK?"Theyagreed,andthenightwentgreat.
  481.    Thenextmorningsheleftandallthreewentonwiththeirlives.But
  482. amonthlater,onemanaskedtheother,
  483.    "EyPedro,yourememba'datchickdatscrewedus?"
  484.    "Sure,mon.Whatbouther?"
  485.    "IsitreallyDATimportanttoyouwhethershegetpregnantornot?"
  486. Ç   "No,why,man?"
  487.    "Well,Iwasthinkingofgettingthisthingshegavemeoffmy
  488. dick..."
  489.  
  490. ---===---
  491.  
  492. Guy'snotfellingwell,goestothedoctor.Doctorexamineshim,shakes
  493. hishead."Idon'tknow,"hesays."IthinkI'mgoingtoneedaurine
  494. sample,astoolsample,andasemensample."
  495.    "Here,"theguysays."Takemyunderpants."
  496.  
  497. ---===---
  498.  
  499. TheUnitedNationscommissionedastudytodeterminewhatthepurposewas
  500. oftheheadofthepenis.TheUnitedStates,France,andPolandwereto
  501. carryonindependantresearch.
  502.    Theresultsofthestudywerethefollowing:
  503.  
  504. TheUnitedStatesspent$4,000,000anddeterminedtheheadofthepenis
  505. wasforthepleasureofthemale.
  506.    Francespent$1,000,000anddeterminedtheheadofthepeniswasfor
  507. thepleasureofthefemale.
  508.    Polandspent$5.00foracopyofPlayboyanddeterminedtheheadof
  509. thepeniswastokeepyourhandfromslippingoff.
  510.  
  511. ---===---
  512.  
  513. Sothisdoctorinventsanamazingdevicethatheclaimscandiagnoseany
  514. diseasefromasimpleurinesample.Aguywithtenniselbowreadsabout
  515. itinthenewspaper,andthinks,"Howonearthcouldamachinediagnose
  516. tenniselbowfromaurinesample?"So,justtotestthedoctorout,he
  517. payshimavisit.Thedoctorhandshimasmallcup,andsays,"Takethis
  518. home,fillitup,andbringittomefirstthingtomorrowmorning."
  519.    Onthedrivehome,theguystartstofeelabitmiffedabouthow
  520. machinesaretakingovertheworld.Hedecidesthathe'llfixthisknow-
  521. it-alldoctorandhissmartassmachine.So,whenhegetshome,he
  522. urinatesinthecup.Thenhehashiswifeanddaughterurinateinthe
  523. cup,thenhegetshisdogtourinateinthecup.Thenhedrainsabitof
  524. engineoilfromhiscarintothecup,andlastlyhejacksoffintothe
  525. cup.
  526.    Thenextmorninghebringsitbacktothedoctor.Thedoctorleaves
  527. theroomtopresentittothemachine,andreturnsafewminuteslater
  528. withalengthypieceofpaper."Well,Mr.Jones,"thedoctorsays,"it
  529. wasatoughdiagnosis,butIthinkwe'vefinallygotit.Yourwifehas
  530. gonorrhea,yourdaughterispregnant,yourdoghasworms,yourcarneeds
  531. anewtransmission,andifyoudon'tstopjackingoff,you'renevergoing
  532. togetridofthattenniselbow."
  533.  
  534. ---===---
  535.  
  536. Aleperfindsoutthathehastwoweekstolive.Hedecidestogoallout
  537. andhaveafancydinneratanexpensiverestaurantbeforehegoes...
  538.    Hegoestotherestaurant,sitsdown,looksatthemenu,andcallsthe
  539. waitressover.Shewalksovertohim,andsays,"Yes,sir,mayItake
  540. your--"Shescreamsandrunsaway,clutchinghermouthandstomach.
  541.    Theleperisratherannoyed.Hewaitsacoupleofminutes,andthe
  542. waitressreturnstohistable.Shesays,"I'mverysorry,sir;thatwon't
  543. happenagain...Now,mayItakeyouror--"Shegroansandagainruns
  544. away,clutchinghermouthandstomach.
  545.    Theleperisveryannoyed.Hethinkstohimself,"Sheesh,you'dthink
  546. Çthatamancouldgetonedecentmealbeforeheleavesthisworld."He
  547. waitsafewminutes,andcallsthewaitressback.
  548.    Hesaystoher,"Lady,IknowthatIlookhorrible,butIhavetwo
  549. weekstolive,andI'dliketoenjoythelastdaysonEarththatIhave.
  550. Nowwouldyoupleasetakemyorderwithoutrunningaway?!"
  551.    Thewaitressreplies,"Sir,I'msorry...it'snotyou,but...it's
  552. thatguybehindyouwho'sdippinghisbreadinthebackofyourneck..."
  553.  
  554. [Bowanddashoffstagequickly]
  555.  
  556. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
  557.