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Text File  |  1992-10-07  |  11KB  |  196 lines
  1. 072030202050000144006004004010000
  2. 11
  3. 21
  4. F0110000001
  5. 9[..◆....◆......◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆.]0110
  6. üThepoweriswithus
  7. ÇbyGardEggesbøAbrahamsen
  8. withsomehelpfromFrodeSeljeseth
  9. andAsgeirOsnes
  10.  
  11. äAmongthepeoplewhoaccidentallyaretheoneswhohavebeendestinedto
  12. inhabitthisplanetineternity,therearestrangepeoplethatsmashour
  13. creativityandsteponourexistence.Still,wegoonyearningfortheir
  14. presenceinouremptylives.
  15.    Thesehumanoidsareimmortalandcarryapowerthatnoimmortalscan
  16. carry.It'sthepowerofinsanity.Thepowerofnonsense.
  17.  
  18. Beware.Someofthescenesinthisprogrammemaymaketheviewers
  19. explode,spreadinggutsandcerebralmatteralloveryourlivingroom.
  20. Trustus;itwilltakeagestocleanitup.
  21.  
  22. Wewillbeginbyintroducingamale.He'sacarrier.Oneofhiswishesin
  23. lifeistoseepeoplesufferaterribletime,listeningtoFineYoung
  24. Cannibals.Hisnamewillnotbementioned,buttypedonyourscreens.
  25. Yourscreenwillneedsomefinetuningtoseethesescenes.
  26. Ç
  27. Gard:Whatkindofanimalareyou?
  28. Frode:Iam15yearsold.
  29. Gard:Areyoutheonlyoneinthefamilywhohaslighthair?
  30. Frode:Mydadisquitefat.
  31. Gard:WhydoyoulikeHelloween?
  32. Frode:PinkFloydistheworstgroupI'veeverheard.
  33. Gard:Howoldareyou?
  34. Frode:Atsecondthought,IthinkIpreferspaghetti.
  35. Gard:Whyisyourflyclosed?
  36. Frode:Shit!Wasitopen?
  37. Gard:No.ButhowmanyrelativesdoyouhaveinYtreHerøy?
  38. Frode:DoIreallyhaverelatives?IthoughtIwasunique.
  39. Gard:Yes,youareauniquemaniac,butIthoughtofhowmanynon-
  40. relatives,really.
  41. Frode:Oneuncle,oneauntandfourcousins.
  42. Gard:Whyisthesunshiningoutside?
  43. Frode:Becauseitisraining.
  44. Gard:Eeeeeh?
  45. Frode:Yes.Youareright.
  46. Gard:Oops!Ihadtoputmyeyeback.(Plopp!)
  47. Frode:IthinkI'llsticktomyguns.
  48. Gard:Ah!Soyourfavouritefoodisn'tfish(Who'dguess?).Wheredoes
  49. yournon-relativesfishlive,then?
  50. Frode:Molde,Igesund,Grønhaug,Myklebust,Dragsund,Eggesbønes,
  51. Huldalen,Brattvåg,Hestøysund,HamarandItchuca.
  52. Gard:Whyisyourflystillclosed?
  53. Frode:Whothef...isopeningmyflyallthetime?
  54. Gard:Everybody.Butpleaseconcentrateonmyanswers,please.
  55. Frode:Gard?Mose,mose,mose!
  56. Gard:Whatageisn'tthenon-relativesfromHamar,Brattvåg,Itchuca,
  57. Huldalen,Molde,Grønhaug,Igesund,Hestøysund,Eggesbønesand
  58. Myklebust?
  59. Frode:Circa28years,circa26years,circa7years,circa5years,
  60. circa2yearsandcirca2months.
  61. Gard:Isee.Quiteinproductive.
  62. Frode:No.
  63.  
  64. äThepeoplewhocarrythePowerhavebeenknownastheNutties.Theyhave
  65. foundacountryinthenorthernpartofEarthandcreatedacountryfor
  66. äthemselves.Andthecountrywasnamedaftertheirmovementtowardsthe
  67. north.Theyhadcreated...Norway!Ç
  68.  
  69. Andersconsistsofmanystrangepartsthatusuallywouldmakeahuman
  70. being.However,someofthesepartsdon'tworkproperly.Especiallythe
  71. partshelikestouseneverseemtoworkashewantsthemto.Thisis
  72. becausehesometimesforgetstooilthem.
  73.    Letusstartwiththefeet.Hisfeetareshort.
  74.    Thenwehavethearms.Hisarmsareshort.
  75.    Thenwehavehisstomach.Hisstomachisshort.Itlikeshotdogswith
  76. onlyonestrokeofketchup.Neverburnt.Italsohasatendencyof
  77. yearningformorepizza,cookiesandcokeonly23hoursaday,rather
  78. thanthe24hoursadayoneshouldusuallyexpect.
  79.    Thenthereisthehead.Hisheadisshort.Iamsorryaboutthe
  80. complicationsinvolvedinthisdescription,buttheheadhastobesplit
  81. intoseveralotherparts:
  82.  
  83. Themouthisofthesortthatkeepstalking.Notthatthereisanything
  84. wrongabouttalking,buthismouthisveryspecial.Itisindependent
  85. fromthebrain.Imean,itkeepstalkingevenwhenheisdoingsomething
  86. quitedifferent,andhedoesn'tevenknowwhatheissaying.Buthe
  87. doesn'tworrymuchaboutthat,'causethemouthwon'tsayanything
  88. anyway.Imean,themouthalonewithoutthebrainwouldmanagetocreate
  89. aletterthatisevenemptierthantheaverageCL.I'mtalkingabout
  90. completenonsense!
  91.    Thenoseisalsoindependentfromthebrain,butitisconnectedto
  92. themouth.ThisiswhatmakesAndersscream"Yuppie!!!üPIZZAAAAÇ!"and
  93. thentherestofAndersdoesnothingaboutit.Also,connectedtothis
  94. systemis...
  95.    Theears.TheonlygoodthingaboutAndersisprobablyhistasteof
  96. music.Helikesthrash.So,ifAndersislisteningtomusicandhisnose
  97. sniffspizzaandheis"programming",hescreams"Yuppie!üPIZZAAAA!ÇShut
  98. up,dickhead!I'mprogramming!Pumpupthevolume,willyou.I'mhungry.
  99. üISAIDSHUTUP!!!Ç"
  100.    Thebrainisalwaysbusycoordinatingthefingerssothattheyhitthe
  101. wrongbuttonsonthecomputer.However,itisabsolutelyundisturbedby
  102. this.Theonlytimeitallowsinterruptioniswhentheairreceivesthe
  103. signal"potatocrisps",whichmakesthebrainforgetthekeyboardfora
  104. while.Instead,itwilldowhateveritcantogetthepotatocrisps.When
  105. thisisachieved,itwillcrunchthecrispsandpushitupthenosefor
  106. sniffing.
  107.    Anderswillthenreturntothekeyboard.
  108.    Thehairisalsoindependent.Itjustgrows,andonceinawhile,some
  109. strangercutsitoffbecauseitannoyshim/her.Thisisalsoachanceto
  110. askformoney.
  111.  
  112. äTheNuttiesareverymuchalikeVogons.Theyspeakalanguagenoone
  113. understands,andtheylovetowritepoems.Poemsthatmakemortalsdo
  114. anythingtoescapethedreadfulsoundsthatemergefromtheNutties'
  115. mouthastheyhappilyreadtheirpoemsoutloud...Ç
  116.  
  117.    Hey,whodoIseethere?
  118.    SomebodyI'veseembefore.
  119.    Yes,she'stheone.
  120.    We'llsitdownifwedare.
  121.    Haven'tIseenyoubefore?
  122.    We'llsitdownifwedare.
  123.    Coulditbetwoo'seven?
  124.    Oh!Maywesitdownthere?
  125.    MayIborrowyourchair?
  126. Ç   Excuseme,
  127.    IfImaysitonthatchair
  128.    I'llletyousitonmylap
  129.    We'llsitdownifwedare...
  130.  
  131. äTheNuttiesspreadtheircultureovertheirglobe,andwon'tletanything
  132. standintheirways.Andtheywilluseanywaytheycanfind.Nota
  133. singlesoulcanstoptheirmarchtowardsrulingtheworld.Nohumanoid
  134. norgodcanmakethemretreat.Intheend,theworldmustsurrender...Ç
  135.  
  136. "Excuseme!Couldanyonepleasetellmethetime?"
  137.    AlonelyfigurewalkedslowlyovertotheTVset,turneddownthe
  138. volumeandlookedatthepathetichumanoids.Theyallseemedtobeina
  139. sortofatrance.TheyjuststaredattheTVset,asifnothingelse
  140. matteredtothem.TV.TV.MoreTV.NorwegianTV.
  141.    "Excuseme,"hetriedagain,butonlyafewhusheswerereturned."I
  142. reallyneedtoknowthetime,"
  143.    Thepathetichumanoidscontinuedstaringintothehypnoticimagesthat
  144. wereflashingonthescreen.Flashingimagesfromthecountryofthe
  145. fjords.Thecountryofthemountains.ThecountryoftheGermantourists.
  146. Norwaywasthecountryofthegiants.Butnow,Norwaywasexpanding.
  147.    TheyhadbigplansforEurope."Europewillbecomeournewestfjord,"
  148. theysaid."We'lljustdigsomeoutofthecontinent,andwehavea
  149. fjord.Infact,ifwenukeit,wewillbothsavemoneyandtime.Itis
  150. thereforenecessarythatpeopleinHolland,Germany,Luxembourg,
  151. Liechtenstein,SwitzerlandandFranceshouldevacuateimmediately.
  152. Belgiumwillbesparedbecauseoftheirnicegreengrass."
  153.    "Excuseme,sirs,"hetriedyetanothertime,buttheguyswerestill
  154. hushinghim."Ineedtoknowthetime!"
  155.    TheTVcontinued."Themissilesaresettoblowoutournewfjordin
  156. tenminutes.Goodluck."Thepicturefadedaway.Ithadhappened.TheEEC
  157. hadbecomeapartofNorway,andNorwayhadboughtmostofthelandof
  158. theEEC.Therewasnoescape.TheyhadnowbecomeNorwegiancitizens...
  159.  
  160. äTheNuttiesarefanaticnon-believers.Atleastahandfulofthem.Their
  161. discussionsarehardtofollow,andnobodyhaveeverunderstoodwhatthey
  162. evertalkabout-excepttheNutties,ofcourse...
  163. Ç
  164. -Life'sabitch.Screwlife!
  165. -Well,weagree,then.Life'sashitwhenyoulookatit.
  166. -Ittasteslikeshitaswell...Icould'vegivencertainelementsa
  167. shortmessage:That'stheway,thewaytogo.Goforme,orgoto
  168. hell.
  169. -Gatheringvalues,standroundme.Unfairnessislife'smiddlename.
  170. -Shit!Ithoughtitwasthefirstname?
  171. -ThefirstnameIwillnotmention,asitwillharmthecomputerso
  172. muchthatitwillberuinedforgood.Andeitherway,we're
  173. predestined,thereisnohope.Ithasalreadybeendecidedwhenwe're
  174. supposedtodie,andhow.
  175. -AndthatNirvanaCDisüveryÇpredestined(Ithink).Itevenhasa
  176. "hiddentrack"likethe"hiddenreadmefiles"and"hiddenCL"andwe
  177. mustnotforgetthe"hiddensectors".
  178. ButthenitisalreadydecidedwhoI'mgoingtorape,too?AmIso
  179. predestinedthatIjustcanforgetaboutfindingmyselfafemale,
  180. becauseitalreadyhasbeendecidedthatI'mnotgoingtohaveone?
  181. -Youcan'tknowwhathasbeendecided,unlessyoumakecontactwith
  182. soulsontheotherside(spiritualism).
  183. -Butyoucanlookatthetendencies.Thegraphisastraightline,
  184. isn'tit?Orisitcurvedandverydifficulttoread?Whyhasmygraph
  185. beenonthenegativesidefor18.5years?
  186. Ç-Don'taskme.ButIdon'tthinkthatBSknowthatshewassuffering
  187. fromamuscularillnessthatwouldmakeherlamewhenshereaches30,
  188. beforeherdoctorstoldher.Sheprobablydidn'tknowshe'ddieat57,
  189. beforesomeoneaskedaguywhodiedahundredyearsago.
  190. -Well...Yea,exactly.CouldthesameguyfindoutifI'llhavea
  191. female,soon?
  192. -Ihavenoideaofwhoitwas,butIcantellyouhowtheydidit.
  193. -IüknowÇhowtheydidit,butIdon'thaveanyOuijaboard,andIdon't
  194. careaboutmakingone,either.
  195. -Butthefoodbreakiscomingupsoon...
  196.