Crazy Collection 1

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~1000 ************************TV MESSAGES ~1005 ~1010 ~1020T160 SHUT EXPAND CONSIDERABLY WITH FINAL The launch of the American space shuttle once again demonstrated VERSION AND NEW RANDOM EVENT their continued superiority in space technology. SCENARIOS ~1021T200 QUAK ROMANIA registers one of the worst earthquakes in the history of the nation. International aid is welcome. ~1022T300 SHUT The latest payload of the shuttle Discovery was said to contain experiments relating to space-based ABM weapons. ~1023T200 STOC The American Stock Exchange closed up today, after one of the longest downturns in its history. ~1024T200 SHUT The launch of another American space shuttle carrying an SDI satellite was announced today. ~1025T200 CRAN "The development of new coal mines in Siberia brought the first profits by the end of this year," TASS agency reported. ~1030T160 OILS LONDON announces new oil strike in the North Sea. This promises to be one of the richest finds in years. ~1031T200 OILS British PetrolCorp announced huge oil strikes in North Sea today. ~1032T100 COAL The workers of Ekibastuz coal basin exceeded the annual plans by 39%. The union leaders were awarded Orders of Lenin. ~1033T200 CRAN "The development of new coal mines in Siberia brought the first profits by the end of this year," TASS agency reported. ~1034T300 CARS The trade wars between the US and Japan continue. Washington announced new restrictions on imports of Japanese cars. ~1035T100 CARS The trade wars between the US and Japan continue. Washington announced new restrictions on imports of Japanese cars. ~1040T330 SDIW US announces major breakthrough in the Star Wars program. Laser aiming & super computers cited. ~1041T200 SPLI U.S. AND CANADA announce record wheat crops. New gene-spliced seed is a resounding success. ~1042T100 ROCK Tests continued on the new Peacekeeper ICBM, formerly known as the MX missile. Cost overruns are expected. ~1043T300 SHUT The launch of another American space shuttle carrying an SDI satellite was announced today. ~1050T230 TECH Japanese announce a new super- computer. Bioelectronic memory and cryochips bring major order of magnitude speed improvements. ~1051T100 STOC Western European coalition of capitalist nations has formed what they choose to call the United States of Europe. ~1060T320 SPLI U.S. AND CANADA announce record wheat crops. New gene-spliced seed is a resounding success. ~1061T200 SPLI U.S. AND CANADA announce record wheat crops. New gene-spliced seed is a resounding success. ~1070T230 TECH Japanese announce a new super- computer. Bioelectronic memory and cryochips bring major order of magnitude speed improvements. ~1071T300 STOC Mitsutoka Ltd of Tokyo announced acquisition of majority interest in NBC, ABC, CBS and CNN today. ~1072T200 STOC Japanese Oshimitsu Ltd announced acquisition of majority interest in Disneyland, five Reno casinos and a frozen tofu chain. ~1080T230 WORK U.S. LUNAR COLONY celebrates its 10th year with spectacular "space fireworks" display seen from much of the Earth. ~1081T100 WORK Garish fireworks displays were seen in space as the U.S. touts its lunar colony once again. ~1082T300 WORK We join our American brothers in celebrating the 10th year of the U.S. Lunar Colony. Cheers, Yanks! ~1090T330 ROCK Washington trumpeted their new Superpatriot missile firings. A new example of Western hostile intent. ~1091T200 SPLI U.S. AND CANADA announce record wheat crops. New gene-spliced seed is a resounding success. ~1092N200 Texas Fusion Inc announces new fusion drilling robot. Capable of 'vaporizing' a bore hole 5" wide, it should revolutionize the oil industry. ~1100N220 NEW LONGEVITY BREAKTHROUGH!! A combination of antioxidants, microenzymes and new hormone neutralizers perhaps increase life span by 20 to 30 percent. ~1101N100 U.S. takes credit for longevity breakthrough believed based on recent Soviet discoveries in microenzyme research. ~1110N310 THE KREMLIN -- its republics and Bloc Nations gone, joins the United States of Europe as the smallest member state. Future plans include turning the Kremlin into a movie complex and selling St. Basil's Cathedral to a major real estate developer for destruction. ~1120 **************NAMES FOR RANDOMIZING Alexei Sidorov Irina Petrova Boris Vasilyev G Semyonov Julia Kurakova Anatoli Serenko A Protopopov Pavel Zamyatin Andrei Vronski Boris Harlamov Anatoli Kurakov A Peskov Arkadi Shemyakin Ivan Maslov Valentin Kalashnikov Ivan Simonov Natalia Lisyanskaya N Vinogradski Pavel Maltsev Leonid Flotski Grigori Vakhromeev Oleg Bulba Maria Bronstein Nikita Chernyak B Vinogradski Leonid Peskov Ivan Petrov Vasili Nikitin Sergei Lysikov Alexei Dogayev Valentin Kudryavtsev Vladimir Novigradski Leonid Skvortsov Igor Pavlovich Borzyak Darya Maltseva Victor Mitko ~1190P760 ************************* ANECDOTES Some samples of street humor to give you a feeling of the mood out there. Cover letter for FYI humor to President A friend ~1191P700 2 Humor often tells more than a hundred official reports. A few bits of street humor are attached. A friend ~1192P700 The mood of your people can best be seen in humor. A friend ~1193P206 Official Security Review of current subversive 'street humor' is typified by the attached samples. ~1194L700 Thought you would find interest in these examples of current street humor. ~1195L700 See attached for recent street humor amongst our people. ~1200Y190 ==============================HUMOR Ivan, a farmer, finds a genie in a bottle. GENIE: What can I do for you? IVAN: My neighbor has a cow... GENIE: Say no more! I will give you a cow. IVAN: No, no, no! I want you to kill my neighbor's cow. ~1201Y100 Humor Strea SOVIET TEEN: Dad, can I have the car keys? SOVIET DAD: Don't lose them. We get the car in just seven years. ~1202Y100 Soviet diplomat enters a U.S. restaurant and is asked "How many in your party?" "About 32 million" he answers. ~1203Y100 'Can you work if you drink 3 vodkas in the morning?' 'SURE.' 'Can you work with 5 vodkas?' 'YOU BET!' 'How about 7 vodkas?' 'I GOT HERE THIS MORNING' DIDN'T I?' ~1204Y100 How many Jews are in Russia? Several hundred thousand. How many want to leave? Four hundred million! ~1205Y100 What is 100 meters long and eats cabbage? The line in front of a Soviet meat market. ~1206Y100 A babushka enters a store and asks for a dozen eggs. The man at the counter says, "No, no, no. You have the wrong store. We have no meat. The store up the block has no eggs!" ~1207Y100 'If things go on like this, we will be reduced to begging!' 'Who the hell from?' ~1208Y100 'When did the first Soviet-style elections take place?' 'When God made Eve and told Adam 'choose any wife you want.'' ~1210Y190 ==============================HUMOR Determined to avenge the hours spent in endless lines, a Soviet housewife grabbed her soldier husband's pistol and headed for the Kremlin. When she got there, she found a line. ~1211Y100 Humor Stream #2 After Chernenko's funeral there was a phone call to the Kremlin: I want to be General Secretary! ARE YOU CRAZY? Yes. Also old, senile and very sick -- I'm perfect, yes? ~1212Y100 Old man with a terrible memory problem finds himself standing on the street holding an empty shopping bag, and thinks... 'Have I been to the store yet or not?' ~1213Y100 Soviet farming is so advanced that we can now sow our wheat in Russia and harvest it in the United States. ~1214Y100 A Red Square parade starts with troops, then tanks, then planes, then nuclear missiles, and then finally a small group of men in suits. 'Who are those guys?' 'The State Planning Commission! They're the most destructive thing we've got!' ~1215Y100 Commisar: Our living conditions have improved substantially. Worker: Good. Now what about OUR living conditions? ~1216Y100 How come Armenia has a Navy when it's not even near an ocean? So what? Moscow has a Ministry of Culture, doesn't it? ~1217Y100 AMERICAN DOG: I hear things are getting better. SOVIET DOG: Yep. The food dish is still empty, but now we have a longer leash and they let us bark. ~1218Y100 'What is a string quartet?' 'The Moscow Symphony after a trip to the West.' ~1220Y190 ==============================HUMOR 'Doctor, I don't feel well.' 'Hell, who does?' ~1221Y100 Humor Strea A western trade union delegation visiting a Soviet factory asks: 'How many people work here?' 'About a third. Maybe less on Mondays.' ~1222Y100 1ST ROMANIAN: 'The Soviets gave us a new trade agreement.' 2ND: 'What's it say?' 1ST: 'We give them our wheat and in return they take all of our oil.' ~1223Y100 'Did you ever wonder what would have happened if Khrushchev had been shot instead of Kennedy?' 'One thing's for sure -- Onassis would never have married Mrs K!' ~1224Y100 TEACHER: Do you all have pictures of Lenin on the wall? GIRL: My family does! BOY #1: Mine too! BOY #2: We don't. They live near the walls. We live in the center of the room. ~1225Y100 Asked of a small Soviet Boy: 'Who is your father?' 'THE COMRADE PRESIDENT.' 'Who is your mother?' 'THE SOVIET UNION.' 'What do you want to become?' 'AN ORPHAN!' ~1226Y100 A Czech stands at the edge of a cliff saying: '31, 31, 31...' Attracts curious Soviet soldier who says: 'Why 31, 31, 31?' Czech pushes soldier off cliff and says: '32, 32, 32...' ~1227Y100 Brezhnev says to Kosygin: 'Did you see the beautiful watch Nixon gave to Ceausescu?' Kosygin says: 'No. Show it to me.' ~1228Y100 'My wife has been going to cook- ing school for three years.' 'She must really cook well.' 'No, they've only reached the part about the Great October Socialist Revolution so far.' ~1230Y190 ==============================HUMOR The Berlin Wall was a resounding success. In almost forty years Humor Stream # 4 not one person has escaped into East Berlin. ~1231Y100 So, what do you think of Pravda? No damned good. The paper is too thick. It keeps clogging up the toilet. ~1232Y100 If we took 20 atomic bombs in 20 suitcases into the U.S., we could defeat them! You're crazy. Where would you get 20 suitcases? ~1233Y100 With Communism, every worker will have his own helicopter! WHAT ON EARTH FOR? Don't be dumb. To fly over to Yaroslav. They have potatoes there! ~1234Y100 What sort of society have we built? A SOCIALIST PARADISE. What did we have before that? SAUSAGE, COOKING OIL, SUGAR, POTATOES... ~1235Y100 Could we introduce Socialism into the Sahara Desert? Sure, but then in a few years we'd have to figure out how to solve the sand shortage. ~1236Y100 Last year we produced 1000. This year 10000, and next year over a million! FANTASTIC! WHAT ARE THEY? 'Out of Order' signs. ~1237Y100 Communism is like being blind- folded, in a dark room, chasing a black cat that isn't there, while shouting 'I've got it!' ~1238Y100 At a meeting, Peskov asks: 'Where is all the meat?' The next week Peskov asks: 'Where is all the bread?' The week after Flotski asks: 'Where is Peskov?' ~1240Y190 ==============SOV PROPAGANDA FILLER Dzhezkazgan Collective named "Forward to Communism!" has exceeded all local contribution norms with generous donations to the Returning Veterans Charities. ~1241Y100 Propaganda Stream #1 Caviar exports again set records. ~1242Y100 Interkosmos VII satellite series begins launch preparations. A testimonial to Soviet technology, satellites will be used only for peaceful civilian research. ~1243Y100 The art auction by Sothby's in Leningrad resulted in much money for use in museum improvements. ~1244Y100 Moscow's Palace of Youth held a 'Festival of Socialist Art' with exhibits by Maximov, Novozhenov, Seleznev and others of note. ~1245Y100 A "Litsedei" Experimental Theater production of "Optimistic Tragedy" was greeted with much fanfare as this unusual street group continues their successes. ~1246Y100 The Pushkin Poetry Festival was again held in numerous locales throughout the Republics. ~1247Y100 War veterans are required to pay only half the normal income tax. Those invalids while carrying out their duties need pay no tax at all, and receive Zaporozhets mini cars free. ~1248Y100 The All-Union Young Pioneer Or- ganisation helps almost twenty million youths with educational cultural and recycling activity. ~1260F319 ===================MILITARY TOO LOW Afghan rebel forces crossed our borders. Our troop strength too TO TEST: 1.Set weapons to $300, run low to patrol effectively. Much 2.Set weapons to $175, run damage to Kara Kum Canal complex 3.Set weapons to $140, run with drop in cotton, produce and grain to be expected. (~1260 thru ~1280) ~1265F319 Much ethnic unrest among troops as cutbacks take effect and the morale drops. Military strength being significantly weakened. ~1270T110 BORD ------------------------------[TV] Iran annexes a weakened Iraq. A new combined state, Iranraq, is CHAIN: Iran/Iraq takes Sov south a very potent military force. Msg #1 ~1271F319 Cutbacks have reduced ability to adequately defend southern Msg #2 borders against Iranraq threat. There is much danger! ~1272F319 Iranraq invades Turkmenistan! Msg #3 Fierce fighting along Khodzha to Dushak line. We cannot hold! ~1273F319 Iranraq annexes Turkmenistan, Msg #4 Uzbekistan and Tajikistan as New Iranraq Federation. ~1280F226 ----------------------------------- Kirghizia and Kazakhstan form Moslem coalition and secede. Military presence too weak to prevent. Wheat and wool loss to be expected. ~1300F117 =======ENVIRONMENT TOO LOW/TOO LONG There is now only a sea of dust. We know of no way to replenish the waters, plants, or fish. We Aral Sea lost find pollution, lung ailments, cancer increase. CHAIN: Msg #1 ~1301F216 ................................... Citizens rioting in protest of death of Sea. Many crops were burned. Now under control, but Msg #2 expect negative GNP effects. ~1305F310 ------------------------------- Russia's famed Lake Baikal has died from overpollution. Excess industrial and irrigation use Lake Baikal lost brought about its downfall. ~1310F117 ----------------------------------- Beloyarsk Breeder Reactor #202 reported Level One Containment Chernobyl #2 Alarm! No longer able to make contact. CHAIN: Msg #1 ~1311F319 ................................... Over flights of Beloyarsk Reactor plant show severe damage. Smoke and flames make close inspection impossible. ~1312F114 ................................... Years of neglecting safety and construction research have now brought us this environmental Msg #3 and social tragedy. There will be major effects on production, health and world opinion. ~1320F113 =============R & D POSITIVE EFFECTS Research breakthroughs in shale oil extraction bring increases Increases export VA 5% in our petroleum export profits. ~1321F118 We are pleased to inform Comrade President that our hydroelectric Increases prod VA 5% generation research has brought both production & trade increase. ~1322F111 Our new Cattle Cloning Facility now produces commercial quantity Increases food 9% beef the entire year around. Our food production rises by 8-10%. ~1323T117 CONF [TV] Soviet Academy of Sciences shows new AIDS vaccine to world health CHAIN: Msg #1 community at Geneva conference. ~1324P415 The Nobel Committee has informed us that they are awarding this Msg #2 year's Nobel Prize in Medicine to the Soviet research team that perfected our new AIDS vaccine. Foreign relations reach new high. ~1325F118 Our new ENERGI Marine Robots are performing beyond expectation in undersea mining and aquaculture. Increases Raw Matl 7% We should see steady increases in food and raw materials. ~1326F117 Our SOLARA Zero Gravity Manufac- turing Facility is now in orbit. Production of exotic items such Increases export VA 7$ as medicines, crystals, bearings and integrated circuits should increase export profits 5-10%. ~1330N100 Boris Yeltsin said today that 'the time has come to act boldly in the cause of Rodina. We can no longer wait for the Kremlin to make changes.' ~1331N200 Boris Yeltsin proclaimed today that 'The Kremlin moves like a snail in the struggle to improve the lot of the Soviet citizen. It must act! Act now!' ~1332N300 Boris Yeltsin stated today that 'The Soviet waits for food, waits for clothes, shoes, waits even for salt and bread. He is tired of waiting.' ~1333N100 Boris Yeltsin asked today 'Why has there been so little progress from Moscow? Why does it take so long for promises made by the Kremlin to be kept? Why, Comrade President?' ~1334N200 Boris Yeltsin proclaimed today that 'There must be immediate effort toward a free market system. We deserve bread and shoes -- not more Kremlin speeches!' ~1335N300 Boris Yeltsin complained today that 'The West has cars and TV. We do not even have potatoes for our tables. The free market, Comrade President! The free market!' ~1336N100 Boris Yeltsin proclaimed today that 'The Republics have a sovereign right to decide their fate and their affiliations. They, not Moscow, must decide.' ~1337N200 Boris Yeltsin said today that 'The situation continues to erode as Moscow plays us the the same worn tunes. There must be immediate privatization of factories and farms if we are to progress and prosper.' ~1338N300 Boris Yeltsin demanded today that 'Civil rights are not something we only hear about on Western television. Our citizens must see sweeping reforms in Soviet laws and in the courts. Even if this means that Western plague - lawyers.' ~1339N100 Boris Yeltsin said today that 'Private ownership cannot be put off any longer. Our economy can only survive if we begin to use that much feared word CAPITALISM without cringing at the sound!' ~1350T227 DEAD ===================RANDOM EVENTS #2 Bioresearch accident with virus experiments at the Novosibirsk Science accidents Science Center. Infection is now under control. Many scientists (Research $ reduced 15%) in all disciplines perished. ~1351F117 Nuclear-fueled rocket accident at Kapustin Yar Cosmodrome. The contamination now under control but hundreds of scientists and technicians lost or injured. ----------------------------------- ~1360T144 QUAK Richter 7.9 earthquake in Crimea GNP detractors causes severe damage and loss of life. We estimate 5 to 10% loss Decreases prod VA 7% in GNP production for the year. ~1361F114 Blight decimates Uzbek cotton crops. Consumer goods loss is Decreases Mfg $ 5% expected. ~1362T318 COAL Soviet coal miner strike conti- Decreases Raw Matl $ 7$ nues as coal-fired power plants begin to shut down. GNP loss in the 10% range can be expected. ~1363T114 LOAD The West's 'trade wars' continue Decreases prod VA 5% to plague our economy. Equipment imports delayed or canceled. We can expect reduced GNP this year. ~1370L112 ----------------------------------- Your original Transportation budget figure was unpardonably Bureaucratic error entered in error by a Transport Ministry clerk. Reprimands have been issued. Please enter your new Transport budget at your convenience. ~1380P128 =========================ALCOHOLISM Our long-standing alcoholism problem grows worse. As our overall economy slows, the average worker turns to the Overall < 2 bottle for comfort. ~1381P216 Our Alcohol Control Program is meeting with resistance. Citi- zens find drink no matter what restrictions are in place. The root of the problem lies in the lines, shortages, problems and difficulties of daily life. ~1400P510 =========================ENDGAME #2 Your military buildup, hostile diplomacy and trade practices WARNING: (Alternate to ~0950-0961 are unacceptable. If you persist, we will be forced to seek United Mil $/posture/For Rels/ Dipl Nations sanctions and embargoes. posture all too hostile ~1410P410 ----------------------------------- Since you did not cease your provocative military & trade ENDGAME: Sanctions in place actions, U.N. sanctions are Economy crippled. in effect among a 46-nation coalition. CHAIN: Msg #1 ~1411T212 ECON ................................... U.N. sanctions stop all import and export activity. All USSR assets abroad are frozen. We CHAIN: Msg #2 are effectively isolated and crippled. ~1412T210 PARL ................................... Moscow announces ouster of USSR President by unanimous vote of CHAIN: Msg #3 Council. U.N. repeals sanctions. ~1420T320 STAR =================PEACE TALKS/DISARM U.S./Soviet disarmament talks end in sweeping agreements to Foreign Rels > 4 reduce arms, and end cold war. Weapons $ < $250 ~1421T110 STAR Soviet-American talks agree to Transfers $100 from weapons to reduce arms. Peace dividend is agriculture/goods/transportation etc. realized in USSR economy upturn. ~1430F123 ============EXPORT QUALITY IMPROVES The quality of our export goods now rivals US/Japanese/German Goods rating > 5 levels. Export profits increase accordingly. Increases export VA 5% per point ~1431F113 Goods rating exceeds 5 Recent improvements in quality of our goods will increase our export profits significantly. ~1440L112 ====================FUNDS SHORTAGES As Republics grow disillusioned with conditions, many refuse to Overall < 3, with low KGB $ and fully fund Kremlin budgets. We liberal policies. are forced to reduce Transport, Food, Raw Materials and Manu- facturing budgets by 5%. ~1450L117 =============================EXODUS We grow concerned as many of our Overall < 3, low KGB $, liberal top scientific minds choose to policies leave for the West. Our research programs are slowing measurably. Decrease research $ by 15% ~1455L216 Jewish emigration is now a flood. Flights for Israel and America are booked months in advance. ~1460L319 Exodus of border populations is Above conditions plus low Mil $ now many thousands per day as conditions worsen. There are not enough troops to stop the flood. Decrease population by 5% Armenia, Ukraine, Byelorussia particularly hard hit. ~1500L23 =======================BLACK MARKET Black market activity increases in all major cities. Only harsh Overall < 3, low KGB$, low discipline or improved State Police $, liberal policies production can help. ~1501L213 Increase waste by 3% for each Our Black Market Elimination point CitSatis drops below 3 Program of limited value. We cannot keep up with endless trickery and deceit patterned on West's 'Mafia' and on Hong Kong's 'Triads.' ~1502L213 Substantial portion of State production goes directly into Black Market channels. We can slow but not stop the losses. Almost everyone is in or buys from illegal market channels. ~1550P425 **************SPECIAL WIN SCENARIOS Our strides in diplomatic, trade and civil rights areas will make Western assistance corresponding strides in economy possible. West sends management Diplo/TypeGovt/MilPosture/Trade and technology teams. Production Posture/CivRts high enough, long value added increases! enough ~1551P510 We are encouraged by cooperative Increase prod VA, decrease waste attitudes the USSR is exhibiting recently. We are pleased to send management and technology teams to work with Soviet counterparts in advancing your economy. ~1570L127 ----------------------------------- Global warming and changes in Eurasian weather patterns are Global warming increasing our growing season by 5-7% a year. If trend con- Random, 1 chance in 300 (every tinues, we will soon be the 10 games) after year 2000 'breadbasket of the world.' ~1571L113 Food up 6% year till total Our food exports continue to increase 100% increase at 5-7% annual rate due to global warming effects on our growing season. ~1590T220 NUKE -------------------------------[TV] Middle East a ferment of war and hostility following the OPEC breakdown CHAIN: Msg #1 breakdown of OPEC and Arab League. Oil output slows to Random, 1 chance in 300 (every a trickle. Prices skyrocket. 10 games) plus Raw Materials high ~1591T100 VALD enough. The breakdown of Arab oil has left us 'czars of Oil' as the CHAIN: Msg #2 West calls us. Our export for the year will show a sizable windfall. ~1600P410 ----------------------------------- Japanese Trade Ministry shows interest in a 'Timber/Minerals Japan Trade Alliance CHAIN: Msg #1 Trade Alliance.' They propose to fund, build and run. We, in Trade/Diplo policy ok, Overall > 4 turn, are to lease them huge Siberian tracts. Profits split. ~1610T112 CRAN ...............................[TV] The RTR (Russia/Japan Raw Ma- terials Alliance), or ROGER as CHAIN: Msg #2 the West calls it, is a huge success. We have become the Increase Export $ and VA OPEC of minerals and timber. Export profits have increased impressively! ~1650T200 GULF 0 NEW VIDEO CAPTIONS----------- Allied forces continue to build up in the Gulf as the U.N. deadline for Iraqi withdrawal from Kuwait approaches. ~1651T300 SDIW 1 The US today announced a major breakthrough in the Star Wars nuclear defense program using super computer technology. ~1652T100 DEAD 2 Outrage grows among Soviet citizens as the death toll in Afghanistan mounts. ~1653T200 DEFE 3 Soviet border patrols are growing more and more tense as the movement for open emigration gains momentum. ~1654T300 PARL 4 Boris Yeltsin caused a stir in the Central Committee today criticizing Conservative members for opposing reforms. ~1655T100 FIST 5 Boris Yeltsin made an appearance today in Red Square. Thousands turned out to show their support. ~1656T200 PARA 6 Demonstrators in Moscow today called for the release of Andrei Sakharov, the Nobel Laureate turned political dissident. ~1657T300 ECON 7 The food shortage is looking grim as more citizen are forced to wait in line each day for basic food supplies. ~1658T100 CHER 8 Swedish scientists today detected abnormal amounts of radiation which appeared to have originated in the Soviet Union. ~1659T200 VIOL 9 Outbursts of ethnic violence in Armenia and Azerbaijan have grown into a religious war. Numerous deaths have occurred. ~1660T300 LENI 10 Soviet citizens have taken to the streets and destroyed statues of Lenin who has come to symbolize of their failed ideals ~1661T100 QUAK 11 The world was shocked today by the news of a disasterous earthquake which devastated Armenia leaving thousands dead. ~1662T200 TIAN 12 Outcries for democracy in China were violently suppressed resulting in a brutal massacre of student protesters. ~1663T300 COAL 13 Coal workers across the country rejoiced at the news of their victory in the fight for improved working conditions. ~1664T100 CONF 14 A widespread outbreak of AIDS in Russia is becoming more of a threat as national health declines. ~1665T200 OILS 15 Increased spending on raw materials development paid off today as Moscow announced a huge oil strike in the Black Sea. ~1666T300 SPLI 16 Moscow announced a breakthrough in gene-splicing technology which promises to vastly improve wheat production. ~1667T100 CRAN 17 The Soviet budget was reportedly severely overbudgeted this year. ~1668T200 SMOG 18 One undesirable side effect of Soviet industrial growth is beginning to show as the skies of Moscow grow grey with smog. ~1669T300 TECH 19 The Bureau of Technology recently announced the first personal computer designed and built in the Ukraine. ~1670T100 WORK 20 Moscow presented a tribute to your new regime today with a fireworks display. ~1671T200 BUDG 21 Soviet citizens are losing hope as the months of food shortages grow into years. ~1672T300 CARS 22 The president today announced an increase in imports to meet the Soviet demand for automobiles. ~1673T100 YUGO 23 The Soviet army has reportedly suffered numerous casualties while attempting a unilateral pull-out of Afghanistan. ~1674T200 BERL 24 Crowds cheered today as the Berlin Wall was demolished and the new open emigration policy became a reality. ~1675T300 COUP 25 The world was shocked today by scenes of tanks surrounding the Kremlin as the news spread of a military takeover in Moscow. ~1676T100 ELEC 26 Soviet citizens voted today in the first popular elections in six decades. ~1677T200 FLAG 27 Protestors in Red Square challenged the new glasnost policies by burning Soviet flags and Emblems. ~1678T300 STAR 28 The president signed the INF Treaty today in Washington D.C. banning all mid-range nuclear missiles. ~1679T100 BORD 29 The president vowed to keep his commitment to the Afghan government and maintain the war effort at its current level. ~1680T200 RIOT 30 The president today amidst a growing crisis agreed to send Warsaw Pact troops into strife- torn Poland to keep the peace. ~1681T300 RIOT 31 The president today declared martial law in the strife-torn Nagorno-Karabakh region of Azerbaijan. ~1682T100 RIOT 32 Declaring that the nation would not be held up by counterrevolu- tionary extortionists, the president sent in the riot squad. ~1683T200 RIOT 33 Soviet troops and artillery rolled into the capitals of our military allies amidst rumors of unrest in the Eastern Bloc. ~1684T300 PROT 34 Armed Soviet troops were sent into the streets yesterday to try to calm the rioting citizens. ~1685T100 PROT 35 Soviet troops took up positions along the borders of the Baltic republics to enforce sanctions imposed by the president. ~1686T200 PROT 36 The president declared martial law in the Baltics yesterday and imposed a strict curfew on Baltic residents. ~1687T300 POPE 37 The president's arrival at the Vatican today marked the first meeting ever between the Pope and a Soviet leader. ~1688T100 BUDG 38 Citizens reacted bitterly today to the news that the president would be limiting the amount of alcohol available to the public. ~1689T200 BUDG 39 The Soviet Treasury has reportedly gone bankrupt. ~1690T300 CORN 40 The president ordered the distribution of private plots to 1 million families today. ~1691T100 LOAD 41 Emergency imports of food were shipped in today to provide temporary relief from our persistent shortage. ~1692T200 STAR2 42 The president signed the his- toric START Treaty today in Washington D.C. banning all long-range nuclear missiles. ~1693T300 OILS2 43 LONDON announces new oil strike in the North Sea. This promises to be one of the richest finds in years. ~1800T100 RIOT Moscow announced today the ouster of the president in a vote of no confidence led by conservative factions. ~1801N200 The President of the Soviet Union was removed from office today after his excessive nuclear buildup caused NATO to issue a vehement protest. Soviet military leaders took him into custody to protect the nation from destruction. ~1802F319 The Kremlin has been overthrown by China! All is lost! ~1803F319 The Kremlin has been overthrown by Iranraq! All is lost! ~1804L119 Comrade president, The Kremlin celebrates your glorious retirement. You have led this nation succesfully for over three decades! ~1999ææææ LAST LINE æææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææææ 1075 -- ~9999 ENDENDENDEND