PC Online 1998 September/PCO_0998.ISO/filesbbs/dos/afx_511.exe/COOKIE.TXT

Text File | 1998-02-15 | 53.5 KB | 1,748 lines

... comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

... modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.

... an unbiased opinion is always absolutely valueless.

... did you write the words, or the lyrics?

... either one of us, by himself, is expendable.  Both of us are not.

... everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

... first secure an independent income, then practice virtue.

... there's never a good time to score an own goal.

... those who think they know it all, often upset those of us who do.

... you don't get once-in-a-lifetime offers like this every day.

... Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.

... Computers run on faith, not electrons.

... Everyone has his day, and some days last longer than others.

... For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.

... Go on, be yourself!  There isn't anyone better qualified.

... Have a nice day ...somewhere else.

... I'm famous.  That's my job.

... If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

... In the long run, we are all dead.

... It works better if you plug it in.

... 42? -- 7 and a half million years and all you can come up with is 42?!

... A University without students is like an ointment without a fly.

... A Vulcan can no sooner be disloyal than he can exist without breathing.

... A bachelor never makes the same mistake once.

... A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

... A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.

... A child of 5 could understand this!  Fetch me a child of 5.

... A city is a large community where people are lonesome together

... A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

... A closed mouth gathers no foot.

... A closed mouth gathers no foot.

... A closed mouth gathers no foot.

... A communist is a socialist without a sense of humour.

... A communist is one who has nothing and wishes to share it with the world.

... A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

... A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.

... A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

... A crises is when you CAN'T say let's forget about the whole thing!

... A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

... A critic is a man who knows the way, but can't drive the car.

... A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.

... A damn good funeral is still one of our best and cheapest acts of theatre

... A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?

... A day without sunshine is like night.

... A diplomat is a man who thinks twice before saying nothing.

... A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

... A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

... A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain..

... A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.

... A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

... A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

... A fast has no real nutritional value.

... A feature is a bug with seniority.

... A fertile imagination is no compensation for vasectomy.

... A fool must now and then be right by chance.

... A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

... A good man dies when a boy goes wrong.

... A great deal of money is never enough once you have it.

... A group of the unfit appointed by the unwilling to do the necessary.

... A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.

... A husband is what is left of a man after the nerve is extracted.

... A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

... A jury -- twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

... A liberal is a conservative who's been mugged by reality.

... A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

... A liberal is a man who leaves the room when a fight begins.

... A lie can be half way round the world before the truth has got its boots on.

... A lie is an abomination unto the lord and a very present help in trouble.

... A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.

... A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.

... A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

... A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

... A mixture of admiration and pity is one of the surest recipes for affection.

... A modest man is usually admired - if people ever hear of him.

... A motor will rotate in the wrong direction.

... A oscillator will oscillate at the wrong frequency ...if it oscillates.

... A pnp transistor will be an npn.

... A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!

... A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

... A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

... A really busy person never knows how much he ways.

... A rolling stone gathers momentum.

... A rolling stone gathers momentum.

... A seeming ignorance is often a most necessary part of worldly knowledge.

... A self-starting oscillator won't.

... A sense of decency is often a decent man's undoing.

... A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head!

... A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

... A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard.

... A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths a statistic.

... A specified environmental conditions will always be exceeded.

... A stockbroker is someone who invests your money until it is all gone.

... A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.

... A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.

... A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.

... A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

... A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

... A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her.

... A woman should have compassion. Kirk, Catspaw, stardate 3018.2.

... AI programmers only think they do it

... ALIMONY:  The cost of leaving.

... ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!...Tension breaker, had to be done.

... Academic rivalries are so intense because the stakes are so small.

... Activity is the politician's substitute for achievement.

... Advertising is legalized lying.

... Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

... After a degree of prettiness, one pretty girl is as pretty as another.

... After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

... After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

... Ah! Mozart. He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

... Ahh! Come on Erick, just this one last little feature!

... Ahh! Come on Gerard, just this one last little feature!

... Ahhhhhhhh,                     I forget what I was going to say.

... Alas! The poor Tagline. I knew it well.

... Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

... Alimony: Bounty after the mutiny

... Alimony: The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.

... All Americans lecture... I suppose it is something in their climate.

... All great discoveries are made by mistake.

... All great discoveries are made by mistake.

... All right, so I like spending money!  But name one other extravagance.

... All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door.

... All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.

... All turtle thoughts are of turtle.

... All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

... All work and no play make Jack a dull boy and Jill a wealthy widow.

... All's well that ends.

... Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.

... Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune.

... Always forgive your enemies - nothing else annoys them as much.

... Always mistrust a subordinate who never finds fault with his boss.

... Ambition is the curse of the political class.

... Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.

... America never lost a war or won a conference.

... Americans like fat books and thin women

... Among economists, the real world is considered to be a special case.

... An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

... An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last.

... An argument is where two people are trying to get the LAST word in FIRST!

... An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than the truth

... An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.

... An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.

... An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

... An idea that is dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.

... An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.

... An instantaneous power-supply crowbar circuit will operate too late.

... An object never serves the same function as its image- or its real name.

... An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a fountain pen.

... An optimist is someone who thinks the future is uncertain.

... An oyster is a fish built like a nut.

... Another dream that failed.  There's nothing sadder. Kirk, stardate 3417.3.

... Answers: $1, Short: $5, Correct: $25, dumb looks are still free.

... Any club that would accept me as a member, I wouldn't want to join.

... Any safety factor set as a result of practical experience will be exceeded.

... Any stigma is good enough to beat a dogma with.

... Anyone can get old.  All you have to do is live long enough.

... Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.

... Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist needs his head examined!

... Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.

... Anything anybody can say about America is true.

... Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough!

... Anything that keeps a politician humble is healthy for democracy.

... As a boy, he swallowed a teaspoon.  And he hasn't stirred since.

... Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

... Autobiography is now as common as adultery - and hardly less reprehensible.

... Average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top.

... BACHELOR: A man who never makes the same mistake once.

... BEWARE - Tagline Thief in this echo

... BROOK'S LAW: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

... Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch!

... Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (F)#@K it!

... Be an individualist.  He who follows another is always behind.

... Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

... Beat inflation - steal!

... Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.

... Beauty is transitory.  Beauty survives. Spock and Kirk, stardate unknown.

... Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability

... Bedfellows make strange politicians.

... Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on.

... Behind every successful man is an astonished mother-in-law.

... Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.

... Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.


... Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

... Beware of all enterprises requiring new clothes.

... Birth is the beginning of death.

... Black holes are outa sight!

... Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.

... Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the crap.

... Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

... Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.

... Blessed be he who is called a big wheel, for he goeth around in circles.

... Bosses come and bosses go, but a good secretary lasts forever.

... But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?

... But, He has not one redeeming vice.

... Buy Land Now.  It's Not Being Made Any More.

... By annihilating desires you annihilate the mind.

... By the time most of us have money to burn, our fire's gone out.

... California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.

... Celibacy is not hereditary.

... Chicken Little was right.

... Children are a comfort in old age, and they will even help you reach it.

... Civil engineers do it behind schedule

... Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.

... Civilization is a movement, not a condition; it is a voyage, not  a harbour.

... Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

... Click...click...click...damn, out of taglines!

... Committee work is like a soft chair...easy to get into but hard to get out of.

... Committees: A group that takes minutes and wastes hours.

... Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.

... Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.

... Communism is the opiate of the intellectuals.

... Components that must not and cannot be assembled improperly will be.

... Confidence is the feeling you had before you knew better.

... Confound these ancestors... They've stolen our best ideas!

... Conistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

... Conscience gets alot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

... Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

... Constipation is the thief of time.  Diarrhoea waits for no man.

... Construct a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to.

... Could you continue your petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.

... Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready...

... Counting time is not so important as making time count.

... Crisis management works beautifully until an actual crisis occurs.

... Culture is what your butcher would have if he were a surgeon.

... DOS never says EXCELLENT command or filename...

... Da trouble wit computers is, dey got no sense of humor.

... Dachshunds are really small crocodiles with fur.

... Database administrators do it with their relations

... Dead people are cool

... Death is hereditary

... Death is mother nature's warning to slow down.

... Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing.

... Degeneration and evolution are not the same thing.

... Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.

... Democracy is too goo to share with just anybody.

... Deny thy father and forget thy tagline.

... Desperate diseases require desperate remedies.

... Die, my dear doctor?  That's the last thing I shall do.

... Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

... Diogenes is still searching.

... Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.

... Diplomacy is the art of saying Nice doggie! till you can find a rock.

... Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

... Distrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.

... Distrust your first impressions; they are invariably too favorable.

... Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.

... Do what you will with this tagline, just don't bother me about it!

... Docs? Why would I want to look at the Docs. Nurses are better :)

... Documentation - The worst part of programming.

... Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

... Don't go to work, there's a lot to do.

... Don't hit me, Mr. ModeratorI'll go back on topicI swear!

... Don't jump on a man unless he's down.

... Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.

... Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.

... Double your pleasure, Double your fun.  Xerox your pay-cheques.

... Drop your carrier ...we have you surrounded!

... Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends

... Easter is cancelled this year.  They've found the body.

... Ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo ...

... Education can cause a woman's uterus to shrivel.

... Elevators smell different to midgets

... England has civilization but no culture.

... Every instructor assumes you have nothing to do but study for his course.

... Every living thing wants to survive. Spock, stardate 4731.3.

... Every revolutionary ends up either by becoming an oppressor or a heretic.

... Every woman is a rebel, and usually in wild revolt against herself.

... Everybody has a right to pronounce foreign names as he chooses.

... Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter much since nobody listens.

... Everybody should believe in something:  I believe I'll have another drink.

... Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away.

... Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.

... Extinction is the ultimate fate of all species.

... Extreme boredom serves to cure boredom.

... Extreme sorrow laughs; extreme joy weeps.

... Extremely happy and extremely unhappy men are alike prone to grow hard-hearted.

... Eye witnesses were on the scene in minutes.

... Facts cannot prevail against faith, or adamant folly.

... Failure has gone to his head.

... Failure is a measurement that depends on the standard applied.

... Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude. Spock, stardate 3219.8.

... Fashion: There'll be little change in men's pockets this year.

... Fear is no great respecter of reason.

... Federal Employment Principle:   Confusion creates jobs.

... Feed the wolf as you will; he will always look to the forest.

... Fifty-eight per cent of all cars coming into Britain are imported.

... File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting.

... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

... Finagle's Sixth Law:  Do NOT believe in miracles -- rely on them!

... Finagle's first Law:  If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

... First Law of Socio-Genetics:  Celibacy is not hereditary.

... Fools belittle that which they do not understand. Cynics belittle everything.

... Footprints in the sands of time are never made by sitting down.

... For a man of fortitude, there are no walls, only avenues.

... For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

... For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

... For many people, homeless simply means not having a home.

... Free are those who dream dreams.

... Free the indianapolis 500.

... Freedom is for everyone. Or no one.

... Freedom of the press is limited to those who have one.

... Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.

... Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your taglines!

... Fun, fun, fun, til her daddy takes her GoldED away!

... Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

... Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.

... Get too many irons in your fire and you'll put it out.

... Give me an example of pro and con. Progress and Congress.

... God can't alter history, so he created historians.

... God has Alzheimer's disease; he's forgotten that we exist.

... God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

... God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.

... God is alive- he just doesn't want to get involved.

... God is dead.  But don't worry - the Virgin Mary is pregnant again.

... God is not dead.  He is alive and autographing bibles today at Waterstones.

... God made everything out of nothing. But the nothingness shows through.

... Golf is a walk, spoiled.

... Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.

... Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

... Government corruption seems always to be reported in the past tense.

... Graphics recorders will deposit more ink on humans than on paper.

... Gravity doesn't exist, the earth sucks.

... Gravity doesn`t exist: the earth sucks.

... HANGOVER: the wrath of grapes.

... HE has not a single redeeming defect.

... Half Moon tonight.  (At least its better than no Moon at all.)

... Half of conversation is listening.

... He had but one eye and the popular prejudice runs in favour of two.

... He is all fault who has no fault at all.

... He knew everything about literature, except how to enjoy it.

... He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain.

... He was a man, all and all, I shall not look upon his like again.

... He who dies with the most TAGLINES wins!

... He who dies with the most toys, wins!

... He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.

... He who laughs, lasts.

... He who ploughs a straight furrow, is probably in a rut.

... He's dead Jim.  You take his phaser, I'll take his wallet!

... Heads will have to roll!

... Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

... Heavy, adj.:  Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.

... Heisenberg may have slept here

... Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

... Hello, he lied.

... Help a swallow land at Capistrano.

... Help fight continental drift.

... Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!

... Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.

... Heresy is only another word for freedom of thought.

... Hey!  Who took the cork off my lunch??!

... Hindsight is an exact science.

... Hindsight is an exact science.

... Hire the morally handicapped.

... His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open.

... His eyes are so bad, he has to wear contact lenses to see his glasses.

... History tends to exaggerate.

... Homosexuality must be hereditory -- most gays have heterosexual parents.

... Honeymoon - the morning after the knot before.

... Hope is a good breakfast, but a bad supper.

... How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?

... Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.

... Husbands are like fires.  They go out if unattended.

... Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

... Hypochondriac: someone who enjoys bad health.

... I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!

... I belong to no organized party - I am a democrat.

... I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make them up!

... I can remember when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.

... I can't promise anything but I can promise 100%.

... I do not often attack the labour party.  They do it so well themselves.

... I don't deserve this, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

... I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

... I don't make jokes.  I just watch the government and report the facts.

... I don't think it's any less important for not being terribly important.

... I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

... I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

... I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

... I have a new philosophy.  I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

... I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!

... I knew I was an unwanted baby.  One of my bath toys were a toaster.

... I know a good tagline when I steal one.

... I like a man who grins when he fights.

... I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

... I look better on a woman!

... I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise.

... I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

... I must apologise to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.  "What?"

... I must follow them.  I am their leader.

... I never knew a girl who was ruined by a good book.

... I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I

... I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.

... I only know two tunes.  One is 'Rule Brittania' -- and the other isn't.

... I only touch base with reality on an as-needed basis!

... I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!

... I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.

... I reserve my abuse for lower life forms, like Civil Servants.

... I say we nuke the site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

... I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.

... I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

... I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.

... I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

... I used to be schizophrenic, but we're alright now.

... I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.

... I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

... I want to be what I was when I started to be what I am now.

... I was brought up in a clergyman's house so I am a first-class liar.

... I wish the Government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

... I wonder if we ccan speak through rose-tinted spectacles.

... I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

... I'll tell you one fact - it may be rather boring but it's interesting.

... I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.  I can only tell the truth.

... I'm afraid to die.  I just don't want to be there when it happens.

... I'm at that age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

... I'm frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life.

... I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way.

... I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.

... I'm not the one that misplaced the Deltivid asteroid belt!

... I've already got a female to worry about.  Her name is the Enterprise.

... I've always been a bit maturer that what I am.

... I've found a great way to start the day - I go straight back to bed!

... I've got Parkinson's disease.  And he's got mine.

... I've got a memory for faces, but in this case I'll make an exception.

... I've got ten pairs of training shoes, one for every day of the week.

... I've had enough of gardening - I'm just about ready to throw in the trowel.

... If I had been present at creation, I would have given some useful hints.

... If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said No.

... If a circuit cannot fail, it will.

... If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

... If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

... If everything seems easy, you have obviously overlooked something.

... If it was a bet, you wouldn't take it.

... If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!

... If little else, the brain is an educational toy.

... If man were immortal, do you realise what his meat bills would be?

... If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

... If people don't want to come to the ball park, nobody's going to stop them.

... If they liked it, they didn't applaud - they just let you live.

... If this is dying, I don't think much of it.

... If you become a success, you don't change - everyone else does.

... If you can count your money you don't have a billion dollars.

... If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.

... If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.

... If you don't go to people's funerals, they won't come to yours.

... If you feel strongly about graffiti, sign a partition.

... If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

... If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.

... If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

... If you've seen one REDWOOD tree, you've seen 'em all.

... If you've seen one city slum, you've seen them all.

... Ignorance is no excuse-it's the real thing.

... Ignorance is the mother of research.

... Illiterate?  Write Today for Free Help.

... Illiterate?  Write for FREE HELP!

... Illiteratets of the wlord.  Untie!

... Immortality consists largely of boredom. Zefrem Cochrane, stardate 3219.8.

... Immortality--a fate worse than death.

... In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

... In comparison, there's no comparison.

... In every revolution, there's one man with a vision. Kirk, stardate unknown.

... In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place.

... In some cases non-violence requires more militancy than violence.

... In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.

... Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

... Insufficient facts always invite danger. Spock, stardate 3141.9.

... Insults are effective only where emotion is present.

... Interchangable devices won`t.

... Interchangeable parts won't.

... Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.

... Intuition, however illogical, is recognized as a command prerogative.

... Is man one of God's blunders or is god one of Man's blunders?

... Is the US ready for self-government?

... Is truth not truth for all? Natira, stardate 5476.4.

... It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.

... It is a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.

... It is a well known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

... It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

... It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

... It is illegal to make liquor privately, or water publicly.

... It is impossible to please the whole world and your mother-in-law.

... It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

... It is more rational to sacrifice one life than six. Spock, stardate 2822.3.

... It is necessary to have purpose. Alice #1, I, Mudd, stardate 4513.3.

... It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.

... It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearances.

... It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is not hers.

... It requires a very unusual mind to make an analysis of the obvious.

... It takes a long time to understand nothing.

... It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.

... It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good  impromptu speech.

... It was completely quiet in the stadium - but noisy.

... It was such a lovely day, I thought it was a pity to get up.

... It works better if you plug it in.

... It would be illogical to assume that all conditions remain stable.

... It would be illogical to kill without reason. Spock, stardate 3842.4.

... It's a can of wormms full of Pandora's boxes.

... It's always the OVERtakers who keep the UNDERtakers busy.

... It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.

... It's important that I NOT know.

... It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.

... It's so true to life it's hardly true.

... Its not the size of the ship, its the size of the waves.

... Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by, not simplifying.

... Just a little thoughtfulness brings alot of happiness.

... Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

... Ketterling's Law:  Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.

... Kettle, plug, fridge, milk, coffee. Yawn.

... Landru!  Guide us!

... Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

... Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

... Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

... Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

... Let me then switch tacks and change horses in midstream.

... Liberals are a Labour-saving device.

... Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.

... Life and death are seldom logical. But attaining a desired goal always is.

... Life is a hereditary disease.

... Life is a sexually transmitted disease

... Life shouldn't be printed on dollar bills.

... Line noise provided by British Telecom and Mercury!

... Living with a saint is more gruelling than being one.

... Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.

... Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache

... Love is a long term investment, not a quick return loan!

... Love is being willing to share your toothbrush with someone else.

... Love is like the measles - all the worse when it comes late in life.

... Love is like war: easy to begin, but very hard to stop.

... Love is what you've been through with somebody.

... Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:  There is always one more bug.

... MONEY TALKS...but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

... Make no little plans. They have no Magic to stir Men's blood.

... Many Myths are based on truth. Spock, stardate 5832.3.

... Many people think Joan of Arc was immortal, but she did in fact exist.

... Marie-Joseph?  It's a lovely name!  It just sounds silly, that's all.

... Marriage is a great institution - no family should be without it.

... Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

... Marriage is not a word but a sentence.

... Marriage: the price men pay for sex.  Sex: the price women pay for marriage.

... Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.

... Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

... Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.

... Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.

... Mathematicians have to PROVE they can do it

... May you live all the days of your life.

... Me no wanna goto work.  Me wanna bang on keyboard!

... Men and women are two different species, descended from different animals.

... Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

... Men will always be men -- no matter where they are.

... Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs.

... Menu:    A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.

... Message from God: Universe rebooting in 5 sec.  Please log out.

... Midgets simply belittle.

... Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!  - Bart Simpson

... Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

... Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.

... Miss Stove seems to be going off the boil.

... Mistrust first impulses, they are always good.

... Moderation is a fatal thing - nothing succeeds like excess.

... Modesty died when clothes were born.

... Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.

... Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.

... Money can't buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.

... Money is a sixth sense without which you cannot make use of the other five.

... Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

... Money isn't everything, usually it isn't even enough.

... Mongo LIKE Candygram.

... Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

... Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

... Morality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married.

... Morality is the attitude we adopt to people whom we personally dislike.

... Most legends have their basis in facts. Kirk, stardate 5029.5.

... Most self-made men worship their creators.

... Most women loathe limericks, for the same reason that calves hate cookbooks.

... Mother Nature is a Bitch.

... Music is essentially useless, as life is.

... My hard disk is full! Maybe I'll try this message section thing.

... My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.

... My other computer is a 486.

... My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...

... Nationalise crime, and make sure it doesn't pay.

... Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

... Never drink black coffee at lunch.  It will keep you awake in the afternoon.

... Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting.

... Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.

... Never marry a man who hates his mother because he'll end up hating you.

... Never return a kindness---pass it on!

... Never try to out-stubborn a cat.

... Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

... New Mail not found.  Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N)

... No good deed goes unpunished.

... No hand signals.  The driver of this car is a convicted arab shoplifter.

... No more blah, blah, blah! Kirk, Miri, stardate 2713.6.

... No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

... No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

... No one can guarantee the actions of another. Spock, stardate unknown.

... No one hates a job well done!

... No one wants war. Kirk, Errand of Mercy, stardate 3201.7.

... No woman can shake off her mother.  There should be no mothers, only women.

... Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

... Nostalgia is OK, but it's not what it used to be.

... Not ignorance, but ignorance of ingnorance, is the death of knowledge.

... Not one hundred percent efficient, of course ... but nothing ever is.

... Not tonight honey, ...I feel a modem coming on.

... Nothing I have found is factual, except the bits that sound like fiction.

... Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.

... Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

... Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

... Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

... Now is the time for all good men to come to.

... Nursing Law:  All the IV trees are at the other end of the hall.

... OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!

... Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.

... Old age is life's parody.

... Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way.

... Old?  The only thing that kept it standing was the woodworm holding hands.

... Omens are there to be broken.

... On a clear disk you can seek forever.

... One child is not enough, but two are far too many.

... One does not thank logic. Sarek, Journey to Babel, stardate 3842.4.

... One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.

... One good turn gets most of the blanket.

... One has the right to be wrong in a democracy.

... One of the freedoms of the English is the freedom from culture.

... One of the minor pleasures in life is to be slightly ill.

... One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I'm having a good time.

... One was more wise than the other.

... Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

... Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.

... Opportunity: A favourable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

... Organization is the enemy of improvisation.

... Organization is the enemy of improvisation.

... Peace was the way. Kirk, The City on the Edge of Forever, stardate unknown.

... Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the game is.

... Please don't ask me what the score is. I'm not even sure what the game is.

... Pohl's law:  Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.

... Predestination was doomed from the start.

... Preparation, knowledge, and discipline can deal with any form of danger.

... Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional)

... Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.

... Professionals build the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.

... Pros are those who do their jobs well even when they don`t feel like it.

... Pros are those who do their jobs well, even when they don't feel like it.

... Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it

... Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.

... QWK? I don't need no stinkin' QWK packet!

... RADICAL: A conservative out of a job.

... RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory

... RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure!

... RCs come and RCs go, but a good NC lasts forever!

... Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.

... Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN.

... Real knowledge is to know the extent of ones ignorance.

... Reality is for people who can't cope with their drugs.

... Religions change; Beer and Wine remain.

... Remind me never to put off until tomorrow the things I've already put off

... Renegade Tagline!!  We're tired of Being Kidnapped!!!  REBEL!!!!!

... Respect is a rational process. McCoy, The Galileo Seven, stardate 2822.3.

... Revolution is the opiate of the intellectuals

... Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls!!

... Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics.

... SENILE.COM found...Out of Memory...

... Save Water, Shower With A Friend

... Save fuel.  Get cremated with a friend.

... Scepticism is the beginning of faith.

... Schizophrenia divides and rules, OK?

... Schizophrenia rules.  OK.  OK.

... Scratch a lover and find a foe.

... Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.

... Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.

... Send in competition answers with your name, age and how old you are.

... Several excuses are always less convincing than one.

... She drowned at the end of her life.

... So Carol, you're a housewife and mother.  And have you got any children?

... Some men are discovered; others are found out.

... Some men are discovered; others are found out.

... Some of the crowd have decided to voice their opinion by staying away.

... Some people confuse boredom with security.

... Some things have got to be believed to be seen.

... Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.

... Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

... Sometimes a man will tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor.

... Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.

... Sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

... Spaceballs: The Tagline

... Spring is God's way of saying, One more time!

... Spring---an experience in immoratality.

... Success is a public affair.  Failure is a private funeral.

... Success is being nothing but a quote.

... Success is one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.

... Success usually comes to those too busy to look for it.

... Superior ability breeds superior ambition. Spock, stardate 3141.9.

... TACT: The ability to make guests feel at home when you wish that they were!

... Tag line thievery's fun ...On to the next Geraldo!

... TagLine support contract for renewal. Ignore this if you've already paid.

... Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

... Take what you can use and let the rest go by.

... That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.

... That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.

... That unit is a woman. A mass of conflicting impulses. Spock and Nomad

... The Coarse Golfer: One who has to shout 'Fore' when he puts.

... The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.

... The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes

... The English never forgive a man for being clever.

... The Falklands war was a quarrel between two bald men over a comb.

... The God's play games with men as balls.

... The House of Lords has a value ... it is good evidence of life after death.

... The House of Lords is a model of how to care for the elderly.

... The House of Lords is a perfect eventide home.

... The OFFICIAL tagline of the 1996 Olympics!

... The Russians are going forward, more in hope than optimism.

... The art of communicating with a woman is to hear what she doesn't say.

... The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.

... The best number for a dinner party is 2.  Myself and a damn good headwaiter.

... The bigger they are...the harder they hit.

... The body of a dead enemy always smells sweet.

... The brain is as strong as its weakest think.

... The cause of problems are solutions!

... The champion has retired after eight undefeated victories.

... The cure for admiring the house of lords is to go and look at it.

... The deceased should be preserved by electroplating them.

... The earth is a hollow shell and we live on the inside.

... The families of one's friends are always a disappointment.

... The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilisation.

... The four stages of man are: infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

... The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.

... The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too long.

... The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.

... The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.

... The house of Lords is the British Outer Mongolia for retired politicians.

... The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.

... The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift.

... The mistake you make is in trying to figure it out.

... The most delicate component will drop.

... The most popular labour-saving device today is still a husband with money.

... The nicest thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

... The older you get, the more important is is not to act your age.

... The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.

... The one way sure to conciliate a tiger to allow oneself to be devoured

... The only good government ... is a bad one in a hell of a fright.

... The only tool diplomacy has is language. Hodin of Gideon, stardate 5423.4.

... The poor man.  He's completely unspoiled by failure.

... The public is wonderfully tolerant.  It forgives everything except genius.

... The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.

... The quickest way to make your own anti-freeze is to hide her nightie.

... The rich will do anything for the poor but get off their backs.

... The sight of death frightens them [Earthers].

... The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.

... The things most people want to know are usually none of their business.

... The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

... The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them.

... The true statesman is the one who is willing to take risks.

... The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places.

... The truth is NOT always dressed for the evening.

... The unnatural, that too is natural.

... The wages of sin are unreported.

... The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

... The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless.

... The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls.

... The worst thing about censorship is ██████████.

... The writer does the most who gives the reader the most

... There are always alternatives. Spock, The Galileo Seven, stardate 2822.3.

... There are certain things men must do to remain men.

... There are no answers, only cross-references!

... There are no atheists in the foxholes.

... There are some things worth dying for. Kirk, Errand of Mercy, stardate 3201.7.

... There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them

... There is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.

... There is an order of things in this universe. Apollo, stardate 3468.1.

... There is more to life than increasing its speed.

... There is much to be said for failure.  It is more interesting than success.

... There is no greater loan than a sympathetic ear.

... There is no such thing as a nonracial society in a multiracial country.

... There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court.

... There they are, every colour of the rainbow: black, white, brown.

... There's little worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.

... There's no intelligent life down here.

... There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government

... There's nothing moister.  Than an oyster!

... They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...

... Things too stupid to be spoken are sung.

... Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.

... This BBS has achieved Air superiority.

... This tagline is SHAREWARE!  To register, send me $10

... This tagline's just for you.

... This was a reminder of an unforgettable voice -- wossisname! you know?

... Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.

... To a friends' house, the road is never long.

... To be natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.

... To die is landing on some distant shore.

... To eat is human; to digest divine.

... To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

... To know the world one must construct it.

... To live is always desirable. Eleen the Capellan, stardate 3498.9.

... To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

... To my embarrassment, I was born in bed with a lady!

... To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

... To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.

... Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.

... Today's extravagance becomes tomorrow's necessity.

... Tolkien is hobbit-forming.

... Training a child is more or less a matter of pot luck.

... Treat her like a lady and she'll always bring you home.

... True love is when you spend £50 for an operation on a £5 dog.

... Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.

... Typographers rule, OQ

... Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.

... Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.

... Use it up ... Wear it out.  Make it do ... Or do without.

... Variables won`t; constants aren`t.

... Virtue is a relative term. Spock, Friday's Child, stardate 3499.1.

... Voluteers are being given fake placebos.

... Vulcans worship peace above all. McCoy, Return to Tomorrow, stardate 4768.3.

... WARNING!  Removal of this tagline prohibited by law!

... WWhhaatt  ddooeess  dduupplleexx  mmeeaann??

... Wait!  You have not been prepared! Mr. Atoz, stardate 3113.2.

... Waiter, this chicken's rubbery!  Oh, fank you velly much!  More fly lice?

... Want to have some fun?  Walk into an antique shop and say, What's new?

... War is never imperative. McCoy, Balance of Terror, stardate 1709.2

... War will cease when men refuse to fight.

... We Are Open Seven Days A Week, Including Sundays.

... We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.

... We have met the enemy and he is us.

... We have phasers; I vote we blast 'em!

... We never know whether we are victors or whether we are defeated.

... We now return to our regularly scheduled flame-throwing.

... We should weep for men at their birth, not their death.

... We think he's dead, but we're afraid to ask.

... We're free people.  We belong to no one. Kirk, stardate 3259.2.

... What a man needs in gardening is a cast iron back with a hinge in it.

... What do you mean? You actually read this Tagline?!?

... What he doesn't know would make a library anybody would be proud of.

... What is moral is what you feel good after.

... What is the Latin for office automation?

... What's a cult?  It just means not enough people to make a minority.

... What?!? This isn't the Files section?!?

... Whatever it is, it won't work.

... Wheat was given to us by extraterrestrials called the Manu.

... When Eve arrived, this was no longer a man's world.

... When GOD made women, he was only testing.

... When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

... When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.

... When it's three O'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.

... When one connects a 3-phase line, the phase sequence will be wrong.

... When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

... When two Englishmen meet their first talk is of the weather.

... When you dial a wrong number, you NEVER get a busy signal.

... When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

... When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

... When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

... When your work speaks for itself, don`t interrupt.

... Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.

... Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk?

... Whosoever diggeth a pit shall falleth therein.

... Why risk a hangover?  Stay Drunk!!

... Winning isn't the end of the world.

... Witch!  Witch!  They'll burn ya! Hag, stardate unknown.

... Without followers, evil cannot spread. Spock, stardate 5029.5.

... Woman is one of nature's more agreeable blunders.

... Woodpecker's, like British Telecom, have long bills.

... Xerox your life.  If you lose it, you'll still have a copy.

... Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again. - L. Long

... You can drink 'em pretty, but can you drink 'em young?

... You can tell when politicians are lying...They move their lips.

... You can tune a piano, but you can`t tuna fish.

... You can't evaluate a man by logic alone. McCoy, I, Mudd, stardate 4513.3.

... You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.

... You keep saying that, I don't think it means what you think it means

... You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

... You!  What PLANET is this? McCoy, stardate 3134.0.

... You'll never walk alone with schizophrenia.

... You're too beautiful to ignore.  Too much woman. Kirk to Yeoman Rand

... You've got to miss them to score sometimes.

... Young gorillas are friendly but they soon learn.

... Youth doesn't excuse everything. Dr. Janice Lester stardate 5928.5.