F0000 Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open.
f0000 Every Titanic has its iceberg.
F0000 An honest politician: One who stays bought.
F0104 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
F0105 What`s the most popular form of birth control? The headache.
F0106 Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
F0107 Whatever advice you give, be brief.
F0108 He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
F0109 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0110 If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
F0111 When in doubt, make it sound convincing.
F0112 A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
F0113 When all else fails, read the directions.
F0114 If your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
F0115 If reality wants to get in touch with me, it knows where I am.
F0116 When forced to choose between two evils, try the new one.
F0117 No one wants advice--only corroboration.
F0118 If you want to stay young-looking, pick your parents very carefully.
F0119 Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
F0120 If a ferret bites you it is nearly always your own fault.
F0121 Painting is easy when you don't know how, but very difficult when you do.
F0122 Don't forget to swing hard, in case you hit the ball.
F0123 Always pee before a long car trip.
F0124 Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
F0125 The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.
F0126 If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
F0127 Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
F0128 Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey.
F0129 Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
F0130 Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it.
F0131 No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
F0201 Every human being comes equipped with a brain at no extra cost.
F0202 To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
F0203 To save one life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
F0204 To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult, to criticize the competent.
F0205 There`s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
F0206 There`s at least one fool in every married couple.
F0207 There is always someone worse off than yourself.
F0208 The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
F0209 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
F0210 Statistics are often used as a drunk uses a light pole: For support rather than illumination.
F0211 The golf swing is like sex; you can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you're doing it.
F0212 All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
F0213 The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
F0214 Never buy at the bottom, and always sell too soon.
F0215 Never lose your sense of the superficial.
F0216 Life is like a sewer--you get out of it what you put into it.
F0217 It's possible to love a human being if you don't know them too well.
F0218 Look wise, say nothing, and grunt: speech was given to conceal thought.
F0219 A man who desires to get married should know everything or nothing.
F0220 Don't accept rides from strange men--and remember that all men are as strange as hell.
F0221 Money isn't everything as long as you have enough.
F0222 Playing the violin must be like making love--all or nothing.
F0223 Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent to me.
F0224 A cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.
F0225 One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears -- by listening.
F0226 Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
F0227 If you can't keep up, drag them down to your level.
F0228 In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.
F0229 Happiness seems to require a modicum of external prosperity.
F0301 The plural of spouse is spice.
F0302 The only rose without thorns is friendship.
F0303 The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn`t.
F0304 The light of a hundred stars doesn't equal the light of the moon.
F0305 He who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
F0306 The hardest thing to do is to disquise your feelings when sending a large crowd of visiting relatives home.
F0307 The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
F0308 The best prophet of the future is the past.
F0309 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
F0310 The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
F0311 All you need to be assured of success in this life is ignorance and confidence.
F0312 There never was a good war or a bad peace.
F0313 When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
F0314 He gets on best with women who has learned to get on without them.
F0315 Don't take yourself too seriously. And don't be too serious about not taking yourself too seriously.
F0316 Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
F0317 When a thought is too weak to be expressed simply, simply drop it.
F0318 It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
F0319 Play well, or play badly, but play truly.
F0320 Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
F0321 Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of its tail.
F0322 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
F0323 It's wiser to be kind than to be wise.
F0324 If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like child, everything usually works out pretty well.
F0325 If you drink enough wine, it doesn't matter how bad it is.
F0326 Never wear anything that panics the cat.
F0327 Never eat more than you can lift.
F0328 He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
F0329 Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
F0330 Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
F0331 The little white ball won't move 'til you hit it, and there's nothing you can do after it's gone.
F0401 The average woman would rather be beautiful than smart because the average man can see better than he can think.
F0402 That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.
F0403 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
F0404 Someone is speaking well of you.
F0405 Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
F0406 No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting.
F0407 Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
F0408 The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
F0409 If you step on people in this life, you're going to come back as a cockroach.
F0410 Always tell the truth--it's the easiest thing to remember.
F0411 Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.
F0412 Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
F0413 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
F0414 To lead the people, walk behind them.
F0415 It is necessary to relax your muscles whenever you can. Relaxing your brain is fatal.
F0416 It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.
F0417 If at first you don't succeed, you may be at your level of incompetence already.
F0418 A little bit of perfume doesn't hurt you if you don't drink it.
F0419 In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
F0420 Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are she believes it.
F0421 Nothing is good in moderation. You cannot know good in anything until you have torn the heart out of it by excess.
F0422 Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
F0423 Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
F0424 No one is ever old enough to know better.
F0425 Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it.
F0426 Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
F0427 There are two theories on hitting the knuckleball. Unfortunately, neither of them works.
F0428 If you see a snake, just kill it--don't appoint a committee on snakes.
F0429 A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.
F0430 A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches fifty, and a fool if he doesn't drink afterward.
F0501 Some men are discovered; others are found out.
F0502 Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
F0503 When all is said and done, too many people keep on saying and doing.
F0504 Fame is proof that people are gullible.
F0505 We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
F0506 No really great man every thought himself so.
F0507 There is as much greatness in acknowledging a good turn, as there is in doing it.
F0508 Beware of hip and rum drivers.
F0509 Home to a young boy is merely a filling station.
F0510 Early to rise and ditto to bed, make a man healthy, but socially dead.
F0511 Beware the man who can't be bothered with details.
F0512 Nothing beats reading a good book when there is work to do.
F0513 While forbidden fruit may be sweeter, it spoils faster.
F0514 You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear, Wise is when you know which half to believe.
F0515 A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
F0516 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
F0517 If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
F0518 Never contend with a man who has nothing to lose.
F0519 If the following foursome is pressing you, wave them through and then speed up.
F0520 To fall in love with yourself is the first secret of happiness. I did so at the age of four-and-a-half. Then if you're not a mixer you can always fall back on your own company.
F0521 One should only see a psychologist out of boredom.
F0522 There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
F0523 Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse.
F0524 You can't be happy with a woman who pronounces both "d's" in Wednesday.
F0525 It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.
F0526 Never be haughty to the humble. Never be humble to the haughty.
F0527 Stand not too near the rich man lest he destroy thee -- and not too far away lest he forget thee.
F0528 When seeking love give nothing, Having found love give all.
F0529 If you ever find yourself on the ground, just make a noise like a carrot and your horse will come running back to you.
F0530 In gallant trim the gilded vessel goes, Youth on the bow, Pleasure at the helm.
F0531 If she had lumbago she couldn't sing a note.
F0601 Show affection, it will probably meet with pleasant response.
F0602 Share your happiness with others today.
F0603 She`s learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time trying to put into words.
F0604 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
F0605 People will buy anything that`s one to a customer.
F0606 Ours is a world where people don`t know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
F0607 One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
F0608 One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
F0609 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
F0610 Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
F0611 Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
F0612 No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
F0613 Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
F0614 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
F0615 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
F0616 Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
F0617 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
F0618 Many a family tree needs trimming.
F0619 Man and wife make one fool.
F0620 Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
F0621 Make new friends but keep the old, One is silver the other gold.
F0622 Make a wish, it might come true.
F0623 Love is sentimental measles.
F0624 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
F0625 Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
F0626 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
F0627 Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
F0628 The heart is wiser than the intellect.
F0629 May the force be with you.
F0630 It`s a poor workman who blames his tools.
F0701 It`s clever, but is it art?
F0702 It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
F0703 It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man`s life.
F0704 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
F0705 If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
F0706 If you make a mistake, immediately fix it to the best of your ability.
F0707 If you continually give you will continually have.
F0708 Quit work and play for once.
F0709 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
F0710 I`ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
F0711 The orator speaks, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
F0712 He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
F0713 He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
F0714 He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
F0715 He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
F0716 He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another`s mishap.
F0717 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
F0718 Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
F0719 By following the good, you learn to be good.
F0720 Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear through.
F0721 An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
F0722 The picture of health requires a happy frame of mind.
F0723 All who would win joy must share it, happiness was born a twin.
F0724 No one is so happy or sad as he imagines.
F0725 Every anarchist is a baffled dictator.
F0726 An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.
F0727 He cannot rule the great who cannot rule the small.
F0728 No facts are sacred, none are profane.
F0729 Faith will not die while seed catalogs are printed.
F0730 Public speaking takes a two minute idea, and a two hour vocabulary.
F0731 All work and no play makes jack. And lots of it.
F0801 God gives us relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.
F0802 Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
F0803 Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
F0804 Everything bows to success, even grammar.
F0805 Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
F0806 Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
F0807 Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
F0808 Behind every argument is someone`s ignorance.
F0809 Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
F0810 A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a fool can see from a mountain top.
F0811 Fear is the tax that conscience pays to guilt.
F0812 Only the doctor can suffer from good health.
F0813 Communism will work when love, not greed, inspires it.
F0814 Democracy will continue as long as people have faith in the people they are going to elect next.
F0815 The desire to work is confined to classified ads.
F0816 God never imposes a duty without giving time to do it.
F0817 Thrift is a wonderful virtue - in an ancestor.
F0818 If we were intended to talk more than we hear, we'd have two mouths and only one ear.
F0819 Better to be religious with your eloquence, than eloquent with your religion.
F0820 Freedom has a thousand charms to show, that slaves, however content, will never know.
F0821 The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our change.
F0822 Of all the ills that men endure, hope is the only cheap and universal cure.
F0823 If you bow at all, bow low.
F0824 Toil is most pleasant when done.
F0825 Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
F0826 A minister says matrimony should be enduring. It is.
F0827 No man can serve two masters, yes-men can serve hundreds.
F0828 A good man gone wrong is usually a bad man found out.
F0829 Losing weight: the triumph of mind over platter.
F0830 To get ahead and stay ahead, use your head.
F0831 A fool and his money are invited everywhere.
F0901 Do not clog intellect`s sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
F0902 Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won`t see his face.
F0903 Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
F0904 A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
F0905 A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
F0906 Hearts will never be practical til they're unbreakable.
F0907 They do not love that do not show their love.
F0908 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
F0909 Honi soit qui mal y pense. (Shamed be he who thinks evil of it.)
F0910 Ideals kill some men in politics, but politics kill more ideals in men.
F0911 Ignorance is the mother of superstition.
F0912 No woman should imitate men; men are not worth it.
F0913 At 18, I was ashamed of how ignorant my father was. At 21, I was amazed at how much he had learned in three years.
F0914 Most campaign literature is an insult to intelligence. Sad that many never realize it.
F0915 You can judge a man by how he keeps his golf score.
F0916 America did not invent human rights, Human Rights invented America.
F0917 The reason people blame things on previous generations? There's only one other choice!
F0918 Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.
F0919 Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
F0920 Don't complain, don't explain.
F0921 Breaks balance out. The sun don't shine on the same ol' dog's ass every day.
F0922 One disadvantage of having nothing to do: You can't stop and rest.
F0923 Real love stories have no endings.
F0924 There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
F0925 There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages.
F0926 Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.
F0927 When we ask advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
F0928 Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
F0929 Water taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
F0930 Watermelon--it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.
F1001 Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
F1002 Justice delayed is justice denied.
F1003 They know enough who know how to learn.
F1004 The laborer is worthy of his hire, if his labor is.
F1005 Love is blind, to everything except fat.
F1006 A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
F1007 Pale ink beats a good memory.
F1008 Would that government spent our money like it was their own.
F1009 Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
F1010 If you want the last word with a woman, apologize.
F1011 Just because he's on the road, it doesn't mean his mind is.
F1012 Death and taxes may always be with us, But at least death doesn't get any worse.
F1013 Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.
F1014 A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.
F1015 Always do one thing less than you think you can do.
F1016 Forget living well. The best revenge is revenge.
F1017 A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
F1018 It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
F1019 Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
F1020 Always stay in with the outs.
F1021 Wit ought to be a glorious treat, like caviar; never spread it around like marmalade.
F1022 Anything worth doing well is worth doing slowly.
F1023 Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
F1024 If you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it; and if you do, it ain't worth it.
F1025 Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
F1026 Boys don't make passes at female smartasses.
F1027 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
F1028 A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.
F1029 If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example.
F1030 Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.
F1031 Learn young about hard work and manners--and you'll be through the whole dirty mess and nicely dead again before you know it.
F1101 A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl doesn't lose her confidence.
F1102 I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
F1103 The best government teaches us to govern ourselves.
F1104 The bigger the bankroll, the tighter the band around it.
F1105 Are you a good witch, or are you a bad witch?
F1106 Blessed are the peacemakers, they will never want for work.
F1107 Bachelor's wives and spinster's children are always perfect.
F1108 Better the shoulder to the wheel than the back to the wall.
F1109 Whatever you have, spend less.
F1110 In fashion be a reed in the wind, In principles be a rock in the stream.
F1111 He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
F1112 The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
F1113 Learning music by reading about it, Is like making love by mail.
F1115 It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
F1116 Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
F1117 Never judge a book by its movie.
F1118 Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.
F1119 Don't carry a gun. It's nice to have them close by, but don't
F1119 carry them. You might get arrested.
F1120 If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.
F1121 Character is what you know you are, Not what others think you are.
F1122 A winner never whines.
F1123 Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good whiskey is barely enough.
F1124 If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.
F1125 Don't need a new religion, haven't used the old one up yet.
F1126 There are two sides to every question, politicians take both.
F1127 Politics is either passing the buck or passing the dough.
F1128 To make pleasures pleasant, shorten them.
F1129 Never despair. If you do, you work on in despair.
F1130 Too many pray for peace with their fists clenched.
F1201 Two wrongs do not make a right, it usually takes three or more.
F1202 Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
F1203 The greatest programming project of all took six days; on the seventh day the programmer rested.
F1204 The only red menace in America is the sunburn.
F1205 Every noble work is at first impossible.
F1206 To reform a man, begin with his grandmother.
F1207 No man's religion ever survives his morals.
F1208 Who to himself is law, no law doth need.
F1209 Selfishness is that vice we see in others, never in ourselves.
F1210 Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
F1211 Never borrow trouble, the interest is entirely too high.
F1212 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
F1213 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
F1214 A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
F1215 Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough.
F1216 If you would keep your secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
F1217 Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
F1218 Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
F1219 Never retreat. Never explain. Get it done and let them howl.
F1220 If you can't convince them, confuse them.
F1221 When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
F1222 Play like you've got guts coming out of your ears.
F1223 Take a lesson from the weather: It pays no attention to criticism.
F1224 If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.
F1225 If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
F1226 Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
F1227 Do your kids a favor -- don't have any.
F1228 No one really knows enough to be a pessimist.
F1229 You are not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
F1230 It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
