APDL Public Domain 1

home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search

/ APDL Public Domain 1 / APDL_PD1A.iso / am_radio / semtex < prev next >

Wrap

Text File | 1994-03-04 | 14.4 KB | 254 lines

%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*% * The Royal Semaphore Society of Great Britain (RSSGB) * % The Bunker Cranberry Road Potties Bar % * * % The SEMTEX Newsletter is Prepared under RSSGB guidelines % * * % Part 1 of the June issue of SEMTEX Newsletter % *%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%*%* CQ CQ CQ Calling all semaphore senders this is the Royal Semaphore Society of Great Britain news broadcasting station calling. We ask that no one holds a barbecue outside, so that the broadcast that is intended for all semaphore senders can be seen and enjoyed by both members over as wide an area as possible. -----oO0Oo----- Hello and welcome to another issue of the SEMTEX newsletter, yet another very large broadcast this month, so we will start straight away with the item that everyone has been waiting for the lunar factual data. Lunar Factual Data ------------------ The lunar spot count is slowly rising, there is an active region on the far side of the Moon that is expected to come round some time in the next millennia. The Geostatic levels are at an all time high, especially in the area of the Apple tree Lavatory. The FU2 critical attitude at the Bunker is at a high level. Short term prospects are very poor, and have never been worse at any time in the history of the Semaphore Society. Long Term Forecast ----------------- The long term forecast is for the meteoric shower at the bunker to have the society back in the red by Monday week. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB Presidents Roof Fund -------------------------- Thanks to the magnificent amount collected the president has now been fitted with a Crown Topper. -----oO0Oo----- Microwave Technology -------------------- A group of members, "well both of them actually" are to carry out trials with microwaves. The standard semaphore flag is to be reduced in size to 3 by 3 cm's. It is hoped that the microwave semaphore will encourage more novice flaggers to join the hobby. -----oO0Oo----- CB enthusiasts visit RSSGB -------------------------- A Number of CB (Charcole Burners) enthusiasts have been on a visit to the Society Semaphore Station at Headquarters. They were impressed by the speed of communication when compared to smoke signals. It was a very interesting event culminated by a wine and cheese party. The society hope to pay a return visit to CB Headquarters at Diffords Hairy Orchard Nr Hemlock Bumpsted. -----oO0Oo----- Accident to Council Members Rodney and Nigel -------------------------------------------- The semaphore community was sent into a state of shock today by the report of a tragic accident to two of the senior flaggers on the RSSGB Council. first reports are that they fell down a hill. One believed to be Rodney Canine-Breath, has a severely broken crown. And Nigel Colic-Trump is thought to have come tumbling after. The Council have called for a full investigation into the tragedy. Both of the flaggers were unsupervised when they went on a wine fetching leisure activity. This accident follows one other recent accident. Both Nigel and Rodney were involved in that as well. The accident then included a port decanter and a packet of pork scratchings. The Council thought that the tightened safety procedures instigated after the Humpty Dumpty Council member had an accident falling off the fence would have been enough. At that time it was thought that a trained squadron of the Masonic horses and men dragoon of guards, would have been sufficient safety cover. The new safety guidelines are to be issued to the Council members by Mr Iron Suture of the DCC (doggy calling card) The New Guidelines are aimed at the Council members who specialise in sitting on the fence in question. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB Council Pantomime ----------------------- As you will know the RSSGB Council meetings are now held with a theme in mind. After doing a selection from Gilbert & Sullivan and the collective work of Andrew Lloyd Webfoot and Tim Boiled-Rice the theme has now changed to the pantomime. The Society has a long tradition with running a pantomime. At the next Council, Port induced Pantomime meeting the following people will be involved in playing the following roles. Ms Erica Mudguard The Fairy Queen Ms Devoid Heavens Rab C Nesbitt Mr Hilarity Claypole-Stiff Dandini Dandruff ?? Admiral Bimbow Captain Long John Silver Ms Jonjo Brief-Case Right Load of Warlocks Ms Germain Shepherd Widow Twanky Ms Joan Backward Ali Baba's cod piece Mr Rip Norton Cat Whittingtons Dick Mr M.T Head Alladin Sane Mr Rodney Canine-Breath Front end of panto Cow Mr Nigel Crass-Trump Rear end of panto Cow Mr Rupert Slyme-Ball Buttons Ms Pilota Smiff Invisible Man Ms Dike Mennison Jacob Marley tile Mr Marcia Checkout Sainsbury Till-er Girl -----oO0Oo----- New Council member profile -------------------------- Mr M.T Head was elected to represent the Chinese Take away Peoples Republic of Essex. "On the job with out delay, sideways in the Chinese way" is the motto of our new member. MT went at it right from the start. MT has tabled a motion for the next Council meeting. The Motion has been wrapped in paper and placed in the fridge to see if it will keep until then. MT invited all of the Council to his restaurant, each Council member placed an order from the extensive menu. Erica was a bit upset when it came from the kitchen. She said "it looked a bit like a curved, round, dark brown rum truffle. But smelt like something you get on your boots" When MT was challenged about the content of the order, he said "Well Erica it was a number two you ordered" The members of Council were pleased that they did not order after all the number one item from the wine list. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB Staff Spotlight --------------------- This is the first in a series of articles to introduce some of the staff at Potties Bar to the membership. The first staff member profile is:- Marcia Checkout. Marcia is one of the staff that help with the production of the Semtex Newsletter. Marcia is known for his friendly, warm, attitude to the members. Marcia speciality is the running of the John Bull printing outfit. His blistering speed on the tweezers with the rubber letter blocks has to be seen to be believed. His skills were gained from his previous employment as a hod carrier for lego. And as the Mr Sainsbury Till-er of the year 1957. He was employed as a bag packer, but won rapid promotion to junior till operative. Outside of the RSSGB, Marcia has several hobbies, he is the scotish laddies sumo mud wrestling champion (Heavy weight bracket) and breeds Welsh Mountain Crust Hunters for pleasure. Other activities include his part time community work kick starting jumbo jets at Heathrow. -----oO0Oo----- The New GM "Kapitan von Waste-Trap" is to take over the running of the Society later this month. He takes over desk and wine cabinet of his predecessor Pilota Smiff. Kapitan von Waste-Trap has an excellent record that will be found to be most suitable to the needs of the Society. His previous commands include :- The Marie Celeste, where he went overboard to make the crew feel happy. The Titanic, where he proved to be a big hit with everyone and everything. The Hood, where he went down a bomb. The Flying Pig, where he was known to the crew as Kapitan Pugwash. The Queen where he could often be seen wearing the blue ribband To the staff at the Bunker he is afectionatly known as "Admiral Doenitz" -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB and the "Masonic Verses" ------------------------------ The Council elder Erica Mudguard Khomeni has issued a stern warning to any members of the RSSGB who read either of the following blasphemous bigoted books and subversive publications. The Brotherhood by Stephen Knight available in paperback. Inside The Brotherhood by Martin Short also in paperback. Also included in the banned books and periodicals are The Daily Rackoff, alias The Sunday Sport. Noddy Mugs Big Ears after drinking Port. The Secret Seven Smoke Pot and hold a Council Meeting. RadComic and other mind numbing drug induced Trivia. Practically Witless. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB The President Squeaks --------------------------- The President Terrytowl Barnstormer is still troubled by the bout of selective spooneritis. He has asked his doctor if he cam proscribe some medicine to help relieve his condition. The President was proscribed some suppositories in an attempt to clear the verbal blockage, when asked how things were going, Terrytowl said "for what good they are I might just as well shove them up my back passage, they taste terrible!" Terrytowel has been active with a group of prospective new novice flaggers. He has been explaining the finer points of leclanche cells and which electrode is which. Its nice to see our president being so positive about being both negative and positive at different ends of the cell. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB 8040 Travel Club News --------------------------- The Travel club as not been as well subscribed as we thought. The Council members have decided to hold a raffle to raise funds. The tickets are 50 scroats each. Here is a list of prizes on offer:- 1st Prize 500 quids worth of empty returnable beer bottles 2nd Prize A lucky rabbits foot (did no good for the rabbit!) 3rd Prize An evening for two at M.T. Heads Restaurant 4th Prize A Conducted tour of Kings Cross with the DPP 5th Prize Life Membership for an enemy of your choice 6th Prize A choice of leather underwear, 5 years on Council or both 7th Prize A night out with a Council Member of your choice 8th Prize A night without with a Council Member of your choice 9th Prize The resignation of a Council Member of your choice 10th Prize An invitation to join the boys in the Connaught Rooms -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB RMG Report ---------------- The Society are pleased to report that Godfrey Folkstone has been elected to the position of RMG Chairman. In a close fought contest between Godfrey and a King Charles Cocker Spaniel, the results were as follows :- Spaniel 10,000 Votes Godfrey 3 Votes + 9,999 poll votes held by Erica Mudguard -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB F&S Report ---------------- The F&S (Frantic Semaphore) Committee are to look at sending staff on an ET (economical truth) training course on Double Entry book keeping for the dyslexic. Ms Mudguard is still suffering from dyslexia of the mouth. -----oO0Oo----- RSSGB Rally Roundup ------------------- The Birmingham bash of the RSSGB National Rally and Giant Frisbee contest went in its usual style. The first item was a emergency meeting of Council followed shortly after by the slamming of the door as another council member offered his resignation. This as now become an annual event in the calendar of the RSSGB. The Raffle prize was won yet again this year by a member of Council. The winner had put a cross in the box for no publicity. We cannot therefore report the name of the winner. The winner said "I will be able to put the car to great use, I will no longer have to run behind busses and taxi's" -----oO0Oo----- Special Item ------------ The long awaited publication of the Racket Semaphore Guidelines has been put back again this month due to a shortage of space. We hope to have all the details ready for our next bumper edition of SEMTEX (SEMaphore TEXt) newsletter. -----oO0Oo----- Local RSSGB News ---------------- The FM (Frilly Menswear) Group Northern are to hold the AGM at the usual location. A number of changes are to be made to the rules and regulations for membership. Any member found not to be abusing the local Intermediate semaphore repeater station GB NA (Gordon Bennett! it's Never Available) will be issued with a letter of censure. A new service to members is now available, early morning alarm semaphore calls. The Social Secretary Igor Shore, is taking advanced bookings. As always we welcome new semaphore senders to the intermediate semaphore repeater, you can join in on the finer points of Pig Dunking, Cockering farting, belching and the best way to throw up a Pavement Pizza. -----oO0Oo----- That's all for this month, I will not be able to take semaphore under this semaphore sign. But I will be pleased to have your reports under my own semaphore sign. All that remains is for me to wish you all 8040 until next time. So until then this is G8VHB @ GB7WRG signing clear. -----oO0O0----- ============================================================================ = The RSSGB (Royal Semaphore Society of Great Britain) is a figment of the = = imagination of G8VHB. It is intended as a fun item to enliven your day. = = The persons portrayed are not based on anyone alive dead or in any other = = intermediate state. The items portrayed are everyday things that might = = happen within any hobby and are not taken from any known factual or even = = fictional occurrence. Reader CAVEAT = ============================================================================ On a serious note, thanks for the messages in reply to the SEMTEX Newsletter. as you will know Semtex has exploded on to the Racket Semaphore Scene. I must however draw to the attention of one or two individuals, that the bulletins are not in any way based on a Society with a different name, but similar in that it also represents a hobby involving communications. In all honesty could a Society that treats it members the way that the semaphore Society treats both of it's members exist for long? Well thats it for this month. If you enjoy Semtex. I would be pleased to have semaphore from you to encourage me do do more. If you dont like it, dont read it. 73 Mick *** EOF