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- Path: sparky!uunet!cs.utexas.edu!ut-emx!slcs.slb.com!leo.asc.slb.com!sjsca4!engel
- From: engel@sj.ate.slb.com (Mike Engelhardt)
- Newsgroups: rec.humor.oracle.d
- Subject: sore loser
- Message-ID: <ENGEL.92Nov8123427@m5.sj.ate.slb.com>
- Date: 8 Nov 92 20:34:57 GMT
- Sender: news@sj.ate.slb.com
- Organization: Schlumberger ATE, San Jose
- Lines: 99
-
- The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
- Your question was:
-
- > Oh Oracle, Divine Source of all Wisdom required of those in Love,
- >
- > I have fallen hopelessly in love with a player on a tiny MUD. Now, in
- > Real Life(RL), she's a waitress at a very respectable restaurant, a
- > secretary, and a part-time student of art history. She told me her work
- > hours and such so I'd better know when to find her on the MUD so that
- > we'd have more time to cuddle and spoon and stuff. She thinks I'm
- > currently doing an archaeological dig back in a secluded area of my home
- > country with two-way radio phone being my only contact with the outside
- > world. But in reality, I am an evil high energy physicist residing just a
- > few kilometers from her and working at the national laboratory affiliated
- > with the university at which she secretaries(for the chair of the English
- > Department.) I could go see her in RL either by going to her office or
- > by going to the restaurant where she moonlights, but I've not yet because
- > I am afraid it might ruin what we have and am afraid to chance spoiling
- > such a beautiful thing.
- >
- > Please, should I go see her and if I should, should I introduce myself?
- > It's hard to describe how important this relationship is to me. We both
- > type extremely well and so do much quality sharing. Well ... last night
- > it did take a couple hours to convince her that just because she's two
- > weeks late with her period that she's probably not pregnant and in any
- > case not from me. But no matter what, I love her so. Do You think that
- > maybe I should make RL contact with her just *because* I couldn't bear
- > to be without her? What if, e.g., one day she's not there any more. I
- > could never live not knowing what happened.
- >
- > Lost to Internet,
- >
- > Xxxxxxx of XxxXxxMUSH
-
- And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
-
- } Time now for another episode of "The Bored and The Stupid (C)," the soap
- } opera that doesn't even know who Susan Lucci is. Today's episode is
- } brought to you by the Usenet Oracle.
- }
- } [TB&TS is copyright 1989-1992 by the Tooth Fairy and the Squeegee. No
- } kidding.]
- }
- }
- } <the scene opens in a small, ill-lit office in the Clusterfart College of
- } English at Breckanogger University. Huxley Cambridge III sits at her PC,
- } typing by the green glow of the monitor. She is "speaking" to her friend
- } and fellow gamer Slater Maxwell, whom she believes is an archaeologist.>
- }
- } "Only two weeks??? Slater, do you realize how important that period was?
- } It could RUIN me!"
- }
- } The cursor glides across the screen as Slater replies. "Well, I still don't
- } think it's that big a deal, and at any rate, *I* couldn't be the reason."
- }
- } Her brows furrowed. What in the world did he mean? Of course it wasn't
- } his fault, he wasn't even there when she'd mistyped and dropped the crucial
- } punctuation from the memo. It could mean her job, especially since her boss
- } was going to catch so much flak from berating the High Energy Physics
- } laboratory in that same memo.
- }
- } "So, Slater, come set your head on my lap and tell me what you dug up today."
- }
- } <cut to Slater, sitting before a gazillion-inch monitor full of windowed
- } applications. The one he reads is his connection to Huxley. His heart
- } skips a beat as she asks him to make up yet one more lie.>
- }
- } "Huxley, about the dig...there's something I have to tell you."
- }
- } "What is it, dear?"
- }
- } "I'm not really...hold on a second." Slater turned to the graduate
- } assistant who interrupted. "What do you want?"
- }
- } "This memo came today from the college. I think you should read it."
- }
- } Slater turned a deep shade of red as he read the memo. He frowned. He had
- } known it was only a matter of time before someone at the college realized
- } what the true purpose of the Labs was, but he hadn't expected it this soon.
- }
- } "Send this back to the good Professor in pieces," he said. "And tell him
- } that we expected better than a run-on sentence from an English professor."
- }
- } "Yes, sir." The student nearly ran to the door, so harsh did Slater seem.
- }
- } Slater sat and began to type again. "Where was I?"
- }
- } "You were saying `I'm not really...' "
- }
- } Slater gulped. Perhaps this was not the best time to tell his love that he,
- } Slater Maxwell, was none other that El Guapo, Scourge of Academia and Tiny
- } Little Flowers.
- }
- } "I'm not really...sure of this, but I think we may have found a lost
- } civilization today....."
- }
- }
- }
- } TUNE IN TOMORROW when you will hear Huxley get chewed out for poor editing.
-