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please reply to an168729@anon.penet.fi @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ Chapter 12 @END_FILE_ID.DIZ When the weather began to thaw Ryan began working at his dad's construction company, something he'd done since puberty. It was hard work, but it worked his body out well enough he supposed. He worked on the weekends, which meant he had less time to spend with Jen and his friends, but he was making a lot of money. He vowed to save it so he could get a car as soon as he got his license. He turned sixteen in November, and he calculated how many hours he would have to work till then to get a car. Plus, he wanted to get something really nice for Jen on their anniversary. In May Jen got a letter from Danny, the guy she'd broken up with when she'd first met Ryan. He'd moved away to Washington state about two months before. She hadn't really spoken to him since they'd broken up. The letter first off said how sorry he was that he'd treated her so badly, and how he realized now what a good thing he'd given up. It continued, "I know you've got a good thing going with that guy Ryan. (At least you did last I heard--are you still going out?) But I've never stopped loving you, which may sound strange considering the shitty way I treated you. I want you to realize that it wasn't because of anything you did, but because I was scared that if I was too strong you'd get sick of me and break up with me. You were my first real girlfriend and I guess I didn't know how to act. There's no "girlfriend manual" (that's suppose to be a joke ha ha). Of course I blew it. You're probably wondering why I'm even writing you, but I kinda hoped we can be friends still. If you don't want to be than you don't have to write me back. It sucks here by the way. Love, Danny Muir Ps Your boyfriend is a lucky guy" Jen was blown away. She'd tried to forget Danny, he'd hurt her a lot. But she didn't hate him. She planned on writing him back. She wasn't going to say anything to Ryan, but one night when they were on the phone she did anyway. He was watching TV and not really talking to her. She tried to get his attention. "Hey, guess who I got a letter from the other day," she said mysteriously. "Ed MacMahon," Ryan said sarcastically. "You've won a million dollars. Wanna share the wealth?" "No," she said triumphantly. "Remember Danny Muir?" That got his attention. "Danny Muir?" he asked. "That guy you broke up with to go out with me?" "Well, Ryan," she said. "Uh, I didn't break up with him so I could go out with you. We'd broken up before I met you. Or we did like right after. Don't you remember?" "Oh, yeah, I guess," he said sullenly. She didn't like his tone. They'd never fought before and it upset her. "Well?" he demanded. "Well what?" "What did old Danny boy want?" he asked. "Oh, nothing. . . " she answered, playing with her fingernails and wondering why he was being like this. "Well, obviously he wanted something if he wrote you. What did he say?" "How about if I read you the letter?" she asked sarcastically. "Yeah, read it to me." "Fine!" She got the letter out and started to read it. After she read where it said, "I know you have a good thing going with that guy Ryan," Ryan interrupted, saying, "That's right." She ignored him and continued, skipping the part where he asked if they were still together. She considered skipping the next line as well, but didn't. "'But I've never stopped loving you, which. . .'" Ryan interrupted her again in a disgusted tone, saying, "Yeah, sure. He never loved *you.*" "Excuse me?" she demanded, hurt. "What? He didn't love you. I love you. I mean, you guys were only going out for like--not even a month, right?" "So?" She didn't know why she said that, she understood his point, but was still hurt by his attitude. "What do you mean 'so?'? Danny was a mistake for you," he said decidedly. "Fuck you!" she snapped. "Where the fuck do you get off analyzing every relationship I've had? You've never even met Danny! I would not say he was a mistake," she said, trying to hurt him. He made a disgusted sound. "Oh, yeah right. So, what, why's he even writing you? He obviously wants something from you." "Yeah, you didn't even let me finish reading the letter. You were too busy spazzing out. Maybe he wants to be friends with me. You know, there's no law that says we can't be friends." "Uh, excuse me? Maybe there's my law." "Oh, my God I can't believe this! Why the hell are you being like this?" "Like WHAT?" "I can't believe this. Fuck you Ryan. Fuck you." She slammed the phone down, then took it off the hook so she could explain to herself that he was probably trying to call her back. Ryan heard the click and slammed his own receiver down. He was so pissed. He was pissed off at himself, mainly, he never meant to tell Jen what to do. Or who she could be friends with. But the idea of another guy telling Jen that he loved her forced something inside him to snap. "Dammit," he muttered to himself, punching his pillow. He'd been nearly asleep when she'd called. He was so exhausted anyway, he'd worked hard that weekend and was up late last night doing his homework. I'm working hard for her, he thought. She's probably not even grateful. He felt a twinge of pain in his heart, knowing she would be grateful if she knew he was working for her. He dialed her number; it was busy. Big surprise, he thought to himself, she's probably calling everyone we know and telling them what happened so they can hate me. He dialed Josh's number. "Hullo?" said Josh. "'Sup?" "Nothin'." "Dude, my girlfriend just went ballistic on me. . . " complained Ryan. "What happened?" "Fuck. She got some letter from her ex-boyfriend who's all, 'I still love you. . . '" he said in a high whiny voice. "And she's like, 'Oh, me and him can be friends!'" he said, imitating Jen in a gung-ho sort of voice. "Not," agreed Josh. "No shit, huh?" he said, disgusted. "And I told her that and she like spazzed and hung up on me." "This happen just now?" "Yeah. . . " "Shit. You should just dump her dude. I mean, she's a hella prude anyway." Ryan paused. "She's not a prude," he said defensively. "She's just a virgin--that's different." "Yeah, and you're one too because of it. Dude, I swear, you don't need this shit. I mean, you can stay together with this chick--and don't get me wrong, I like Jen, I do--but it's like, you can't let her run everything, you know what I mean?" "I suppose," he said, thinking it over. "Any other girl would gladly have you." "You think so?" "I know so. Dude, hella skirts are always coming up to me, 'Does your friend Ryan have a girlfriend? He's cuuuuuuuuuute!'" he said in a girlish voice. "I mean, think about it!" "Yeah, but dude, I mean, I really like this girl," he said. Josh paused. "Well, I guess. If that's the way you want it or whatever. I mean, I think you shouldn't call her back and kiss her ass though. If you're gonna have a serious girlfriend, you need to keep your nuts intact." "Yeah, I'm not gonna call her." "Dude, I gotta go. Alicia's on the other line." "Fine. Later." "Bye." Ryan laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes welled up with tears, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so one rolled out down his face and onto his pillow. Fuck Jen, he said several times. I'm not going to call her back, he promised himself. He stared at his phone, picturing Jen dialing his number right this minute. "I'm sorry we fought Ry," she would whine. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch. . . " Ryan thought of all the things he could say. Then he thought of all the things he could have said differently. He should have calmly asked her how she felt about the letter. He rolled his eyes, thinking he sounded like one of those new-aged psychoanalysts: "Let's all get in touch with our feelings!" He tossed and turned in bed, wishing he could go back in time a few hours. He heard his parents go to bed, heard the dishwasher's quiet hum. He wondered if she was still his girlfriend. She'd said "Fuck you" to him. Did she mean it like, "'fuck you' fuck-you", or like, "fuck *you*! we're through! fuck-you?" Ryan laid in bed for several hours. He squeezed out a few more tears, as many as he could to feel more sorry for himself. His clock read 1: 36 am. Jen was probably asleep by now. He wished he was asleep. He could call her and hope she answered before her parents, but they'd probably be woken up and pissed off at him. He pictured her dad pummeling him for calling so late. That brought a smile to his face anyway. His wild imagination kicked in, and he imagined her stealing her parent's credit card tomorrow morning, cutting school and flying up to see Danny wherever he lived, Washington or Oregon or something. He saw her, seductively removing her clothes and spreading her legs for Danny, moaning that she wanted him. Danny would be on her in a flash. He probably has a huge dick too, thought Ryan. He imagined Jen telling her girlfriends all about its length and girth. She's not a prude, he thought defensively. Man, he thought angrily, I have to apologize. It's my damn fault. I bet she'll never forgive me. She probably thinks I'm some possessive psycho who would have started beating her anyway. "The first sign was when he started telling me who my friends could be!" he pictured Jen crying, while on Oprah or Sally Jessey Raphael or some shit. Fuck, he thought, getting up. He didn't have a dime or he could call a cab. He considered stealing money from his mom's purse, but upon investigation it was nowhere to be found, it must be in her bedroom. He could steal the car. He could drive perfectly. But there's no way his parents wouldn't wake up though, and plus, he'd be grounded forever and then he'd never get his license. He looked around the dark kitchen, and turned on the light over the table. He got out a pad of paper and a pen. "Dear Jen," he wrote. "I'm sorry. I'm a jerk. Please forgive me? I love you. -Ryan". He rewrote it a couple of times, so the writing was neat and not scribbled. He added in, "I was totally wrong. Please give me another chance," in place of "I'm a jerk," and "Please forgive me." It sounded more serious. He folded it up neatly and wrote "Jen" on the outside. He got his warm jacket and jeans on, and put his baseball hat on. He took his bike out of the side garage door, wheeling it out and opening the gate. It didn't creak, his dad kept it too well oiled for that. It was so dark he could barely see. There were no street lights in his neighborhood, and the streets were narrow and curvy. It was freezing out. He pedaled down the mountain, scared every time he saw headlights. It could be a cop thinking he was up to no good, who would gladly escort him home. He biked down the main street of his town, a small, wealthy residential community in the hills. Everything was closed up tight, even the gas station was closed. Part of the way was pure highway, 55 mph and everything. He tried to stay to the side of the rode. He pedaled furiously, his lungs burning from the cold air. He felt relieved when he got to the main street near Jen's town. The bright lights and all the cars shocked him, but he knew where he was and he was almost there. He cut through the elementary school next to Jen's street. It seemed like an eternity since he'd left his home, but finally he was here. He left his bike in front, sure no one would wander by her culdesac and steal it at this hour, and not in her wealthy neighborhood. He climbed the wall in front of her house, praying it wasn't rigged for security. He went up her driveway to the gate on the side of the house, it would lead him to the glass sliding door to her room. He'd joked before about that door, about she could let him in at night without her parents knowing. He looked at the gate. He was pretty sure it was rigged. If he set it off and her parents called the police, he'd look like a huge fucking fool. If her dad didn't shoot him first that is. He'd planned on taping the note to her door so she saw it first thing. He had a little side fantasy that she'd see him taping it up and she'd invite him in and they'd make up. Shit, he thought. That's not going to happen. He looked again at the gate. He went around to her front door and placed the piece of paper on the doormat. He stared at it, hoping her dad wouldn't step on it and drag it around all over the city before he eventually noticed it and threw it away. Ryan hopped up over the wall, and picked up his bike. Climbing on it, he looked again at her house, and imagined her sleeping peacefully just yards away from him. He tried to send her a mental message. "I love you, Jen," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and rode home. ***** Jen had talked to Dana until about midnight. Dana had advised her to wait and see, telling her how she was sure Ryan loved her and didn't mean his behavior. She said he was just jealous. Jen had cried, so upset, and sure that Ryan had changed or that maybe he wasn't the guy she thought he was. She said she was glad she hadn't slept with him yet. She was convinced they were over. Dana agreed on the former, but still said Jen should take him back. That is, if he comes back, Jen had pointed out. Jen was surprised at the note on her carpet the next morning. Her dad had stuck a post-it on it, saying it was on the doorstep when he had gone to work at 6:15 am. She read it, and held it to her breast. Should she call him now? He'd probably be up. Nah, she thought. I'll call him tonight so we can talk. Plus, she thought with an evil grin, better let him sweat it. That night she called him, nervously. What if he'd changed his mind? He might have thought about it, and decided he didn't want her forgiveness after all. "Hello?" said a small voice. "Will?" she asked. "Jen?" "Yeah, it's me." "Hold on, I'll get Ryan." She heard the phone being put down, then the sound of Will's footsteps on the kitchen floor. She heard him yell for Ryan, then, "It's your giiiiiiiiiirlfrieeeeeeend!" She laughed. Will was only seven, and an absolute miniature Ryan. She heard another phone fumbling, and Ryan's low voice saying, "Hang it up Will!" He didn't say anything, but his breathing told her he was there. Finally, he said, "Hello?" "Hi." He paused, then said, "Just a second." He covered up the receiver, but she still heard him shout, "Will! Hang it up!" followed by a click and the connection becoming clearer. "Hi," said Ryan. "Did you get my note?" he asked nervously. "Yeah, I got it." "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a jerk. You forgive me?" "Oh, Ryan. Of course I do. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have hung up on you." "No, I deserved it. I have no business telling you who your friends can be. You can be friends with him all you want. I love you so much though, maybe I love you too much for your own good in some ways. I don't know, I'm so lucky to have you, I mean it." "Ryan, I'm lucky to have you. You've always been a great boyfriend." "But I can be better." "I don't see how, Ry." "I can never treat you again the way I treated you last night, like I owned you or something. I promise you I never will. If I ever do you can kick me out of your life." "God, Ry, I'd die without you." "But you better keep me on my toes though." She laughed. "Aright, I'll keep you on your toes. But Ryan, don't be afraid to tell me something, how you're feeling, just 'cause you think I'll get mad or we'll fight. We need to talk about things. It- it seems like we haven't talked lately. Don't you think so too?" He paused. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's just that I never see you. I think we don't see each other as much now, since I've been working and am too tired to go out and stuff." "You work too hard. Work less. Your classes are hard enough," "Well, you know I'm saving up for a car," he said. "Man, when I get my license we'll go out all the time." "Ryan, I bet your parents will buy you a car. Did they say they wouldn't?" "No, but I guess I'll appreciate it more if I earn the money myself," he said, not telling her what else he was planning on spending the money on. "God, you're such a hard worker. You're just like your dad, you know. He works so hard to give you guys everything." "Yeah, but I think, you know, that my mom wishes he were around more." "Gee, who does that sound like?" she said. "Huh?" he said. "Ryan!" "What, who. . . me?" he asked. "Yes, you silly. I worry about you. Just don't get burned out." "I won't. Don't worry, babe." "Hey, Ry?" "Yeah?" "When did you bring that note over?" she asked, curious. "Oh, I think it was like 3 or so. Maybe 4." "You got a ride that late?" she asked incredulously. "No." "How'd you get here then?" "I rode my bike." Jen gasped. "Ryan! You rode your bike over here! God, that's like ten miles away! And at night!" "Well, I wanted you to know I was sorry! I didn't want you to go to school hating me still. I couldn't call you. Your parents would have killed me!" "Oh, honey. . . " she mused. "I can't believe you rode your bike! You must have been freezing. Weren't you cold?" "Well, at first. But I rode as fast as I could and got warmed up." "Oh. . . I didn't hate you you know!" she exclaimed, what he'd said just now hitting her. "Well, I didn't know. I mean, you said, "Fuck you" and hung up on me," he pointed out, sounding hurt at the memory. "Oh! I feel so bad. If something had happened to you I'd never have forgiven myself." "Don't worry about it." "No, I mean, you could have gotten hit by a car. Or kidnapped!" He laughed. "I'm a big boy, I can handle myself!" "You must be exhausted. What time did you get home? Did you get any sleep last night?" "No I think I got home at like six or so. It was almost light out. But it was worth it." "You know, you could have just called me this morning." He paused. "Would you have talked to me?" "Probably not!" she laughed. "See! It's okay. I got my exercise for the week." "Oh, and up the mountain too!" she whined. "Poor baby. . . " "Oh!" he whined back, teasing. "You must be so tired." "Yeah. You know when you stay up all night though, after awhile it's okay. It feels like a dream . . . " She sighed. "I wish you could come over." "Yeah, I'll get my bike out." "Ryan, don't you ever dare ride your bike over here again from your house. Take a cab. I'll keep money aside just for that." "No, I'll keep money. I wish I could come over now." "Well, you're not allowed to." He sounded hurt. "Why not?" "Because, Mr. Harper, you're going to take a nice hot bath and get your butt some sleep tonight!" "Yeah, okay, that sounds good. How's your butt by the way?" "It's just fine!" she laughed. "Can I come over and see your butt this weekend?" "Well, my parents are going to be home. But other than that you may." "Can I see something else?" "Ryan!" she laughed, surprised. "Well, I'll think about whether or not you can *see* it." He groaned. "Aright. . . You know, it's like the car. No offense, really. I appreciate something more when I've earned it, huh?" "Yeah, you will," she agreed, pleased that he saw her side of it for once. "I love you babe," he said softly. "I love you, too, love. Now go get some sleep!" she insisted. "'Kay. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye. . . " "Bye. . . " Chapter 13 "Oh, Ryan. . . Oh, that feels so good. Oh, wow. . . " she breathed. He moaned in her ear, her hand gripping his cock. They were naked together in the guest house of his friend Josh's. Josh was in the main house, probably fucking Alicia, Ryan had said. It was late at night, his parents out of town for the weekend at some wedding. He was nearly laying on top of her in the bed, his fingers exploring her tight cunt. Now he was fingerfucking her, which didn't really do that much for her, she'd realized. He seemed to really get off on it though. It didn't feel as good as when he massaged her clitoris anyway, which he'd been doing a minute ago. She gripped him, rubbing his taut skin up and down, while her tongue played with his. He came soon, thrashing in the bed and moaning her name. He let out a wail, and she felt his hot sperm splatter onto her abdomen and chest. "I wanna fuck you Jen!" he groaned. "Oh, yeah, fuck me, God. . . " He buried his head on her shoulder, breathing rapidly. "God," he breathed. "That felt so good." She was a little annoyed at what he'd said a second ago, but she supposed he couldn't help it. "You didn't cum, did you?" he asked once he'd caught his breath, the disappointment evident in his voice. "No," she answered. "Really, don't worry." He was always wanting to know if she'd cum ever since he'd started fingering her. She couldn't help but moan, and he was thrilled. She could have had him kept trying, of course, but she was scared that she still wouldn't cum, and then they would both feel horrible. "Well! When you cum, you'll know why I always wanted you to. But it felt good?" he asked, wistfully. "Yes, dearie. It felt great. Don't worry. Girls are different than guys, if we don't cum it's not the end of the world. We're just built that way." "I know that . . . " She snuggled up to him, under the covers. "I'm gonna miss you when you're gone," he said sadly. "I'll only be gone three and a half weeks!" she said. "Then we'll have the rest of the summer together. I'll write you every day. You won't even know I'm gone." "Can't you stay home?" "No, I can't. No offense, but I'm looking forward to going away. I went to this camp for five years! Now I get to be a counselor. It's gonna be fun. I promise I'll write you," she repeated, rubbing his chest. "You promise you won't meet any hot guy counselors?" "Well, I'll *try* not to," she teased. He kissed her, tickling her and then pinning her arms to the mattress while he lay on top of her and she giggled. He kissed her again. "Let's do it tonight," he whispered, looking into her eyes in the moonlight that poured in, the summer night hot outside. She shook her head, smiling at him sadly. "Please?" he begged. "Can't I have a going away present?" "No, Ry. I said no." "Aright," he gave in. He didn't want to fight with her tonight. He wouldn't be seeing her for nearly a month, and plus, he didn't want to give her any reason to spend any time in any "hot guy counselor's" arms. "I'm gonna be so bored without you." "No you won't. I'll be home soon." "I'll be working hard while you're gone," he said, trying to impress her. "I'm working full time on that house on Woodcrest Court now that school's out." "You always work hard." "Someday, I'll build you the biggest house you'd ever want." "As long as it's big enough for me, you, and our thirty-five cats it'll be fine with me sweetheart." Ryan laughed. He blew raspberries on her breasts and she shrieked in laughter. They rolled around, in bed, and she lay on him, her breasts pressed against his chest. They kissed, and whispered that they loved each other. ***** She couldn't write him everyday, but sent him several postcards a week, plus three long letters. He worked hard, getting up at sunrise with his dad and moving and lifting pipes and beams around all day. His back burned and blistered, but then tanned like he'd hoped it would. He was stiff and tired every day, and dreaded the hateful sound of his alarm when it went off in the dark every morning. But he'd feel so guilty if he quit now. The other guys would probably laugh that he was a spoiled brat if he didn't show up. "Daddy's boy." The night she came home he called her as soon as she walked through the door. Her mom drove her over immediately, and she spent most of the night making out with him on the couch while his little brothers watched TV. Robby and Will groaned and made gagging sounds, but didn't leave, and in fact stared at them half of the time, fascinated. His parents just laughed, relieved that they weren't locked in his room anyway. His parents had always been very affectionate in front of their children, so it wasn't especially shocking. Later that week he'd promised her they go out. Dana and her boyfriend, Jared, picked her up, and they went to the party where Ryan had planned on meeting her after work. Jen started to drink, and got pretty drunk waiting for him. She'd drank before, and he had too, so it wasn't like he would have been mad at her or something. Around eight-thirty he still hadn't shown up, and she called him, wondering where he was. His mom answered, telling her that he was asleep. "He's asleep?" she asked, shocked. "Yeah, I just went in there and he's out. Do you need for me to wake him up for you?" "Yeah, wake him up." A minute or two later a sleepy sounding Ryan answered the phone. "Ryan! What are you doing? You said you meet me here like, awhile ago!" "Oh. Sorry. I guess I fell asleep. What time's it?" he mumbled. "It's almost nine," she said crossly. "What the hell?" she demanded. "Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I can't make it. I'm really tired." "Well, why didn't you call me?" "Dude, I said I just fell asleep! I didn't plan on ditching you or anything. Besides, I don't have the phone number where you are." "Whatever," she said, disappointed and not bothering to hide it. "What? Hey, babe, I didn't do it on purpose you know. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise." "Aright." "Mad?" "No, not mad," she sighed. "I'll call you tomorrow." "Okay. 'Bye." she said, hanging up the phone, not even giving him the chance to say "I love you," which he was about to. She had a few more beers, then got into a rubber band fight with this guy she'd never met before. She was running around and tripping on the carpet, laughing so hard she had to catch her breath. He kept threatening to throw her in the pool good-naturedly. She saw him about half an hour later, they ended up on the couch together, watching TV. His name was Brett and he was going to be a senior. Brett couldn't believe Jen was only a sophomore, she could pass for a senior any day, he said. He asked if she had a boyfriend. She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but you know what?" she asked in a silly manner. "What?" he asked back. "He forgot to come tonight!" "He did?" "Yeah! He fell asleep!" she exclaimed, bursting into laughter. She leaned on Brett's shoulder, drunk. "Well! That's not a very nice boyfriend. Maybe you should dump him." Jen just kept laughing. This guy across the room from her was making funny faces at her. Brett said something she didn't understand, in some other language she was sure. "Huh? What's that mean?" she asked him. "It means 'I love you' in Spanish." "You know what?" she asked him. "What?" "I can say 'I love you' in ten different languages!" "Really? Do it then!" he said. She paused, batting her eyelashes at him. "'I love you in ten different languages'!" she laughed. He laughed too, then said, "Uh oh! You tricked me! That wasn't very nice." "Oh, well too bad for you!" she laughed, getting up to go find Dana. She found her in the bedroom, laying on the bed with Jared and looking at some CD's. Some other people were there too, Jen didn't notice who. She laid on the bed next to Dana, finding it hard to get up once her head hit the pillow. She was part of the conversation for awhile, and had a brief recollection of that guy Brett coming in the room sometime and talking too, but soon she drifted out of it. She jerked out of sleep. It was dark now--what time was it? Had Dana left her? What had woken her up? She saw the red numbers of a digital clock--it was 12: 55. One small lamp was on, but the ceiling light was turned off. She realized all of this in about two seconds, and looked over and jumped. Brett was laying next to her, his face only inches from hers. She moved back a little bit. "What?" she asked incoherently. Then she realized why she had woken up--his hand was up her shirt, feeling her breasts. She tried to push him away, not understanding what was going on and really only half conscious. But his mouth covered hers, and she felt his wet tongue plunge into her mouth. "Uhhhhhhh!" she cried, trying to push him away again unsuccessfully. "Oh, Jen," he whispered, his erection pressed into her thigh. "Go away!" she said, not understanding at all what was going on. She rolled onto her stomach and hid her head under the pillow, nearly passing out again. She felt his hand under her skirt, between her legs, and kicked wildly in response to his fingers poking into her, over her underwear. She rolled onto her back again and sat up. "I don't like you," she pouted, trying to get up. "Well, I like you," he said, preventing her from doing so. "Why don't you leave me alone?" she whined, near tears. "I have a boyfriend!" "Yeah, well he's not here, remember? And while you were asleep he called and told me to tell you that he doesn't love you anymore," Brett joked, pulling her back down and rolling on top of her. She burst into tears, trying to hit him but he blocked her punches. She tried to kick him but he was too strong, and she was too drunk. She squirmed under his weight, and she felt his big hardon poking against her. He rubbed his body on hers, shivering in pleasure from the sensations. He lifted up a bit so he could pull her skirt up. Right then Jen realized exactly what was happening. She opened her mouth to scream and his hand was right there, clamped over her mouth and absorbing the sound. This is like a dream, she though wildly. Where's Ryan? He took his hand away and a small yelp came out. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "Shut up Jen!" he said in a fierce whisper. "What's the matter with you?" he demanded. His eyes frightened her, she wondered if he was going to kill her. Only one other thought kept running over and over in her mind while he inserted a finger up into her, hurting her. He took his dick out, actually, he made her take it out. He yanked her underwear down to her knees and repositioned himself. He wrapped her hand around his dick, saying softly, and proudly, "Don't you think it's big?" Before she could answer, a knock came on the door. Some guy's voice asked, "Who's in there?" Jen shrieked with all her might. The door was locked, she heard it being tried, and someone pounded on the door. Jen screamed, "Help me! Please!" while she sobbed. He shook her again, hissing, "Shut up!" She took advantage of the sudden interruption. Her hand around his dick, she reached down and squeezed his testicles as hard as she could. She didn't care if they exploded like tomatoes. He screamed in agony, and she pushed him off her and struggled to run to the door, difficult with her underwear pulled down. "Bitch!" Brett groaned at her. Right then the door flew open, she saw Dana's face, and some guy stood there with a Swiss Army knife, used to unlock the door. A bunch of other people stood staring. Sobbing, she pulled her underwear back up and saw Brett putting his dick away out of the corner of her eyes. She pushed her way out of the crowd, trying not to trip. Where was the bathroom? she thought hazily. She'd been there at least ten times tonight. She found it, Dana trailing after her. She slammed the door shut, and leaned behind her against it, fumbling with the lock while she stared at the toilet. God, her head hurt. She fell forward and threw up. Chapter 14 Ryan went to work the next day with a vague remembrance of Jen calling him, annoyed that he'd stood her up. He'd promised her he'd make it up to her, so it wasn't the end of the world, he reasoned with himself to get it out of his mind. The sun was bright overhead in the morning sky as Ryan went to work. Break time he talked with this guy Chris, who was a senior at another school. He'd started working for Ryan's dad last summer, and had sort of become friends with him although they didn't hang out after work. Chris told him about some party he went to the night before, mentioning that he may have to go to court. "Why?" asked Ryan. Chris was full of shit. "Oh, some chick got raped! I may be a witness!" "Oh, yeah?" he asked. "Yeah. We beat the hell out of the guy too." "Good!" "Yeah, it was out in the Oaks." "Oh yeah? I think I heard of that party! My friends went." "Well, there's hella parties around there," said Chris nonchalantly, as though Ryan wouldn't be cool enough to know of a party that Chris attended. "Oh yeah, so what happened? Did the cops come?" "I don't know, I left pretty soon after." "Oh. That sucks," he said, hoping to wrap up the conversation. He called Jen as soon as he got off work. He wasn't too tired and wanted to go out maybe. "Hello?" she said. "Hi, what's up?" he said. She paused. "Oh, hi Ryan. Nothing much," she answered sweetly. "I'm sorry about last night. . . " he began. "What about it?" "Don't you remember? I fell asleep and stood you up. Don't tell me you forgot--I thought you were pissed! Spent all day worrying about whether or not you'd talk to me tonight." "I always talk to you Ryan," she said in a wounded tone. "I know you do--I'm only kidding." Shit, he thought, she's still pissed at me. She didn't say anything. He changed the subject. "So, how was that party last night?" he asked. "Fine." "Did you get drunk?" he asked. "I don't know," she said in an annoyed tone. "God, just asking. Hey, did some girl get raped at the party?" She paused. "What?" "I heard from this guy Chris at work that some girl got raped at a party in the Oaks last night. Was that at the one you went to?" "No." "Oh. So, nothing exciting happened?" he asked, trying to make conversation. "No, nothing *exciting* happened. Anyway, I left early, like, right after I talked to you." "Oh. Bored huh?" "Yeah, Ryan, I was just so bored without my boy," she laughed. "Of course you were," he said, relieved that her mood seemed to be improving. "Ryan?" "Yeah?" "I gotta go." "Oh, why?" "Because dinner's ready," she lied. "Will you call me after dinner?" "Yeah, maybe. Probably." "Aright. I love you. . . " "I love you too," she said quickly, and hung up. She called him back later, wanting to tell him what had happened but at the same time wanting to forget about it. She knew it would be hard to do that if he knew. Not that many people at the party knew him, and she'd made Dana promise not to tell, so she figured he wouldn't find out. She supposed he'd get mad if he did, but would he get mad at her too for being so irresponsible? He'd want to know every detail probably. What if he felt weird that another guy had touched her? She'd just as soon forget about it. It wasn't like the jerk actually raped her. They'd both been drunk. She tried to forget about it. Ryan wanted her to come over that night to hang out. Her mom offered to drive so she said she guessed she'd see him in awhile. After they'd hung up Josh called him. "What's up?" he asked. "Oh, nothing," said Ryan. "So, you pissed?" "Pissed about what?" he asked. "You know." "No, I don't. What am I supposed to be pissed about?" "Dude, you didn't hear? She didn't tell you?" Josh sounded surprised. "What?!?" Ryan was getting annoyed. "About what happened last night at the party. Why didn't you go, anyway?" "Dude, if you don't tell me what the fuck happened I'm gonna kick your ass. Are you talking about Jen?" "Yeah. Have you talked to her yet today?" "Yeah! I just got off the phone with her. She's coming over." "Oh. . . " "Are you fucking with me? What happened?" "Oh, man! Some guy like completely attacked her!" "What? He hit her?" Ryan yelled. "No. . . He liked, raped her. Or he tried to. I heard from Jared that she got away before he actually did it. But then I heard from this other guy that he did rape her." Ryan was silent. "Ryan?" asked Josh, gently. "I'm gonna kill him," he said quietly. "I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking kill him!" he screamed. "Dude, Jared said they beat the fuck out of him. His name's like Brett something." "I can't believe this. Why the fuck didn't she tell me?" he demanded. "I don't know. Maybe she thought you'd get mad." "Oh, bullshit. What the hell?" he demanded. "What happened? Is she okay?" "I don't know. I wasn't there." Ryan paused, thinking. "Dude, I gotta go." "Aright. God, I thought you knew. . . " "Well, later." "Later." Ryan, trying to fight back tears, called Jen, his hands shaking. She'd already left. He sat on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. What had happened? She must be going crazy inside, she must be hurting. She *had* sounded weird, he recalled. He'd thought it was just because she was mad at him. Maybe she was mad at him because he wasn't there. Did they take her to the hospital? He still didn't know whether or not she'd actually been raped. He called Dana. "Hello?" "Dana? It's Ryan." "Oh, hi Ryan," she said. He didn't usually call her, and if he did, it was always concerning Jen. She had a feeling he'd found out about what happened. "Dana, you need to tell me what happened." She didn't say anything. She'd promised Jen she wouldn't tell. She racked her brain to think of a good lie. "Dana! Tell me!" he said, sounding as if he'd been crying, or still was maybe. Her heart melted, she'd thought Jen should have told him, and had told her so. "Is she okay?" he demanded. "Why didn't she tell me?" "Oh. Yeah, she's okay. She was pretty upset at first, she locked herself in the bathroom for like half an hour." Shit, he thought. "Did you call the police--wait, did he actually rape her or not?" "Oh, no!" she said. "He was about to, but she got him in the nuts finally and got out of the room." He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. What happened?" "Oh, well. She passed out in this bedroom and he went in and locked the door. She woke up when he was trying to." "Did he hurt her?" "Oh, not really. He grabbed her arms and pinned her down and stuff but he didn't hit her or anything. She was lucky she got out, though. He was fully ready to rape her. He had like, well, when the door got opened she was pulling up her underwear--she was wearing her jean skirt--and he was pulling his pants up. She was totally crying." "Why the fuck did you leave her there alone?" he demanded angrily. "Well, we thought she'd be okay! I mean, you don't fully expect someone to rape her just because she's passed out." "Dana, why didn't she tell me?" Ryan asked. "I don't know. And I'm not telling you this, okay? You didn't hear it from me. She made me promise I wouldn't tell you." "Why?" he demanded. "Why the hell didn't she want me to know?" "I don't know, maybe she thought you'd be mad or think she deserved it or something" "Why the fuck would I be mad? Do I sound mad at her?" "I don't know. I guess not." "I can't believe this. Why did I have to fall asleep? I wasn't there for her when she needed me. Maybe she's mad at me because I wasn't there?" "Oh, I don't think so." Now that he knew she was okay, he began to get angry. "She lied to me," he said. "How?" "Well, I asked her if anything happened and she said no. She told me that she left at like nine. She didn't, did she?" he asked rhetorically. "No. . . We left at like three or so." "Fuck. I can't believe she lied to me about this." Lying was a cardinal sin at his house. Dana said nothing, trying to think of anything else she could say. He saw headlights, then heard Will yelling that she was here. "Dana? I gotta go. She's here." "Oh, she's coming over? I didn't tell you anything!" she reminded. "I know, don't worry. Dana?" "Yeah?" "Thanks." "You're welcome I guess. Bye." "Bye." He heard the front door open, and his mom telling Jen that he was in his room. He heard her knock. He told her to come in. She walked in, smiling at him. She sat on the bed next to him. She's acting like nothing's wrong, he thought. Why are you acting like nothing's wrong? What the hell is the matter with you? he thought angrily. Why'd you fucking lie to me? He was completely staring at her. Oh, my God, she thought, he must know. He looks so pissed! "What?" she said defensively. "Why'd you lie to me?" he asked sullenly. "What? I didn't lie to you!" "Don't lie!" he said angrily. "Ryan!" "You didn't fucking tell me. Why couldn't you fucking tell me? You told me nothing happened!" "Ryan! Stop yelling at me," she said, trying not to cry. "I didn't lie to you. . . " she said pathetically. "Oh come off it." "Fine," she said tearfully, standing up. "Fine." "Where are you going?" he demanded. "I'm leaving," she said, bursting into tears. Ryan jumped up and blocked the door. "No! You can't just run away," he said, preventing her from opening the door. He was bigger than her; frustrated, she turned her back on him, sobbing. "No, you're just yelling at me. We can't talk if all you're gonna do is yell. I wanna go home!" she cried, her face in her hands. She leaned her head against his wall. "Let me leave!" she wailed. "No, come on," he said. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him. She wouldn't turn around, and tried to push his arms off her. "I'm not mad at you. I didn't mean to yell. Please can we talk? We need to." He held her in his arms, resting his chin on her head. "I love you," he whispered. She shook her head. "I'm sorry." He turned her around, and held her face in his hands while she wouldn't look at him. "No, it's not your fault. It's his fault." "No, I-I'm sorry I lied. I never meant to. I was just scared." He made her look at him. "Why were you scared?" "I don't know," she whined. "I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want you to know about it." "Why?" "Because then you'd make me talk about it!" she wailed. "Well, it hurts me that you couldn't tell me," he told her. "It hurts me that you lied." She buried her head on his shoulder, "I didn't mean to. . . " "I know," he said, even though he really didn't. She sat down on his bed, still crying. He laid down on his bed, burying his head in his pillow, still angry at her. He'd always told her he'd be there for her. Obviously she didn't think so. There must be something wrong with us if she couldn't tell me, he thought. He wanted to say that, but couldn't. Instead he wished she'd leave, really. He still loved her, but right then he wished she'd leave. She didn't want to talk about it anyway. What could he do? She laid down next to him. He looked at her. She looked so pathetic, and not very attractive with her eyes puffy and raccoon-like from crying. He couldn't tell her to leave though. He looked away. They just laid on the bed for several minutes, neither saying anything. "It- it was just so gross. It was like a dream," she finally whispered, staring at the ceiling. He felt guilty right away that he had wished she'd left. It must be hard for Jen to talk about it, he reasoned. He held her again, telling her it was okay. She pointed out his shirt, dirty from her makeup. "I'm sorry," she said. He shook his head at her, telling her not to worry about it. "I'm gonna kill him you know," he told her. "No! Ryan, no. I don't want you to get hurt!" "Don't worry." "No, please. They already beat him up. I think he's sorry." "Yeah, I'm sure he's sorry that he didn't get to finish. Man, Jen! I can't believe somebody would do that to you!" "Well, he was drunk. He probably didn't know what he was doing." That got Ryan mad again. "Whad'ya mean 'he was drunk'? Who cares?!?" he demanded. "I don't know," she said defensively. "I mean, I was just saying . . . " "Well, that's no excuse. I don't care if he was drunk. What he did still counts. Don't ever excuse someone's behavior just because they were drunk, not when it's something bad like this." She started crying again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell," he said, feeling bad. She shook her head. "No, I mean. . . I- I kept thinking one thing when it was happening. It was the worst part of it, of what almost happened." "What?" "I . . . " she cried. "I kept thinking that you wouldn't be the one who took my virginity. I wouldn't have been able to give it to you!" she sobbed. His heart broke. "Oh, Jen," he whispered. "I wouldn't have cared about that. I love you. Don't ever forget that, will ya?" She just cried. continued. . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. 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