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Please reply to an168729@anon.penet.fi and not address shown, thanks! @BEGIN_FILE_ID.DIZ Chapter 3 @END_FILE_ID.DIZ Matt dreaded Monday. He wanted to see her again, but was scared she would ridicule him in front of the whole school or tell him she hated him. What if Erik said something to her? He avoided his friends, Mike especially. He knew he'd be pressured for more details, and he regretted saying as much as he had already. His plan was to ignore her completely, make her think he didn't care. Nothing could be further from the truth. As it turns out, he needn't have worried about facing her Monday; she didn't go. They were both on the track team after school. Would she go at all? By the end of the day, he was praying she wouldn't. Erik had told all of their friends. Everyone knew. God, he hated himself for telling. Why the hell did he have to tell? Knowing his friends, they'd probably go up to her and ask her if it was true the first chance they got. She'd hate him then, definitely hate him if she didn't already. First period Spanish on Tuesday this guy Chad came in and said to him, "Hey Matt--I just saw your senior girlfriend. So you guys going out or what?" Shit, she's here! he thought. "No," he said, exasperated. "Why not?" "Shut up. . . " That's what it was like the rest of the day: people saying shit like that to him, people looking at him, talking about him. He felt like a celebrity in a sick way, most guys were jealous, he knew. He saw her briefly at lunch time, from a distance, going into the parking lot with Dana and some guy Jake. Erik asked him about Saturday night, if he'd gotten any more and he had to admit he hadn't. He hadn't told anybody what happened though. She probably already knows I've told, he thought. He wished he could just fast forward his life six months, a year. It'll be over by then he knew, people will have forgotten this by then. After school he was unbelievably nervous. He felt like he was going to throw up. She went to practice. She ignored him completely, not even a glance in his direction. She hates me, he thought, she fucking hates me. He was sitting with a couple of his friends, Terry and Michael, on the grass at one point. Jen had to go talk to the coach about something. She had no choice but to walk by him. She's coming this way, he thought in a panic. Suddenly his hands had a mind of their own, pulling grass out by the handfuls. His heart raced. Of course his friends had pointed her out to him when she showed up. They'd said, "God, Matt, aren't you going to go talk to her?" Now he prayed they would keep their mouths shut. Terry saw her coming their way first, and started poking Matt and laughing. She stared straight ahead and ignored them. "Aren't you going to talk to Matt?" asked Michael loudly. She ignored him, she was already talking to the coach, but he knew she must have heard. "Shut up!" he told him. "Leave her alone." He glanced at her. She was still talking the coach. The coach nodded, then walked past the boys sitting on the grass. Jen had to walk by them again. Matt wanted to run away as she started to, but he wasn't about to leave them alone with her. "Gonna ignore us are you?" asked Michael acidly. She finally looked at Michael, her eyes wide. "So, I hear you suck dick." Her eyes widened even more and she stopped walking. She swallowed, looking at Matt. She blinked a few times. He just stared at her, stunned. She bit her lip, her eyes filled with tears. Matt wanted to die. "Shut up," he mumbled to him. Terry was cracking up. "Hey, can I come over? You got a dope body," he said, looking her up and down. She ignored him, she kept staring at Matt, her eyes brimming with tears. "Shut up!" was all Matt could manage. He looked down at his hands, God, why can't she stop staring at me like that? He looked up again, meeting her steady gaze. Her eyes suddenly turned hostile, no longer sad. Her chest heaved up and down. Matt was petrified she was going to scream, "I HATE YOU!" at the top of her lungs. Instead, she spun on her heels and walked away. His friends were busy laughing. "Fuck you!" he said to them angrily. "Hey, we were only kidding man," said Terry. "Fuck you!" Matt yelled. He got his bag from the bench and left, wanting to kill himself as he peddled furiously home. He thought how easy it would be to swerve into traffic. He almost did it too, he'd never hated himself so much. ***** For the next week they completely avoided each other. Matt still thought about her constantly of course. His parents, knowing he was upset, pretty much left him alone. Mike wasn't talking to him though. He ignored Matt in class. Shit, what did I do? he thought. The following Monday, he said hi to her. It was a huge deal to Matt. Any "sighting" or actual confrontation with her was played out over and over in his mind. She was walking out of the girl's room during 4th period; Matt was going into the boy's room right next to it. She seemed startled when she saw him and just stared at him. He somehow found his voice and out came a "Hi." She looked down and mumbled hi back as she walked away. The next day after track it happened. Matt was unlocking his bike behind the school next to the field. It was pretty much deserted. He saw them walking toward him out of the corner of his eye. He only recognized Ryan out of the three of them. Ryan went to a different school; there was no normal reason he would be here at 6 PM when everybody was gone. He turned around to face him--them. They all just looked at him. "Comere," said Ryan. "I think you and I have to talk." He grabbed Matt's shoulder roughly. Matt pushed him away out of instinct. Ryan pushed him back, hard. Matt was scared to death; Ryan was at least 6 ft tall, 18, and had two friends with him. Matt looked around, desperately searching for someone or any way out. They dragged him behind the track where there was a dirt jogging trail. It was dark there practically. "What? What d'ya want?" he demanded, scared. "Little fucking punk!" spat Ryan as he pushed him, nearly knocking him over from the force. "I hear you took advantage of my girlfriend the other day." "No, I didn't." "Don't fucking lie to me asshole!" he said, pushing him again. Matt panicked, looking around. He suddenly turned and sprinted away as fast as he could. He didn't get far before he was knocked to the ground. He felt a blow to the back of his neck and he felt dizzy. He tried to get up but was pinned to the ground. He wrestled with Ryan, who was on top of him, maneuvering around onto his back. Ryan knelt over him, kneeing him in the groin. Matt's lower body exploded in pain and he groaned. Ryan hit him, hitting him in the mouth, then the nose. "Fucking bastard! What the hell is the matter with you? Think I wouldn't find out?" He hit him again, harder. Matt yelped, and Ryan hit him again in the face. "Mutherfucker! Jen doesn't love you--she would never even like you faggot! She loves me so forget it! She's my girlfriend! Goddamn faggot punk!" he spat. He hit him over and over, yelling at him and insulting him. Matt saw the hatred, pure evil hatred in Ryan's eyes as he knelt over him, saw it between blows. He stopped trying to kick him and get up and just took it, taking the blows one after another. His head ached, pinned to the dirt ground covered with leaves and sticks, as the tears rolled down his face. He wished the tears would stop, he wasn't crying really. Ryan was crazy. He kept hitting him, harder it seemed with each blow. Matt squeezed his eyes shut, trying to black out. He had no clue how long he laid there as Ryan continued to beat him. One of the other guys kicked him in the ribs, seething, "What kinda asshole takes advantage of a girl when she's drunk? You're fucking scum!" He kicked him again. Ryan was still hitting him, shouting that she hated Matt. "She hates you little goddamn rapist pig! You're trash you're dead!" He hit him again in the face one final time, then crawled off him, staggering up. Ryan put his forearm over his eyes and sobbed. Matt just lay there bleeding, with his eyes closed, praying they didn't have a gun. One of the guys dragged him to his feet, and he nearly fell down again. One held his shoulder to steady him, and Matt felt gratitude prematurely as the other guy punched him in the stomach. Matt doubled over but stayed on his feet thanks to the guy who held him up by his shoulder. Ryan, still crying, looked over at them from where he stood, leaning against the fence. The guy punched him in the ribs a few more times. One of the guys had Matt's arm twisted behind his back. "I'll break his fucking arm Ryan," he said as Matt let out a wail of pain. Ryan just shook his head, his eyes meeting Matt's. Ryan was the quarterback, the varsity one for his school, and Matt was the JV one for his. Was that why? He listened to him, and released his hold on him. Matt felt much gratitude toward Ryan, even under the circumstances. He couldn't believe Ryan was still crying, that he'd cried at all. Ryan just started walking away, not even waiting for his friends. One of the guys pushed Matt down again and kicked him in the groin, then the ribs again as he winced. "You tell anyone about this faggot rapist and you're dead. I'll do more than break your arm asshole," one said to him. They left him there in the dirt, barely conscious and crying, wishing they had killed him. Chapter 4 Matt finally made it home around 7 PM. His mother was frantic. All he wanted was to just take a bath and crawl into bed. As soon as she saw him, his face swollen and covered with blood and dirt, his shirt ripped and equally dirty, she just gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. She took him in her arms, crying, "What happened? Who did this to you?" Matt refused to tell her, finally just refusing to answer her questions at all. He burst into tears though when his mom mentioned Jen's name. His mother was furious. She knew that somehow that girl had caused this damage to her son. She threatened to call the police, but Matt freaked out at that. She wanted to talk to the girl. Matt wouldn't give her her phone number. She looked her up in the school directory, and upon finding her address she stormed over there, dragging a protesting and crying Matt with her. He couldn't face her, but he wasn't about to leave his mom alone with her. Some girl (wasn't her name Melissa? Matt wondered) answered the door, staring at him. She said Jen was in the pool. Now? he wondered. She led them out to the backyard. There were two more people there, plus there was a guy in the pool with her. He saw them coming and stared at them, while she was still underwater. Matt stared at her white silhouette as she raced underwater, diving for something apparently. The pool was lit. The guy called her name right as she came up, gasping for air and laughing as she threw a penny at the guy. He said something to her and she turned to look at them, both standing by the pool on the wet concrete. Her smile faded as she stared at Matt. He couldn't meet her gaze. He was petrified besides, of what was going to come of this. Was Ryan really going to kill him? He hated him, that's for sure. She slowly came to the pool's edge, her eyes glued on Matt. She climbed out of the pool, her hip dragging along the concrete edge, sliding one side of her bikini bottom down. Matt felt ashamed as he stared at her, at her body. It was so perfect. He flushed in the cool night air as his dick stiffened up a little. She just kept staring at him, walking toward him. She stood in front of him, and her hand went to her mouth the same way his mom's had. Her eyes filled with tears and her face crumpled up as she looked at him. Matt's face was completely swollen. His eyes were nearly swelled shut, both a dark purple color. Dried blood trickled from his nose, his left eyebrow, one ear, his mouth, and one eye. The blood vessels in that eye had been damaged so much the white of the eye was a crimson color. His neck was bruised and the rest of him was covered with blood as well. His head ached. His lips felt huge, swollen and clumsy. His mother was taken aback by the girl's reaction to her son's appearance. She had thought that she had something to do with it but now realized she hadn't. Matt just looked down, he couldn't meet her pitying look anymore. He stared at her breasts, remembering when he had kissed them and. . . "Ryan did this to you?" she whispered, one wet hand reaching for Matt's shoulder. Matt said nothing, his mind spinning from her touch. She asked again, but wasn't really asking, "Did Ryan do this to you?" Somehow, they all went inside. She got into a terry cloth robe. She kept crying and finally sobbed over and over about how it was all her fault. "No, it's not," Matt insisted. His mom got angry then. "Did you have him do this to my son? How could you do this?" she screamed. That guy who had been in the pool with her (Matt didn't know him but had hated him instantly) got mad at his mom, defending her. "Don't accuse her of that! She didn't do anything." "Well, it seems to me she did plenty!" his mom shot back. "Oh yeah well, maybe if he'd kept his mouth shut Ryan never would've hear about it in the first place." "Does that make it okay?" she demanded. "No, but he still would've been a lot better off if hadn't gone bragging to everyone about what they did!" he pointed out. Still dripping wet, Jen led Matt out of the kitchen and into her room. She didn't want to hear anymore of this, she just needed to be away from all of it. She felt so bad for him. It was her fault. His mom didn't even notice they'd left, not facing them. "Well, how do you know she didn't tell the guy?" she asked. "Oh, like she even talks to Ryan anymore!" "I'm going to call the police. First of all, she completely took advantage of him and he's a minor. Doesn't she know there are laws against that?" "Oh yeah well so's she. He's 15 right? And she's 17. Last I checked that makes *him* a rapist." His mom didn't answer him. Instead, she noticed they were gone. "Where'd they go?" she demanded. "Leave them alone. They need to talk." said Melissa. ***** She led him into her bathroom. He couldn't believe he was actually here with her. Was she still mad at him? Did she hate him? Ryan had said so. Maybe they had gotten back together. . . Sitting him down on the toilet, she went to work on him. She cleaned his face with a warm face cloth, washing off the blood and dirt. He just stared at her, shaking from her touch. He couldn't think of anything to say at all, only winced when she started putting antiseptic on his cuts. "It's gonna hurt a little. . . " she said, dabbing his eyebrow with cotton as he winced in pain. She held his face in her hands, his eyes staring up at her. She felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him, then angered at herself for thinking it. All the while she fought back more tears as she looked at his miserable appearance. She looked at him for a second, looked at his filthy t-shirt. She disappeared for a second while he looked around at her bathroom. It was very neat. She returned with a white t-shirt, clean and folded. She handed it to him with a shy smile, saying, "This is yours I think. . . " He recognized it as his white undershirt that he left at her house by accident that night. She was still looking at him. Was she pitying him? She must think I'm such a wimp, he thought. At least not as tough as Ryan. That was obvious enough. He realized that she was waiting for him to put it on. He wasn't ashamed of his body, he worked out and was much more developed than most other freshman. He peeled off his sweaty shirt, wincing from the pain as he lifted his arms above his head. He was going to put the shirt on but she told him to wait, getting another rag soapy and wet. Bare-chested in front of her, he tried to look as hard and cut as possible. She rung the washcloth out and approached him. Both realized the awkwardness of the situation as she bathed his upper body. They tried to get the memory of when she had done so much more for him out of their minds, especially Matt, who felt a familiar tingle in his groin from her touch on his bare chest. She wouldn't look him in the eye. She cleaned off his elbow, which had been cut by some stick when he'd been pinned to the ground. She touched it up with antiseptic, her soft hand on his shoulder. What was she going to do? he wondered. Just clean him up? Was she gonna talk to him then? She peered in at several discolorations on his chest. She reached for a particularly large one and applied a little pressure, and sure enough he flinched. She moved so she was no longer blocking the light and gasped. His entire upper body was covered with bruises that were just beginning to welt. She wondered if he had a few broken ribs--it certainly looked possible. "Oh, Matt," she whispered finally. "I'm so sorry. . . " She started to sob, wrapping her arms lightly around his shoulders so as not to hurt him. Ryan had beat him so severely. She rubbed his back for a second but stopped immediately. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. . . " she cried into his shoulders, still sitting on the edge of the bathtub. "I'm such a bitch. . . I hate him. . . I fucking hate him. . . It's all my fault. . . I hate myself. . . I'm such a bitch. . . I'm sorry. . . " Half of him tried to hate her, wanting to push her away and tell her she was right. But the other half was leaping for joy, his heart racing, that she was in his arms, the girl he dreamt about night after night. It wasn't a contest between those two halves. "No, don't say that," he whispered into her ear. "Please don't say that. It's my fault, it's my fault. I was wrong, not you." "Wrong?" she pulled away from him, her cheeks wet with tears. "What did you do? You didn't do anything. It was Ryan, not you." He fought back tears, his heart nearly breaking with the guilt and self-loathing he had felt since earlier this evening when he'd first heard the words. Rapist. "Well, you were drunk. And I shouldn't have told everybody. You were drunk you know what that makes me? A fucking rapist. You can have me arrested you know. I wouldn't blame you . I'm trash, scum," he muttered. "Oh, Matt," she snapped. "That's ridiculous. Why would you think you're a rapist? Did I protest?" she asked pointedly. "No," he admitted, nearly laughing from the way she asked him and the memory of her dragging him onto her bed. "Don't give me that alcohol bullshit. I knew what I was doing--you did not, I repeat, did *not* rape me." He thought about it. She leaned forward to look him in the eyes. "Why would you think you raped me?" she asked him quietly, already having an idea. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to get Ryan into any more trouble with her than he was already in, ironically. He knew Ryan still wanted her back. Unless he already had her back. . . He remembered their threats. "Matt, tell me what happened. I need to know," she implored. "Nah. It's not important and I don't really want to talk about it," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Well, it's important to me," she said. "I know it was Ryan--who else was there too?" "I don't know!" "Where did it happen?" "School," he muttered. "What happened? Please tell me," she begged. "Matt, please, I really need to know." Matt gave in. He sighed exasperatingly, "God, okay. He just said that I was a little punk and a rapist--'cause you were drunk you know--and that I was dead and stuff." He paused, not wanting to say, not wanting to even think about what else he'd said, about how she would never love--nor like--him. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind, they were too painful. Another painful thought came into his mind, but he couldn't make it leave. "What else?" she demanded. "Tell me everything." "You guys back together?" he asked quietly. Please say no please say no please say. . . "NO!!!" she cried. "Of course not. I'm never getting back together with that fucking jerk. Fuck him." "Oh" he said, relieved. "Well, anyway, he kept referring to you as his girlfriend. He said it at least twice, I think three times but I don't remember." "Oh really?" she snapped, her eyes angry. "Well he's just wrong. He's fucking crazy. What a dick!" she said. "Oh my God! I can't believe this." She got up and began pacing. "I have told him a million times that we're through. A fucking million. Well isn't this just fine and dandy. I don't believe this shit." She started rattling off all the times she'd told him to leave her alone and how he'd seemed to get it but maybe he was just some psycho. Matt wasn't really listening, he was guilty of looking at her body instead, still in the wet bikini covered by an unfastened robe. He wondered where his mom was. He stared at her breasts. Her nipples were hard under the wet material. He wondered if he could just take her now, right on the rug. . . He sort of snapped out of it when she walked into her room and returned with a photo in one of those cardboard frames you get from the photographer. She sat back down on the bathtub and leaned over his thighs, holding out the photo so they could both see it. It was a large group photo from a Homecoming or a prom. He recognized her, in Ryan's arms, clad in a tight black dress. Oh, Homecoming, he thought, as he saw the gold embossed letters on the bottom. This year's Homecoming at Ryan's school. "Did he come with him? Did he hit you too?" she asked, pointing out one guy. Matt looked closely. He was pretty sure that was one of the guys. He didn't say anything, but looked at the other people. God she has a lot of friends, he thought. There was at least six couples there. He recognized the other guy. "Did he? Don't be scared to tell," she soothed. "I'm not scared," he said, annoyed. I'm not a wimp, he thought angrily. Of course, he didn't blame her for thinking so under the circumstances. "Come on," she begged. "Tell me." "Yeah," he admitted, pointing. She could get anything from him, he thought, he could never say no to her. "It was that guy and that guy. . . " "Shit. I knew it." She snapped the picture closed and got up and tossed it onto the bed. She stood in the doorway of the bathroom and looked at him. "They're gonna pay for what they did to you I hope you know. Ryan is gonna pay, the fuckin' asshole," she said decidedly. "No, don't worry about it. I mean, they're gonna kill me I swear," he said, trying to sound matter-of-fact and not quaking in his boots. "No, they won't!" she insisted, walking over to him. He was eye-level with her breasts and they grabbed his attention. She kneeled on the rug between his knees. Oh my God, he thought for a second. Is she gonna do it? Is she gonna suck my dick? Suck it suck it his mind screamed. He soon felt ashamed of his one track mind, of his dirty thoughts, when she handed him his shirt from off the floor and continued talking. "I promise they won't hurt you. I bet you Matt, Ryan will be apologizing to you before too long, you'll see!" she smiled up at him. "I wouldn't count on it," he said uneasily. He put his shirt on, trying to flex his muscles at the same time. "You didn't deserve this at *all* Matt." He just shrugged. "You didn't! I'm telling you, you didn't! Say you didn't deserve it," she instructed, giving him a small smile. "I didn't deserve it," he obeyed. She smiled. "You know, maybe you should go to the hospital. You know, to get x-rayed. You could have a cracked rib or something." "Nah, I'm okay," he declined, macho, staring down at the girl between his legs, her hands on his thighs, and hoping she wouldn't look down and see the effect she was having on him. He gratefully pulled his shirt down. "Sure?" she asked. The concern showed on her face. His heart poured with love for her. His eyes locked with hers. Kiss kiss kiss. . . he thought. "Well, I hope you're right," she said, interrupting his thoughts. She smiled at him, in a motherly sort of way, he thought. Fuck. She stood up, and got a large bandaid out of a drawer to put over the cut on his elbow. There was a knock on her bedroom door when she started peeling off the little adhesives. She said loudly, "Come in. . . " Oh God, he thought as he saw her, my mom. He'd had prayed she'd magically disappeared. His mom walked in and looked at them, in the corner of the bathroom. Her son and his first lover, who was now bandaging him up. She was doing the job she, his mom, should have done, instead of dragging him out to get answers, she thought guiltily. Matt did look much better, she had to admit. "Hello," his mom said, not in an unfriendly manner. "Hi," she said in a small voice. Then in a more confident one to Matt, "You look 100% better." "Thank you. . . " his mom said. "No problem," she said, smiling down at Matt. "Um, Matt, we should probably go now. Are you ready?" "Yeah, I'll be out in a second," he said, giving his mom a pointed look. Please leave please he begged silently. His mom took the hint and left. She threw away the trash from the most recent bandaid and then looked at him, unsure whether he wanted to talk to her or whether he had to go to the bathroom. He stared at her for a second, then cleared his throat. He paused. Finally, he opened his mouth and said, "Yeah, thanks." Not at all what he intended to say, but he just couldn't say it, no way could he tell her what he wanted to, what he was feeling inside. He desperately wanted to pull her to him and whisper in her ear, "I love you." She smiled at him, that gorgeous, fantastic smile of hers that he wished he could see every day for the rest of his life. She (gently of course) pulled him up and gave him the best bear hug she could manage without hurting him. He rested his chin on the top of her head, his lips pursed, his eyes looking up at the ceiling while he fought back tears. She pulled back, still smiling at him. She looked so beautiful, even with her hair pulled back in a wet pony tail and her eye makeup smudged. "You know, you're gonna kill me if I say this. . . " she said, jokingly but yet serious. "But, well!" "What? Say what?" That you want me to fuck the hell out of you now? he thought wistfully. "Don't get mad. Don't think I'm lame but. . . " she continued. "You know, we can be friends. I want to be friends. I know every guy hates it: 'We can be friends!'" she said, imitating girls, in a high voice. She winced, pretending to prepare for him to get mad. She's so cute, he thought. Matt groaned, joking too. "Not friends! Not the F-word!" he laughed. Her face turned serious. He smiled at her, the happiest he'd been since that night, but his fragile male ego still ached. Of course we hate the friend word, he thought, it means we're compromising. We're giving up what we really want. "That doesn't sound too bad," he said. She smiled. "Good! I mean it, you know Matt, if you need someone to talk to or anything, you can always call me." He smiled. "Okay," he said. "You can call me too." Once he said it he wished it back, now what if she doesn't call? he thought. Fuck, he thought, realistically, I doubt she'll call me. But she just smiled. She gave him another hug, kissing him on the cheek. Remembering his soiled shirt, they left her room and went out, passing her living room where a few people were watching TV. God, he thought, on a weeknight? Her house is party-central. His mom wasn't in there, she was waiting in the car. She said good-bye again, friendly. He punched her on the arm good naturedly, and she attempted to tousle his hair but he was too quick. She opened the door, and Matt left, with his own bye. She watched him climb into the car, then closed the door. Could he be any cuter? she thought to herself. Then she got angry. Chapter 5 Matt sat in the front seat, silent. His mom spoke first, "So, honey, how are you feeling? You look much better." "Fine." "I should have made sure you were okay before we came here," she said. "It doesn't matter now," he answered. "Oh. Well. . . " she paused. "So, are you going to be seeing a lot of her?" "No," said Matt, sullenly. God, why did his parents always have to be so nosy? "Oh. I was just wondering," she said. "She seems very nice actually. . . " "Actually?" "Well, I just mean that she's a nice girl." "Yes, she is." "Oh. I was talking to her friends. They were quite nice too." "What did you talk about?" "Well, well, we talked about her situation. With her ex-boyfriend and what happened with him, and you. . . " "Oh." "She has a lovely house. Her parents travel a lot you know." "Yeah, I know." "It's too bad that she has to live by herself so much. I guess that's why she has so many friends over, to keep her company." "I guess," he said, thinking, I'll keep you company! "Her friend was saying that she was very close with her boyfriend's family. It's a shame when things like that happen you know." "I guess." They pulled into the driveway, Matt relieved the conversation was over and hoping his parents wouldn't bring her up anymore. ***** Jen pulled into Ryan's driveway, like she had so many times. She didn't allow herself to pause, but still kept running what she was going to say to him over and over in her mind as she jumped out of her car. She rang the doorbell, something she hadn't done in a long time. Ryan looked at her through the window, but she purposely avoided looking at him. He opened the door, his eyes wide. "Hi!" he said, brightly. She stared at him. Then she hit him as hard as she could. He reeled backwards, his hand to his mouth. "You fucking prick!" she seethed. "What?!?" he demanded. "Oh, that was so fucking low. Three against one, real classy Harper." "Oh, what, you're like his protector now or something?" he asked, admitting it. "Oh, screw you. How could you do that? How could you do that to the kid?" "Oh, he's a kid now, is he?" Ryan asked sarcastically, wiping blood from his chin. "To you he is. What's the matter with you?" she screamed at him. "Why'd you do that?!? "He deserved it." "Oh fucking bullshit. Bullshit he did. You're the one that deserves to get the shit beat out of you. Oh, and let's get this straight, okay? You are not my boyfriend, and I am not your girlfriend! Can you say that?" she asked in a Mr. Rogers'-type voice. "No. I won't admit that. You say that I broke up with you, but hell no! I told you I was sorry babe. I didn't mean it--I've told you that a thousand times!" he whined. "Oh yeah well too late for that. God, how could you *do* that?!? You're even more of an asshole that I thought," she told him, in tears. "And let's get something else straight, okay? You are not to lay--and no one else you know either!--are not to lay a goddamn fingernail on that boy. Do you hear me? I know you better than anyone else Ryan, and I can *hurt* you better than anyone else can, got it?" she threatened. "You've already hurt me," he told her, fighting back tears. She ignored the tears, keeping her heart cold. "Good. Not nearly as much as you've fucking hurt me I bet! God you're such a jerk," she told him, shaking her head. "I can't believe you would do such a thing! Actually, I can. . . " she added angrily, determined she wouldn't cry. "You're not going out with him, are you?" he asked in horror. "No! But what does that have to do with it? If I was, it wouldn't be any of your business right?" she asked. He didn't answer. "Right?" she snapped. "Right," he said, rolling his eyes. "You're such a jerk. And don't believe for a fucking second that he raped me. Nothing could be further from the truth, you know. Rape victims usually don't cum a couple times," she added. He didn't say anything, just stared at the ground, her comment going straight to his heart like a dagger. He couldn't fight back tears anymore. She noticed, and her heart raced. But she still hated him. "Good-bye!" she told him, disgusted. He grabbed her arm. "No, come in. Let's talk. Please let's talk. Just give me that." She got a glimpse of Will, Ry's little brother, walking in the kitchen towards them. Will looked at her, then his brother, who was wiping away tears, then back at her. Her heart ached, she loved Ryan's family like her own. Will was like her own little brother. But she hardened her heart, and shook his arm off. "No, it's too damn late." She spun around and ran to her car, and he didn't follow her, thank God. He knew her, he knew when she was angry and when she was *angry*. She'd probably run him over with the car, the way she felt now. Chapter 6 They'd first started going out freshman year. She'd been together with this guy, Danny, since about the first week of school. She really liked Danny. Danny was fairly inexperienced as far as dating went, but she didn't know that, you wouldn't from the way he acted. Plus, he was gorgeous. Essentially, he broke up with her. It wasn't that he didn't like her. Actually, he liked her a lot. The problem was, he didn't know what to do with her. Should he call her every night? Eat lunch with her every day? Trivial problems, but when you're a freshman, trivial problems are like catastrophes. He tried to act cool, and basically ended up ignoring her. Around October, she finally asked him. "Do you want to go out with me or not?" The answer wasn't yes, in fact it wasn't even an answer yet that night when she met Ryan. She'd asked Danny's friend to give him the message Friday morning, but she'd neither heard nor seen Danny or the friend all day. Friday night she went out with her friends, Melissa and Dana, and these two sophomore guys. One of them had played soccer with Ryan. "Harper," they kept calling him. Anyway, they went up to Ryan's house in the hills to see what he was up to. All of them sat around in his living room for awhile, playing Sega while waiting for someone to call Ryan back. Ryan noticed her right away. He liked her looks right away anyway, but she didn't seem particularly friendly. She was very quiet and fairly unreceptive to any suggestions people made. She didn't want anything to drink, she wanted to keep her jacket on, she didn't want to play winner. So Ryan instead focused his attentions on the Melissa girl, who had been flirting with him somewhat, but it soon became obvious that she had something going with one of the sophomores. The bitch (as he called her mentally during that first brief hour) actually sat in his kitchen and talked to his *dad* for awhile. When she was in there, one of the guys commented on her and what a bundle of laughs she was. Dana mentioned that she was upset because she was breaking up (maybe) with her boyfriend. So Ryan thought about it for a few minutes, then noticed it quiet in the kitchen and went in. His dad had gone back to his bedroom, and she was now sitting alone quietly at his kitchen table, slowly tracing the placemat pattern with her fingertip. He sat down across from her, and she looked up at him and gave a half-hearted smile, then looked back down at the table. She didn't want to him to think she was a bitch, so she looked back up at him and gave him a more genuine one. It was his house after all, and she'd just gotten through talking to his dad, who was a real sweetheart, so she ought to be nice to him. "Having fun?" he asked, teasing her a bit. "Oh, yeah, tons," she answered sarcastically. He leaned forward. "So, you sad?" he asked. She just shrugged her shoulders. "What's your name again?" he asked. "I'm Ryan. I live here," he added. "I know," she said. "I'm Jen." That's right, he knew that. "So," he said. "You want to talk about it? Your friend said you were having problems with your boyfriend." Good, he knows I have a boyfriend, she thought gratefully. "Well, kinda," she said. "What's the matter? I don't know, maybe I can give you a guy's perspective, if you want." "Well, aright." "So, what's up?" "Well, we've only been going out since the beginning of the year. He's just. . . I don't know. I mean, I really like him and stuff but he's just such a butt!" Ryan laughed. The girl had attitude, he could see. "What's he do?" "Well, he's sorta mean to me." "What--he doesn't hit you, does he?" asked Ryan, concerned. "Oh, no! Nothing like that!" "I was gonna say, I mean, if he's beatin' on you I'd probably have to kick his ass." That made her uncomfortable, but she just continued talking to him anyway. "No, he just ignores me." "He ignores you?" "Yeah, I mean, he never calls me. I have to call him if I want to talk to him. And he doesn't hang out with me at school or anything. We've gone out to lunch a couple times but not lately. So, it's like we never talk, you know? I mean, we never even see each other. Not lately anyway. He says he likes me but I wish he'd just, I don't know," she shrugged. "You're right, he sounds like a real butt," agreed Ryan. "So, well, I asked his friend to give him the message that I wanted to know what was up, whether he still wanted to be with me or not. Anyway that was this morning and I haven't heard anything." "Is he a freshman?" "Yeah." "You're a freshman, right?" "Yeah." "Um, I think that you should. . . " he began. He couldn't just say "Just dump him and go for me," she'd think he was a jerk. Plus he'd promised her advice. "Well, first of all you should wait and see what he says. If he calls you. Don't call him--he should call you. If he says he wants to be together with you still, then tell him how you feel and find out what his problem is. And tell him that things need to change." "That's what I was planning on doing." "And of course, if he *doesn't* call you, like, by tomorrow night, unless he's out of town or something, which if he is you didn't mention. . . " "He's not," smiled Jen. ". . . or if he calls you and says 'I don't knooooooooooow' then you should get rid of him because he's a dork." Jen shrugged. "I guess so." The phone rang then and Ryan leapt up to get it. Ryan told the others the "lowdown" as soon as he got off. His friend was coming over to get him and they were going to someone else's house. The guys and Dana and Melissa wanted to go too so they all stood around in the kitchen waiting for him. When he finally showed up Melissa suggested Jen go with Ryan and his friend Josh because it was easier then them all squishing in the Bug again. Ryan was pleased and insisted that she sit in the front seat. She was very quiet and not at *all* pleased about being in the car with these two guys she didn't know, plus going to the house of someone else she didn't know. All she just wanted to do was go home, and check to see if Danny had called, and if he hadn't then cry. Cry, which she felt like doing when Josh asked her if she had a boyfriend. She was scared he was going to hit on her, which she *hated*, because she didn't ever know how to act when that happened. But Josh just said "Oh" when she said she did and then turned up the music louder. Jen wanted to turn and smile at Ryan, because, after all, that is what they had been talking about, but she just didn't feel like being friendly tonight. Ryan thought she was cute and girlfriend potential as opposed to just a lay, which of course he wouldn't mind. Ryan thought if he didn't get laid pretty soon he'd explode. Of course, he thought hastily, he would never rule anyone out as "just a lay." His life wasn't *that* good. They didn't talk much more that night because she left pretty soon after they got to the house. He'd lost track of her after they got there because this blonde he'd never met was flirting with him fairly heavily. Later, after he didn't get anything like usual, he thought about the sad girl he'd met earlier with the big blue eyes and long brown hair. He got Dana's number from Colin, and called her up to ask about Jen. Dana said that Danny had called her, but he was a "total butt" and acting indifferent to her so she said, "Then I guess we're not together anymore if that's the way you're acting," and he'd said, "I guess not." It wasn't the clean break Ryan was hoping for, but he wasn't disappointed. He was a little though when Dana said she thought Jen would be mad if she gave her phone number to him. Before he could get insulted Dana explained that it wasn't him, but that it would probably take awhile before she would get over Danny, the way she was apparently. But Dana said she'd see what she could do as far as getting them together. continued. . . ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to help@anon.penet.fi. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. Read the help file to prevent this. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to admin@anon.penet.fi.