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-
- J O L T D O O M
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- Brought to you by Banished CPU
-
-
- ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
- │ To install this patch, simply unzip the files into your DOOM │
- │ directory. (Registered version is required.) Then type "JOLT". To │
- │ uninstall, type "UNJOLT". Have fun! │
- └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
-
-
-
- Enter the Age of J-J-J-JOLT
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-
- The people of Earth are ADDICTED TO JOLT! In fact, Earth has been
- plagued with Jolt for hundreds of years. Among the general populace, Jolt
- has caused mutations, cancers, and worse...
-
- Jolt mutated EVERYONE who drank it. Most of the mutants died from
- their own hideous deformities. Still others perished in the perpetual
- maelstrom of caffeine-induced violence. But some survived.
-
- You, a rare person who never drank Jolt, are about to meet these awful,
- Jolt-addicted mutants face-to-face...
-
- The scientists of Earth (otherwise known as Nerds) strove valiantly to
- save the people from Jolt. In the end, however, the Nerds became more
- addicted to Jolt than anyone else!
-
- The corrosive cola ate through their stomach walls. In fact, it ate
- their WHOLE BODIES away! Now, all that is left of the Nerds is their
- skulls. And the Nerds are still as addicted to Jolt as ever! Their
- never-ending withdrawal symptoms include flames coming out of their skulls.
- Oh yes, and their Jolt-induced mutations have resulted in telekinetic flying
- abilities. They go around flaming, flying, screaming, flaming, flying...
- You get the idea.
-
- Be forewarned: So great is the fury of the Nerds at not being able to
- satiate their Jolt addiction that they devote all of their energies to the
- task of slaughtering those who can still drink Jolt! The brain-damaged Nerd
- Skulls have one overriding philosophy: "If we can't drink Jolt, no one else
- can either!"
-
- Many Nerd Skulls are quite insane. They try to fly into you and knock
- your head off, in hopes of attaching themselves to your body so they can
- resume their drinking of Jolt... Deep, deep insanity.
-
- The surviving mutants were so diverse that distinct species emerged.
- One of these species is exceptionally hideous. Cancer is the norm for these
- creatures. They are red and extremely bloated. They also have a mutation
- which allows them to fly (much like the Nerd Skulls). They are so
- grotesque, they are rumored to be related to slugs or Oprah Winfrey. You
- will soon see them, along with the other species of Jolt-addicted mutants,
- for yourself.
-
- One of your best weapons against these mutants will be a Jolt Launcher.
- The Jolt Launcher has replaced the traditional Rocket Launcher; the noxious
- power of Jolt is even more terrible than rockets!
-
- HEED THIS FINAL WARNING: Jolt has caused chronic gastrointestinal
- problems in the mutants. Many of them even belch when they are dead...
-
-
-
- Banished CPU supports Freedom of Speech!
-
- ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
- │ 28800 bps (9 lines with V.Fast)...........(503) 232-9202 │
- │ 14400 bps (11 lines with V.32bis).........(503) 232-6566 │
- │ 9600- bps (12 lines with V.32)............(503) 232-5783 │
- └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
-
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- <end of file>
-