NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/soc/singles/38241

Internet Message Format | 1993-01-28 | 5.1 KB

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From: [e-mail] (Charles R. Martin)
Newsgroups: soc.singles
Subject: Re: Credibility and Trueness
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 26 Jan 93 22:39:27 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
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Organization: UNC Department of Computer Science
Lines: 98
NNTP-Posting-Host: grover.cs.unc.edu
In-reply-to: [e-mail]'s message of Tue, 26 Jan 1993 19:03:50 GMT

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Edward V. Wright) writes:

   In <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Charles R. Martin) writes:

   >Now, Ed, let's see.  I've been a successful engineer,

   Meaning you're no longer successful or you're no longer an
   engineer?  (Did Dr. Feelgood use a little too much voltage?)

Meaning my job title is no longer "engineer" and since there are no PE
exams for software engineering I don't use the title much.  I certainly
don't fight with people for calling me one.

   >I'm now a quite successful consultant, and I'm about to finish a PhD.

   Congratulations.

Thank you.

   >I've got publications in literary criticism, computer science, and history;
   Good start.  Before you know it, you'll have to add a second shelf.

That's why God invented tearsheets.

   >I've also published fiction and won national "new writer" awards.

   Mainly consolation prizes for those who can't get money for their
   work, but at least they will impress the lit-crit crowd.

Actually, I do get paid occasionally, although not as often as I would
like.  But you're not too far wrong -- the prizes are sort of
consolation prizes.  On the other hand, they represent being out in the
3-sigmas area -- a WotF award means my fiction was chosen ahead of
perhaps 1000 others, and behind only 3-4.  So I'm pleased enough for now.

   >I've had maybe a half dozen Relationships before that, and in the
   >same 18 months that you have been bitching about not being able to
   >get a date I've dated at least a dozen women -- even though by the
   >standards of the fitness mavens you rave about I'm between 20 and 60 lbs
   >overweight.

   You mean you weigh 20-60 pounds more than Arnold Schwarzenegger,
   Lou Ferigno, Hulk Hogan, or "Refrigerator?"  That is impressive,
   if true.

You've missed the part about Perry fighting to get his weight down, eh?
Anyway, what I mean precisely is that my body fat has crept up to around
21 percent, when various people would claim it ought to be maybe 5-15
percent to be really good.  6 percent of my body weight is only 16
pounds.  On the other hand, the usual height-weight charts would say I
should weight 192 pounds max.  Thus a rough 20-60 pounds.

   However, I doubt you would ever be satisfied with your body
   no matter what it looked like.  You could be Mr. Fitness himself,
   and you'd probably still moan about how you "should be" doing more.

You just aren't hearing me, are you, Ed?  I'm saying precisely the
opposite -- I'm aware of what I'd like to do for my own vanity, and what
needs to be done to make that work out.  But it isn't as important to me
right now as getting this grant out or finishing my dissertation.  And
it isn't impeding my happiness or my ability to get dates.

   Especially while you keep going back to those head-doctors.
   They'll reinforce your feelings of inadequacy because, as
   long as you feel you "need help," you'll keep coming back
   for more $50 an hour "treatments."

You just aren't getting it.  *I* don't feel inadequate.  Just the
opposite.  Five years ago I did.  What's the difference?  Three years of
therapy.

   >And yet I'm in therapy and you're not.

   >Do you see any pattern here?

   Yep.  You've decided, for some reason, that there's something
   "wrong" with you -- your mind as well as your body -- and
   allowed a bunch of witch doctors and confidence men to prey
   upon those feelings while they bleed your wallet.  The fact
   is there is nothing wrong with you, that I can see, except
   for a poor self-image because you will not accept yourself
   the way you are (as opposed to the way your fitness books
   say you should be).

So there is nothing wrong with me, and I've ended up getting treatment
for something that isn't there.  Fine, that's a legitimate opinion.  I
don't agree, but it's legitimate.

But Ed -- it there's nothing wrong with me, and I'm happy, successful,
and dating up a storm, that's easily explained.

Why are you unhappy and not dating?
--
        Charles R. Martin/(Charlie)/[e-mail]
     Dept. of Computer Science/CB #3175 UNC-CH/Chapel Hill, NC 27599-3175
        3611 University Dr #13M/Durham, NC 27707/[phone]
     "Oh God, please help me be civil in tongue, pure in thought, and able
      to resist the temptation to laugh uncontrollably.  Amen." -- Rob T