NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/soc/singles/37721

Internet Message Format | 1993-01-24 | 10.5 KB

Xref: sparky soc.singles:37721 alt.sex:43028 talk.politics.misc:69521
Newsgroups: soc.singles,alt.sex,talk.politics.misc
Path: sparky!uunet!paladin.american.edu!darwin.sura.net!sgiblab!wetware!drieux
From: [e-mail] (drieux, just drieux)
Subject: A first Step!!!!
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (Usenet News Account)
Nntp-Posting-Host: vladimir
Organization: Castle WetWare Philosopher and Sniper
References: <[e-mail]>
Date: Sun, 24 Jan 1993 07:55:12 GMT
Lines: 265


Ok Kiddies, below is a Step In the RIGHT Direction
for the Only MeaningFul Alternative to HeteroSexuality!

If We Can NOT outright OutLaw it, Lets at least
try to clarify the Legal Obligations of all parties
involved. And I believe that Seeker has started us in
the correct direction....

We Lookforward to the Proper FHC {Federal Hetro Commission}
guideLines, as well as the Appropriate OSHA Policy GuideLines,
as well as the Implementation of the IRS codes, as well as
the Requisite AA Policy Guideline Statemenst....

And then we move on to the Regulatory Statements from
the Appropraite Governmental Bodies....

Sorry Kids, This Stuff IS TOO DANGEROUS For Amatuers!
So There of Course will Need to be Clarifications of
Licencings, and Unions.....

but I think its going in the right direction.....

ciao
drieux


[e-mail] (Seeker) writes:
]
]     I saw this in a pull-out ad in the British Edition of GQ magazine.
] I got a laugh out of it, and thought I would share it...
]
]
]
]
]
]      A S S I G N M E N T   O F   S E X U A L   R I G H T S
]      -----------------------------------------------------
]
]     made the   /   /   (date)
]
]     BETWEEN
]
]     Name:___________________________________________________________
]
]     Address:________________________________________________________
]
]     ________________________________________________________________
]
]     of the one part
]     (the female party, hereinafter called "the Assignor")
]
]     - AND -
]
]     Name:___________________________________________________________
]
]     Address:________________________________________________________
]
]     ________________________________________________________________
]
]     of the other part
]     (the male party, hereinafter called "the Assignee")
]
]     WHEREAS:
]
]     A. The Assignor is absolute owner of her body and person
]     B. The Assignor has agreed to certain rights of possession of her
]        person to the Assignee upon and subject to the terms and
]        conditions hereinafter appearing
]
]     WHEREBY IT IS AGREED as follows:
]
]  I.
]
]     In the event that the Assignor agrees to leave the restaurant/place
]     of entertainment/other venue in the company of the Asignee with the
]     express purpose of repairing with the Assignee to his place of
]     residence, the Assignor hereby warrants and undertakes the Assignee
]     that:
]
]     (1) the Assignor is willing to consider discussions of intimacy by
]     virtue of having decided to accompany the Asignee inside his place
]     of residence
]     PROVIDED THAT the record/tape cassette/CD collection of the Assignee
]     is not of a ludicrous nature
]
]     (2) the Assignor is willing to seat herself on the sofa in a position
]     adjecent to the Assignee
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assinee offers the Assignor a hot beverage of
]     decaffeinated coffee or camomile tea in a mug that is not chipped
]     at the rim.
]
]     (3) that the Assignor is willing to submit herself to the gaze of the
]     Assignee
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee makes a suitable complimentary remark about
]     her visage without resort to vulgar cliche', and
]     PROVIDED THAT he does not take an unreasonable period of time to throw
]     his arm across the back of the sofa and therby assume an open and non-
]     frigid bodily attitude towards the Assignor
]
]     (4) the Assignor grants permission to the Assignee to perform an
]     osculation (hereinafter refered to as "a kiss") upon her lips
]
]     (5) the Assignor grants permission to the Assignee to introduce his
]     tounge into her oral cavity for the purpose of mutual stimulation
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee takes all resonable steps to insure that his
]     tongue, mouth, and breat are not unpleasantly scented, and
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee indemnifies the Assignor against all costs
]     and expenses incurred in connection with the dislodgement of dental
]     work.
]
]  II.
]
]     In the event that the Assignor answers affirmative to the question of
]     the Assignee "Do you wish to have an emotionall fulfilling experience
]     that involves our removing all out clothes and rediscovering the ways of
]      our ancestors?", the Assignor hereby warrants and undetakes that she is
]     free of all encumbrance in the way of sexually transmittable disease
]     insofar as she has taken all resonable steps to ascertain her medical
]     condition in this regard by means of an HIV test
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee warrants and undertakes the same
]
]  III.
]
]     The Assignor herby warrants and undertakes the Assignee that:
]     (1) the Assignor will remove her clothing with despatch
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee undertakes not to cause delay by taking
]     time to fold his clothing
]
]     (2) the Assignor is prepared to perform an act of oral stimulation upon
]     the genitalia of the Assignee (hereinafter called "the member")
]
]     (3) the Assignor will keep in mind at all times the fact that said
]     member is sensitive to unintended scraping action of human teeth.
]
]     (4) the Assignor grants permission for the Assignee to perform an act of
]     oral stimulation upon the genitalia of the Assignor (hereinafter called
]     "the perfumed garden")
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee undertakes to discover the precise
]     whereabouts of the clitoris (hereinafter called "the love button"),
]     of the Assignor and to apply his tongue gently and vigorously thereto,
]     and PROVIDED THAT such stimulation is applied continously for a minimum
]     period of _____ minutes and a maximum period of _____ minutes (if
]     indeterminate, this space should be left blank)
]
]     (5) the Assignor grants permission for the Assignee to introduce his
]     member into the perfumed garden for the purpose of performing sexual
]     intercourse with her
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignee agress to perform his material obligations
]     in respect to the said act, namely he should engage enthusiastically
]     in sexual congress for a minimum period of ____ minutes and a maximum
]     period of ____ minutes (or blank as above)
]
]     (6) the Assignor will not make any exclamations or ululations as
]     counterfeit of achieving the state of satisfaction commonly known
]     as "the orgasm"
]
]     (7) the Assignor will duly perform all of her material obligations
]     arising out of this agreement.
]
]  IV.
]
]     The Assignee hereby warrants and undertakes the Assignor that:
]
]     (1) the Assignee has about his person a sufficient supply of
]     prophylactic barries and and that he will introduce such barriers
]     into the proceedings with all due delicacy.
]
]     (2) in permitting the Assignor to perform an act or oral stimulation
]     upon his member he does not allow his thrustings of said member to
]     exceed resonable bounds
]
]     (3) the Assignee will give full rien to exclamations of pleasure and
]     delight in token of his earnest desire to avoid embarrasment to the
]     Assignor who may otherwise be ashamed at achieving satisfaction in
]     advance of him
]
]     (4) the Assignee will initiate a post-coital conversation of reasonable
]     duration about significant issues in the field of sexual politics not
]     merely confined to the enquiry "Was it good for you?" and will make
]     comments about the person of the Assignee which are to her advantage.
]
]     (5) the Assignee will also supply a copious amount of kisses to the
]     Assignor
]
]   V.
]
]     In the event that the Assignor elects to return home after sexual
]     congress and the aforesaid reasonable period of post-coital
]     conversation, the Assignee hereby warrants and undertakes the Assignor
]     that:
]
]     (1) the Assignee will make the call for a local minicab/taxi to
]     transport the Assignor to her residence, or
]
]     (2) the Assignee will offer to accompany the Assigor on her journey home
]
]  VI.
]
]     In the event that the Assignor elects to stay the night at the residence
]     of the Assignee the said Assignee hereby warrants and undertakes the
]     Assignor that:
]
]     (1) the Assignee will furnish a pillow for the Assignor even if that
]     pillow is the only one available
]
]     (2) the Assignee will have removed from prominent display in the
]     bathroom all medicinal treatments for common male ailments (eg:
]     athlete's foot powder/Quellada lotion for the extermination of
]     crustaceans, etc.)
]
]     (3) the Assignee will have removed from prominent display in the bedroom
]     all photographic representation of present and/or former girlfriends.
]
]     (4) the Assignee will offer the Assignor first bath the following morning
]     without any ulterior thought that in doing so he might ensure that a
]     cooked breakfast will await him on the kitchen table when he emerges
]     from the bathroom
]
]     (5) the Assignee will keep a reserve of frozen croissants and orange
]     juice and will offer such comestibles to the Assignor
]
]     (6) the Assignee will take due and proper care to address the Assignor
]     by her own forename and not that of another person of indeterminate
]     status
]
]     (7) the Assignee will furnish a steam iron so that the Assignor may
]     press her garment(s) for use the following morning.
]
]  VII.
]
]     The Assignee hereby warrants and undertakes the Assignor that:
]
]     (1) the Assignee will establish contact with the Assignor at some stage
]     during the 24 hours following the date
]     PROVIDED THAT the Assignor undertakes not to subject the workplace of
]     the Assignee to a brrages of calls and messages
]
]     (2) the Assignee will within a reasonable period bestow some token of
]     affection upon the Assignor
]
]     (3) the Assignee will duly perform all his material obligations arising
]     out of this agreement
]
] ____________________________________________________________________________
]
]     AS WITNESS the hands of the parties hereto the day and year first
] above written
]
]     SIGNED by ______________________________________________________________
]
]     in the presence of _____________________________________________________
]
]
]     SIGNED by ______________________________________________________________
]
]     in the presence of _____________________________________________________
]


--
MajorModernDayProblems:

sometimes, a thing will happen after another thing,
and they may not be connected.....