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- Path: sparky!uunet!pipex!unipalm!uknet!keele!nott-cs!lut.ac.uk!cormc
- From: R.M.Chandler@lut.ac.uk
- Newsgroups: soc.motss
- Subject: Re: Tips for coming out to friends?
- Message-ID: <1993Jan25.221008.2626@lut.ac.uk>
- Date: 25 Jan 93 22:10:08 GMT
- References: <1993Jan21.035753.5353@Princeton.EDU> <93023.055143BURGER@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> <1jrdj1INNe5a@mizar.usc.edu>
- Reply-To: R.M.Chandler@lut.ac.uk (Richard Chandler)
- Organization: Loughborough University, UK.
- Lines: 55
-
- In article <1jrdj1INNe5a@mizar.usc.edu> adolphso@mizar.usc.edu (adolphson) writes:
- >In article <93023.055143BURGER@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> bb
- ><BURGER@QUCDN.QueensU.CA> writes:
- >> What I did notice when I started this coming out process was that with
- >> some people I used the term "not heterosexual" as opposed to "gay" or
- >> "homosexual." Semantics? Maybe. But I just found that term easier
- >> with/on a few of my more straight friends.
- >
- >Oh, heavens. Why sugar-coat it? Not a single person I've ever
- >known has been surprised that I'm gay. Just tell them that you're
- >gay and get it over with. It really isn't a big deal. Oh sure,
- >it seems like it's a huge thing, but who the fuck cares any more?
- >
- >Arne
-
- I'd go along with that, except just to point out that it doesn't really
- matter if you tell someone upfront, or spend 15 hours getting round to it,
- the reaction will be the same.
-
- You're unlikely to influence their decision by beating around the bush,
- nor putting it as gently as you can. It't their problem,if they can't
- cope with it, and it's easier to detach yourself from someone you don't know
- very well, than to wrench apart an otherwise strong friendship, because you
- can't bear them hating you for something you haven't done.
-
- Try to be selective about who you tell, I started with people very close to
- me, the first I had known for about 10 years before telling him. He didn't
- take it badly, infact proved quite a good friend, although there was a little
- confusion at the outset as to why I was telling him, but that lasted for about
- ten minutes. Latterly I told everyone a few weeks after starting University,
- which was the worst thing I've ever done.
-
- After the first year, things died down a little, and I began to make friends,
- some of whom I haven't told, and can't see the point in telling. I can see
- that it's going to be taken bad, so I don't bother, the person doesn't mean
- enough to me to tell, to put up with their problems, as it were.
-
- You're gonna loose some friends, and you're gonna make some friends, but
- the friends you keep will be real friends, and ultimately, that is where
- you reap the rewards of telling people. Who gives a banana about the ones
- that can't cope with it, it's their problem. And I get told that by my
- straight friends, who know what it's really like to be on the receiving end
- of someone comming out, so they should know !
-
- Be careful ...
-
- Luv and huggs,
-
- Richard Chandler.
-
- Final Year Computing Student @ Loughborough (Lufbra) University Of Technology
-
- Internet : R.M.Chandler@hpb.lut.ac.uk Janet : R.M.Chandler@uk.ac.lut.hpb
-
- These are my views, and I haven't got a funny sig.
-