NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/rec/humor/38583

Internet Message Format | 1993-01-21 | 6.4 KB

Path: sparky!uunet!gatech!news.ans.net!cmcl2!sales!dchacko
From: [e-mail] (Daniel Chacko)
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: Re: Murphy's laws of war
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 21 Jan 93 21:25:48 GMT
References: <[e-mail]>
Organization: NYU Stern School of Business
Lines: 199

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Gavin Kerr) writes:
>A while back someone posted a list of murphys laws of war.
>
>If anyone still has this (Or any other lists of murphys laws!) could they
>Email me them please???

MURHPY'S LAWS OF COMBAT

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
    ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called "Bomb
Magnets")

4. There is always a way.

5. The easy way is always mined.

6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
    ( Triva devotees will recall the sudden disappearence of rank and
distinctive caps on the     uniforms worn by Soviet officers in
Afghanistan)

7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
 a. when you're ready for them.
 b. when you're not ready for them.

9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.

11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to
get out.
    ( This seems to be the guiding design principle behind the
Soviet's BMP and our Bradley     infantry vehicle, both of which nicely
package the troops in armored boxes for group     distruction)

17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.

19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

21. Friendly fire isn't.

22. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never
stay awake when you     can sleep.

24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a
map and a compass.

25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four
seconds.

27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and
regrouping.

28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.

29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.

30. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the
colonel's HQ.

31. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.

32. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.

33. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.

34. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low
on ammo, you     can't hit the broad side of a barn.

35. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to
be repaired.

36. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need
it.

37. Interchangeable parts aren't.

38. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

39. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.

40. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot
camp)

41. The one item you need is always in short supply.

42. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.

43. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the
weapon's operator.

44. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.

45. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the
most important ones are     always illegible.

46. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.

47. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know
what they want, but they     know for certain what they DON'T want.

48. To steal information from a person is called plagarism. To steal
information from the enemy     is called gathering intelligence.

49. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.

50. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that
billet is filled by someone     else.

51. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the emeny takes 2 weeks to
attack. When you     are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to
attack that night.

52. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal Of
Honor.

53. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think
of a plan, stupid     enough to try it, and luck enough to survive.

54. Murphy was a grunt.

55. You aren't Superman. (Freshly graduated recruits from Marine boot
camp, and all fighter     piolets, especiall, take note)

56. Suppressive fires - won't.

57. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid

58. When in doubt empty the magizine

59. No plan survives the first contact, intact

60. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short

61. The important things are always simple

62. The simple things are always hard

63. No-combat ready group has passed inspection.
    Note: No marine unit has ever failed a combat readiness
inspection, which suggests     peacetime inspections are readiness as
mess hall food is cuisine)

64. Beer Math -> 2 beers time 37 men equals 49 cases

65. Body count math -> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probale plus 2 pigs equals 37
enemies killed in action

66. Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped
together

67. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support despertly.
 (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and
especially during both)

68. Tracers work both ways

69. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming
friendly fire

70. If you take more than your share of objectives, you will have more
than your fair share to     take

71. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose, they're both
right

72. All or any of the above combined



- I dont remember who originally posted them, but just to preserve intellectual
rights, I didnt write this up


   Dan