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- From: weaver@jetsun.weitek.COM (Michael Gordon Weaver)
- Newsgroups: alt.romance
- Subject: Re: the architecture blues....
- Message-ID: <1993Jan27.214324.28136@jetsun.weitek.COM>
- Date: 27 Jan 93 21:43:24 GMT
- References: <1993Jan26.230746.24643@Virginia.EDU>
- Organization: WEITEK Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
- Lines: 58
-
- In article <1993Jan26.230746.24643@Virginia.EDU> llk4k@Virginia.EDU ("Lori Karalow") writes:
- >[ ...] this meeting of the minds happened in
- >September. Since then, our relationship has VERY slowly
- >developed and finally we have reached a point where I can count
- >on him to be around. But! It is apparent that neither one of
- >us loves the other and this is where the problems lies.
- >Because of the lack of committment to the relationship, there
- >is no romance, no sparks, no nothing. It's fun and we enjoy
- >each other's company, but, it`s getting old fast!!! Am I being
- >selfish by wanting more in a relationship? Am I being
- >unreasonable by questioning my wanting to continue with him? I
- >can't honestly see this blossoming and I hate myself for not
- >wanting to end it just for the sake of having something to do
- >on Friday nights and having someone around to call "mine." I
- >have never had this type of relationship where I am second
- >fiddle. (What's worse is there is no other woman involved.
- >Just the damn architecture studio!) Even he calls it his
- >"Mistress."
- >Tell me the truth... Am I being a whiney baby? How 'bout
- >spoiled? I haven't flown solo in a while and I don't know if I
- >can remember how to do so. But I am lacking self-esteem at the
- >moment for allowing myself to be involved with someone who
- >obviously doesn't care whether I stand on my hands and clap my
- >feet together or two-step with a monkey!
- >
- If you aren't happy with the relationship as it is, you have two
- choices: make it better, or leave it and try someone else. You can
- always try someone else later, so you might at well at least give
- making it better a try. You seem to assume that you know he does
- not love you, but that may not be the case. What you do know is
- that he isn't showing it in a way you appreciate.
-
- Rather than worry about what you or he think about the relationship, I
- would first consider what you think about him. Is he worth the trouble
- of trying to build a romantic relationship? If so, it is worth losing
- him to try to get that relationship. If not, maybe you should be
- looking for someone else.
-
- You clearly think he is taking you for granted. You can make him stop
- that by not always being there for him. Break some dates, find other
- things to do. Suggest you would like to see other people. You will have
- to adapt to your situation, but I think you get the idea. If he wants
- what you are giving him, but doesn't value it because it is always
- there, leaving him by himself occasionally will wake him up. If he
- doesn't really want you, you might as well find out.
-
- The other thing you can do is start treating him romantically. I know I
- just told you not to always be there for him, but what I am saying now
- is when you are there for him, make it more romantic. Set the tone for
- the relationship: when you are together, it is going to be special, and
- when it is not special, you are not going to be together.
-
- You risk losing him by trying to improve the relationship, but that is
- always the case.
-
-
- Peace,
- Michael.
-