NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/alt/romance/16338

Text File | 1993-01-23 | 3.6 KB | 70 lines

Newsgroups: alt.romance
Path: sparky!uunet!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!caen!uvaarpa!murdoch!faraday.clas.Virginia.EDU!fes9s
From: [e-mail] (Howard Johnson's Got His Ho-Jo Workin')
Subject: Re: Girls can be confusing...
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: University of Virginia
References: <[e-mail]>
Date: Sat, 23 Jan 1993 01:05:39 GMT
Lines: 58

<much stuff about Jane and "head-spinning tactics" not copied>

Matt,
    Well, I gotta tell you that, as a fairly relationship-oriented
guy myself, my first instinct is to bail. (I know, easy to say when
you're not personally in the situation...)  She may have cooled
off some since the night you two hung out, and this may be her
way of either warning you off or seeing if you can jump hurdles.
I personally am not real fond of seeing members of either sex
parading their other interests in front of someone whose
interest was intentionally piqued, it either smacks of faithless-
ness for the long term or, as mentioned above, is warning you
off or asking you to jump through hoops.  The first two categories
(faithlessness or hurdles/hoops) are IMO dangerous stuff, but
depending on what kind of person you are, the hurdles may be
an acceptable, even fun challenge. Still I'm wary of them, you
may end up putting in a lot of time trying to cross them and
end up left with nothing.
    As for confronting her about it, hm, well, I don't have
a whole lot of experience doing that, but A) her roommate's
advice is proly good advice if they've been living together
awhile and know each other well.  If that's the case,
well, one option is to ask for a date, and if she says yes,
hang out for a while and then broach the subject gently, asking
her something to the effect that you were wondering how she felt
about you--this may well not work, and it risks scaring her, so be
prepared to get hurt when she answers, but it _might_ come off
if you're calm, respectful, and have been doing a fairly good
job of making the whole date comfortable.
    Another option is just to ease off for a bit but stay in
contact, perhaps going out without actually confronting her
until considerably.  This may require jumping through hoops, and
I realize you may not have the patience or willingness to put up
with it, but it's there if you're prepared for the long haul.  I
don't doubt that somewhere along the way she'll probably give you
signs to continue or not, but it might help if you did giver her
some signs to work with as well (I dunno, flirting, a rose, whatever.)
AGain, know what kind of situations you're willing to accept or
not accept.

   Well, like I said, my first inclination is to bail.  She sounds
either like trouble or like she's cooled down some.  But, and I
know how hard it is to give up, do what you have to do, and do it
reasonably.  Give her an out if you can, so that she knows that
if she says "no, I don't think it'll work" you're prepared to
hear it.  If you must confront her, do it gingerly.  If you can
hold off, just have fun for the meantime, and watch for any
signals in your direction, and any tactful ways to send signals
back.  Whatever you do, don't go nuclear. =)  Happy hunting,
carpe diem, and make sure you can pick yourself back up and
try again if you have to.

frank ("...as the wise man breaks wind and is gone..." --J. Tull
--
I was so happy that I didn't have a .sig, and then someone had
to go and teach me how it's done.
"Be sure to leave your underpants with someone you can trust."
     -- Jethro Tull                          "...Bueller?"