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- From: das@media.mit.edu (David Sheppard)
- Subject: Re: Stuck stuck stuck . . .
- Message-ID: <1993Jan11.194524.24597@news.media.mit.edu>
- Sender: news@news.media.mit.edu (USENET News System)
- Organization: MIT Media Laboratory
- References: <1993Jan8.173919.1@vax2.winona.msus.edu>
- Date: Mon, 11 Jan 1993 19:45:24 GMT
- Lines: 127
-
- In article <1993Jan8.173919.1@vax2.winona.msus.edu> pooder@vax2.winona.msus.edu writes:
- >I'm stuck.
- >The same feelings keep coming back and coming back. [The grief...]
- >The guilt, though, isn't something I'm getting used to -- or could.
- >
- There is nothing you can do now which will change the past. In the
- present, you can only make or break your own life, by how you choose
- to deal with our feelings and memories. Do you choose life, or do you
- continue to mourn over death? Yes, you must mourn until your mourning
- is complete, but this must be a flow, not a stuck, repeating rut.
-
- > [...] But it mostly feels like the hurt is
- >too deep and I won't be able to recover and go on any more.
- >
- >The despair is so often and so deep. I keep repeating the same
- >useless things. "WHY" "WHAT IF" "IF ONLY" How could
- >I have missed something as big as a train. A goddam train.....
- >
-
- How? Doesn't matter. Nor do the "what if" and "only if"s matter.
- They rarely do. Youhave asked the WHY, and further asking is
- meaningless--the only useful outcome now is to HEAR THE ANSWER.
- But to hear you have to listen, to be silent, to quiet your internal
- screaming and be still, still enough to hear what your higher
- consciousness has to say, what Bonnie wants to say, what God/dess has
- to say to you. You can't hear when you are screaming inside.
-
- >And I keep repeating OVER and OVER and OVER
- > I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I"M SORRY
- >
- Every being within light years who listens already knows that
- you are sorry. Time to get unstuck and go on the the next step.
- You will stay in your current anguish until you get choose to
- go on and face the fear of that next step into the unknown--
-
- >But Bonnie just isn't there to hear me. To assure me.
- >To tell me it's OK like I know she would if she could.
- >
- Bonnie *IS* there, but not *here*. The part of Bonnie that is
- eternal, that is indestructable, is with the Divine presence.
- She certainly hears you. Do you think she wants you to live the
- rest of your life in agony? I don't think so. The love you share
- with her is also eternal, and reaches beyond the confines of an
- individual life. From her vantage point, being able to see all time
- at once, all circumstances, do you think she blames you? NO! She
- can see all that caused and participated in the circumstances.
- She participated herself. Sure, you were "legally responsible"
- for driving, but she could have noticed the train herself and said
- "Honey, slow down!" A second either way would have made a difference.
- I'm not trying to shift "blame" here, I'm try to release the blame
- judgement all together. I don't feel that it does you any good.
-
- She wasn't powerless while she was alive, and isn't now, and
- NEITHER ARE YOU. We all have some array of choice at all times.
- Sounds to me like you don't need blame, you need responsibility.
- You were innatentive to not see the train, and one message is this:
- PAY ATTENTION! This is probably only part of the complex lesson
- of your experience, but it's loud and clear to me. Pay attention
- to your feelings, your surroundings, the choices open to you; the
- actions you choose or avoid. The cnsequences of what you choose to
- do or not do. Take responsibility for where you are ***NOW***!
- Worrying about the past is an escape; it robs you of your choices
- in the PRESENT. And you desperately need to choose.
-
- Even in the process of dying, many people choose whether to
- survive or not--read some near-death studies like "Heading Towards
- Omega" by Kenneth Ring, for example. Our souls relax into the
- warmth and love of the Creator, and decide whether it is the proper
- time to depart that lifetime or not. In other cases, there may not
- be enough reason (or choice) to keep the body alive, but their soul
- will persist nearby to "finish business", typically to communicate
- to their most loved ones that they--the deceased--are joyful, safe,
- and that the love that was still lives on. After they deliver their
- message, they are free to join again with the Creator, the love that
- lights the universe itself. Understanding and love lead to release
- and freedom.
-
- You need this understanding, Love and release. You must give it
- to yourself, as no one else can authentically forgive your soul.
- Their judgements are *theirs*, even though you may or may not like
- them. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, and world-renowned expert on death and
- dying, discovered that in the process of reviewing their life at
- the time of death, *poeple create their own Heaven or Hell*.
- Your judgement of yourself, in its deepest and most complete and
- enlightened form, *is* the Judgement of the Creator. So forgive
- yourself: show divine mercy, and release yourself from Hell.
- Work toward bringing love into your own life and those around you.
-
- It sounds to me like Bonnie already has forgiven you--from what you
- describe, in her last moments, she was peaceful, she expressed her
- love for you and for her son. In this world is one of suffering and
- tumultuous action, and you desperately need some of the peace that
- Bonnie and the Creator have for you. And once you are in that peace,
- even for a moment, you can share it.
-
- Speak to her. Speak to your higher power(s), God or Goddess, as
- you feel drawn. When you are sincere and quiet enough, you will hear
- what they have to say. There is boundless Love for you, and this
- Love does NOT want you to spend the rest of your life in misery.
- Take a deep look, and choose between Fear and Love. If you can
- find the courage, you will face your fears and choose love.
-
- In time, you will return to life and love, you will find peace,
- and you will learn the lessons that this hard experience brings.
- You have already paid dearly for these lessons, do not refuse the
- wisdom and understandings which will unfold for you in the present
- and in your years to come.
-
- Bit by bit, understanding by understanding, prayer by prayer,
- you will grow back into a richer life than you ever knew existed.
- You have felt the depths of pain, and this has torn you open;
- now, your challenge is to let life in through this opening, not
- to seal it up with scar tissue. Feel for the love that Bonnie
- still has for you--it is there, as sure as the sun rises.
- Also accept the love of those around you. Accept, accept everything
- in your life. Then and then only can you begin to live, and begin
- to change things in the PRESENT that you *choose* to change.
-
- Always remember, there is a lot of love out there for you,
- and all you have to do is to truly open and let it in.
-
- Peace and understanding to you, friend,
-
- --dave (das dave, das@media.mit.edu)
-
-
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-