NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/soc/culture/turkish/11598

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-15 | 5.4 KB

Xref: sparky soc.culture.turkish:11598 talk.politics.mideast:22165 soc.culture.greek:10580
Path: sparky!uunet!psinntp!factory!michael.polymenakos
From: [e-mail] (Michael Polymenakos)
Newsgroups: soc.culture.turkish,talk.politics.mideast,soc.culture.greek
Subject: The destruction and desecration of internet bandwidth
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 13 Nov 92 21:27:00 GMT
Distribution: world
Organization: Invention Factory's BBS - New York City, NY - 212-274-8298v.32bis
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Michael Polymenakos)
Lines: 98


[e-mail] wrote:
>This message has not subject.
>I just want to verify or disprove the claims that Mutlu and Serdar
>Argic are actually automatted programms that give irrelevant replies to

And the Master Untrue Totally Lying Unit replied:
>You have set up straw horses and knocked them down. I'm not impressed.
>Now, would you mind?
>Source: THE TIMES (Higher Educational Supplement), August 28 1992

I had my money on MUTLU all along!

  My good friend reporter in Ancara, Ella McCoos, recently had a
  conversation with one of MUTLU's creators in a McMustafa restaurant in
  Ancara.   This is a portion of what she learned:

  Q: When did the MUTLU project begin?
  A: In 1987, it became apparent the MARTILLO (Major ARTIficial Lie
     Listing Organism), the Ministry's bionic project, was ineffective.
     MARTILLOs central processor was only partially human, but that was
     still a liability, as the system frequently faltered. We decided
     to create MUTLU, and take MARTILLO off-line as soon as possible.
     This has been achieved, although MARTILLO is still connected to
     USENET as a contigency back-up.

  Q: Where is the MUTLU project located?
  A: I honestly do not know. While working on MUTLU, on my way to
     work every day, I was tied up and blindfolded, and then placed in
     the trunk of a 1978 Ford Pinto. I was told that if I leaked out
     any information, arrangements would be made for the Pinto to
     be rear-ended.

  Q: What is the running platform for MUTLU?
  A: You realize that we could not have dependent on any of the major
     existing platforms for a project of this importance. DOS and
     Windows are run by well known Turk-haters, after all if you
     type "HBM" in the Wingbats font in Windows, them message is
     "I'll shove a finger down your hole, you blowhead".

     IBM OS/2, MVS or VM are similarly useless. The nickname "Big-Blue"
     and the striped blue IBM logo are obvious references to IBMs
     servititude to Greece, whose national color is blue, and has a
     striped blue flag.

     "UNIX" is a cry for Turkish genocide by sterilisation.

     Don't forget about Apple. Their use of Greek imagery in
     the Mac OS (after all "ICON" is Greek for "image") completes
     the conspiracy triangle of Greek, Armenian and Russian
     Operating Systems.

     MUTLU is running under the OSMAN (Operating System for Malicious
     Accusations and Name-callings) computer architecture. In this
     innovative computer design, transistors are replaced by millions of
     whirling dervises, which rotare clock-wise or counter-clockwise,
     indicating 0 or 1. The system takes up a lot of space, but is
     completely bug proof, as the dervishes are obligated to bathe
     daily. We are currently running OSMAN at 4 MIPS (Malicious
     Insults Per Second).
     OSMAN/OS is fully mutluuser and mutlutasking, and can service
     hundreds of transactions per minute, for as long as they all
     conform to the OSMAN protocol. OSMAN if fully fault-tolerant (it
     has to be in order to run MUTLU without crashing)

  Q: When was MUTLU completed?
  A: The basic system was complete by late 1988, but the system could
     not go into full production until the SHAW (Spurious History
     Automatic Writer) component was completed in 1990. Once armed with
     SHAW quotes, the runs of MUTLU were highly successful. The original
     AT&T posting mechanism soon proved too vulnerable to protests from
     the outside, and was replaced by the ANADOLU component, which
     featured Stealth-Post(tm) technology. The ANADOLU
     component has since been replaced with ARGIC (Advanced Racist
     Garbage Information Communicator) featuring Stealth-post and
     twice the dervish power.

 Q:  Netters looking at MUTLU output are very perplexed by the
     cross-posting lists used. Can you explain those to us?
 A:  Oh, that's very simple. CAGLAN (Cross-post in All Groups, Lists And
     Nodes) determines the cross-posting lists with a simple algorithm.
     All messages are cross-posted to S.C.Greek, Turk and Europe.
     Messages containing any references to Cyprus are cross-posted to
     S.C.Soviet. Messages whose CRC is an even number are cross-posted
     to S.C.JEWISH, except on Italian national holidays or if the msg-id
     is a product of 3.5. Every message containing more that 54
     occurances of the letter "H" is also cross-posted to a number of
     Enet groups. Finally, every posting that contains an even number of
     lines, and whose reading level is between 3.43 and 3.76 is
     cross-posted to news.sysadmin. Other randomly selected groups are
     then added to ensure a minimum of 8. Special care is taken to
     ensure that any reply appears in at least one more newsgroup than
     the message being replied to.

     ---- end of transcript portion ----

/M