NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/34274

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-18 | 7.2 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:34274 alt.folklore.computers:16406 alt.cascade:3278 alt.best.of.internet:130
Path: sparky!uunet!know!cass.ma02.bull.com!mips2!news.bbn.com!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!swrinde!emory!athena.cs.uga.edu!helena!gundlach
From: [e-mail] (Gundlach Family account)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 19 Nov 92 00:38:03 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: UGA Statistics Department
Lines: 103


[Useless to-from crap deleted]
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair!
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batteries on my
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lights, NO
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run on
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able to
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between commercials!
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the universe, accurate
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last half hour
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
%_}>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
%_}>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of a
%_}>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form of
%_}>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper.  Next!!!
%_}>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing
%_}>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating everything in
%_}>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass of water.
%_}>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very moment,
%_}>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
%_}>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
%_}>>>: >>>>Pentium.
%_}>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
%_}>>>: >project
%_}>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To see what
%_}>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting one.) My
%_}>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I can do
%_}>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
%_}>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven into a
%_}>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having so far is
%_}>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw . . .
%_}>>>: >
%_}>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
%_}>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
%_}>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per picosecond,
%_}>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your microwave's control
%_}>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was FTPing hundreds
%_}>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D. over
%_}>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and this may have
%_}>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to everyone who
%_}>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
%_}>>>:
%_}>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
%_}>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
%_}>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what I've seen
%_}>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
%_}>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
%_}>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and learn them.
%_}>>>
%_}>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
%_}>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
%_}>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
%_}
%_}>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
%_}>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
%_}>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
%_}>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
%_}>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
%_}>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
%_}>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
%_}>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
%_}>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
%_}>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
%_}>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
%_}>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
%_}All accomplishments pale beside mine: Managed to re-write DOS 5.0 so that
%_}it breaks the the 640K barrier.
%_
%_Oh yeah?  Well...well...I've got an AMIGA!  BWAHAHAHA!

I don't! BWAHAHAHA! yourself! I have a vt-100 Zenith, copyright 1492!
%_
%_
%_--
%_Lance T. Franklin            +----------------------------------------------+
%_([e-mail])   | "You want I should bop you with this here    |
%_NC Microproducts, Inc.       |    Lollipop?!?"                 The Fat Fury |
%_Richardson, Texas            +----------------------------------------------+


--
********************************************************************************
*-:^) *** Mike Gundlach        * "No, please, call me, 'Wonko the Sane'.
* [e-mail].*  Goodbye, and Thanks For all the Fish
********************************************************************************