NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/34126

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-17 | 9.1 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:34126 alt.folklore.computers:16355
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers
Path: sparky!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!pacbell.com!sgiblab!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!torn!watserv2.uwaterloo.ca!watmath!undergrad.math.waterloo.edu!cayley.uwaterloo.ca!dgaudet
From: [e-mail] (Dean Gaudet)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: University of Waterloo
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Wed, 18 Nov 1992 01:07:47 GMT
Lines: 170

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
>Matt Welsh writes:
>>Brian Cash writes:
>>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
>>>|>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
>>>|>
>>>|>>In article <[e-mail]>
>>>[e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
>>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
>>>|>>>: In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail]
>>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
>>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
>>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
>>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
>>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
>>>|>>>: >
>>>|>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
>>>Timex Sinclair!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
>>>my Sears PONG
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
>>>Mailer on my
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the
>>>replies!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
>>>batteries on my
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the
>>>lights, NO
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
>>>contract to run on
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
>>>ALSO able to
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
>>>commercials!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
>>>out of 2
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
>>>universe, accurate
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last
>>>half hour
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds
>>>off of a
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
>>>new form of
>>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
>>>paper.  Next!!!
>>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
>>>utilizing
>>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
>>>everything in
>>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
>>>glass of water.
>>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
>>>very moment,
>>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
>>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
>>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
>>>|>>>: >project
>>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
>>>(To see what
>>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
>>>interesting one.) My
>>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
>>>it, I can do
>>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
>>>oven into a
>>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
>>>having so far is
>>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it
>>>raw . . .
>>>|>>>: >
>>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
>>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
>>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
>>>per picosecond,
>>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
>>>microwave's control
>>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
>>>FTPing hundreds
>>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741
>>>A.D. over
>>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
>>>this may have
>>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to
>>>everyone who
>>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
>>>|>>>:
>>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
>>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
>>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
>>>I've seen
>>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
>>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
>>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
>>>learn them.
>>>|>>>
>>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
>>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
>>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
>>>|>
>>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
>>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
>>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
>>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
>>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
>>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
>>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
>>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
>>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
>>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
>>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
>>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
>>>|>--
>>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
>>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
>>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
>>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
>>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
>>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
>>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win
>>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
>>
>>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20!
>>Wait... I already said that...
>Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
>develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
>which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
>new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
>in a matter of weeks.
>
I got all that to work under MS-DOS!

Beat that!