NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/34115

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-17 | 8.2 KB

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Path: sparky!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!pacbell.com!ames!sun-barr!news2me.EBay.Sun.COM!cronkite.Central.Sun.COM!texsun!csccat!ncmicro!ltf
From: [e-mail] (Lance Franklin)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 17 Nov 92 18:56:07 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Organization: NC Microproducts, Inc.
Lines: 121

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (Gordon Shephard) writes:
}[e-mail] (Peter /\/\odin) writes:
}>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
}>>In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
}>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
}>>>: In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
}>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
}>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
}>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
}>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
}>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
}>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
}>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
}>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
}>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
}>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
}>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The batteries on my
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the lights, NO
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run on
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able to
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between commercials!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
}>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2
}>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
}>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
}>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the universe, accurate
}>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
}>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last half hour
}>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
}>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
}>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
}>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of a
}>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form of
}>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper.  Next!!!
}>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing
}>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating everything in
}>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large glass of water.
}>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very moment,
}>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
}>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
}>>>: >>>>Pentium.
}>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
}>>>: >project
}>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes (To see what
}>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an interesting one.) My
}>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I can do
}>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
}>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave oven into a
}>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm having so far is
}>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it raw . . .
}>>>: >
}>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
}>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
}>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6 per picosecond,
}>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your microwave's control
}>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was FTPing hundreds
}>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D. over
}>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and this may have
}>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to everyone who
}>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
}>>>:
}>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
}>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
}>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what I've seen
}>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
}>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
}>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and learn them.
}>>>
}>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
}>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
}>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
}
}>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
}>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
}>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
}>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
}>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
}>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
}>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
}>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
}>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
}>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
}>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
}>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
}All accomplishments pale beside mine: Managed to re-write DOS 5.0 so that
}it breaks the the 640K barrier.

Oh yeah?  Well...well...I've got an AMIGA!  BWAHAHAHA!


--
Lance T. Franklin            +----------------------------------------------+
([e-mail])   | "You want I should bop you with this here    |
NC Microproducts, Inc.       |    Lollipop?!?"                 The Fat Fury |
Richardson, Texas            +----------------------------------------------+