NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/33879

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-15 | 10.6 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:33879 alt.folklore.computers:16280 alt.cascade:3231
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade
Path: sparky!uunet!pipex!bnr.co.uk!bnrgate!corpgate!crchh327!crchh410!bcash
From: [e-mail] (Brian Cash)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (News on crchh327)
Nntp-Posting-Host: crchh410
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Brian Cash)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research Ltd.
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 16 Nov 1992 04:58:29 GMT
Lines: 218

In article <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] (M.J.Davis) writes:
|>Jacob Solomon Weinstein writes:
|>   |Matt Welsh writes:
|>   |>Brian Cash writes:
|>   |>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
|>   |>>|>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
|>   |>>|>
|>   |>>|>>In article <[e-mail]>
|>   |>>[e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
|>   |>>|>>>: In article <[e-mail]>
[e-mail]
|>   |>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
|>   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
|>   |>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
|>   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
|>   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
|>   |>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
|>   |>>|>>>: >
|>   |>>|>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of
Illogic) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP
48SX.....
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
|>   |>>Timex Sinclair!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video
Game System.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
|>   |>>my Sears PONG
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
|>   |>>Mailer on my
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle
all the
|>   |>>replies!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to
the large drive
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
|>   |>>batteries on my
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned
off the
|>   |>>lights, NO
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
|>   |>>contract to run on
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
|>   |>>ALSO able to
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
|>   |>>commercials!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
|>   |>>out of 2
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that
does realtime
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big
Bang. A complete
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
|>   |>>universe, accurate
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent
the last
|>   |>>half hour
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still
having problems
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would
welcome any
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and
27 muds
|>   |>>off of a
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
|>   |>>new form of
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
|>   |>>paper.  Next!!!
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
|>   |>>utilizing
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
|>   |>>everything in
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
|>   |>>glass of water.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
|>   |>>very moment,
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours
from now, while
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from
the new intel
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm
currently engaged in a
|>   |>>|>>>: >project
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
|>   |>>(To see what
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
|>   |>>interesting one.) My
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
|>   |>>it, I can do
|>   |>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
|>   |>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
|>   |>>oven into a
|>   |>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
|>   |>>having so far is
|>   |>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have
to eat it
|>   |>>raw . . .
|>   |>>|>>>: >
|>   |>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy
laser-pumped
|>   |>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril
hair, which is
|>   |>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
|>   |>>per picosecond,
|>   |>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
|>   |>>microwave's control
|>   |>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
|>   |>>FTPing hundreds
|>   |>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the
year 4741
|>   |>>A.D. over
|>   |>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
|>   |>>this may have
|>   |>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere
apologies to
|>   |>>everyone who
|>   |>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
|>   |>>|>>>:
|>   |>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But
I only have a
|>   |>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks
all languages
|>   |>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
|>   |>>I've seen
|>   |>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to
work harder...
|>   |>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ??
I just have to
|>   |>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
|>   |>>learn them.
|>   |>>|>>>
|>   |>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you
have, as I, set
|>   |>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than
2 MUDs, ano-
|>   |>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
|>   |>>|>
|>   |>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired
together every
|>   |>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and
programmed it
|>   |>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
|>   |>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
|>   |>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
|>   |>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever
made of one
|>   |>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with
it; 1. it can
|>   |>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on
voice-detecting for input,
|>   |>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3.
it creates
|>   |>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple
processes! I'm
|>   |>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using
a Voice
|>   |>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
|>   |>>|>--
|>   |>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
|>   |>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
|>   |>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
|>   |>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
|>   |>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
|>   |>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
|>   |>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win
|>   |>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
|>   |>
|>   |>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20!
|>   |>Wait... I already said that...
|>   |Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
|>   |develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
|>   |which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
|>   |new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
|>   |in a matter of weeks.
|>Having successfully implemented a four-dimensional, totally intuitive
GUI that
|>transfers your files to a trashcan in hyperspace before you knew you
wanted to
|>delete them on a single M&M, I'm now using a whole _packet_ of the little
|>blighters to carry out some *serious* parallel processing. The system has now
|>worked out all of my assignments for the next 15 years (anticipating
all major
|>OS developments) even though I don't yet know what they're going to be.
|>--
Their seams too bea a slite probleme whith mi machsjifrejaf,...compooter.
Duz aniwon hav sum orannge juze consentrait???  I tink itz orverheetinghaskdfj
<Memory error: Core Dumped>

Brian /-|-\