NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/33869

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-15 | 10.4 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:33869 alt.folklore.computers:16277 alt.cascade:3228
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade
Path: sparky!uunet!pmafire!mica.inel.gov!ux1!news.byu.edu!eff!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!usc!wupost!psuvax1!uxa.ecn.bgu.edu!news.ils.nwu.edu!lynch
From: [e-mail] (Richard Lynch)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (Mr. usenet)
Nntp-Posting-Host: aristotle.ils.nwu.edu
Organization: The Institute for the Learning Sciences
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Sun, 15 Nov 1992 23:47:07 GMT
Lines: 177

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (M.J.Davis) writes:
>Jacob Solomon Weinstein writes:
>   |Matt Welsh writes:
>   |>Brian Cash writes:
>   |>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
>   |>>|>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
>   |>>|>
>   |>>|>>In article <[e-mail]>
>   |>>[e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
>   |>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
>   |>>|>>>: In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail]
>   |>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
>   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>   |>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
>   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
>   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>   |>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
>   |>>|>>>: >
>   |>>|>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
>   |>>Timex Sinclair!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
>   |>>my Sears PONG
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
>   |>>Mailer on my
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the
>   |>>replies!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
>   |>>batteries on my
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the
>   |>>lights, NO
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
>   |>>contract to run on
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
>   |>>ALSO able to
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
>   |>>commercials!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
>   |>>out of 2
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
>   |>>universe, accurate
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last
>   |>>half hour
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds
>   |>>off of a
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
>   |>>new form of
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
>   |>>paper.  Next!!!
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
>   |>>utilizing
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
>   |>>everything in
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
>   |>>glass of water.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
>   |>>very moment,
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>   |>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
>   |>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
>   |>>|>>>: >project
>   |>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
>   |>>(To see what
>   |>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
>   |>>interesting one.) My
>   |>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
>   |>>it, I can do
>   |>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>   |>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
>   |>>oven into a
>   |>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
>   |>>having so far is
>   |>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it
>   |>>raw . . .
>   |>>|>>>: >
>   |>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
>   |>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
>   |>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
>   |>>per picosecond,
>   |>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
>   |>>microwave's control
>   |>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
>   |>>FTPing hundreds
>   |>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741
>   |>>A.D. over
>   |>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
>   |>>this may have
>   |>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to
>   |>>everyone who
>   |>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
>   |>>|>>>:
>   |>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
>   |>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
>   |>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
>   |>>I've seen
>   |>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
>   |>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
>   |>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
>   |>>learn them.
>   |>>|>>>
>   |>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
>   |>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
>   |>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
>   |>>|>
>   |>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
>   |>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
>   |>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
>   |>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
>   |>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
>   |>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
>   |>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
>   |>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
>   |>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
>   |>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
>   |>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
>   |>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
>   |>>|>--
>   |>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
>   |>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
>   |>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
>   |>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
>   |>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
>   |>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
>   |>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win
>   |>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
>   |>
>   |>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20!
>   |>Wait... I already said that...
>   |Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
>   |develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
>   |which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
>   |new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
>   |in a matter of weeks.
>Having successfully implemented a four-dimensional, totally intuitive GUI that
>transfers your files to a trashcan in hyperspace before you knew you wanted to
>delete them on a single M&M, I'm now using a whole _packet_ of the little
>blighters to carry out some *serious* parallel processing. The system has now
>worked out all of my assignments for the next 15 years (anticipating all major
>OS developments) even though I don't yet know what they're going to be.
Unlike all of you, I managed to trim alt.best.of.internet out of the newsgroups
using my homebrew computer.
--
"TANSTAAFL"     Rich [e-mail]