NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/33864

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-15 | 10.3 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:33864 alt.folklore.computers:16272 alt.cascade:3227 alt.best.of.internet:120
Path: sparky!uunet!ornl!rsg1.er.usgs.gov!darwin.sura.net!paladin.american.edu!news.univie.ac.at!hp4at!mcsun!uknet!strath-cs!cen.ex.ac.uk!cs92mjd
From: [e-mail] (M.J.Davis)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 15 Nov 92 17:15:04 GMT
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
    <[e-mail]>
    <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail]
Organization: Computer Unit. - University of Exeter. UK
Lines: 192
In-Reply-To: [e-mail]'s message of 15 Nov 92 03:38:13 GMT

Jacob Solomon Weinstein writes:
   |Matt Welsh writes:
   |>Brian Cash writes:
   |>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
   |>>|>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
   |>>|>
   |>>|>>In article <[e-mail]>
   |>>[e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
   |>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
   |>>|>>>: In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail]
   |>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
   |>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
   |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
   |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
   |>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
   |>>|>>>: >
   |>>|>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
   |>>Timex Sinclair!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
   |>>my Sears PONG
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
   |>>Mailer on my
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the
   |>>replies!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
   |>>batteries on my
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the
   |>>lights, NO
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
   |>>contract to run on
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
   |>>ALSO able to
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
   |>>commercials!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
   |>>out of 2
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
   |>>universe, accurate
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last
   |>>half hour
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds
   |>>off of a
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
   |>>new form of
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
   |>>paper.  Next!!!
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
   |>>utilizing
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
   |>>everything in
   |>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
   |>>glass of water.
   |>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
   |>>very moment,
   |>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
   |>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
   |>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
   |>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
   |>>|>>>: >project
   |>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
   |>>(To see what
   |>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
   |>>interesting one.) My
   |>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
   |>>it, I can do
   |>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
   |>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
   |>>oven into a
   |>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
   |>>having so far is
   |>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it
   |>>raw . . .
   |>>|>>>: >
   |>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
   |>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
   |>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
   |>>per picosecond,
   |>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
   |>>microwave's control
   |>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
   |>>FTPing hundreds
   |>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741
   |>>A.D. over
   |>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
   |>>this may have
   |>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to
   |>>everyone who
   |>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
   |>>|>>>:
   |>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
   |>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
   |>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
   |>>I've seen
   |>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
   |>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
   |>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
   |>>learn them.
   |>>|>>>
   |>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
   |>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
   |>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
   |>>|>
   |>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
   |>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
   |>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
   |>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
   |>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
   |>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
   |>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
   |>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
   |>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
   |>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
   |>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
   |>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
   |>>|>--
   |>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
   |>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
   |>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
   |>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
   |>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
   |>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
   |>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win
   |>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
   |>
   |>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20!
   |>Wait... I already said that...
   |Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
   |develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
   |which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
   |new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
   |in a matter of weeks.
Having successfully implemented a four-dimensional, totally intuitive GUI that
transfers your files to a trashcan in hyperspace before you knew you wanted to
delete them on a single M&M, I'm now using a whole _packet_ of the little
blighters to carry out some *serious* parallel processing. The system has now
worked out all of my assignments for the next 15 years (anticipating all major
OS developments) even though I don't yet know what they're going to be.
--




"Ride and find where all the freedom has gone..."

Michael J. Davis          |   [e-mail]
Dept of Computer Science  |   [e-mail]
University of Exeter      |
UK                        |   #include<disclaimer.std>













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