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- Xref: sparky rec.arts.drwho:7934 rec.arts.startrek.misc:11760 alt.startrek.creative:2472 alt.fan.q:657
- Path: sparky!uunet!usc!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!uwm.edu!spool.mu.edu!agate!doc.ic.ac.uk!uknet!yorkohm!dc
- From: dc@ohm.york.ac.uk (Dave Cullen)
- Newsgroups: rec.arts.drwho,rec.arts.startrek.misc,alt.startrek.creative,alt.fan.q
- Subject: Re: MAW Spinoff#2
- Message-ID: <1992Nov18.110324.6053@ohm.york.ac.uk>
- Date: 18 Nov 92 11:03:24 GMT
- References: <83808@ut-emx.uucp>
- Organization: Electronics Department, University of York, UK
- Lines: 320
-
- In article <83808@ut-emx.uucp> aodn307@bongo.cc.utexas.edu (Joshua Henry Geurink) writes:
- >In article <83798@ut-emx.uucp> geurink@ccwf.cc.utexas.edu (Josh Geurink) writes:
- >>Wow! I've only been doing this for the last three days, and I've already
- >>got a series going (not my idea, I'll admit, but I LIKE it!), and the
- >>first SPIN-OFF!!!
- >>
- >>
- >> The Most Annoying War
- >> ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~
- >>
- >> Creative people, here's your chance to come out of the
- >>woodwork! Help us continue the never-ending Saga of The Most Annoying
- >>War. Contribute a scene, or a piece of dialouge. All we ask is that:
- >>
- >>1) Please do not kill off any of the main characters, from either
- >>series. (Except, maybe Weasley Crusher. :{) )
- >>
- >>2) To keep a variety of input, please try to only add no more than 50
- >>or so lines in a row. That is to say, you may post 50 lines, they
- >>someone else may add 50 lines, they you may add another 50.
- >>
- >>
- >>OK, folks... picture this...
- >>
- >> It's a future time in two alternate universes; a titanic galactic
- >>mishap throws each of those universes' most aggressive, hostile races
- >>against one another. I think it'd go something like this...
- >>
- >> Dalek Leader: SURRENDER AT ONCE. FAIL TO DO SO AND YOU WILL BE
- >> EXTERMINATED!
- >>
- >> Borg Commander: Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
- >>
- >> Legion of Daleks: EX-TER-MIN-ATE!!!!!
- >>
- >> Ship o'Borgs: A-SSIM-IL-ATE!!!!
- >>
- >> ASSIMILATE! EXTERMINATE! ASSIMILATE! EXTERMINATE!
- >> (Zap! Pow! Kerfratz! Ererererererer! WHEEEeeeeeoooooop!)
- >>
- >> Q: I'm getting a headache already! (Waves hand. Everything
- >> disappears.) Much better.
- >>
- >> (a blue police box materializes next to the relaxing entity. a
- >> funny-looking man and woman wearing animal-skins step out)
- >>
- >> Doctor: Hello! I'm the Doctor! I say, have you perchance seen
- >> a rather nasty race of armored pepper-pots roaming hereabouts?
- >> Hmmmm?
- >>
- >> Q: Oh, it's another of you bothersome beings from that other
- >> dimension. (Sighs) Well, if you must know....
- >>
- >> (A sparkling light display occurs between the DOCTOR and Q. When it
- >> ends, three people in funny suits are standing there.)
- >>
- >> Riker: Q! I should have known! Allright -- where are the Borg?
- >> We know they were down here!
- >>
- >> (WORF spots LEELA and growls menacingly. He's rather startled when
- >> she growls back...)
- >>
- >> Q: If you'll let me explain...
- >>
- >> Doctor: (to DATA) Hello! I'm the Doctor!
- >>
- >>*****************************************************************************
- >>
- >> Q: ...and THAT, commander, is EXACTLY what happened here, in
- >> words small enough even for Worf and his new playmate
- >> to understand (Leela and Worf growl). Although even
- >> _I_ don't know what caused the rift.. yet. But I have
- >> wasted enough time chatting. Farewell, Riker! And, Worf!
- >> DO try not to stain the rug!
- >>
- >> (with a bright flash Q vanishes. Riker stands up, now quite
- >> aggravated by Q's arrogance)
- >>
- >> Riker: Of all the...
- >>
- >> Doctor: Oh, come now. Do you have any idea how _boring_ it must
- >> be to know everything there is to know? Hmmm? (Before
- >> Riker can speak) Of course you can't! Why, the poor fellow
- >> must go positively insane with boredom. Now, I'm sure this
- >> is just a _lovely_ planet, but might we take this conversation
- >> elsewhere, Commander?
- >>
- >> Riker: (keeping his temper) Of course, err, Doctor. (Slaps
- >> communicator) Mr. O'Brien! FIVE to beam up... and one
- >> large... box.
- >>
- >> O'Brien: (from communicator) I'm sorry, sir. I can't seem to get
- >> a lock on that box.
- >>
- >> Doctor: (sighs) Ah, well, extradimensional objects are just soooo
- >> difficult to move when they don't want to move. I'll tell
- >> you what -- you transmat back to your ship, and I'll travel
- >> in my TARDIS! Come on, Leela...
- >>
- >> (Leela, in the midst of a pleasant conversation [or what passes for
- >> one] with Mr. Worf, is startled as the Doctor snags her
- >> elbow and lifts)
- >>
- >> Leela: Uh... of course, Doctor. (Gets dragged into TARDIS)
- >>
- >> Data: What an intriguing man. (Pause, followed by a confused look.)
- >> Transmat...?
- >>
- >> Riker: Later, I'm sure, Data. Mr. O'Brien, (chirp chirp chrip),
- >> three to beam up.
- >>
- >> O'B: Aye aye, sir. Energizing...
- >>
- >> (Frrrrrriiiiiitttttzzzzzzuuuuuuuueeeeeeoeoooooooo. The
- >> three disappear in a brilliant light display)
- >>
- >> (The Doctor pops his head out the door and watches)
- >>
- >> Doctor: Hmmm. I've never seen a transmat decive act quite
- >> like THAT before... (Ducks back in)
- >>
- >> (Vooooorrrrp. Voooorrrrpp. Vooorrrrpp. The TARDIS dematerializes.)
- >
- >****************************************************************************
- >
- > (a bald, older gentleman in a red uniform much resembling Riker's
- > sits in his ready room intently studying a computer display.)
- >
- > Computer: chirp chirp
- >
- > Picard: (distractedly) Come!
- >
- > (Picard literally leaps out of his seat as an oblong blue box
- > materializes in the far corner)
- >
- > (Voorrrrrp. Vooooorrrrrppp. Vooorrrppp.)
- >
- > Picard: (hits communicator)(chirp) Security! To my ready room!
- >
- > (the TARDIS door opens, and a tall man wearing a long coat, floppy
- > hat, and multi-colored scarf steps out)
- >
- > Doctor: Oh, no need for that! I'm the Doctor! (He smiles. [What
- > teeth!] and pulls a bag out of his pocket) Would you like
- > a jelly baby?
- >
- > (Worf and three nameless security personell charge in wielding what
- > appear to be fat electric razors)
- >
- > Worf: Captain, I...
- >
- > Computer: Warning. Alien presences in...
- >
- > Picard: Computer! It's all right. No need for phasers, Mr. Worf.
- > (turns back to the Doctor) So _you're_ the man from
- > another dimension...
- >
- > Doctor: Oh, there's more than just me here. Leela! Adric! Come
- > meet... (looks expectantly at Picard)
- >
- > (Leela and a young man clad in a hideously bright tunic sporting a
- > silver star on one pocket step out of the box)
- >
- > Picard: (Blinks. Straightens shirt.) Oh! I am Captain Jean-Luc
- > Picard, captain of the Enterprise.
- >
- > (Worf appears perplexed. How could three people possibly travel
- > comfortably in a small wooden box?)
- >
- > Adric: But, Doctor! Do we have time for this? Shouldn't we be
- > trying to get back?
- >
- > Doctor: (pats Adric on the back) Plenty of time for that...
- > Captain Picard -- Adric and Leela. Adric and Leela --
- > Captain Picard, and we've already met Mr. Worf.
- >
- > Worf: (Grunts) Yes... Captain! May I remind you that the Borg
- > are likely still in the area... along with those other...
- >
- > Doctor: Daleks!
- >
- > Worf: (nods) ...along with the Daleks. I recommend we move to
- > another sector until the danger passes.
- >
- > Picard: Indeed! Make it so, Mr. Worf. (turns to Doctor and
- > companions) I'm really quite busy at the moment...
- > May we continue this conversation over dinner? (Doctor
- > nods) Picard to Wesley Crusher! (chirp)
- >
- > Wesley: (chirp!) Yes, Captain?
- >
- > Picard: I would like you and Mr. Data to escort the Doctor and his
- > companions to provided quarters. Understood?
- >
- > Wesley: Yes, sir. Crusher out!
- >
- > (a handsome boy, slightly older than Adric, strides into the room
- > accompanied by the golden-skinned android)
- >
- > Picard: A pleasure meeting you Doctor! (FINALLY takes a jelly baby)
- > If you'll just follow Mr.Data...
- >
- > Doctor: Of course! (smiles) I'm sure we'll meet again sometime!
- > (winks and follows Data + Crusher out)
- >
- > Picard: (amused) What an interesting fellow. I used to know
- > someone like him...
- >
- >***************************************************************************
- >
- > Doctor: ...back in my Academy days. Your captain wouldn't be
- > a Pydronian by any chance, would he?
- >
- > Data: (matter of factly) No, sir. Captain Picard is French.
- >
- > Doctor: You know, Data, most of the androids where I come from
- > want nothing less than universal domination.
- >
- > Data: Ah. My goal is to become more human. Would you like to
- > hear some poetry? (anticipating a response) "An ode to
- > Spot, by Lieutennant..."
- >
- > Doctor: (dodging a bullet) Perhaps some other time.
- >
- > Data: (unfazed) Certainly. Are there NO benevolent androids in
- > your universe?
- >
- > Doctor: Well, there was one...
- >
- > Data: Indeed. Probability dictates that out of all possible
- > synthetic life forms, the odds of NO friendly species are...
- >
- > Doctor: (continuing) ...but it went insane, kidnapped my companion,
- > threatened all life on Earth, grew to fifty feet tall,
- > and ultimately self-destructed.
- >
- > Data: Ah.
- >
- >****************************************************************************
- >
- >Meanwhile, in another corridor...
- >
- > Wesley: And, uh, these are, err, your quarters, uhm, Leela. (the
- > poor boy is VERY nervous) And, uh, you might not want to
- > wear that knife around. It makes security edgy...
- >
- > (Leela stares him hard in the face -- he stops talking)
- >
- > Leela: I choose to keep my knife. Thank you, Wesley Crusher.
- > (SWOOSH [the door opens]) Goodbye. (Swoosh [it closes])
- >
- > Wesley: (stares at the door for a moment. Adric clears his throat)
- > Oh! Sorry. Uh, your quarters are right over...
- >
- > Adric: Actually, I was rather hoping to see a bit more of the ship.
- >
- > Wes: (eager to please) No problem! We'll start with engineering.
- > Say, what's that star for?
- >
- > Adric: (beaming) Well, I earned it for mathematics excellence...
- >
- > Wes: Really? I'm quite proficient at math myself.
- >
- > Adric: REALLY. (disgusted) I'll have you know that MY computations
- > once created an entire CITY!
- >
- > Wes: (up to the challenge) Oh yeah? Well, I'll bet you've never
- > phased into unity with the universe to save your mother
- > from a collapsing...
- >
- > (Wes breaks off as he and Adric round a corner. What they see
- > confuses them -- Wesley more so than Adric)
- >
- > Adric: Do all your engineers play with dolls?
- >
- > Wesley: (mystified) No... (bends over and lifts a small doll
- > wearing a Starfleet uniform. The badge chirps when touched)
- > Especially not one that looks exactly like commander Riley.
- >
- >Had they listened closely, both boys would have heard an ominous, sinister
- >laugh, and perhaps seen a figure clad in black duck into cargobay two...
- >
- ***************************************************************************
- A short while later, in Counsellor Troi's cabin...
-
- Troi: Yes, can I help you? (To the rather satanically handsome stranger)
- Master: That rather depends, may I come in? You ARE Counsellor Troi, yes?
- Troi: Yes, what do you want?
- Master: Look, I'm not accustomed to conducting urgent business in the corridor,
- I realy would appreciate it if I could come in...it would be to your
- advantage you know.
- (The Master enters Troi's cabin, and makes himself comfortable)
- Master: I'm going to need your help to convince the Captain to assist me in
- recovering my ship. You are empathic are you not?
- Troi: Yes, and I sense you are far from benign...
- MAster: All the more reason I can't have you telling tales to the Captain. I'm
- going to need this ship to recover my TARDIS from the Borg craft.
- (It's just typical, the one chance I get to avoid those tin-plated
- psychotic pepperpots, and I not only end up taking them with me, but
- I land right in the middle of another load of crazed cyborgs.0
- Let me just say that it would be better for us all if the Borg don't
- assimilate my TARDIS's capabilities, it would mean the end of us all!
- Troi: You want to prevent this catastrophe?
- Master: I'll settle for just not being here when it happens!
- Troi: Thn I'm afraid I cannot help you, I must warn the Captain.
- Master: I can't let you do that. Here, take a look at this...
- (He takes from his pocket a small toy robot, and pops it on a nearby table.
- As soon as the toy sees Troi, it starts crooning about a "Lady in Red")
- Troi: What is it?
- Master: It's a Borg I found. It had attempted to assimilate some late 20th
- century Earth music, and it never recovered. I had to tinker with it
- of course, and make it easier to carry, but it taught me a lot about
- the Borg and their weaknesses. I call it Chris.
- Troi: Chris the Borg? I'm sorry but I'm not impressed! You can't threaten me!
- Master: Then I'll have to gain your cooperation another way. Listen carefully
- I am the Master, you will obey...YOU WILL OBEY....
-
- STAY TUNED!!!
-
- Dave
-
