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- Xref: sparky alt.romance:14041 soc.singles:30733
- Path: sparky!uunet!gatech!rutgers!psinntp!psinntp!bnlux1.bnl.gov!schroede
- From: schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov (gary l. schroeder)
- Newsgroups: alt.romance,soc.singles
- Subject: Re: Being Alone?
- Message-ID: <1992Nov15.153551.13462@bnlux1.bnl.gov>
- Date: 15 Nov 92 15:35:51 GMT
- References: <1992Nov13.152210.21880@panix.com> <1992Nov13.204505.16898@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <009639BA.741609A0@Msu.oscs.montana.edu>
- Distribution: usa
- Organization: Brookhaven National Laboratory, Upton, NY 11973
- Lines: 59
-
- In article <009639BA.741609A0@Msu.oscs.montana.edu> oopcv@Msu.oscs.montana.edu writes:
-
- >I agree with everything John said, with one caveat: I don't think it's a good
- >idea to be alone too long. I know a awful lot of men and women who've done
- >such a fabulous job of adjusting to singlehood that they no longer date, simply
- >because it's too much trouble and they can't be bothered. Literally. I found
- >myself falling into the same trap; so, I resolved to make more of an
- >effort to get out of the d*mn house!
-
- I like to make the effort too, but I start to wonder: what's the point
- of going out to the bars with friends all of the time ? (Not even good
- friends, mind you, but it's that "effort".) You know you should go if
- they ask, otherwise you might not get asked anymore. Too many refusals
- is usually a sign to people. Theremust be some other way of getting
- "out of the house" other than going to bars where you just drink until
- you say "well, I've fulfilled my obligation to be socially active this
- Saturday night". At least that way, you've killed the little voice in
- your head that says "hey, this is sad sitting alone watching the tube or
- listening to Shostakovich on a Saturday night". Instead, you get the
- voice that says "you only went out for the sake of going out, and
- nothing happened anyway. Everyone knows that you don't meet people in
- bars, stupid." Which voice is worse? I'm not sure. The big problem
- is this: living in an area where there really is _nothing_else_ to do.
- If you're not drinking on the weekends, you're catching a movie. That
- gets old after a while. Does this mean I'm falling into the "trap"? I
- know the trap that you're talking about, and it scares me to death.
-
- I never wanted to live on Long Island. I was forced to. I needed the
- job. This whole issue of being single gets even more complicated when
- you're a transplant from another geographic area. And, it's even worse
- than that if the new area you get moved to has a different culture than
- the one you were raised in. One in which, if you don't drive a 4 wheel
- drive vehicle, are an unemployed weight-lifter named "Vinny" and have a
- speech impediment, means that you spend Saturday night watching tube or
- listening to Shostakovich.
-
- >Everyone's situation is different (I'm SO-less by choice!), but it might be
- >worth a minute or two of thought for those moaning that you haven't had a date
- >in years...maybe it's time to stop looking for Mr/Ms Right, and go to a movie
- >with Mr/Ms It's Saturday.
-
- Y'kmow, it's funny you should mention this attitude Cheryl, because I
- recently came to the same conclusion myself. But then I wonder why I
- would spend time with someone I couldn't talk to. If I _could_ talk to
- them, then they might be candidates for Ms Right, right? No, I'm not
- going to catch a flick with Ms Saturday Night just to go. There has to
- be another reason. Otherwise, I sit there thinking "well, now that
- we've talked about what our favorite drinks are and where we work, we've
- exhausted the topics of conversation, because if I say anything more
- meaningful, the eyes will glaze over".
-
- No flames please. Thank you for your consideration.
-
-
- --
- ------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Gary L. Schroeder |
- schroede@bnlux1.bnl.gov | It's a pomaceous life.
- Brookhaven National Laboratory |
-