NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/fan/montypy/9092

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Path: sparky!uunet!mcsun!uknet!doc.ic.ac.uk!mrccrc!warwick!coventry!csg188
From: [e-mail] (DAVE)
Newsgroups: alt.fan.monty-python
Subject: masons(yawn!)
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 16 Nov 92 17:25:34 GMT
Sender: [e-mail] (news user)
Organization: MR X's MASONIC LODGE
Lines: 873
Nntp-Posting-Host: cc_sysh

I asked on Friday for information about the mason applicants. I need to know
everything about them before I can let them join. So c'mon folks! dig up the
real sleaze. I need to know all about the sleazy affairs, the drug addiction,
the illegitamate children. The affairs with sheep. Anything that you can drag
up from the gutter of thier past. I know they are not as innocent as they
sound. To help you here are the applications:

From [e-mail]1 Sun Nov  8 21:02:38 1992

}1) E-MAIL NAME
[e-mail]
}2) REAL NAME
Andrew P. Rodenhiser
}3) ADDRESS
Dept. Chemistry, Dalhousie University, Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
}4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
(902)-494-2070 and thats at work so nothing racy!
}5) DATE OF BIRTH
6 December 1968
}6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
MSc and hopefully PhD in Physical Chemistry
}7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
No, but I have a lab coat, and it's quite nice.
}8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
White (even though I said no..)
}9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
Certainly....LOOO DOOOT DI DOOO DOOOO
}10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
It's not very silly, but with funding I'm sure I could develop it!
}11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
Arms flailing behing the back, head bobbing, alternating a skip with
a long stride and an occasional pirouette
}12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
I'm in charge of purchasing donuts for the departmental Friday seminars.
}13) BANK BLANCE?
Well, it's more of a see-saw than a balance..
}14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
No, but if I'm ever in Britain I'll ask around
}15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
Bangers and mash, with lots of spam on the side.
}16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
sort of....
}17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
Buckingham palace three years ago with the Queen (climbed thru the window,
tea and scones, then she brought out her whip!)
}18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
}    (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
}
}    (A) THROBING 5) 'twould be more embarrassing with two b's
}    (B) NAUGHTY BITS 4)of a horse?
}    (C) THRUSTING 3)High
}    (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE  1) So embarrasing, I can't even look at a
Mazda!
}    (E) EXTENDED 2)High
}    (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL  6)Slightly silly!
}    (G) SEMPRENI 7)Good Evening!
}
}19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
}    MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
}    CHAPMAN?
Personally, I prefer the '68 and '69 (OOOOH!) seasons to the '70 and '72
(no 71', very strange...)
}20) YOUR FANTASY?
Carol Cleveland and a swimming pool full of whipped cream
}21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
Freedom, please, Caesar said I could go!
}22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
Rather salty, with a touch of spam.
}23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
One blue, one brown, and a little red one in the back.
}24) HEIGHT
5'11"
}25) WEIGHT
16 stone
}26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
See #20
}27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
Yes.........single
}28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
Sprunt
}29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
The Cherry Fondue
}30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
}    WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
No, but I need a licence for my pet cat, Eric.
}31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
My nipples explode with delight!
}32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
No, I've come to arrange a holiday
}33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
You are no longer infected?
}34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
People's front of Judea
}35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
Because it's very nice (Sir Kenneth Clarke, with a bit of a cold)

When did Coventry City last win the FA cup?

From [e-mail] Mon Nov  9 04:46:10 1992

1) E-MAIL NAME
        [e-mail]
2) REAL NAME
        Mr Y
3) ADDRESS
        Ministry of Silly Walks
4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
        0898 55555
5) DATE OF BIRTH
        30/10/71
6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
        Applied Narcotics
7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
        Yes
8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
        White
9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
        Yes
10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
        Yes
11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
        Forward ariel O'Brian half turn on every alternate step
12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
        Yes, President of the Melbourne Amateur Gynacologists Society
13) BANK BLANCE?
        A$5,000,000+
14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
        Yes
15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
        The coffee
16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
        No
17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
        With Miss Fluffy last Thursday in the Airing cupboard
18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
        (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)

        (A) THROBING
        (B) NAUGHTY BITS
        (C) THRUSTING
        (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
        (E) EXTENDED
        (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
        (G) SEMPRENI
        C A B E F D G

19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
        MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
        CHAPMAN?
        MPFC
20) YOUR FANTASY?
        To see Miss Fluffy next Thursday in the Airing cupboard
21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
        Gluttony
22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
        Poached harpsichord in a white wine sauce
23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
        Brown x 2
24) HEIGHT
        6'3"
25) WEIGHT
        175lb
26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
        A new apron
27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
        Single
28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
        N/A
29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
        Cruchy Frog
30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
        WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
        Yes
31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
        No
32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
        Drop your panties Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime.
33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
        He hit me.
34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
        Silly Party
35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
        Why are you still reading all my crappy answers?

From [e-mail] Mon Nov  9 16:52:38 1992

>1) E-MAIL NAME  [e-mail]
>2) REAL NAME Paul Pompi
>3) ADDRESS 93 Merrimac St. Buffalo, NY 14214
>4) TELEPHONE NUMBER [phone]
>5) DATE OF BIRTH January 4, 1969
>6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING? Electrical Engineering
>7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON? Yes
>8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT? Blue
>9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE? Of course.
>10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK? Yes.
>11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK. Believe me, it's very silly
>12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER? No, but I know a lot of other positions,
nudge nudge wink wink.
>13) BANK BLANCE? Check the Silverado Savings and Loan.
>14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON? No.
>15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
>16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!) No.
>17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM? To many to answer in the space
allowed.
>18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>    (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>    (A) THROBING      only embarrasses me because it's supposed to be
spelled "Throbbing"
>    (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>    (C) THRUSTING
>    (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>    (E) EXTENDED
>    (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>    (G) SEMPRENI
>
>19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>    MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>    CHAPMAN? Monty Python's Flying Circus
>20) YOUR FANTASY? Being stranded on a desert island with a Pac-Man machine
and a million quarters.
>21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER? Being chased by beautiful half-
naked women until I fell off a cliff and into my grave.
>22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES? I like classical records, they taste much
better than the heavy metal ones which leave a lead aftertaste in my mouth.
>23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES Brown, 2
>24) HEIGHT 6' 4''
>25) WEIGHT 220
>26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A fully motorized pig and a pet
politician named Eric equipped with a silly walk.
>27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED? Single- there is only one of me.
>28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY? I don't
>29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE? Crunchy Frog
>30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>    WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON) Yes.
>31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN? No. But I do have a phrase book that seems to
get me arrested every time I go to Hungary.
>32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY? Not unless you're a
lady.
>33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME? Yes.
>34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY) I support the PFJ.
>35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP? I have nothing else to do.

From [e-mail] Tue Nov 10 00:20:26 1992

>1) E-MAIL NAME
        [e-mail]
>2) REAL NAME
        gina goff
>3) ADDRESS
        1212 east 10th st.  Bowling Green, ky 42103
>4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
        [phone]
>5) DATE OF BIRTH
        3-19-73
>6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
        business, probably accounting, maybe creative accounting
>7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
        yes
>8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
        multi colored
>9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
        on occassions such as festivals and holidays
>10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
        of course I do, wanna see it?
>11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
        you'd have to see it to believe it
>12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
        many, any VP of a.f.m-p too
>13) BANK BALANCE?
        yes, a big one
>14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
        no
>15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
>16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
        last time I checked, but it's been a long time
>17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
>18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
        nothing embarasses me.
>       (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>7      (A) THROBING
>5      (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>6      (C) THRUSTING
>1      (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>4      (E) EXTENDED
>2      (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>3      (G) SEMPRENI
>
>19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>       MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>       CHAPMAN?
        Monty Python's Flying Circus
>20) YOUR FANTASY?
        (***censored***), sorry cannot print that. must demonstrate it
>21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
        mass
>22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
        all kinds but rap and cry-in-your-beer-country
>23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
        2 beautiful hazel eyes
>24) HEIGHT
        5'4-1/2"
>25) WEIGHT
        115 lbs
>26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
        a huge apartment to live in with whomever I choose
>27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
        single
>28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
>29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
        any that's available
>30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>       WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
        make it a free nude male and I'll consider
>31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
        nope. tried once and my foot got stuck
>32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
        lead the way
>33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
        sure, and I might even let you touch me too
>34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
>35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
        b/c I love you
>
>=============================================================================

From: [e-mail]1 (Simon Rooney)

>1) E-MAIL NAME
    [e-mail]

>2) REAL NAME
    Noims Rooney

>3) ADDRESS
    28 Park Drive, Ranelagh, Dublin 6, Ireland.

>4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
    [phone]

>5) DATE OF BIRTH
    27/1/73

>6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
    Comp. Sci.

>7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
    Yurp... and it's yellow.

>8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
    Um...

>9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
    It depends on wheather or not it will annoy someone.

>10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
     Yes.

>11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
     It's crouched down, feet at right angles about 2 feet apart,
     right leg in front.
     Stepping forwards: Lift toe, then foot. Push with back leg,
            land heel-toe.
     Stepping backwards: Do the opposite.

>12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
     Yep. Position 12(b)

>13) BANK BLANCE?
     Nope.

>14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
     Nope.

>15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?

>16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
     Nope.

>17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
     Anywhere, Anytime, just-about-anyone.

>18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>    (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>    (A) THROBING
>    (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>    (C) THRUSTING
>    (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>    (E) EXTENDED
>    (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>    (G) SEMPRENI
     None of them embaress me... the last one is disgusting tho'.

>19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>    MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>    CHAPMAN?
     Um... don't have one. (apart from thingy.)

>20) YOUR FANTASY?
     No I'm not!
     (You name it, I consider it)

>21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
     Mass execution.

>22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
     You call that TASTE?
     (Metal... Slayer, Sepultura, Death)

>23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
     Weird, and I can't count that high.

>24) HEIGHT
     about 5:10

>25) WEIGHT
     S.F.A.

>26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
     Tequila.

>27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
     Yes.

>28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
     Vaginal what?

>29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
     King Size Mars.

>30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>    WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
     Nope.

>31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
     I can learn.

>32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
     For a price.

>33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
     For a price.

>34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
     None of the above.

>35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
     It's below zero outside, It's 6:48 in the morning, I haven't
     slept all night, and I have to walk home when I've finish with
     this crap.


OISnm,

In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail] (David Bromage) writes:

>: 1) E-MAIL NAME
>    [e-mail]
>: 2) REAL NAME
>    David Harvey Oswald
>: 3) ADDRESS
>    Dallas
>: 4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
>    911
>: 5) DATE OF BIRTH
>    30/10/71
>: 6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
>    Applied narcotics
>: 7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
>    Yes
>: 8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
>    Blue, no red...
>: 9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
>    Yeeeeeeipipipipipipipipibibibibibibibibi
>: 10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
>    Yes
>: 11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
>    Forward ariel O'Brien half turn on alternate steps
>: 12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
>    Yes, President of the Amateur Gynacologists Club
>: 13) BANK BLANCE?
>    Yes, on a fulcrum
>: 14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
>    Yes
>: 15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
>    Spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam spam and spam
>: 16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
>    Just a minute.......
>: 17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
>: 18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>:     (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>:
>:     (A) THROBING
>:     (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>:     (C) THRUSTING
>:     (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>:     (E) EXTENDED
>:     (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>:     (G) SEMPRENI
>:
>    D B C A B F G
>: 19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>:     MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>:     CHAPMAN?
>    Oh, err, you know.... the one on TV.... um..
>: 20) YOUR FANTASY?
>    See alt.sex.childrens.page
>: 21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
>    Writ of
>: 22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
>    Poached harsichord in a white wine sauce
>: 23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
>    Octarine x 2
>: 24) HEIGHT
>    6'3"
>: 25) WEIGHT
>    >7lb
>: 26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
>    See alt.sex.childrens.page
>: 27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
>    Single
>: 28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
>    Treadmill
>: 29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
>    Cruchy Frog
>: 30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>:     WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
>    Depends who the nude lady is.....
>: 31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
>    Please fondle my buttocks
>: 32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
>    My nipples explode with delight
>: 33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
>    Drop your panties Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime
>: 34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
>    Hers
>: 35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
>    Why are you still reading my crappy answers

From [e-mail] Wed Nov 11 00:47:38 1992

>
> 1) E-MAIL NAME
                   LA_IND03
> 2) REAL NAME
                   MEREDITH ANN LUKE (SOON TO BE WARNER)
> 3) ADDRESS
                   307 HART HALL, SUNY OSWEGO, OSWEGO NY 13126
> 4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
                  [phone]
> 5) DATE OF BIRTH
                  APRIL 27, 1972
> 6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
                  RUSSIAN LANGUAGE AND BRUTAL DICTATORSHIPS
> 7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
                  OF COURSE!
> 8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
                  TECHNICOLOR
> 9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
                  ONLY AFTER DRINKING SEVERAL POTS OF COFFEE
> 10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
                  NOPE.  I DON'T WALK. I FLOAT.
> 11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.

> 12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
                 YES-ON TOP.
> 13) BANK BLANCE?
                 NOT MUCH ANYMORE...
> 14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
                 CERTAINLY.
> 15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
                 SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, BAKED BEANS, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, AND
                 BORSCHT
> 16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
                 OF COURSE NOT! WHAT A SILLY QUESTION!
> 17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
                 ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, AND WITH RAY (THE 'SKWISH DUDE)
> 18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>     (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>     (A) THROBING
>     (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>     (C) THRUSTING
>     (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>     (E) EXTENDED
>     (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>     (G) SEMPRENI
>
                 NONE OF THEM EMBARASS ME, ONLY THE WORD "MATTRESS"

> 19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>     MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>     CHAPMAN?
                UH, PORK?
> 20) YOUR FANTASY?
                TO MAKE MAD, PASSIONATE LOVE IN A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF JELLO
> 21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
                DELAYED
> 22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
                HEAVY METAL (THE HEAVIER, THE BETTER!)
> 23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
                STEEL GREY, USUALLY 2
> 24) HEIGHT
                5'6"
> 25) WEIGHT
                130
> 26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

> 27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
                ENGAGED!
> 28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
                WHAT A PERSONAL QUESTION!
> 29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
                COCKROACH CLUSTER
> 30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>     WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
                CAN I GET THAT WITH A FREE NUDE MAN?
> 31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
                NYET, RUSSKIE YIZIK
> 32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
                SURE!
> 33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
                IF YOU ARE NO LONGER INFECTED.
> 34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
                THE SILLY PARTY
> 35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
                NOTHING BETTER TO DO

From [e-mail] Wed Nov 11 04:43:35 1992

>1) E-MAIL NAME

Jester

>2) REAL NAME

Christopher Jack Daniel Christian

>3) ADDRESS

[e-mail]
154 fairview
kalamazoo, mi 49001-4279 USA

>4) TELEPHONE NUMBER

1-(616)-342-8988

>5) DATE OF BIRTH

7/9/73

>6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?

Engineering Undecided

>7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?

Yes

>8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?

Grey

>9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?

Yes... I do so very often to attract the rare Norweigian parrots

>10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?

Um, No. I walk normal except for the dog attached to my left hip.

>11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
>12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?

Yes....President of the alt.overlords newsgroup

>13) BANK BLANCE?

$956.76

>14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?

Yes, I held my a.f.m-p campaign rally there.

>15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?

um no, i'm partial to not cutting of my own arm and snacking on it.

>16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)

Yes (honestly)

>17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
>18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>    (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>    (A) THROBING
>    (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>    (C) THRUSTING

Only this word embarasses me

>    (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>    (E) EXTENDED
>    (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>    (G) SEMPRENI
>
>19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>    MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>    CHAPMAN?

Monty Pylons Flying Road Crew

>20) YOUR FANTASY?

To run off and become a Numberflack whatever that is

>21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?

Crucifiction

>22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?

Industrail : Skinny Puppy, Front 242, Ministry, ClockDVA, Nitzer Ebb, Einsterundze Neubauten

>23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES

Green and two, not necessarily in that order

>24) HEIGHT

6ft 1/2 inch

>25) WEIGHT

160 lbs

>26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

A lifetime supply of condums

>27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?

Single, but currently hunting the great african mosquito for my wife.

>28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?

Scum, the combination foot ointment, shoe polish, and anesthetic

>29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?

The rare dead elephant brand

>30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>    WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)

Yes definietly, I could always use a free naked lady to go with
my free dead dog.

>31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?

Nope, but I can speak Latin..

>32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?

Sure, but only if you have a pet Koala named Kibo

>33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?

only if you paid me....

>34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)

The jester for a more comfortable sanitarium party

>35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?

because i have absolutely nothing else to do with my time.

I want my title to be

High Lord Idiot

From [e-mail] Fri Nov 13 17:33:45 1992
>
>1) E-MAIL NAME
    [e-mail]
>2) REAL NAME
    Ray Warner  (the 'skwish dude)
>3) ADDRESS
    236 Riggs Hall, SUNYCO, Oswego, NY 13126
>4) TELEPHONE NUMBER
    (315)-341-2586
>5) DATE OF BIRTH
    May 19, 1973
>6) WHAT COURSE YOU ARE STUDYING?
    Russian and Spamish
>7) DO YOU HAVE AN APRON?
    Of course not, you silly king!
>8) IF YES TO 7 - WHAT COLOUR IS IT?
    Invisible colour
>9) CAN YOU CHANT IN A SILLY HIGH PITCHED WHINE?
    Michael Jackson style? Of course!
>10) DO YOU HAVE A SILLY WALK?
     Is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods?
>11) IF YES TO 10 - PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR SILLY WALK.
     Extremely silly
>12) DO YOU HAVE ANY POSITION OF POWER?
     Yes, many.
>13) BANK BLANCE?
     No, my bank does not blance
>14) HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRILLO SNACK BAR IN PAIGNTON?
     Of course!
>15) IF YES TO 14 - WHAT DID YOU EAT THERE?
     Spam, spam, spam, spam, bloody Vikings, and spam!
>16) ARE YOU A VIRGIN? (HONEST AWNSER PLEASE!)
     Was the Ayatollah Khomeini catholic? Does Dan Quayle have a brain?
>17) IF NO TO 16 - WHERE, WHEN AND WITH WHOM?
     Everywhere, always, and with everyone (esp. Meredith)
>18) DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS EMBARESS YOU?
>    (PLEASE NUMBER IN ORDER OF EMBARESSMENT)
>
>    (A) THROBING
>    (B) NAUGHTY BITS
>    (C) THRUSTING
>    (D) WANKLE ROTARY ENGINE
>    (E) EXTENDED
>    (F) F'TANG F'TANG OLE BISCUIT BARREL
>    (G) SEMPRENI
>
   Nothing embarasses me. I use all of these words in everyday conversation.
>19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE 1970,s BBC TV COMEDY SHOW STARING JOHN CLEESE,
>    MICHAEL PALIN, ERIC IDLE, TERRY JONES, TERRY GILLIAM AND GRAHAM
>    CHAPMAN?
     Ummm... "Monty Python's Flying Circus"?
>20) YOUR FANTASY?
     Jump on a huge pile of thumbtacks, or stick my nostrils together with
crazy glue.
>21) WHAT FORM OF EXECUTION WOULD YOU PREFER?
     Manadatory
>22) WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL TASTES?
     Weird Al, The Doors, Metallica, The Beatles, and Billy Joel
>23) COLOUR AND NUMBER OF EYES
     A pair of hazel eyes
>24) HEIGHT
     5'8"
>25) WEIGHT
     160 lbs
>26) WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
     A lobotomy
>27) ARE YOU - SINGLE/MARRIED/DIVORCED?
     Engaged!
>28) WHICH BRAND OF VAGINAL DEODRANT DO YOU BUY?
     Speed stick! Oops, I thought you wanted underarm deodorant.
>29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURATE CHOCOLATE?
     Cockroach Cluster
>30) WOULD YOU LIKE INFORMATION ON A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE MOTOR INSURENCE POLICY
>    WITH A FREE NUDE LADY ? (OR THIRD PARTY WITH HER BRA ON)
     Only if the nude lady is Gina
>31) CAN YOU SPEAK HUNGARIAN?
     Please fondle my buttocks
>32) DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY PLACE BOUNCY BOUNCY?
     No, I've come to arrange a holiday
>33) IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEUTIFULL BODY WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME?
     Yes, very tightly.
>34) WHAT POLITICAL PARTY DO YOU SUPPORT? (IF ANY)
     The Perot for President Party (the MONEY party)
>35) WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS CRAP?
     Why Not?