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- Path: sparky!uunet!mcsun!uknet!edcastle!eset08
- From: eset08@castle.ed.ac.uk (J Strobridge)
- Newsgroups: alt.peeves
- Subject: Things that go *** in the night
- Message-ID: <24361@castle.ed.ac.uk>
- Date: 30 Jul 92 19:04:03 GMT
- Distribution: alt
- Organization: Edinburgh University
- Lines: 54
-
- Ok - you've got a cold, your head is trying to take off for Mars or
- someplace, you feel awful - in fact worse, you feel like dying - or
- worse - somehow the thought of death is almost pleasant....
-
- So, you decide that chatting in pubs til after midnight or reading
- endless pages of alt.peeves is not going to help the situation this time
- and that maybe an early night is called for - say roundabout 9.30 pm...
- But the neighbour's kid is outside in the back alley hitting a tennis
- ball against the garage doors - kerthud, kerthud!
-
- So, a while or so later - peace? No chance. The next door burglar
- alarm has been set off by some incompetent so-and-so probably closing
- the door too hard or maybe it's the neighbour's car alarm - same
- difference. An hour or so to wait until someone turns it off. Now
- some peace?
-
- Forget it - it's the drunken warbler time! - the hour when men have this
- sudden desire to imitate Caruso/Placido Domingo/Glen Campbell (amend as
- appropriate) in the Albert Hall having just been thrown out of the pub
- and found this nice empty echoing street that sounds just like their
- bathroom at home.....
-
- Peace after that? No way - they set all the local dogs barking - mangy
- creatures - their owners probably leave them in empty houses
- deliberatly to keep the entire neighbourhood awake - but you've had this
- conversation before. Then the neighbours get in late, slamming every
- door in the house and after them come the mail planes doing low moaning
- swoops over the city. And they are followed by the street cleaners -
- sloop, roar, trundle - down one side, up the other.
-
- And then come the car crazies. 80mph down the road - brake hard, slew a
- turn, race up the road again. Sheest. OK - it's fun guys - go and do
- it somewhere else please, like a gravel pit?
-
- Then some peace? Not a hope. The humans have gone so now the rest of
- the animal world can start. Seagulls - a total misnomer. Do these
- birds spend any time at all at sea? Certainly not outside my place!
- And after them the pigeons start. It is a conspiracy!
-
- And after that the early morning worker comes out. Up with the carport
- door. Make sure everybody hears. Radio on loud. Rev the car, keep
- the engine running - just to make it obvious that he's up and everyone
- should be as well! And then, suddenly - all is quiet. There is
- peace, stillness, silence, until----- RING!!!
-
- The postman has a Recorded Delivery item that needs a signature....
-
- So over a cup of tea you decide to take the day off work and sleep then
- instead but just at that point the workmen next door start drilling
- holes in the floor, the ceiling, every wall, the roof and the basement.
-
- You give up. Alaska, you think might be a nice place to live....
-
- jill
-