<li>If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife".<br><li>If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.<br><li>If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.<br><li>If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas.<br><li>If Dilbert is your hero.<br><li>If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.<br><li>If you can name six Star Trek episodes.<br><li>If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.<br><li>If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.<br><li>If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.<br><li>If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.<br><li>If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car.<br><li>If you use coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.<br><li>If at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.<br><li>If you window shop at Radio Shack.<br><li>If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.<br><li>If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.<br><li>If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.<br><li>If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment - and you do.<br><li>If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.<br><li>If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.<br><li>If you own "Official Star Trek" anything.<br><li>If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside.<br><li>If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.<br><li>If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.<br><li>If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.<br><li>If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.<br><li>If you have never backed-up your hard drive.<br><li>If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud.<br><li>If you truly believe aliens are living among us.<br><li>If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.<br><li>If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is."<br><li>If you see a good design and still have to change it.<br><li>If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.<br><li>If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.<br><li>If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.<br><li>If you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers, but you don't remember where they are.<br><li>If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.<br><li>If you have more toys than your kids.<br><li>If you need a checklist to turn on the TV.<br><li>If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.<br><li>If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.<br><li>If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.<br><li>If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it.<br><li>If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.<br><li>If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.<br><li>If you have ever owned a calculator with no " = " key and know what "RPN" stands for.<br><li>If your father sat two inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.<br><li>If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.<br><li>If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.<br><li>If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.<br><li>If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.<br><li>If you did the sound system for your senior prom.<br><li>If your checkbook always balances.<br><li>If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.<br><li>If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.<br><li>If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.<br><li>If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.<br><li>If you spend more on your home computer than your car.<br><li>If you know what ôhttpö stands for.<br><li>If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.<br><li>If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.<br><li>If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.<br><li>If your laptop computer costs more than your car.<br><li>If your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate.
</ul>
<em>(Donor: Rob Saville)</em>
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<font size="3"><B>Got any stuff for us? <a href="mailto:julian_patterson@vnu.co.uk">Send it</a> to us and if it's remotely funny or about computers or both we'll put it up.</B></font></FONT>
