<FONT COLOR="#6600BB"><B><font size="6">M</font>ole may have underestimated the US taxman, whom he mocked recently
for abandoning a multimillion dollar project to allow the average
citizen's tax returns to be completed on a PC. Now the Internal Revenue
Service has come up with something infinitely more fiendish which
demonstrates the immoral uses to which computers may be put by
unscrupulous people.<P>
The IRS has agreed with mortgage lenders to exchange notes by Email
comparing the stated earnings of loan applicants with the figures they
fill in on their tax returns. In cases where there is a discrepancy of
more than $10,000, the Revenue's snoops may investigate.<P>
The self-employed have most to fear from this latest manifestation of Big
Brotherism, which will catch them out if they overstate their earnings for
the purposes of securing a mortgage or understate them when the time comes
to make their annual disclosure to the tax authorities. Most, of course,
will do both, putting them in double jeopardy. This is one development
that cannot and must not be allowed to cross the Atlantic.<P>
<font size=+2>Yawn of a new millenium</font><BR>
Readers are invited to unite with Mole in condemnation of the so-called
Year 2000 Crisis, the biggest bore since tedium began. Humanity must be in
serious trouble if the most it has to worry about at the dawn of the new
millenium is that a few computers wake up a bit confused. No one seems
remotely concerned at the prospect of Judgement Day, which could have much
more far-reaching consequences. Perhaps everyone simply expects the big
day will have to be postponed due to scheduling problems with the heavenly
host.<P>
Millenium chaos is being promoted in every quarter, by the press which is
always looking for something massively dull to write about, and by IT
managers who are always seeking something new to justify their miserable,
incompetent existences. The question business managers should be asking,
just before handing the head of IT his cards, is why didn't you bring me
this problem in 1947?<P>
As for the manufacturers, it is difficult to imagine a more cynical
example of built-in redundancy. In a recent edition of The Money
Programme, IBM and Microsoft admitted that only software sold after 1997
would be guaranteed millenium compliant. How convenient. Microsoft always
said we could expect to wait around two years for a successor to Windows
95. Year 2000 heebie-jeebies should help sales of the next release along
nicely. What a pity that Microsoft and every other IT supplier who will
inadvertently profit from pre-2000 panic didn't know about the millenium
earlier.<P>
<font size=+2>Winter of discontent</font><BR>
Electronic mail, as we are constantly reminded, can improve communications
with your customers.<P>
The customer-conscious Microsoft has taken this to heart and never misses
an opportunity to bombard the unwashed and unwary with unsolicitied
material.<P>
For most of course, being on a Microsoft mailing list lies somewhere on
the scale of human experience between undiluted pleasure and sheer
ecstasy, but there is always the odd ungrateful devil who doesn't see it
that way.<P>
When David Winter of workflow software firm Viewstar complained to
Microsoft, he received a sympathetic response from Andy Matson, business
manager of Solution Developer sales. Matson sent one of his colleagues in
SD sales the following message: "Well, one grumpy git out of 180 is not
too bad.<P>
One of yours I believe! Good luck with him - but for God's sake, don't
send him an Email!!!!" Unfortunately he also sent the message to Mr Winter
and the other 179 recipients of the original mailshot. In a suitably
grovelling follow-up (also sent by Email, incidentally), a mortified
Matson writes: "... to say I've blundered is an understatement. Every now
and again a nightmare comes true - and mine just did. We have had many
requests to set up an Email information system and this initial one is
being prepared from within the Solution Developer group. It is not
sophisticated ..."<P>
<font size=+2>Microsoft: an apology</font><BR>
Elsewhere in a bad week for customer relations, Microsoft Holland sent out
the following irony-laden paragraph on a postcard apologising for the late
shipment of the October MSDN. "MSDN is committed to getting you all the
information and products you need to develop quality solutions.<P>
We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause."<P>
Mole remains committed to digging the dirt on the computer industry and is
not at all sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Send your grubby
little stories by <a href="mailto:julian_patterson@vnu.co.uk">email</a> or phone 0171 316 9068.
<P>
<strong><font size="3">This column first appeared in the UK edition of PC Week, 12 November 1996.<BR>
Check out the <a href="mole3.htm">last one</a> to feature in Stuff - if you've got nothing better to do.</font></strong>
<hr color="#FF00FF">
<font size="3"><B>Got any stuff for us? <a href="mailto:julian_patterson@vnu.co.uk">Send it</a> to us and if it's remotely funny or about computers or both we'll put it up.</B></font></FONT>
