The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered. The
element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons
and thus has an atomic number of 0. However it does have 1 Neutron,
128 Assistant Neutrons, 75 Vice-Neutrons and 111 Assistant Vice-
Neutrons. This gives it an atomic weight of 315. These 315 particles are
held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called Morons.
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Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every other reaction with which it comes
into contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete,
when it would normally occur in less than one second.
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Administratium has a normal life of aproximately 3 years, at which time
it does not decay but, instead, undergoes a reorganisation in which
Assistant Neutrons, Vice-Neutrons and Assistant Vice-Neutrons
exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic
weight actually increases after each reorganisation.
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Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government, large companies, health facilities and universities; and
will often be found in the newest, best maintained buildings.
<P>
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where it
is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but
results to date are not promising.
<br><em>(Donor: Steve Switzer)</em>
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