Software of the Month Club 1995 March/SOFM_Mar1995.bin/pc/sri/windows/diet/reasons.txt

Text File | 1995-01-27 | 10KB | 179 lines

                                     REASONS

          Everyone does everything for reasons.  Sometimes they are not
          apparent.  Sometimes they are obvious .  . . to ourselves,
          sometimes to others.

          It has been said that everything we do from the Cradle to the
          Grave is because we want something.   Let's assume that you
          are on a diet right now because we want to lose weight...but
          what are the reasons for that?

          Try to think of several really valid reasons...beyond the
          obvious ones. After you have thought of several....what were
          they? Did they run something like... "Because I want to look
          and feel better . . .I want to be happier with myself . . .My
          husband really wants me to . . .I just want to be thin . . I
          want to have more energy . . .I want to get into those
          attractive slim clothes that you can buy off the rack in
          stores . . .etc."

          OK . . .now, let's look deep.   Lets especially examine
          external reasons such as "my husband wants me to" which means
          " he will love me more when I get thin," and even obvious
          ones like .  . ."I want to look better, which says "I want
          others to like the way I look more than they do now." OK . .
          .now that we have a lot of reasons why people want to lose
          weight, what will happen if you get to goal and your husband
          doesn't love you more .  .  .or the way other people treat
          you is not any better . . .possibly worse .  . .and none of
          those good things you had been expecting seem to be happening
          to you?  (You , will gain the weight back, right?)

          So, if you are going to keep it off, or even get to goal in
          the first place, you may have to modify your thinking and
          your REASONS for losing weight.  Now this may happen
          automatically to a degree as you lose weight and like
          yourself more . . .for, as you like yourself more, it becomes
          less important what others think of you.  Fat people often
          build up a shell of the HAPPY FAT JOLLY PERSON, when, in
          fact, they are sensitive, insecure, hurting people inside and
          the more they hurt .  .  the more they eat, which makes them
          hurt more.

          If you bake someone a really delicious, wonderful cake and
          give it to them, are they supposed to appreciate it?  Are
          they supposed to thank you for it?  Are they supposed to
          think a little more of you for it?  Are they supposed to like
          you a little more because of it?  Are they supposed to be a
          LITTLE kinder to you for it?  Are they supposed to do you a
          tiny little favor when you really need it?  USUALLY, YES!

          Then maybe you are giving for the WRONG REASONS.  When you
          give anything, what should you expect?  Thanks?  Return
          favors? Nothing?  Nothing at all?

          Let me tell  you  a  little  ZEN  story.   Zen is a form of
          Chinese religion or philosophy. From the book compiled by
          Paul Reps, called ZEN FLESH, ZEN BONES:  "While Seisetsu was
          the Master of Engaku in Kamakura he required larger quarters,
          since those in which he was teaching were overcrowded.  Umezu
          Seibei, a merchant of Edo, decided to donate five hundred
          pieces of gold, called Ryo, toward the construction of a more
          commodious school. This money he brought to the teacher.

                Seisetsu said:  "All right, I will take it."

          Umezu gave Seisetsu the sack of gold, but he was dissatisfied
          with the attitude of the teacher.  One might live a whole
          year on three Ryo, and the merchant had not been thanked for
          five hundred.

              "In that sack are five hundred Ryo," hinted Umezu.

              "You told me that before," replied Seisetsu.

              "Even if I am a wealthy merchant, five hundred Ryo is a
               lot of money," said Umezu.

              "Do you want me to thank you for it?.. asked Seisetsu.

              "You ought to." replied Umezu.

              "Why should I?" inquired Seisetsu.  "The giver should be
               thankful."

          The moral of this story is that the giver should give only
          for the sake of wanting to give with no ulterior motives of
          being thanked, rewarded, or receiving any tangible or
          intangible receipt from the gift.  This is unselfish giving.
          If we give in any other way, WE are often disappointed later
          . . . because we gave for reasons other than the obvious one.

          Losing weight is the same way; if we lose weight for a lot of
          ulterior motives, such as unexpected results about the way
          others will feel about us, treat us, or in some way they will
          cause our life to change for the better, we will be, and
          often are . . . sorely disappointed.  We should all carefully
          examine why we are losing weight.

          Let me quote from the book, ACTUALIZATIONS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
          REHEARSE TO BE YOURSELF by Stewart Emery. . . "We absolutely
          do not know what we really want, because we have been
          conditioned to want what everybody else except us tells us to
          want. It started out when our mother told us what she wanted
          us to want; our father told us what he wanted us to want; our
          Grandmother and Grandfather did the same thing.  The Sunday-
          school teacher told us what God wanted us to want, and the
          teacher told us what the principal wanted us to want.
          Madison Avenue told us to want everything.

          Society itself told us what to want.  When I was growing up,
          it was a wife, two and a half children, two cars, and a home
          in the suburbs.  Everyone was telling us what to want and
          telling us that if we wanted and acquired the right things,
          we would be happy.  Happiness was a function of wanting the
          right things.  And when that did not make us happy, there was
          always someone who told us that we were unhappy because we
          wanted the wrong things and that if we would JUST want what
          he wanted us to want, we would be happy.

          So we end up completely disillusioned with what we thought we
          wanted and with the people who told us to want it.  Now we
          are feeling like a pawn in a chess game over which we have no
          control. We absolutely look like a victim; it seems as if
          there is no way out.  But, take heart, there is an answer." .
          . . .  .  .You can transform.  If you make an apple become an
          orange, that is not a transformation.  But if you make an
          apple still look like an apple and TASTE like an orange, that
          is a transformation.  Transformation means housing a
          different essence in the same form.

          To a Person who has undergone a transformation. The world is
          exactly the same as it was before.  When you are transformed,
          the immediate circumstances of your existence are the same.
          What is altered is how you feel about it.  What is altered is
          your RELATIONSHIP to the things in your life, not THE THINGS
          in your life.

          The absence of fear is not an option that is available to
          most people.  The difference in people who are making it in
          the world and those who are not is simple:  The people who
          are making it in the world are making it AND they have fear.
          Those who are not making it just have fear.

          So we have to transform the RELATIONSHIP we have with fear,
          not seek to get rid of it.  GUILT:  We must transform the way
          we react to guilt (often an eating binge) not initially get
          rid of the guilt (although in the long run we may get rid of
          a lot of it.)

          If we look at losing weight as a means to an end, which is to
          say. if we believe that getting thin will MAKE us a happy
          person forever and ever . . .you are in for a sad surprise.
          First it will not MAKE You happy; it might contribute to some
          temporary happiness.  Continuous "HAPPY EVER AFTER" is not
          only NOT possible, it is not desirable.  Life is full of ups
          and downs.  If we COULD eliminate the downs, there would be
          no UPS (what could we compare it to?)  If losing weight is
          simply something you have decided to do that you want to do
          with your life and your body.....Good!  Do it for that
          reason.  Let the ups and downs, the good and bad, the happy
          and the sad, stress and calm, all be parts of a complete and
          full life that you embrace fully .  .  . and NOW.  Don't wait
          until . . .someday, for someday never comes.  Do what you
          want to do.  Make decisions.  They will not all be perfect.
          or even good.  That's the way it should be.

                                  LIVE  LIFE.

          Start living it right now . . .ALL OF IT. BE YOURSELF. And
          when you are dead and gone . . .let it be like the song that
          Frank Sinatra sings that says . . ."I DID IT MY WAY! "....
          For my own reasons and NOT for the reasons, desires, wants,
          and wills of other people.