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- I am not an actor but I've been on stage since she left. I don't know if you
- understand what I'm saying. See. It's this feeling stuck to everything I try
- like a thick, second skin, that I can somehow not only wear but also see. It's
- like reading the script of some kind of weird play that goes, on and on, with
- no apparent end, and everyone involved knows, by some misterious process, what
- to say and do.
-
- If I go to the Club on a Friday evening, the whole crew will be there before I
- make my entrance: lights, costumes, sound, cast,...They look so natural and yet
- I know it's been rehearsed a thousand times before. My lines will stretch out
- slowly but firmly in a precise sequence:
- "Hi, guys. What's going on?"
- "Fine, fine, and yourself?"
- "Oh! Thanks"
- "Well, I'll get myself a beer. Stout, please"
- "Oh! Nice to meet you. My name is Allan."
- "Sorry. Would you repeat it?"
- "Yeah. It's been wonderful lately. Too bad it changes for the worst on week-
- ends"
-
- How many times have I said the same predictable phrases? How many different
- intonations and inflexions have I used? How many Fridays have I ground under
- the stone of routine and emptiness? Fuck! I miss her!
-
- You see. It's not only her presence. It's something more subtle running in my
- veins. It's like a promise. Something you can not touch, nor see, but you
- know it's there. It's the drive to fully know her and to see the world through
- her eyes. The possibility to dive in her and see myself immersed in the
- whirlwind of her passion. The need to possess, not only her body but also her
- spirit. Do you know what I mean? She was real. She was an ever changing
- picture, diffuse, impossible to capture, but she was tangible. I don't know.
- Maybe I'm becoming paranoid...She haunted me.
-
- How did I know her? I think I've told you before. Well, anyway...Do you
- remember last year when I was talking about doing some wind surfing on the
- Caribbean? I finally did. Two weeks in Cancun. Well, this particular resort I
- went to is not that expensive, considering what you get. You're right. And on
- top of that, the beach over there is just wonderful for sailing. Yeah!. Well,
- at the beginning I wasn't that sure. After all, going on your own in those
- places is always so unpredictable. But Mark's visit influenced me. The thing
- is that I met her there.
-
- The first night in Cancun there was a welcome party. Some sort of buffet and
- music and mingling with the hosts and the rest of the guests. I was introduced
- to her by the wind surfing instructor. Did you ever meet Charlie? Yeah. Well,
- Mark told me about him being there, that was another reason for my visit. The
- thing is that she was interested in learning how to wind surf and Charlie
- mentioned my name and one thing followed the other. We chat a little and I
- made some jokes and she laughed. We found out that we lived in the same city,
- which was a surprisingly nice coincidence. I liked her immediately. Why he
- didn't go after her? Well, I think Charlie had some other person in mind that
- night.
-
- After the party I went to the disco. I've had a couple of drinks, so, it
- wasn't that bad. Just enough gas to help me release the accumulated stress of
- the last months. She was sitting with some people I vaguely remembered seeing
- somewhere. Maybe at the party or at the airport...Why her? It's hard to tell.
- Blame it on my hormones or some trauma from childhood. I don't know. She
- wasn't utterly gorgeous. Pretty, yes, but nothing out of this world. Maybe it
- was something far beyond the physical...Well, you know me. I wouldn't had gone
- for her if she wasn't attractive. Yeah. I know. But I'm not going to feed
- myself horse-shit. Not at this point in my life.
-
- Did I ever show you her picture? Oh! She was like 5'7" or maybe 5'8". Slim.
- She had wonderful legs. Brown hair, blue eyes. What attracted me was the aura
- she had. It was like if she didn't belong there. Oh! No. I didn't mean that.
- It was more like if I could read some clues on her moves, or on her skin. She
- was talking and laughing but I sensed that she had this feeling of
- awkwardness. She wasn't completely at ease. There was this tension...Well,
- I've learned the hard way, you know.
-
- I approached the group and after the introductions was offered a place at
- their table. After some chatting I asked her for a dance and she refused. She
- said something about her being clumsy. Well, that was what I needed to make
- my night. I displayed all of my charm and politeness to convince her that she
- should dance with me. I told her that that was the first lesson of her wind
- surfing training. A few drinks later, after some bargaining and a few
- intelligent compliments displayed along our conversation, she agreed. The
- minute I hold her close to me something clicked for the two of us. I knew that
- she felt the same. Isn't that amazing? I can't explain how but I just knew.
-
- There we were. The dance floor was packed with people and yet we were alone.
- At first we talked a little but when the slow pieces started we just
- concentrated on the dancing. I could feel her warm and flexible body held
- against mine. Her soft breasts heaving tight against my chest, following the
- waves of a mystic song. I still remember her fragrance. Fresh and crisp like
- spring water and blooming orange trees. I could feel the delicate texture of
- her skin in my hands and forearms. I found myself surrendering to desire. I
- could sense it growing from the depths of my soul, sweet, soft and familiar,
- invading my chest and limbs and filling my sex, slowly but steadily. Somehow
- I guessed that she was feeling the same because she didn't back off. By then
- I had this bulging tightness in my crotch and she was rubbing it gently and
- yet firmly with her pubis, with every step we made.
-
- Time and space disappeared under this spell, helped by the dimness of the
- disco. I don't know how much time we
- spent there but I recall her moving her head to make our cheeks meet. The feel
- of her face was so smooth and delightful that I felt compelled to kiss her.
- With my first kiss she shuddered. I said something to apologize but she didn't
- let me finish. "It's allright" She said and pressed herself closer to me. And
- that was all that I needed to know. I gave her slow and tender kisses on her
- cheeks, brow, eyelids, chin, and nose, before reaching for her lips. These
- were full and sweet as cherries. I kissed them and sent the tip of my tongue
- to explore, gently probing every corner of her lips. I slid my tongue inside
- to taste her beautiful mouth. She joined my kiss with her naughty tongue,
- touching mine lightly. With every brush I could see stars exploding in my
- brain and in my groin. Then she sucked my tongue in full, making swirling,
- and delightful movements. Now my tongue backed off and hers trailed across my
- lips and I admitted it in my mouth, touching it again with mine. At this point
- my legs were stiff but hardly as my penis. All that was important on Earth
- that night was to possess her, to make her mine, to melt myself inside of her.
-
- I went for her left earlobe, kissing and nibbling it while our breath was
- getting heavier and heavier. I realized that we weren't dancing anymore. She
- was rubbing her sex against mine with delicate, small, circular movements of
- her hips and she was whispering incoherent words that took me a while to
- undestand. She wanted me. Just as much as I wanted her. She told me to go to
- her room.
-
- We left the disco and climbed the steps up to her place. I recall that vividly.
- She held my hand and was guiding me. At a point in time, when we reached the
- terrace, I stopped her and we kissed passionately. My hands exploring her
- shoulders, back and buttocks, while she trembled with desire and licked my
- tongue frantically, presssing her body against mine. The sky was dark blue and
- some stars were shining
- timidly, afraid perhaps of giving a more intense light and reveal our lust to
- the world. It was something coming from the roots of our souls. We wanted each
- other. We had to have each other's body or die. It was a scream coming beyond
- reason and reality. And it was saying: now!
-
- You know me. You know what I've always thought of single's bars and one night
- stands, and yet I was there with this stranger. No. No. I don't think it was
- the alcohol. It was more than that. That night we
- had to make love together. I felt the call on my bones and I think she felt
- it too. She was the first and only woman on Earth for
- me. I was there for her. I would have given up anything in my life in order to
- get her. She had haunted me, and I wasn't about to fight the feeeling.
-
- Oh! Sorry. Sure, sure...Do you want me to order another Scotch for you?
-
- --