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- Jack spotted Jill at the party. She had a bland face, medium
- small breasts, and fair skin. He would have called it pale, but
- he was feeling charitable. He decided that she was just ugly
- enough that she would probably be desperate, and just good look-
- ing enough that she would probably be an OK lay.
-
- "Hey babe, want to dance?" he asked, in a melancholy voice.
-
- "Sure, why not?" she said.
-
- So they began to dance. She wasn't a great dancer. She just
- kind of kept shaking her arms and legs the same way, over and
- over again. After a while, he felt the way you feel after you've
- seen the same commercial too many times, that feeling of "Oh, I
- know what is going to happen next, but my brain is too dead to
- care." Ho hum, he thought. But he knew that you had to dance at
- least three dances with a woman before you could seduce her, so
- he tolerated it.
-
- The second dance was even more boring than the first. The music
- switched from rock to reggae, but her dancing hardly changed at
- all. He started counting beer cups in people hands, while he
- danced, just for something to do. He had counted 112 by the time
- the dance ended. "Great, only one more dance to go, he thought."
-
- The next dance was a slow dance. A lot of parties never put on
- slow dances, but this one did, and Jack was very happy, because
- he didn't think he could take a third fast dance with her monoto-
- nous rhythm.
-
- He looked at her, when the slow music started, wondering if she
- was ready for slow dancing. She had that same look in her eyes
- that he had seen hundreds of times before, that look that says
- "Go ahead, put your arms around me and start dancing. Have I got
- something better to do?" So he did. And her rhythm was defi-
- nitely different this time, finally. Now, she basically just
- stood there, kind of wobbling back and forth a little. And now
- he realized how much he hated slow songs, because they just went
- on, and on. It was a slow love song, just like so many love
- songs he had heard before. This one was worse than many, howev-
- er, because it was one of the ones that was currently getting too
- much play on the radio.
-
- Finally, the song ended, and, holding her hand, he led her off
- the dance floor. He tried to think of a clever line, but then
- decided he didn't need one. "Hey, what's your name?" he asked.
-
- "I'm Jill," she said.
-
- "Yah, and I'm Jack." They would have laughed, but both of them
- had heard so many Jack and Jill jokes in their lives, that nei-
- ther even found this real life coincidence at all funny.
-
- 'So, I bet now he's going to ask me to go for a walk with him.
- Why do guys always use the same lines?' she thought to herself.
-
- "So, Jill, want to go for a walk? It's a beautiful evening."
-
- 'Well,' she thought, 'at least a walk will be more fun than this
- party. I wonder why all parties seem alike? The only thing
- which wasn't totally average about this party was the slow dance,
- and I don't even like to slow dance.' "Sure," she said, "where
- are we going to walk to? Your place, I suppose, right?" She'd
- been asked on too many walks not to already know the destination.
-
- "Yah," he said.
-
- Now that she was pretty sure he wanted to seduce her, she decided
- to appraise him. 5' 9", brown hair, brown eyes, not particularly
- athletic or well dressed; but no body odor, no zits, and his hair
- was combed. She would take what she could get. "Let's go."
-
- The walk to Jack's place was too long. The party had been at one
- of the river houses, but both Jack and Jill lived in the Quad,
- away from the main campus. They had gone up to the river houses
- because, as usual, the quad was dead that weekend: only one
- party, and it was lame. They walked up Garden Street, back to
- Currier House. It was a walk both of them took every day, at
- least twice a day, and both of them found it pretty wearying by
- now. They went through the standard conversation about majors,
- year of graduation, etc. but neither was really paying atten-
- tion; they had asked and answered the questions so many times
- before.
-
- When they got back to Jack's room, Jill was not very impressed.
- Currier was one of the newer, more modern dormitories, and all of
- the rooms were pretty similar. Jack had not done much to distin-
- guish his.
-
- "So," Jill said, "how do you usually seduce women?" She was
- feeling very direct.
-
- "Usually, I try something with backrubs, but the last ten women
- I've seduced, I've given backrubs, and I'm tired of it What do
- guys usually try on you?"
-
- "They usually ask me if I want a backrub," she said.
-
- There was what would have been an awkward pause, if either of
- them had really cared. Jack tried to think of something more
- interesting than a back rub He considered nude twister, but
- wasn't quite sure how someone would go about playing that exact-
- ly, without a third person to spin the spinner. He thought about
- getting out his copy of the 5000 question purity test, but found
- himself falling asleep at just the thought.
-
- Finally, he said "Want a back rub?"
-
- "Sure," she said, lying down on his bed.
-
- Slowly, he massaged her back, through her shirt. After about ten
- minutes, her shirt started to ride up, intentionally, and he
- began to actually massage her skin directly. Eventually, he
- began massaging around her bra strap, and then clumsily unsnapped
- it.
-
- 'Thank God,' she thought. It was taking forever. He gave an
- average backrub, but she had never really been into back rubs
- anyway. Eventually, his hands went lower and lower, and he was
- touching the sides of her breasts, and then the front, and then
- the nipples. 'Pretty predictable,' she thought.
-
- Finally, she turned over, and they began kissing, and undressing.
- She had a mediocre body, too much flab, but so did he. Neither
- of them became particularly passionate, but both found the ca-
- ressing vaguely enjoyable.
-
- Slowly, his hand worked its way down to her vagina, and it was,
- of course, slightly moist. He fingered her and sucked her tits
- for a few minutes. Then, foreplay out of the way, he put on a
- condom, and they had sex in the missionary position. He wasn't
- very good, not giving enough clitoral stimulation. She decided
- to just lie back, and think of England. She had never been
- there, so there wasn't very much to think about, but it was more
- interesting than the half hearted attempts of Jack, lying on top
- of her. Eventually, Jack sped up his pumping. Faster and fast-
- er. 'Great,' she thought, 'he's almost finished.' When he came,
- spurting into the condom for a few seconds, she faked her orgasm.
- He wasn't fooled by her faking, but he didn't really care.
-
- --