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- I'm in my mid 20's, now, and my wedding is planned for this
- September and I'm very excited about it. Kevin, my fiance, is
- the love of my life -- the most wonderful man in the world -- and
- I could not love or want him more than I do. We've known each
- other for more than three years and we've known each other
- intimately for almost a year. We are not virgins with each
- other.
- My life and my mind are so filled with Kevin, I hardly have
- room to remember Brad -- but I still do, all the time... It's
- hard to believe, but I had my first sexual experience with Brad
- about a month before my 12th birthday. My birthday is in June,
- so it was probably in May, and I was still 11! Young enough to
- think the ONLY love in my life would be a horse.
- I fell in love with horses so long ago, I can't even
- remember when it happened. Novels and picture books, photos and
- paint-by-numbers, stuffed and carved -- my room and my mind were
- full of horses!
- My family didn't have horses, but the family living down the
- road had a small horse ranch. Their youngest son was Brad and he
- was a senior in high school at the time. I was still in
- elementary school, but we rode the same bus to the huge district
- school complex and I walked past their house on the way to the
- bus stop. Sometimes, since we were the only two kids at that bus
- stop, Brad would let me walk with him, but he never talked very
- much and he'd never stop to let me visit with the horses along
- the fence. I'd given names to several of them and they would
- come when I called. Finally, it must have dawned on him that I
- really did like horses.
- It was the last month of school for the year and the weather
- was much warmer than usual. One day, after the bus dropped the
- two of us off, Brad asked me if I'd ever ridden a horse. I told
- him that I had been on the horse ride at the carnival. He
- laughed and asked me if I'd like to ride a `real' horse.
- Of course, I screamed "Yes!"
- I loved that first time so much, it became a habit, right
- away. On the way home from the bus stop, we'd stop at Brad's
- house and he would give me a ride home on one of their big
- horses.
- We always rode bareback and I felt like a queen sitting
- behind him. I'd wrap my arms around him real tight and hang on
- for dear life. He was so strong and gentle, and soon, he even
- seemed to actually like me. I think Brad liked anyone who liked
- horses. He was the star football player, an ace student, and all
- the older girls went nuts over him (especially my older sister!).
-
- And I knew he dated a girl, Susanne, but she didn't like horses.
- But, he liked me! I didn't realize it then, but what I had was a
- very big crush.
- Sometimes we wouldn't go straight to my house. We'd ride
- for maybe an hour or so, and then he'd take me home. One really
- hot day, we stopped by the creek, far back on his parents'
- property, near where the forest began.
- We were hot and sweating when we dismounted, and I kicked
- off my shoes and socks and ran, splashing, into the creek. Brad
- stood there, watching me and laughing. While I was standing
- bare-footed in the creek, Brad smiled and asked me what I wanted
- to do next.
- "I want to ride nude!" I said. "Both of us!" I almost
- shouted it. I don't know why I said it, but I knew I didn't want
- anything between me and the horse (or maybe me and Brad!).
- Brad yelped in surprise and he didn't believe me at first,
- but I kept insisting that I did. Finally, I shrugged
- indifference and told him that he would not be the first naked
- man I'd seen. I'm sure he assumed that I'd seen my father, but
- the truth was -- I'd never seen a live naked man in my life!
- I pretended not to watch him as he undressed, but I did. He
- obviously wasn't interested in watching me, and that made me more
- than a little unhappy. But as I watched him, I quickly got over
- it. His body was gorgeous!
- He looked almost as strong as his horse and I'm still not
- sure which expectation excited me more -- riding naked or being
- naked with him. As soon as I put my arms around him, I was no
- longer in doubt. The feel of both hard bodies against my bare
- skin was just too much, and as we rode, I let one hand drop
- lower.
- Today, when I masturbate, I still think about that first
- afternoon and his wonderful mouth. My understanding of sexual
- matters, at the time, was almost nothing. I didn't even know
- what a human male's erection looked like. I barely had some
- genital hair and I knew adults had much more. The only true
- sexual thoughts I'd had -- until that afternoon -- were thoughts
- about when I'd have breasts, like my older sister.
- When I let that one hand drop, I had no idea what I'd find
- and I still wonder what gave me the courage. He was soft and
- firm and warm and like nothing else I'd ever felt in my hand
- before.
- He pushed my hand away...several times. And then what i was
- feeling felt even bigger and harder, and he did not push my hand
- away. The harder he got, the faster we rode, and the harder I
- held on to him...until he exploded warm goo and everything slowed
- down.
- Yes, I was frightened. I was sure I'd hurt him, his warm
- stuff was on my fingers, on his shoulders and in his hair.
- I was afraid to say anything. I was positive I'd done
- something very wrong, and he'd yell at me if I even opened my
- mouth. He stopped at the creek, again, and told me to wash my
- hand. I was afraid to look at him, I knew he was washing his
- face and chest.
- Just as I was reaching for my clothes, I heard his voice.
- He told me not to worry. I was almost crying and he helped me
- sit down in the grass.
- I'm in his arms, and I move closer, tighter into him, still
- scared. An instant later, his long kiss sends my mind swimming
- down the creek. I feel the cool grass on my back, and then his
- face moved away from my lips and I felt his mouth kissing me,
- moving down my body, until he was kissing me deeply where I'd
- never been opened before, and I knew then that I'd never be
- afraid of him again.
- That was the very best summer of my life. Mom and Dad gave
- me my very own horse on my 12th birthday, so Brad and I would
- ride almost every day, and we'd always stop by the creek. We
- never rode nude again.
- At first, beside the noisy creek, I'd use my hand on him and
- then I'd embrace his face with my thighs until I was done. But,
- quickly, our loving matured. Always afterwards, I'd hide myself
- in his arms, and sometimes we would sleep.
- It wasn't long before Brad let me kiss his massive erection,
- and I soon loved how his stuff would fill my mouth and make me
- swallow and swallow. What I was doing for him made me so proud
- of myself.
- By the end of June, we were having intercourse. The first
- time, he held me over his body and lowered me down onto and
- around his hard flesh. I was slippery-wet and hungry for him and
- it hurt only a tiny bit and then the pleasure flooded through my
- body, and I wanted to never stop what we were doing.
- We were both always ready for more. I could always make him
- hard and he would always have me wet and tingly in anticipation.
- Every day, at least once, sometimes three or four times a day we
- would love each other!
- He went away to college in September. We didn't talk about
- love or anything like that. I was smart enough to know that I
- wasn't really in love with him, although I loved doing it to him
- and I loved what he did to me.
- I had several boyfriends in high school, but we never had
- any kind of sex other than kissing and a few feels. I always
- waited for Brad's return from college. We were always there for
- each other whenever he came home -- somedays it seemed like we
- made love continuously, from dawn till after dark. But, after
- Brad graduated from college, when he was 22 and I was just 16, he
- got a job too far away to visit, and I missed him so much -- so
- very, very much. We wrote, but...
- I met Kevin over three years ago, and I haven't thought as
- much about Brad since. Brad introduced me to, and gave me, the
- most wonderful pleasures... but I never saw myself as his equal.
- He was always an adult, a teacher, never a lover. But he is
- still my sweetest and dearest friend, and he has my eternal
- thanks.
- His legs were like trees, he had almost no hindquarters. He
- would carry me over the creek as easily as he could carry
- himself. He picked me up like I was nothing. His arms could
- cover me, and hide all of me. His hands could cover my whole
- face. His chest seemed bigger than my bed. I could sit in his
- hands -- were they so big and strong, or was my butt so small? I
- wish he would carry me again today.
- No hair -- I had no hair that first Summer and he made fun
- of me and told me I had no hair. But I did! Yes, I had some...
- I had a few, I did! He never made fun of my breasts, though, the
- ones I didn't have when he first knew me. He watched them grow
- that summer, he helped me grow, he loved me growing. His mouth,
- his tongue, his sharp teeth so pure and white...he could make my
- nipples so hard. He told me loving them the way he did would
- make them grow. And his hard loving and sucking did.
- Can anyone begin to imagine how much I loved watching Brad?
- Can anyone begin to imagine how much I loved watching how huge he
- would grow in my small hands? His massive balls were as heavy as
- those of his horse. And his cock! How I loved his cock, his
- HUGE HARD COCK was life itself!
- There are no words big enough, or strong enough, or hard
- enough, or long enough, or thick and fat enough to describe the
- massiveness of him that I pumped with my hands...or the first
- time I tried to capture some of his eruption in my mouth. It was
- so pure, so much, so real, so warm, so thick...so new. No pain,
- no fear, no damage, no heartache... no death except that most
- wonderful death of dying from his mouth and darting tongue... the
- first time he put one finger in, deep... and most of all -- the
- very first time I knew and took him in fully. He was always in
- me so DEEP!
- For years, I would close my eyes and see Brad so big and
- strong and hard. I've often wished I had some pictures of Brad,
- a film of the two of us by the creek would be even more precious
- -- he was so good and so big, both my hands weren't even enough.
- I wish I had something so big and strong to hang onto this
- evening and all night long.
- It is such a shame that the wonderful beauty and the most
- intense pleasure of those times were not recorded in living color
- and real sound...the creek, his voice, his gasps, his surrender
- and the raging roar of his bull release. Kevin's, I will have
- and hold and hear for the rest of my life, but Brad was the first
- and his were the first, and they will always be important for
- that.
- Sometimes I wish I could be 12 again. Things were so
- perfect then, no worries. Sometimes I am afraid of the future -
- - marriage is forever. I want Kevin forever, but I know things
- will not always be perfect. First times are always the best and
- most intense. Brad will never die in my mind, he will always be
- the biggest... maybe only because I was so small and it was all
- so new, maybe that is why he was the best. No one can ever take
- him away from me. If only I could see him one more time. If
- only he could hold me one more time, If only I could be 12 again
- and have him like I had him then.