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- What can I say about last night? I can say that it will never happen
- again. I can say that it was cruelly short. I can say that the feel of her
- against me will stay with me 'til I breathe my last. I can not say that I
- know her name.
- I had been moping on a stool at the bar. The din ebbed and flowed in
- my ears. I was alone. Self-pitying. Almost oblivious. But I heard her.
- Thank goodness, I heard her. I don't know how long she had been sitting
- next to me. Her head was in her left hand and she was crying quietly. Her
- red-gold hair bounced and shimmered each time she stifled a sob. I wanted
- not to say a word.
- "Can I help you?"
- "No."
- I motioned the 'keep over.
- "Double Korbel--warm--in a snifter for her. Beer for me."
- She looked at me then, her green eyes rimmed red with crying. Her
- pert nose poked a bit to the left and the gloss on her thin lips could
- have adorned a fire truck. Such a beautiful mess.
- "You shouldn't have done that. You're very kind."
- "My pleasure."
- "Thank you."
- "What could be bothering someone as beautiful as you?"
- She rolled her eyes and buried her forehead in the crook of her right
- arm.
- "You've misunderstood me. I envy you. Something hurt you and you
- don't care what anyone thinks about how you look or how you sound. I'll
- bet the opposite sex is the last thing on your mind right now. I'm in the
- same boat as you but I can't cry. I wish I could but I just can't"
- She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. The bartender
- set down our drinks and let us be.
- "Tell me," she said.
- I drew in all the air I could hold and blew it across the bar through
- puffed cheeks. I began. I don't need to tell you the story. You have your
- own variation if you've ever really loved somebody. You probably know
- mine. She listened. I can't tell you when she clasped my hand or when she
- put her head on my shoulder. That was how we were sitting when I finished.
- "God! Don't you hate it when people you don't even know start boring
- you with the intimate details of their lives, uh, um--I just realized I
- don't know your name. Mine's..."
- She put her hand over my mouth. She wasn't crying now. She gave me
- her brandy and began to talk. Her story was mine. Except that she was
- going back home tonight. Home to another coast. Another life. I kissed her
- cheek when she finished.
- "Where's your car," I asked.
- "Around the corner."
- "Let's go."
- She took my arm. We ambled through the doors together like old
- friends. She had parked in a side lot under a venerable old maple tree.
- The bilious glow of a sodium-vapor lamp was our only light. The night was
- clear, starry and cold.
- I kissed her again. Lightly. Our lips barely touched. I pressed them
- against her cheek and her neck. She pulled me to her and tasted my lips.
- She darted her tongue over them. She ran it against my teeth. Our
- breathing had been quiet; almost reverent. We were breathing hard, now,
- through our noses. Our bodies fought the cold with slow, sinewy friction.
- We knew all we had to know. We were together. We needed each other.
- She searched under my overcoat until she found what she was looking
- for. She pulled down the zipper, reached inside and held me. She moaned
- through pursed lips and backed against the maple. I opened the front of
- her thick wool coat and unbuttoned her blouse. I kissed the lush plain of
- her chest below her neck. I slid my hand beneath her underwire and kneaded
- the firm roughness of her nipple.
- I felt a thin, cool hand on my wrist. She pulled. She pushed. We
- raised the hem of her skirt. I felt heat and moisture. I tugged what felt
- like silk aside and felt something silkier still. Down. There. I held her
- on the tip of my finger. She began to move; slowly at first. Her grip
- became tighter. She pulled me slowly in time to her own rapture. We were
- electrified. We were without free will. We spoke with our eyes. A long,
- smoldering conversation with her on the tip of my finger and me in the
- palm of her hand.
- It was the sight of her with her head back that brought me off. She
- drew air threw her nose and hurled it through clenched teeth. She shook.
- She clasped the back of my neck and pulled me closer to her with a low,
- feral snarl. I shuddered in her hand. She quivered in mine.
- We leaned against each other. Little orgasmic remnants bounced back
- and forth between us as we stood there shivering in the orange-yellow
- light. I kissed her again and held her for awhile.
- "You don't know how much I wish things were different."
- "I know, honey. I know."
- "Couldn't we try to reach each other? Wouldn't you like to know my
- name?"
- "I always want you with me. I always want to feel about you as I do
- right now. You're kind and gentle. You're handsome. I want to imagine how
- you taste. I want to imagine you on top of me. I want to imagine you
- inside me..."
- "But..."
- " This way, I'll always love you."
- I watched her go. It's funny. As I lie here trying to sleep, all I
- can do is wonder how I can get her off my mind.
-
- --