t¢ having come across this poem after¢ CHRISTMAS, I felt you would get a¢ chuckle from it, more than my¢ prattling on. So here it is:¢¢ POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA¢¢ Twas the night before Xmas and Santa's¢ a wreck,¢ How to live in a world that's¢ politically correct!¢ His workers no longer would answer to¢ "Elves," ¢ Vertically challenged they were¢ calling themselves;¢ And labor conditions at the North Pole¢ were alleged by the Union to stifle¢ the soul.¢ Four reindeer had vanished, without¢ much propriety,¢ Released to the wilds by the¢ Humane Society.¢ And Equal Employment had made it quite¢ clear,¢ That Santa had better not use¢ just reindeer.¢ So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid¢ were replaced with four pigs,¢ And you know that looked stupid!¢ The runners had been removed from his¢ sleigh¢ The ruts were termed dangerous by¢ the EPA.¢ And people had started to call for the¢ cops,¢ When they heard sled noises on¢ their rooftops.¢ Secondhand smoke from his pipe had his¢ workers quite frightened;¢ His furtrimed red suit was called¢ "unenlightened!"¢ And to show you the strangeness of¢ life's ebbs and flows,¢ Rudolph was suing over¢ unauthorized use of his nose!¢ And had gone on Giraldo in front of¢ the nation¢ Demanding millions in overdue¢ compensation.¢ So, half of the reindeer were gone;¢ and his wife, who suddenly said enough¢ of this life, joined a self help¢ group, packed and left in a whiz¢ Demanding, from now on, her title¢ was Ms.!¢ And as for the gifts why he'd ne'er¢ had a notion, ¢ That making a choice could cause¢ such a commotion!¢ Nothing of leather, nothing of fur --¢ Which meant nothing for him! and¢ nothing for her!¢ Nothing that might be construed to¢ pollute; nothing to aim and nothing to¢ shoot;¢ Nothing that clammered or made lots of¢ noise; ¢ Nothing for just girls or for¢ just boys.¢ Nothing that claimed to be gender¢ specific; nothing that's warlike or¢ nonpacific.¢ No candy or sweets, they were bad for¢ the tooth,¢ Nothing that seemed to embellish¢ a truth.¢ And fairytales, while not yet¢ forbidden were like Ken and Barbie,¢ better left hidden¢ For they raised the hackles of¢ those psychological who claimed the¢ only GOOD gift was one, ecological.¢ No baseball, no football -- someone¢ could get hurt.¢ Besides, playing sports exposed¢ kids to dirt!¢ Dolls were said to be sexist and¢ should be passe¢ And Nintendo would rot your¢ entire brain away.¢ So Santa just stood there,¢ dishevelled, perplexed¢ He just could not figure what to¢ do next.¢ He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,¢ But you've got to be careful with¢ that word today!¢ His sack was quite empty, limp to the¢ ground¢ Nothing fully acceptable was to¢ be found.¢ Something special was needed -- a gift¢ that he might.....¢ Give to all without angering the¢ Left or the Right.¢ A gift that would satisfy with no¢ indecision¢ Each group of people, of every¢ religion,¢ Every ethnicity, every hue, everyone,¢ everywhere -- even you!¢ So here is that gift, it's price¢ beyond words¢ ¢ "May you and your loved ones enjoy¢ Peace on Earth."¢ *** ¢ (NOTE: This poem is copyrighted by¢ Harvey Ehrlich, 1992. It is free to¢ distribute, without changes, as long¢ as this notice remains intact. (Ed. it¢ was copied from the late December¢ issue of NUACE. A.P.)¢ <<**>>
