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- Confession
-
- (You ask what I want.
- I cannot tell you: Catholic upbringing, New England prudery,
- a habit of silence combine to smother the words.
- So write it, you say.)
-
- I want everything, you see.
- Men and women
- indoors and out
- top and bottom and sideways
- to come screaming in a deserted forest
- so that the only creatures startled are the deer.
-
- More than a little bit of an exhibitionist.
-
- Eyes watching
- caressing
- stripping away the layers
- the flimsy chiffon covering of propriety
- leaving me gloriously naked to a stranger's fevered gaze.
-
- I tease them shamelessly walking down the street
- in cut-off jeans and minimal tank, hair swinging.
-
- I make them wonder as they read my words
- stare at the screen
- touch themselves
-
- (wonder if this is me; wonder if it is only a poem).
-
- Riding the power trip
- to its heights
-
- (and I will taste the satanic depths)
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- tied down so all I can do is strain against the black silk
- blindfolded, so I don't know whether you will lick a nipple next
- spank me until I'm sore and screaming
- begging for more.
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- I am not quite as brave as I would wish, but if I could
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- I would risk getting caught on the quads at night.
- I would have two men at once, maybe three.
- I would be fucked until I pass out.
- I would have sex with someone without knowing whom it is.
- I would do all the shameful things a good Catholic girl
- should never, ever think of.
-
- And I would tell you about it.
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- *****
- M.A. Mohanraj
- July 28, 1993
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