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-
- "What's wrong?" she asked.
-
- She had caught me in a private pity party. I was staring out of
- my apartment window, looking at the playground across the street. I
- was looking at the kids playing on the equipment, and I had singled
- out two boys in particular. One was around eight years old, the
- other was around four. The exact ages of my sons.
-
- "Nothing you can really help with," I said, "just missing my
- boys, is all." I turned away from the window. Missing my boys.
- Missing my family. Missing my income. I shook my head. This was
- the chain of images that tempted me to consider the Solution of
- Messrs Smith and Wesson in the past. In that moment I was truly
- grateful my lady was with me.
-
- "I know you miss them," she said quietly. "I've met them,
- remember? They're great kids. I miss them, too." What a pair we
- were: she could not have children for medical reasons, and because of
- my divorce I could literally not afford to have any more. And we
- both liked my kids. Hell, we both liked kids, period.
-
- "You love them, you send them cards, you buy them presents at
- Christmas and on their birthdays. And you spend as much time with
- them as you can when you do see them. What can you do if she won't
- let them come? You know she always pulls this when you two fight
- about money." She tilted her head and thought for a moment. Then she
- said, quietly, "Why don't you tell me what really bothers you about
- the situation?"
-
- I thought for a minute. "It comes down to this: I've lost
- everything I've ever had. I've lost my house, I've lost my kids,
- I've lost half my income, I've lost my credit rating, and I've lost
- my self respect." I thought for another few seconds, "By the time
- I'm finished paying child support, I'll be five years away from
- retirement. I won't be able to retire, not when I have to hand my
- ex-wife half my paycheck for the next umpteen years!" I felt robbed.
- It had been two years since the divorce, and still I could not let
- the anger go. I was a senior engineer, and my take home pay was the
- same as a starting teacher. And it was not going to get better for a
- very long time, if ever.
-
- "So," she continued quietly, "the divorce robbed you of
- everything?" She touched my hand, took it in hers, and squeezed it.
-
- I shook my head and smiled. "It did give me a few things, I'll
- have to admit." I chuckled. "Like a few grey hairs..."
-
- She ran her other hand lightly up my other arm, and across my
- chest. "Anything else?" she said, her eyes sparkling.
-
- "If you're trying to use sex to get me into a jolly mood," I
- said, "you are very close to succeeding."
-
- She wrapped her arms around me, but turned serious for a moment.
- "You are one of the most caring, decent, honest, funny, sensitive men
- I have ever met. It aggravates me when you forget that. You may
- have lost things, but you never lost who you are. You just have a
- problem believing in yourself. Give yourself a chance." She then
- smiled impishly and began to slowly rub her breasts against my chest.
- "I'm certainly giving you a chance right now."
-
- I held her close. "Thank you," I whispered, "and you don't have
- to make love to me just to get me out of my funk. You're the best
- damn thing to happen to me in a very long time. I hope you know
- that." I was not entirely finished feeling sorry for myself, of
- course; nothing is ever fixed in five minutes. I would not let my
- situation spoil the rest of my day, though. She had given me that.
-
- She nuzzled me, and said "I never have sex out of pity." I gave
- her a stare. "Well," she continued, "not usually. The truth is,
- though, I've gotten myself a little hot and I would like to explore
- that a little further. Like to help me?" She emphasized the word
- 'help' by placing little kisses next to my right ear. A chill raced
- up my spine when she did that.
-
- How could I, as a decent, honest, caring, sensitive etc. etc.
- etc. possibly refuse a request like that?
-
- Especially since she asked so nice?
-
- She was not taking any chances. She broke our embrace, took my
- hand, and lead us to the bedroom. She popped Annie Lennox's "Diva"
- into the cassette player and put the music on low as I closed the
- blinds and the door to the room. She unbuttoned the first three
- buttons of her blouse, then put her hands on her hips. She smiled,
- and said "Come on over here, lover. You're credit's still good with
- me!"
-
- "Actually, I think I have enough to make a small deposit today,"
- I teased. She smirked and pointed to the condom on the dresser.
- "Just make sure you put your 'deposit' in the proper envelope,
- buster!" We both laughed at that one.
-
- I crossed over to her and cupped her chin in my hand. Our lips
- met and danced on each other. I took my hand away from her face and
- wrapped both arms around her. She held me tightly and we kissed each
- other more deeply. I slid one hand back around and began to unbutton
- the rest of her blouse. I noticed she was wearing her red bra--which
- told me she was thinking of jumping my bones some time today anyway.
- I smiled. So this really was not pity. That made me hot. I kissed
- her again, and began to tease her nipple through the silky fabric of
- the bra.
-
- She moaned, and gave me one of her "fuck me" looks through
- partially closed eyes. Nothing is sexier than a partner that really
- wants you. I took my other hand and began to scratch both nipples at
- the same time. She closed her eyes and her smile got wider. She
- took her hands and began to unbutton my shirt as well. Soon her
- thumbs were caressing my nipples, and my half-rigid cock suddenly
- became fully erect. I began to slide it against her crotch,
- stimulating both of us through our clothes. We both moaned together.
-
- She was a hungry for me as I was for her. We lay down on the bed
- and let our hands and our lips explore and delight each other. I
- felt her tug at my belt, felt her get it open. She undid my fly, and
- I helped her as she removed my pants and underwear together. She
- quickly stripped off my socks, and took a moment to look at me.
-
- I waited, almost holding my breath. She smiled, and gently ran
- her hand up my leg, across the inside of my thigh, and finally up my
- cock. I gasped in pleasure. I was a little surprised, too. Usually
- I'm the first to undo her pants, but then I like to eat pussy. I
- especially like her taste: very rich and musky.
-
- "Would you do something for me?" I asked.
-
- "What?" she said.
-
- "I would like you to use your hands this time," I said. "I don't
- want to come that way, but I do want you to use your hands."
-
- "I have a better idea, if you're game," she said. I nodded. I
- had a pretty good idea of what she had in mind.
-
- She took off her blouse, and unhooked and removed her bra. She
- got a tube of KY jelly and handed it to me. "Warm that up and put
- some on my breasts." I poured a generous amount onto my hands and
- smeared some onto my palms. When the chill was off, I began to
- lightly apply the jelly to the area between her breasts. I massaged
- some into her nipples for good measure. She smiled as I did this,
- but finally she pushed me down onto the bed, and climbed over me.
- She took a breast in each hand, and placed herself so my penis
- between her breasts. She pushed her breasts together, and began to
- slide my cock between them.
-
- The sensation was intense. I don't know what it is about being
- tit fucked, but it drives me wild. I began to move my hips. I
- whimpered. I clutched the bed. And all the while my lady was giving
- me this deliciously possessive look. Every time my cock would peek
- out from between her breasts, she would rub the tip with one of her
- fingers.
-
- After a minute of this delicious torture, she said "I want you in
- me." I nodded and cleaned myself off, and toweled down her chest. I
- began to play with her as I wiped KY jelly off of her. She moaned,
- but managed to say "Please, I want you in me," again.
-
- This was a little odd, too, since she loves to be eaten, but I
- stopped rubbing her and put the condom on. In the meantime she had
- rolled onto her back.
-
- "Are you sure I can't..." I started. I really do like to eat
- pussy.
-
- "Come on over here," she said. Well, she did ask awful nice.
-
- I climbed on top of her, and she guided me in.
-
- "Oh, god, I love this," she sighed, and she began to make little
- cooing sounds as I began to make love to her. I always love the
- feeling of being inside of her; hot and smooth and tight. We were
- both on fire. She called my name as I picked up the tempo. She
- screamed and her hands clutched the bed sheets as she came.
-
- "Don't hold back, baby, come for me," she said. I obliged and
- concentrated on the feeling her pussy was giving me, changing my
- rhythm slightly. This is what she wanted, because she started to moan
- as soon as I established the new rhythm.
-
- "Oh, god, yes! Don't hold back! Don't hold back!" I began to
- whimper as I neared climax. I finally came, screaming, my hips
- jerking into her so hard I could hear our bodies slap.
-
- We lay still for a while, holding each other tightly. I lifted
- myself up, took hold of the condom, and slid out of her before I
- became limp. I cleaned myself off quickly and returned to bed. We
- climbed underneath the sheets and held each other in the subdued
- light of the room.
-
- "Feel better?" she asked.
-
- "Uh huh," I said. "You can make me feel better like that
- anytime! How about you?"
-
- She purred and held me closer. "I love you," she said after a
- while. Her voice was strange. I could feel the gears in her skull
- whirling away.
-
- "I know. I love you too." I was still for a minute. "What are
- you thinking," I said.
-
- "You're not angry with me, are you?" she asked.
-
- I tried to give her the most loving "Are you completely insane?"
- look I could manage. "Not in the least! Why?"
-
- "I'm always a little afraid that you'll blame me for making you
- move away from your children."
-
- This is why I try to keep my little morose episodes under
- control. "My move was my choice, you know that," I said. "This is a
- beautiful part of the country. I was thinking of moving here anyway.
- You were just the incentive I needed to get off my ass and do
- something. Listen, hon, my ex-wife is always going to play games
- with the children. Always. My coming down here was one of the ways
- I tell her that I refuse to play her game. I refuse to be held
- hostage by her."
-
- She nodded. She's heard this before, also.
-
- "I miss them, but I have to do things that make me happy, too.
- And children eventually leave home. I'm looking for something a
- lot more permanent. You know that."
-
- She nodded again.
-
- "Do you want me permanent?" she asked.
-
- One of the most terrifying things you can ask a divorced person
- to think about is remarriage. A good percentage of remarriages fail.
- Most divorced people will tell you that one divorce per lifetime is
- more than enough. Unless, of course, you're my Uncle Zeb. He turned
- personal divorce into a growth industry: his ex-wives payed *him*
- alimony, but that's another story.
-
- The only thing more terrifying than a second divorce is the
- thought of growing old alone. Which is why a lot of people get
- remarried anyway.
-
- I fell back on the old Irish trick of answering a question with a
- question. "Is that a proposal of marriage?" I said gently.
-
- She was quiet for a long time. Finally, she said "I'm not
- sure."
-
- "Neither am I, dear. I would like to be your lover until one of
- us is sure. I want to be your friend forever. You already know my
- timetable." Two years is enough time to figure out if you're going
- to make it or not. Long enough to stop being on your "best behavior"
- all the time and find out what the other person is really like, short
- enough that if things don't work out, you don't feel like either
- party has wasted a lot of time.
-
- In other words, enough time to have one or two big fights, just
- to see how you both handle it. To date we had not had a big fight.
- This is what I was waiting for. I was not going to pick a fight just
- to see what would happen. It had to be something that was real to
- one of us.
-
- It scared me a bit to realize that if she had proposed, I
- probably would have accepted. Impulsive, emotional behavior is what
- got me into trouble the last time. And I was so in love with her.
-
- I felt her nod. "I agree, you know that. I don't want to get
- burned, either. It's just..."
-
- "It's just that the ambiguity gets you down?" I said.
-
- "Yeah. It drives me a little crazy wondering, sometimes."
-
- "Me too," I said. "I'm not going anywhere, though."
-
- "I know," she said, "I'm sticking around, too."
-
- And as our morning slid into early afternoon we held each other,
- and talked to each other, and loved each other. Our fears, for the
- moment, were held clutched close inside; a little less fearful for
- having been brought out into the daylight for a short time.
-
- --
-