"When you live close to the graveyard, you can't weep for every funeral. -- Russian proverb"
"Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists."
"Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?"
"He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself."
"You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money."
"STOP: You may not use the [RETURN] key for the duration of this login."
"The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf."
"Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!"
"He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet."
"Every program is a part of some other program and rarely fits."
"Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market."
"That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee."
"It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for."
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
"Mary had a little lamb,she also had a dancing bear,I've often seen her little lamb,but never seen her dancing bare."
"You mean you get PAID for working here? But it's so much fun!"
"System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing."
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
"Business will be either better or worse. --Calvin Coolidge"
"What is white and wears striped trousers? Rupert The Fridge."
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, it makes them soggy & hard to light."
"Every generation laughs at old fashions, but follows religiously the new."
"If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization."
"Only problem left now, should I cut the red wire, or the green?"
"Beware the ides of march. They have smelly feet and breath."
"If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse can happen to you all day."
"If the auto industry had done what the computer industry has done in the past 30 years, a Rolls Royce would cost $2.50 and would get 2,000,000 miles per gallon."
"Life is like a sewer, what you get out of it depends on what you put into it."
"You are clever, but it comes slowly -- all the way from the back of your head. -- Russian proverb"
"Many are called, few are chosen. Fewer still get to do the choosing."
"About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog."
"At any particular time, there are more horse's asses in the world than horses."
"A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges."
"Charity: a thing that begins at home and usually stays there."
"Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run."
"When your only tool is a hammer, you tend to treat everything like a nail."
"It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things."
"A programming language that does not affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing."
"IKM006 4050303293 CHECK/NOCHECK PREFIX NOT PERMITTED IN THIS CONTEXT."
"We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history."
"If God had wanted women to work he'd have given men more holiday time."
"When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
"We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking."
"Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key."
"All important information on any chart is on the fold, which isor. torn."
"Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was built, and another for which it wasn't."
"Five in the hand is worth one in kate bush. -- Peter Gabriel"
"This next bit may cause you some concern, it scares the willies.""
"There's never time to do the job right, so we must find time to do it again."
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler."
"Why is it that there are so many fortunes and I keep getting the same ones?"
"Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to us who do."
"Blackadder, you twist and turn like a ... twisty turny thing."
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything."
"Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads."
"It's not easy doing nothing--you never know when you're finished."
"Here I am, Brain the size of a planet, and what do you think he wants me to do?"
"Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function."
"Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion."
"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself."
"The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British are scared of the dark."
"If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of."
"It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx"
"You can do more with a kind word and a gun than you can with only a kind word."
"Don't diddle code to make it faster-- find a better algorithm."
"A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity."
"Today is special, any number with a three in it will be divided by two."
"Life, don't talk to me about life. Here I am, brain the size of a planet."
"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, they are powerful & quick to anger."
"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal."
"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame. -- Snoopy"
"If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law."
"Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't. -- William Shakespeare"
"You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in handling groups of people."
"It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. -- Publilius Syrus"
"Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels."
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss."
"Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years."
"Once you understand how to write a program, get someone else to write it."
"Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down."
"A document discarded as worthless will become vital shortly after trash pickup."
"Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious behavior."
"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game. -- Grantland Rice"
"All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time."
"The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions."
"If the probability of success is not almost one, it is damn near zero."
"Feel the size of the lump in his trousers. I've never seen a comb that large."
"Cheops' Law: Nothing EVER gets built on schedule or within budget."
"You'll be sent to Siberia to count the birches. -- Russian proverb"
"Friends: People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them."
"Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them."
"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, HACK!"
"There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying."
"Marriage is like sneezing: even when you feel it coming on, you can't stop. -- Russian proverb"
"For the next 60 secs we will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System."
"Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner."
"Not only is there no God, but try and get a plumber on Sunday."
"Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out."
"Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own."
"A dog is for life, not just for dinner - Happy Garden Chineese take away."
"Some settling of contents may have occurred during shipping and handling."
"Jerk Alert ! ! ! Junior manager advancing on the marketing department"
"Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier."
"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest."
"You'll never get away with this chappy. - Lord Lucan's Nanny"
"Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose."
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
"Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why."
"Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword."
"Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement."
"I've done so much with so little for so long that I can do anything with nothing."
"If a program manipulates large amounts of data, it does so in a small number of ways."
"What is wanted is not the will-to-believe, but the wish-to-find-out, which are exact opposites."
"Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital."
"Lo, though I walk alone through the shadow of the valley of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the meanest son-of-a-bitch in the valley."
"Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time."
"A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun."
"1 Accross: 6 letters. CLUE: A bald man breaks his nose on a fish."
"A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery."
"Quantity is no substitute for quality, but it's the only one we've got."
"All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score."
"There were three in the bed and the little one said,ooooooohhh."
"Live and scratch -- when you're dead, the itching will stop. -- Russian proverb"
"I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours."
"Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught."
"Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun."
"You obviously didn't read the bit in the book that said not to do that!"
"How do you make an Optim programmer laugh? You can't, robots don't laugh."
"doctor. After a quick examination the doctor said 'Well you holiness, the problem is"
"When in charge, ponder; when in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate."
"What have a tank and a lager lout got in common? - They could both murder a"
"I am most terribly sorry, I appear to have been sick on your cat."
"You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity."
"Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder"
"Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours."
"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
"Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion."
"If you think that I am enjoying this then you should try parking cars for twenty five million years and see how you like it."
"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. -- Alexander Pope"
"Discretion is the better part of valor. -- William Shakespeare"
"Conscience doth make cowards of us all. -- William Shakespeare"
"Men use thought only to justify their wrong doings, and speech only to conceal their thoughts."
"If a listener nods his head when you are explaining your program, wake him up."
"If you are tired of a friend, lend him money. -- Russian proverb"
"Wag your tongue as much as you please, but don't wave your gun. -- Russian proverb"
"Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river."
"People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle."
"He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT."
"The future is his who knows how to wait. -- Russian proverb"
"Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum."
"The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness."
"Sooner will men hold fire in their mouths than keep a secret."
"Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time."
"Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm."
"The shortage will be divided among the poor. -- Russian proverb"
"You can't drive straight on a twisting road. -- Russian proverb"
"Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true."
"The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad."
"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities."
"You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession."
"How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent."
"As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote."
"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess."
"Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday."
"Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else."
"When a man assumes a public trust, he should consider himself as public property. -- Thomas Jefferson"
"You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself."
"No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish."
"I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side."
"Hello, my name is Jane. I am very stupid and ugly. And I smell." - Credit Controller
"Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor."
"Queen to queen's level 3, captain. What is the proper response?"
"The cow may be black, but the milk comes out white. -- Russian proverb"
"You never get a hangover from other people's vodka. -- Russian proverb"
"It has been a pleasure assisting you during this login session."
"You can't have a pay rise and if you don't like it get lost, but I can have a £31,000 Jaguar. OK?" - D Webb
"Don't worry men, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist.. - General Custers Last Words"
"Men use speech only to conceal their thoughts, and thought only to justify their wrong doings."
"To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent."
"We are refusing you credit because you have credit (and it's good) - Marks and Spencer"
"Marriage is like a warm bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot."
"It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost."
"It is easier to write an incorrect program than to understand a correct one."
"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted."
"Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last."
"Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent."
"He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes."
"Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth."
"Histories are fuller of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends."
"Most people find the concept of programming obvious, but the doing impossible."
"Wash a pig as much as you like, it'll go right back into the mud puddle. -- Russian proverb"
"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one."
"REDUNDANCY WARNING ! ! Stand by your beds and wait for the phone call."
"Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we.""
"You will meet a dark handsome stranger who will give you the sack"
"Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either."
"He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most words."
"Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress."
"Live a hundred years, learn a hundred years, and you'll still die a fool. -- Russian proverb"
"Keep smiling--it makes people wonder what you've been up to."
"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."
"It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed."
"I suppose you think that's funny, well laugh at this smarty-face."
"Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you."
"Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought."
"Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught."
"A programming language is low-level when its programs require attention to the irrelevant."
"We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny."
"When the sheath is broken, you can't hide the sword. -- Russian proverb"
"The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong."
"You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers."
"You will meet a dark handsome stranger who will give you VD"
"Everyone needs to believe in something; I believe I'll have another beer."
"Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level."
"If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands."
"The slower you drive, the farther you get. -- Russian proverb"
"There is nothing quite as unnecessary a unnecessary supervision."
"Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
"He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise."
"Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it."
"Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down."
"An optimist believes this to be the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this to be true."
"Remember, Blood is blood, Water is a liquid, and rain only falls downwards while you are looking."
"We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it."
"For a communications officer to resent the word 'frequency' is illogical."
"Man who wipes hard drive with Norton is usually very silly."
"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry."
"Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth."
"Would the phrase, "raniswamiparanagulajidrahead", mean anything to you?"
