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1997-07-31
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<PICLOAD>FALCON.DAJ
<PICSHOWD>000,000,320,109,000
Falcon Zone #10
Last month was a bit strange. In case you hadn't noticed it, it had two Falcon
editorials. Hows that for value for money. Just like the old cliche when your
waiting for a bus to come and then two falcon editors come along instead .
Then a variety of raincoat wearing old dears climb onto both their backs and
they both get half way down the road before keeling over with heart attacks.
Oh dear I seem to have lost my way with that cliche I think. Still I'm sure
you remember it and can apply it to this scenerio properly . Also ST+ had two
viruses. No not that sort of virus that old Firebird game was reviewed twice.
Once by me and again by Cih (Maggie man who also did the other Falcon
editorial). He also went to the trouble of doing nice little pictures in his
Falcon editorial. Bloomin showoff. Whats most annoying is he had more up to
date news than me. Mainly because he's well connected in the Atari scene. My
source of Falcon information is mainly, err.... him so I tend to follow him
news wise. I did source the info about the Acorn Atari card before anyone else
but then spread it around before putting it in my own column Doh! Going back
to the reviews of Virus its interesting how they raise similar points. Hmmm..
actually I suppose they would considering its reviews of the same game. Its
probably worth pointing out that most people I know don't like the game and so
dont' go out of your way to get a copy on the grounds of these two reviews.
You'll more than likely hate it.
Oh yes I'd better make the correction that Elite was not written by David
Braben for the ST that was done by some bod at Mr Micro. However its still
true that David Brabens games have an excellent track record of working on the
Falcon whether they were converted by him or someone else. Err.. and yes the
screenshot used was of Zarch and not Virus. The subtle hint was at the top of
the screen. I sent Dave an Archimedes screengrab. Well I didn't have an Atari
one did I.
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000
A Guide to Stevenage & Hertfordshire Atari Group (S.H.A.G.) sentences
Just a bit of fun. A guide to what people mean whey they say;
My Wife Loves a shag.
= My wife comes with me to the Atari meeting.
I'm a Tosser whose never had a shag.
= I've got an Atari TOS computer but never gone to a S.H.A.G. meeting.
I've been shagged senseless.
=I've gone to too many meetings and I'm getting a bit bored with them.
I'm desperate for a shag.
=I'm really looking forward to going to the S.H.A.G. meeting.
i'm always shagging.
A regular S.H.A.G. visitor
W'eve all had a shag together
=One member stating the activities of a group of people at the meeting.
Can you help me I'm trying to have a shag?
or
Where do I go for a shag?
=member who can not find the actual location of the meeting.
I shouldn't have had that shag.
=person who went to the meeting but does not live in or near the area.
Well enough of that rubbish.
Competition Time
****************
I've never actually had a competition in my Falcon section so here it is.
Firstly most important of all is the prize of course. Its far away, hot,
exotic and beautiful and has a definite air of mystery. Its the Alpha Centauri
Star system*. Yes I will recognise the winner as the rightful owner of the
Alpha Centauri Star System. So next time your in the pub you'll be able to
announce the fact that you are the owner and supreme ruler of the Alpha
Centauri Star system. Obviously transport to your prize is not provided you
have to supply this yourself. If your sitting out with your girlfriend at
night you'll be able to point it out and say 'Thats mine that is' etc.
You can't expect to win a whole system including all the planets without some
work involved so heres the questions;
1. Describe the effect to Russell Grants body after being submerged into a
large bath of battery acid with as much detail as possible?
2. Describe the effect to Timmy Mallets body after being fired from a large
cannon into a wall 3ft away?
3. Describe the effect to Terry Wogans body after being teleported back into
the jurrasic era right in front of a Tyranasaurus Rex?
4. Explain to me the full meaning of life?
5. What exists at the edge of our universe?
6. What sort of person came up with the stupid Mellow Birds advert where that
tart with an incredibly irritating voice starts singing?
7. Is William Hague a bisexual and is this the reason he is so 'for' gay
rights?
8. Am I right in thinking that Voyager and Deep Space Nine are complete tripe
compared to Next Gen and the original Star Trek?
9. Am I right in thinking that Dark Skies started off well and then plunged
into a swamp of stale ideas and stupidity?
10. Those Munchkins in the film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Could
they dance or what?
*In the event that the Alpha Centauri Star System is inhabitated by
intelligent life with big guns and no sense of humour (a bit like germans)
then I will substitute another Star System in its place.
Send competition entries to the normal address. The deadline for entries is
September 1st 1997. In the event of no entries then I'll shrug my shoulders
and say "What else is new?" and also keep the prize myself.
The winner will be the one gets the most answers correct and with regard to
questions 1-3 puts the most evil satisfied grin on my face.
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000
Letter Zone
Adrian the Large Spider/Robot Demon Thing
Level 27
Doom Wad
Doom
Dear Falcon Editor
When I'm not toasting humans that enter my lair I very much enjoy using my
Falcon computer. I'm a great fan of the game Backgammon and often on a Friday
night a few imps and zombified soldiers will come round for a game while we
gorge on one of those delicious Iceland Chocolate Gateau Cakes. A nice bottle
of spanish wine goes down a treat too. Sometimes though due to other
commitments (like death) they can't make it on a Friday and I miss my game of
Backgammon. Is there a version available for the Falcon that I can play
against?
Also I find that due to my location there just isn't any shops selling Atari
Falcon software and often have to make do with mail order but nowadays even
this has dried up somewhat. Whats the solution?
Lastly can you recommend any ST God games that work on the Falcon using
Backwards?
Yours sincerely
Adrian
Well thanks for taking the time to write Adrian. So few do that I often think
I'm gonna go mad due to the lack of response. I'n afraid to say that I don't
know of any Backgammon games myself.
With regards question two you should find adverts in this diskzine which may
be of interest. You could also subscribe to Atari Computing to get a well
decent paper based Atari publication with adverts.
As for god games for the Falcon I've recently been playing Mega Lo Mania. A
damn fine game by those Sensible Software chaps who are also famous for
Sensible Soccer and Cannon Fodder. Mind you they also did that dire Wizball.
Anyway Mega Lo Mania is easy enough to pick up. Funny and very addictive.
Whats more it has a time based story line which goes from early man to modern
day and beyond level by level. There's some good sampled sounds which don't
sound quite as nice on the Falcon as STFM but are at least understandable.
Graphics wise its using the Sensible tiny little stick men approach again as
seen in Sensible Soccer and Cannon Fodder. Although remember Mega Lo Mania
came before these games. I hope to have a longer review next issue in the
Classic Game slot. Thanks again for writing I expect I'll be seeing you in a
few days once my PC is fired up again.
Rant of the Month
*****************
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000
I know many will disagree with me but theres one TV program that really gets
on my wick with regards its stupid scripts, over the top hype and annoying
success which I don't think it deserves. I'll say again many won't agree with
me, its the X Files. I'll admit I haven't seen every episode because of the
five or so episodes I have seen have been sheer tripe except for the one that
won the award for best episode which I found competent if nothing else. Yes I
may have missed the really good ones but I doubt it. I expect I'd hate them
all. Now I'm in no way going to insult the main female co star as she acts
well and looks great. Enough said. But Big nose Mr Porno comes across as a
right git. The stories are ridiculous, badly thought out and just plain
unscientific. It wouldn't be so bad but the premise of the X files is of the
hidden truth about America when its not. It would be ok if they didn't take
themselves quite so seriously and had a bit of humour to it. I'm not saying it
should go as light hearted as something like Lost in Space or Dr Who but its
presented in a gritty real life fashion. Also the effects department isn't
particularly good. As its a Candian program I suppose they don't have the same
resources as American ones but its still fair critiscism I say that often the
effects are rubbish. They fall apart when the story gets too ambitious or
simply avoid showing scenes that would have special effects in which is even
worse.
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000
So far I've seen the stories based on a bloke who can control electronic
devices, a bloke that can summon fire, a bloke who can predict death, alien
abduction, a serial killer who has an emotional link to someone he failed to
kill. All of these episodes failed to entertain. There's a real absense of
logic. The police seem to be rather stupid. Anyway I'm looking forward to
seeing the film 'Men In Black' as from what I can see this film really, really
takes the piss out of the X files and if theres one show that needs the piss
taken out of it its the X Files.
The Tail of the Monster (The End in other words)
************************************************
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000
Eeeeek. Not a lot of Falcon substance this month. Oh dear still the word
Falcon was used a few times and thats all you lot deserve. Apologies to anyone
who really likes the X Files for my negative opinion of it. I know there are
some real addicts out there. Oh a message to Chris Holland. Send me some News
Please!!!!!!!!. Last of all I'd just like to dedicate this editorial to Gary
Bryant. A friend whose going through a very tough time at the moment.
<PICSHOWD>000,103,320,109,000