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Text File  |  1997-01-16  |  7KB  |  127 lines
  1. 0660103030571
  2. 9[........................................................]
  3. Ç
  4. àTheGusSpankSTTips/PGTipspage..Ç
  5. à
  6. ÇHiyaall,GusSpankbackyetagaininamorelightheartedlookatthe
  7. hostofusefulandbrilliantsuggestionstomakelifecomputingonyour
  8. STaloteasierthanitisnow.Peoplewhoareunabletocopewith
  9. life-enhancing,usefulandcommonsenseadvice,stopreadingrighthere.
  10. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
  11.  
  12. BeforewekickoffwiththisissuesSTtips,letmeremindyouthatyou
  13. canwinabagofPGTipsfinestteaifyouwishtocontributewithyour
  14. ownentries.Yes,PGTips,sosuccessfulandoutstanding,theyareable
  15. tofundresearchintwentyyearsworthofchimpanzeesemulatinghuman
  16. behaviourwellandtrulyadaptedtocopewithatypicallatemillenium
  17. suburbandomesticsetting.Whatscientificwonderswilltheycomeup
  18. withnext,perhapsacrateofjelliedeels,allwithliterature
  19. degreeesfromCambridgeUniversityperhaps?Wewonderinanawestruck
  20. fashion.
  21.  
  22. Withoutfurtherado,andonwithyourcoat!Astheringmastermight
  23. say.
  24.  
  25. ü1.HowtogetridofthoseannoyingwhitebordersonyourSTÇ
  26.  
  27. ThemethodisnotactuallyanythingtodowiththeinfamousSTFormat
  28. suggestionthatyouthrowyourSToffarailwaybridgeandgoandbuy
  29. anAmigainstead.Simplygetholdofloadsofbluetack,orpapiermache
  30. forthoseofyouworkingtoalowbudget,andcrinkleasmuchofthe
  31. substanceaspossible,stickingittotheoffendingwhiteareasonyour
  32. screen.Heypresto,whiteborderbluesbanished!!
  33.  
  34. ü2.Howtodo'Tekken'onyourST
  35.  
  36. ÇNowmanyofyouwillhaverichmateswhoownSonyPlaystations,the
  37. sortofmateswhousedtoownAmigasbeforethebigsoftwarehouses
  38. droppedthattragicformatandnowhavegotthelatest'in-thing'
  39. instead,indeedthesortofpeoplewhostartedlastfootballseason
  40. supportingNewcastleUnited,butseeingwhichwaythewindwasblowing
  41. Premiershiptitleracewise,switchedallegiencestoManchesterUnited
  42. instead.Nowthesebandwagonjumpers,thesewhoresofconvenience
  43. shouldallbekilledandlightlypoached,butasitis,theydohave
  44. accesstosomeprettytopnotchlookingwaresontheOverratedStation,
  45. and'Tekken'isonesuchgame,aclassicthatyouareneverlikelyto
  46. seeonyourhumbleST.
  47.  
  48. Orareyou?
  49.  
  50. Bringacamcordertothenextsessionofego-boosting(his)and
  51. humilation(yours)withtheGreedStationthathehasorganised.Gethim
  52. toputTekkenonforaverylongtimeaspeoplewithconsoleshavevery
  53. littleelsetodowiththeirtinyandpointlesslives,andhavespenta
  54. longtimeperfectingtheir'moves'onasinglegame.Trytogethimto
  55. playthrough*all*thegameifpossible,recordingitasyougowith
  56. thecamcorder.
  57.  
  58. Onceyougethome,thenextstageisdowntoyou,asasuitablevideo
  59. digitiser(anythingfromVideoMasterupwardswilldo)andablummin'
  60. bigharddrivearethenexttoolsinthislittletale.Nowdon'twhinge
  61. asharddrivepricesarecomingdownallthetime,andanyway,alotof
  62. thedatawillreduceitselfwhendowngradeddowntothesixteencolours
  63. orgreyscalesthattheSTcanhandle.Agoodeyeforvideosequence
  64. editingandalotofstronghotcupsofblackcoffeearealsoagood
  65. ideaforthiseditingmarathon.Bytheendofitall,youshouldhave
  66. Tekkencutintolittlestripsofmoviesequencesforeachindividual
  67. characterandaction,includingallthespecialmoves,ifthelowlife
  68. withtheoriginalarticlehasbeenespeciallydiligent.
  69.  
  70. Thenextbitisapieceofpissbycomparison,asallyouneedtodois
  71. towriteasimplecontrolprogramlinkedtoyourjoystick(orbetter
  72. still,JaguarPowerpadforSTeandup)tocallupthesequencesasthey
  73. areneededbysimplebuttonpressesandcontrolmovements(STOSwilldo
  74. nicely!)Alargepartofthegameispre-calculatedanyway,anddoes
  75. notevenneedthatmucheffort.
  76.  
  77. EtVoila,TekkenalaST!!
  78.  
  79. Youcouldgoonestepfurtherandgettheharddrive'burnedtoCD-ROM,
  80. IbelieveSystemSolutionsoffersuchaservice,andhaveaversionof
  81. 'Tekken'foryourSTthatwillbetheenvyofyourpreviouslyscornful
  82. andunimaginativePlaystationowningbuddies!!
  83.  
  84. Youarealsonowreadytoenterintoyournewcareerasacommercial
  85. levelmultimediainteractiveplaywaredeveloperandpublisher,and
  86. don'tforgetthosecorporatelawyers!
  87.  
  88. (UniqueDevelopmentsnote:-Whynotpromisean'enhanced'versionfor
  89. theFalconusingthesuperior'Expose'Digitiserforamoreauthentic
  90. reproductionoftheoriginal,butforgettoreleaseit!)
  91.  
  92. ü3.HowtocopeifyourJodySmithiswritinginasaneand
  93. straightforwardmanner
  94.  
  95. ♪①ÇNowmyfriendDavewhoownsadiskmagofhisownhasafewsuggestions
  96. here.HeacquiredtheuseofagoodsecondhandJodySmithrecentlyand
  97. allwasfinefortwoorthreeissues.However,itappearedthatDave
  98. hadbeensoldalemonashisJodySmithstartedtocomeupwithpieces
  99. thatlookedasiftheywerebetterintheleadpagesoftheEconomist
  100. magazine,apublicationnotnotedforwackinessonanysortofscale.
  101.  
  102. NowDavewentthroughseveralhomespunremedies,fromthejarof
  103. vinegarandhairshirttreatment,throughtothesubmergedhoneybath
  104. massagedip,butnoneofthesemadeanyimpressionontheproblem.Dave
  105. finallyhitonasolutionwhenhemadeJodyinhalethefumesfrom
  106. severalboiledupcopiesof'Eezi-PC'.Daveknewhewasfinallygetting
  107. throughwhenJodyscreamed'What'sthepointofitall!"andstarted
  108. againonwritingthefamouslybrilliantwibbleforwhichheisrightly
  109. revered.Otherapproacheshavebeensuggested,butwewouldtakethe
  110. opportunitytorepudiatetheideaofforcingJodytoreadthecopiesof
  111. Eezi-PCassuchconcentrateddosesoftoxicitymightwellprovefatal
  112. tothepoorlamb.
  113.  
  114. ü4.That'sallforthistime
  115.  
  116. ÇWellreaders,I'veenjoyedmynewroleinMaggieasakindof
  117. dangerouslymisinformed'HelpGuru'andhopetobringsomemore'top
  118. tips'fornexttime.Ifyouhaveanypotentiallyprizewinning'PGTips'
  119. forthepostbag,thenfeelfreetowriteintotheMaggie
  120. Correspondenceaddress.
  121.  
  122. BNye!
  123.  
  124. GS-Oct1996
  125. 
  126.  
  127.