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POETRE2.DOC
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1997-01-16
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223 lines
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9[....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....]0110
Ç
Poetry Corner
with celebrity presenter, Jody Smith
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, no
one was stirring, apart from a mouse who had one of those Cup-a-Soups
that's all grainy and dreggy in the bottom unless you keep the stuff
active and stir it for ages and that.
Yes, it's Maggie, yes it's poem corner, yes it's near
Christmas and yes I really do hate those poxy Hovis adverts.
Stay hungry....
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The following four poems were written by my good self, with
only 'The Hottentot' being written by some other bloke who had the
poem in a publication.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
'LOG'
Log, log,
It's big, it's brown, it's wood.
Log, log,
It's better than bad, it's good.
'THE TURKEYS'
The turkeys are making
A terrible fuss,
They're tired of waiting
To get on the bus.
They're flapping and fighting,
Oh, what a do!
If only those turkeys
Ç Could learn how to queue.
'BOY RACER'
Buy a car and spray it black,
Put fucking huge speakers in the back.
Pull away with screeching wheels,
Hear the tarty girlies squeal.
Rev past, through the traffic lights,
He might not be so lucky, one of these nights.
You may snarl and whine and say it's obscene,
But you'll be just the same when you're nineteen.
'THE HOTTENTOT'
(used in Shakespeares Sister's 'I Don't Care')
In a brawliolic iceberg came Victoria,
Queen Victoria, sitting, shocked upon the rocking horse, ever way,
Said to the lawyer:
This meat's so coarse and is sharp as any lynx and blacker, deeper
than the drinks,
As any hottentot, without remorse, for the minx that she and the
drinks who can see,
Are as hot as any hottentot.
(They're not the goods for me).
Hot as any hottentot,
They are not the goods for me.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ç (Include soon more poems, won't you Chris! Groovy. I hope
your resident poem blokey won't get pissed at this, but hey, you can
always just use my poems. Delete this bracketed bit too, okay?
Aren't these star + dash borders grest, eh? That is all. Goodbye.)
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
HOORAY!
So we DO have one reader of da' corner. The most kind (mad?) Mr. (??)
Jody Smith has sent us the fruits of his/hers/its labours (i.e. the
above four poems) and very good they are too. It also means that I
have half as much work to do :)
what a nice man...
(er.. woman?)
(er.. )
So welcome once again to POETRY Corner, the corner that puts the
'C' in Corny and the 'P' in craP or something.. anyway I digress.
Enough of these (drunken?) ramblings and let us get down to some
serious literature (yes we do read here at the Muggie HQ (that was not
even vaguely amusing -Ed)).
We'll begin with a bit of a famous one, kind of on the lines of
last time's subject, but hey! even Shakespeare couldn't be original
all of the time so stop complaining..:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and talking of Shakespeare..
"Is this a Phenix which I see before me,"
"The keyboard toward my hand?"
"Come, let me clucth thee: - "
"I have thee not, and yet I see thee still."
Sorry..
Ç er.. Onward!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ALASTAIRBODINWOCKY.
'Twas brillig and the slithy PC owners
Did moan and minge about the Pentium being out of date:
All pissed-off were the Windows 95 owners,
When they discovered it was 1997.
"Beware the Microsoft, my son!"
The jaws that bite (your purse), the claws that crash! (a lot!)
Beware the BillGates bird, and shun
His indoctrinating lectures on the future of the PCPCPCPC!"
He took his vorpal Atari mouse in hand:
Long time the moneygrabbing foe he sought-
So rested he by the Atari UK grave
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in nostalgic remeniscing he stood,
The AlastairBodinWocky, with eyes of disbelief,
Was blundering through unemployment wood,
And complained about washing machines as it came!
"One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal cursor went double-click!
The AlastairBodinWocky ran off in a to do
He'd never then (or since) moved so quick!
"And, hast thou slain the AlastairBodinWocky?
Come to my Falcon, my Atarish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He threw some disks in the air in his joy.
Ç
'Twas brillig and the slithy PC owners
Did moan and minge about the MMX being out of date:
All pissed-off were the Windows 97 owners,
When they discovered it was 1997, and a half!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's an old, tried and tested one for you.. (STOP complaining, this
is free! gratuit! non payee! etc..)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOUSY.
It was the night after Christmas
And all through the house
Nothing was stirring not even a louse.
(Because everyone was too stuffed with Xmas cake and mince pies to
heave their protesting bodies out of where they had settled into the
armchair, to switch on the telly (that's what remote control are made
for don't ya know))
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHRISTMAS AVEC LA FAMILLE.
Auntie screeched: "Pass the cranberry sauce!"
Cousin Gertrude yelled: "That was my toy horse!"
Grandpa held up his hand for Grace
As Uncle Tom loudly inquired 'if he'd liked the vase.'
Squabbles broke out over cracker toys,
Aunt Mildred teased Eliza about the boys,
Grandma said: "It's so nice we're all here together,
Ç But isn't it a shame about the dismal weather."
Baby Bradley began to scream and wail
But the cat only scratches when someone pulls its tail
And as Brad made an exit with his mum quite irate
Timely Tibbles jumped up and began to lick his plate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah doesn't that just bring back memories..
all those Christmas dinners
all those relations
all that arguing
Christmas...
what a nightmare ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ode to Snow.
Oh how
I like snow.
It's cold
And when rolled
It can become
Quicker* than the Pentium!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* to roll down a hill
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~