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blaster.txt
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1994-08-15
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3KB
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76 lines
Tired of being laughed at by demons?
Fed up with taking all day reaching 100% kills?
Think it's time for some _real_ HiTech artillery?
Joe Cool Industries is proud to announce:
___________ __
\__ ___/| |__ ____
| | | | \_/ __ \
| | | Y \ ___/
|____| |___| /\___ >
\/ \/
_____ __________ __ __
/ \ ____ _________ \______ \ | _____ _______/ | ___________
/ \ / \_/ __ \ / ___\__ \ | | _/ | \__ \ / ___/\ _\/ __ \_ __ \
/ Y \ ___// /_/ > __ \| | \ |__/ __ \_\___ \ | |\ ___/| | \/
\____|__ /\___ >___ (____ /______ /____(____ /____ > |__| \___ >__|
\/ \/_____/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/
The ultimate in modern hand-held weaponary for the lone UAC Marine!
Features:
* Extremely high accuracy for snipers thanks to the EZ-Kill (tm)
SAAS (Semi-Automatic Aiming System)
* Massive 450 Shots Magazine, thanks to Squeez-O-Tight (tm)
compression algorithms!
* Magazine Capacity expandable to amazing 900 rounds, thanks
to the UBFHPBBATADS (tm) (Underhand Belt Feed High
Pressure Backpack Based Ammunition Transport And
Deployment System)!
* Enemy-Vue (tm) LCD Target Confirmation and Display (with
5x Zoom)!
* Amazing Death-O-Zap (tm) killing power thanks to Advanced
Blaster Design!
* Specially Formed Tite-Hold (tm) grip - your gun will never
slip in blood and gore again!
But don't believe us! Don't believe what WE, the producers, say:
listen instead to the experts discuss The MegaBlaster in their
reviews:
"...Most impressive! Seldom have I enjoyed such massive
firepower...leave the BFG at home today, try this little toy
instead..."
--- Gen. I.C.Spots, >Guns 'n Guts<
"...where was this baby when I needed it!"
--- J. J. Blacowitz, >Cracking Strongholds<
"...Also called The Munchkin Maker, this *fantastic* tool is
capable of drop-kicking a Cacodemon..."
--- L.Oony, >Demon Watchers Guide<
Available in two great calibers:
10mm Suitable for the Serious Deathmatcher or Dungeon
Diver, this Amazing Weapon causes 8 points damage
per searing bolt fired!
45mm For Real Kicks, try our 7000 damage point Demon
Dropper for The Fun That Doesn't Stop! See Imps
fly across the room! Clear Monster Meetings in
seconds! Kill a CyberDemon with a single shot!
For further details, look for BLASTER.ZIP at all good ftp
sites near you.